/horror/ general megathread - Let's talk about movies and shit.

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While I'm here I'll just give a couple quick thoughts on horror movies I've seen lately.

The Substance should win Oscar purely because I don't even think anyone's seen anything else on the Best Picture list. That's some seriously weak competition. Not saying it's one of the greatest horror movies evar!!11!... but it was a nice relief from the usual dreck.

Terrifier 3 was... okay. I like these movies more for what they represent for film than as films themselves. Good on Leone for making a multi-million dollar franchise while seeming to just be a chill dude and not the usual dei nepo hire. His pacing is shit though. Get gud Damien. The mall explosion was the best part.

Saw the original My Blood Valentine in theaters recently for the first time. I know it's a favorite of a lot of people but it just... didn't do much for me. I really think the original theatrical cut really doesn't help that film. I didn't expect it to be THAT cut down but you know... leafs. I think I'd like it a lot more with the gore reinserted.

Speaking of lesbian vampires...

Valerie and Her Week of Wonders in a perfect arthouse vampire film. Not for everyone but I really loved it.

Alucarda is an absolutely batshit nunsploitation/witch possession film. It's weird how I can enjoy lesbian romance stories in early horror movies because the actual borderline porn from back then was more subtle and artistic with how it handled relationships than modern stuff.

Also going to go on one more rant and call it a day:
We really shit on remakes way too hard back in the 2000s. Looking back I think we were pretty spoiled. I've been watching a lot of them lately and been very surprised at how entertaining they've all been.

And I'll start a war by saying the Black Christmas 06' is actually a legitimately fun as hell slasher. If you try not to connect it to the original and just take it as a goofy slasher with some absolutely great kills. There's more shit happening to eyes in that movie than a Fulci movie. I'm not saying it's a great film but I had a lot of fun with it.
 
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caught The Tomb
was aiming for the 1986 The Tomb which was apparently the sort of movie to put a Carrardine in only one scene, ended up missing and getting La Tomba (2006) Bruno Mattei does his thing with The Mummy
pretty much exactly the normal eye-talian Bruno Mattei movie down to the "people who have studied English quite well and never communicated with an English speaking person once in their life" dubbing, just relatively modern production values
nice enough fun trash, felt like there was a different cut of the film with tits that I missed out on
 
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
The Substance should win Oscar purely because I don't even think anyone's seen anything else on the Best Picture list. That's some seriously weak competition. Not saying it's one of the greatest horror movies evar!!11!... but it was a nice relief from the usual dreck.
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To be fair Dune Part 2 is one of the highest grossing movies of last year and Wicked is pretty popular, both were seen more than The Substance. But I agree it would be cool if it won since horror movies usually don't get recognized (though I think Nosferatu should've been up there since Eggers did a really good job with it).

(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
And I'll start a war by saying the Black Christmas 06' is actually a legitimately fun as hell slasher. If you try not to connect it to the original and just take it as a goofy slasher with some absolutely great kills. There's more shit happening to eyes in that movie than a Fulci movie. I'm not saying it's a great film but I had a lot of fun with it.
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I mean I think Black Christmas 2006 can be appreciated after that actual woke garbage that was the 2019 movie.
 
Doctor of Autism said:
To be fair Dune Part 2 is one of the highest grossing movies of last year and Wicked is pretty popular, both were seen more than The Substance. But I agree it would be cool if it won since horror movies usually don't get recognized (though I think Nosferatu should've been up there since Eggers did a really good job with it).
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True but Dune II was kind of an overblown piece of shit I'm surprised anyone stayed awake for. And Wicked I don't even need to go into. Sure they're popular but they're the kind of shit that any other year in history wouldn't have any been in the runnings for nomination. Both IPs, too.
Not saying the Oscars made the best choices but you did have to have a certain caliber of film to actually get in the runnings before.
And I'll still take the Substance oscar over Nosferatu because a movie that's a tribute to Cronenberg and Frank Henenlotter films with it's main stars being naked 70% of the film made by a woman who actually knows how to make a good film to me is just more ballsy of a choice than "established art director makes 7,000th remake of Dracula with new favorite character actor".
 
BrunoMattei said:
I hated the new Dune movies.
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It was doomed as soon as the casting was complete. I don't know if Villenueve got what he wanted or just put his head down and did his job, but god damn what an overrated piece of shit. I just don't get how a guy who is clearly competent, who has made good and even great movies before that, AND who seemed to be somewhat passionate about the project (I mean no one was really clamoring to get a Dune movie mad, he could've done just about anything) churns out not one, but three (hopefully only three) vapid, soulless piles of garbage.

Anyway, not to de-rail, and also speaking of soulless piles of garbage, I finally saw Longlegs.

Again, I don't know if Oz got what he wanted out of this, or just kind of did what he had to. This movie was also let down in the casting, because everyone involved, ESPECIALLY every female, just utterly sucked. Was the MC supposed to be autistic? Why was she acting like that. She's already 'psychic' or whatever, why bother making her autistic-except-when-she-needs-not-to-be? I haven't been that confused by a performance since Tom Hardy decided to make his character in Venom clinically retarded. You know you're fucked when the best performance is a completely tepid Blair Underwood (the black guy, in case you forgot, which is completely understandable). I mean Nic Cage's 5 minutes in the movie are fine for what they are, he's supposed to be creepy (although if I'm honest, he came off as much more silly than creepy), but everyone else just absolutely sucked. Special mention to the Chinese (or whatever) agent, because god damn, if you want to know how not to act, that's it. Another special mention to Alicia Witt because she just sucked.

Everyone in the movie acts retarded. I mean, I guess if I'm charitable, maybe some of the families were forced to act that way by the mind control dolls or whatever, but it seems they're acting like that long before the doll is delivered. I know Oz Perkins has never met an actual christian family, so he wouldn't know how they actually act, but if some creepy, drunk nun tried to deliver a life-size doll that "you won in the church contest," they're not going to invite you in for tea and cake with their little girl. But they're christians, so of course they're completely trusting of weird creepy nuns! Whatever. This was in the '90s, by the way. I mean it's just dumb (unless something else is at play, and it certainly doesn't make it clear if it is - which it would, because EVERYTHING else is explicitly stated in the exposition dump in the last 5 minutes).

Oz makes (or at least made) some good slow burn films, and this one I guess tries to be, but way too much happens, so it doesn't work. You can tell he's attempting something atmospheric, but, whether it's because of the acting, the writing, or the plot in general, it just utterly doesn't work. It also doesn't work as being shocking, creepy or surprising. There's nothing we haven't seen before.

Honestly, I didn't hate this movie as much as it sounds like I did, it's just super disappointing based on the potential it had. It's better than any James Wan bullshit, but that's a pretty low hurdle to clear. I don't know if it's woke or not - the only white male characters in the movie either get killed immediately, or are family annihilators (and I mean literally all of them); and I guess you could consider that woke, but then again, that's what the movie is about so it might not be intentional. Not to mention that all of the women and minority characters are also either murderers, murderees and/or completely incompetent. So I guess it's at least fair.

So it's another 2.0/5. It makes sense as a movie, despite all the characters being utter retards. The acting is REALLY sub-par. No tits, very minor gore. It tries to have an atmosphere, but it's too scatterbrained and frantic (relative to the atmosphere it's trying to make) to have any effect. Nic Cage is goofy, but only in it for literally 5 minutes total. Just rewatch Se7en instead.
 
I liked Sicario, Prisoners, and Bladerunner: 2049. I haven't seen Arrival or anything else but his Dune movies were so utterly lifeless and boring that it made me appreciate the Lynch adaptation.

Of course, I'd still love to see Jodorowsky's Dune some day. Last I heard a couple of dudes bought one of the script bibles for it that had all of the story boards and planned to animate it but a rights issue put the kibosh on it. I could see it being done now especially with A.I.

The only thing Longlegs had going for was Nic Cage and the cinematography.
 
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Your Starter for 10 said:
I don't know if Villenueve got what he wanted or just put his head down and did his job
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There was an interview with the French outlet Konbini where he recounted when he got the job and said he called Eric Roth (his screenwriter) and Roth asked him "One word, what do you want Dune to be about" and Villeneuve said "women", and it really shows with how any guild except the Gene Besserit is practically ignored. Also Villeneuve is competent at cinematography, but he's shit for dialogue, his good movies rely a lot on feeling characters and scenes but he's unfit for dialogue or lore heavy stuff like Dune.
 
Watched The Gorge with Miles Teller and Anya Taylor Joy, and honestly I was pleasantly surprised. Ironically, it wasn't even the sci-fi or horror elements, but really the romance between the two leads that I liked most about this movie, which given I'm a loveless asshole is saying a LOT.

The premise is that there's a mysterious gorge somewhere in Europe whose security is split between the United States and Russia. The two leads play an pair of elite snipers who hang out in these towers on opposite ends of the gorge, keeping watch in case anything crawls out of there.

As time wears on the two snipers try to get to know each other, which is easier said than done since their towers are far enough away they can only communicate through binoculars and dry-erase boards. This builds into a surprisingly poignant romance, delivered entirely through text and body language, as they try to dance, flirt, and even comfort each other from kilometers away, with good chemistry between Teller and Taylor Joy (seriously, her character in this film is strong wife material and she plays it almost to perfection). They do eventually meet up, and a mishap forces them into the gorge.

Turns out, the gorge is a mutant hellscape caused by a WWII-era biological weapon lab suffering a containment breach that merged the DNA of the soldiers and townsfolk there with the local plants and insects, causing an outbreak of ferocious dryad-like zombie things that crawl up the gorge every so often. Additionally, the company that hired the leads to guard the gorge is still trying to extract information from the dryad-zombies and the lab so they can use it to engineer super-soldiers for the U.S. military.

If this sounds like a Resident Evil plot, then you'd be right because that's pretty much exactly what it is. The action scenes are solid but not outstanding, and the plot of the second half is rather predictable (down to the main character's boss trying to liquidate him and his girlfriend for knowing too much).

Honestly, if you're looking for a decent couple's watch, I'd recommend it.
 
Shiverpeaks said:
I keep seeing "The complete history of" videos and I'm interested but they're made by a fag with an annoying voice. Who makes good horror timeline videos? Full in depth exploration of iconic horror franchises are nice videos to work to.
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I will cautiously recommend some of The Gaming Muse's older videos on horror games. But beware: she seems like a munchie and is definitely a shitlib. Avoid her streams. And the videos talking about her health. And her comments section. (She will probably poon out at some point.)
 
IMG_8805.jpeg
just saw madhouse, don’t be fooled it has nothting to do with a house, it uses recycled corman poe footage and it’s overall meh, but It’s one of Vincent price’s best performances and the moral is quite decent
Shiverpeaks said:
I keep seeing "The complete history of" videos and I'm interested but they're made by a fag with an annoying voice. Who makes good horror timeline videos? Full in depth exploration of iconic horror franchises are nice videos to work to.
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Avgn has Monster madness is sorta like a review of the complete series Of frankenstien, psycho, halloween, ect. His history of horror was great.
Commander X said:
Prince of Darkness, 1987
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Music video for Japanese singer Chisato Moritaka's sixth hit single "Stress", 1989. Coincidence?...absolutely.
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I was just thinking about this movie
 
Shiverpeaks said:
I keep seeing "The complete history of" videos and I'm interested but they're made by a fag with an annoying voice. Who makes good horror timeline videos? Full in depth exploration of iconic horror franchises are nice videos to work to.
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Horrible Reviews is a dude who doesn't really do "history of" videos but he does sometimes make reviews covering most films in horror franchises or made by cult directors. He's mostly known for covering disturbing films but he has some playlists on his channel of his other stuff.
One of my favorites.
 
People need to watch The Gorge, it's so refreshing...not a pure horror film but I was so surprised by its celebration of heterosexuality and love.

Seriously it's like it's from a different planet compared to what we've been forcefed for a decade now.

I loved it.
 
XYZpdq Jr. said:
caught The Tomb
was aiming for the 1986 The Tomb which was apparently the sort of movie to put a Carrardine in only one scene, ended up missing and getting La Tomba (2006) Bruno Mattei does his thing with The Mummy
pretty much exactly the normal eye-talian Bruno Mattei movie down to the "people who have studied English quite well and never communicated with an English speaking person once in their life" dubbing, just relatively modern production values
nice enough fun trash, felt like there was a different cut of the film with tits that I missed out on
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I just watched this. It was very silly. I didn't know they were still doing this kind of thing in 2006 honestly.
 
Calandrino said:
I just watched this. It was very silly. I didn't know they were still doing this kind of thing in 2006 honestly.
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I know right? It's like walking down the street, turning a corner and finding a pay phone
It wasn't really anything remarkable one way or the other as far as crap horror movies but it's nice to see that sort of thing outside of its normal era
 
I watched You Can't Run Forever. I was wondering why J.K. Simmons would star in such a turd of a movie, turns out his wife directed and wrote the thing. It was just a poorly dude man goes crazy and starts hunting people movie everyone has seen 50 times already.

Also watched Smile 2, may have been the biggest surprise of the 2024 movies for me. The first Smile movie, I thought, was bad but not awful, just a run of the mill Ring like horror movie, but without the awareness to know how bad most of the scares were. Smile 2 is a dramatic upgrade, really leans into the more campy aspects of horror, and had a far stronger lead performance compared to the first one. Was surprised to see it was done by the guy who made the first movie, because it really felt so different in every way.

Final horror movies I got round to this month was Nosferatu which I liked, however, was the weakest movie by Robert Eggers so far. Main issue is, doesn't do really anything new in terms of vampire movies, so despite it being very well made and acted for the most part, it never feels fresh. However one other issue I did have was Aaron Taylor-Johnson's performance, I never once bought him in the role, and always felt like he was struggling with the material.
 
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Product Placement said:
Also watched Smile 2, may have been the biggest surprise of the 2024 movies for me. The first Smile movie, I thought, was bad but not awful, just a run of the mill Ring like horror movie, but without the awareness to know how bad most of the scares were. Smile 2 is a dramatic upgrade, really leans into the more campy aspects of horror, and had a far stronger lead performance compared to the first one. Was surprised to see it was done by the guy who made the first movie, because it really felt so different in every way.
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I watched Smile 2 recently and i really liked it. The only thing bad about it is that it didn't really expand the lore about the entity. It was basically what was the first movie, but more daring. The practical effects were really good and the jumpscares were very creative. They plan to expand the franchise, but given Smile 2's ending, i think it will be a hit or miss
 
It's an absolute shame Gozu and other films by Takashi Miike aren't available in the US on bluray. They all would look fantastic. His films have that quality a lot of japanese films did from the early 2000s. That soft, not quite video but not quite film look is a beauty to me. It sucks the only films that I can think of having blurays are Audition and the Dead or Alive films.
 
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