How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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so my car barely started today and it's expected to get colder over time. new batteries are fucking expensive so I'm checking facebook for slightly used batteries
 
Otterly said:
Oh wonderful! Congratulations, enjoy sniffing the new baby head smell.
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Thank you! I’m fully enjoying it, she’s so small but has a full head of hair and I can’t stop sniffing her lil head. She’s my last baby so I’m trying my best to take everything in and make it last.
 
UnsufficentBoobage said:
Discovered my sister believes leftie shit cause there's "actual sources" on all that, and that she is not going to read mine cause they sound like shizo conspiracies...
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I have a leftist friend but she’s very chill and dosent mind me being conservative. In fact she’s sorta only “left” in terms of being socially progressive.

I don’t know where all these crazy lefties are coming from, and you have my condolences.
 
@WASR96 we are all following along with your updates and the way you have been handling this is beyond admirable. You are a strong man. Im not sure if you are a believer (I suspect by some of your posts you may be somewhat) but the Lord does not always give us what we want but always gives us what we need. I pray you have the time to get resolved what you need to.

I check this thread from time to time mostly to just make a quick post when I am feeling down as a way to vent, but there is some genuine very good discussion and advice on here and I think it helps to see that we all have problems, fears, worries and sufferings. No none has that "perfect life" you see on the exterior. No one has it all figured out and no one is without fear. Anyone who says they do is a liar or an idiot.

I have an incredible life full of blessings and abundance with the most beautiful and wonderful wife and children anyone could imagine. I am beyond thankful to the Lord for what he has given me...still life is hard and many days I feel worthless and inadequate. I run my own small business that is profitable but it drains my soul and I can never escape the worry and anxiety associated with it. I really want out of the field I am in completely and just walk away, but I am afraid of that path as well. I just want to say to all that all of us have serious internal struggles, dont feel weak for admitting that.

Thread Tax for today: I had an CT scan this morning as the doctors are looking at the best path forward on a possible surgery to hopefully correct my reoccurring diverticulitis, Ive had three attacks this year with two being hospital stays. This is not life threatening and very much "small potatoes" compared to what may of you on here are fighting against, but the thought of surgery and recovery and time away from my business terrifies me. In short, today I just feel very tired.
 
HandsomeDan said:
Im not sure if you are a believer
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Thank you for your post. I definitely am. I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with Christ has been very rocky this year, but I've come to terms with my situation. I'm not sure why He's asked this of my family and I this year, but my life has been fantastic looking back. He gave me the opportunity to accomplish everything I wanted professionally and personally. If He's decided it's my time, then I look forward to meeting my relatives and friends that were called before me again.
HandsomeDan said:
"small potatoes" compared to what may of you on here are fighting against
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Definitely not. Surgery and downtime from it are never fun, no matter what it's from. I'll pray that you get a positive outcome from your scans, and that it won't have too big of an impact on your business.
 
WASR96 said:
If He's decided it's my time, then I look forward to meeting my relatives and friends that were called before me again.
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That is the best way to look at it friend. This world is not our permanent place, Heaven is our home. I will be praying for you about all of this, but you are in the best hands you could be in concerning how all of this will ends up. I hope you get some peaceful rest this weekend.
 
I'm struggling. I feel overwhelmed and like I'm not being heard.
I don't know how to move forward or if I should even bother.
 
In absolute shambles today. My dad died really unexpectedly. I didn't think I was gonna lose him while still in my early 20s. And it's from something that was very preventable at his dialysis clinic. So while we're navigating all this, we have to look at how to approach this legally to get some justice. And I'm so worried for my mother, who already does incredibly poorly mentally, my big fear is she will become suicidal over this and take her own life. Some fucking Christmas, huh. This one was gonna be special because we were getting ready to move, so it would be our last christmas here, and our first one with my girlfriend here. Ahh, it'll be fine. Thanks for reading if you did.
 
Lyra Plushie said:
In absolute shambles today. My dad died really unexpectedly. I didn't think I was gonna lose him while still in my early 20s. And it's from something that was very preventable at his dialysis clinic. So while we're navigating all this, we have to look at how to approach this legally to get some justice. And I'm so worried for my mother, who already does incredibly poorly mentally, my big fear is she will become suicidal over this and take her own life. Some fucking Christmas, huh. This one was gonna be special because we were getting ready to move, so it would be our last christmas here, and our first one with my girlfriend here. Ahh, it'll be fine. Thanks for reading if you did.
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I'm so very sorry.

Yellow Rose Of Texas said:
I hate i'm getting more and more politically brainrot. But can you blame me when it's literally everywhere on the net these days? It doesn't even matter if I click do not recommend,shit still shows up in my feed.
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Consider dropping anything with a feed. Or at the least, delete current accounts and start fresh and only look at things you want to be fed going forward.
 
I miss feeling like wanting to hang out with people, in person or simply on discord.
I miss having friends and interests.
 
obsdj said:
I have people like that too, send me a text every few months asking how I'm doing, I tell the truth -- not very well, still having health issues etc. -- and they respond with the 🙏 emoji and drop out out my comms again.
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And I can never answer "no I'm totally not ok I am BATSHIT CRAZY and I am OUT OF MY MIND!"
 
AnOminous said:
And I can never answer "no I'm totally not ok I am BATSHIT CRAZY and I am OUT OF MY MIND!"
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No one Few people really want to hear it. I experienced that a number of years ago. It was either women slyly shoring up info to damage me socially, or men either a) thinking a distressed woman is easy prey/ an easy lay, or b) dumping their own shit on me.I wised up and cut every single one and never looked back.

I don't mean to say everyone is insincere. And maybe my specific experience is "female-coded" (God, I hate talking like that). But the most generous thing I can say is that really heavy shit is too heavy for most. And to be fair, when you're carrying so much of it, it can exhaust even the sincere - there's really only so much that can be done or expected from others when you're in back to black land.
 
WASR96 said:
Thank you for your post. I definitely am. I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with Christ has been very rocky this year, but I've come to terms with my situation. I'm not sure why He's asked this of my family and I this year, but my life has been fantastic looking back. He gave me the opportunity to accomplish everything I wanted professionally and personally. If He's decided it's my time, then I look forward to meeting my relatives and friends that were called before me again.
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This brought me to tears; today I was talking with my dad about God in the morning. I'm sure to pray for you;
This site has also helped me in my low times in my life and I'm glad to be a Kiwi in this Christian site.
 
3AM brainrot coming in nicely. If I followed the intrusive thoughts wriggling in my head, I would be throwing all of my finest IKEA china in a fit of rage and inadequacy.
Can you be jealous and envious of people you've never met and never will meet, over something you have never had and will never have?

Maybe I should just unplug my pc. Literally. Take it apart so I can't rot on my ass all day, every day, obsessing over situations I will never be in. God, why can't I just be normal. With normal people problems, like a boss who's a stupid cunt, or a husband who pays more attention to his favourite sports ball team because I've hit The Wall™️ and he's falling out of love with me.
I need a new hobby, or I need to pick up my old hobbies again. Anhedonia, you fucking bitch.
 
>when you redo your modlist for rimworld after something breaks, but somehow make it load faster despite adding even more mods.
Praise be to the Omnissiah.
 
I have an appointment with a job counselor on Monday. I've been out of work and unable to work for so long that I can't even get an interview because of my resume gap. The counselor works for the state's HHS department and the service is meant for helping people recovering from addiction or being released from prison re-enter the workforce in the profession they prefer or were trained in. I am not an addict, have never been an addict. I've also never been to prison or even arrested. My only interaction with police was a parking ticket 20 years ago. Being put into the same bucket as criminals and junkies is not sitting well with me, and since this is a government "service" I don't expect anything to actually happen since the last thing government bureaucracy is interested in is helping people, especially an out of work IT guy, and double especially one without the requisite melanin content.
 
I was going to take a break from the Farms to focus on my real life, and it sounds dumb, but now im scared to really try again. I had a social at work and feel like I made an absolute fool of myself trying to socialize with others. At least, I feel that way. Im already incredibly anxious and nervous. But I guess I have a proclivity to get even more so when people talk to me and seem to give a shit what I have to say. Im used to more or less being dismissed, or for people to look at their phones after asking me a question.

A guy made direct eye contact with me and I fucking choked up and could barely mumble my way through a sentence. He gave me his gamertag so we could play on Xbox later this weekend but I feel fucking pathetic cause I assume it's out of pity rather than genuine social interest. I hope not though. I might just be schizo.
 
fist_of_khonshu said:
I was going to take a break from the Farms to focus on my real life, and it sounds dumb, but now im scared to really try again. I had a social at work and feel like I made an absolute fool of myself trying to socialize with others. At least, I feel that way. Im already incredibly anxious and nervous. But I guess I have a proclivity to get even more so when people talk to me and seem to give a shit what I have to say. Im used to more or less being dismissed, or for people to look at their phones after asking me a question.

A guy made direct eye contact with me and I fucking choked up and could barely mumble my way through a sentence. He gave me his gamertag so we could play on Xbox later this weekend but I feel fucking pathetic cause I assume it's out of pity rather than genuine social interest. I hope not though. I might just be schizo.
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Just some food for thought: when you take out your own fears and self-doubt and self-criticism out of your story, you went to a work thing, people paid attention to you and chatted with you, and someone invited you to connect outside of work. In other words, despite your angst or nervousness, you had a nice and normal time, and people enjoyed your company. That's not bad! Don't be afraid to feel good about a thing.
 
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