✨ Celebrity Gwyneth Paltrow / GOOP

[Dysnomia]

Gwyneths latest addition to the GOOP brand, a 75$ vagina-scented candle apparently sold out within less than 24 hours.

https://www.menshealth.com/uk/sex/a...s-goop-vagina-candle-has-completely-sold-out/

She's such a lolcow and I can't believe people actually bought it but I'm not even mad, I gotta respect her hustle. I know she came from money but she's out here getting even richer off of all these white suburban moms' stupidity. She's a marketing genius.

I wonder what it smells like though. Did she actually get her goop researchers to formulate fake vag or is it something like flowers. This sounds more like a gag gift than something you would buy seriously. Buy hey, if you can scam people into buying that for health reasons you are a marketing genius.

 

[Cure Milquetoast]

I wonder what it smells like though. Did she actually get her goop researchers to formulate fake vag or is it something like flowers. This sounds more like a gag gift than something you would buy seriously. Buy hey, if you can scam people into buying that for health reasons you are a marketing genius.

"With a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent, this candle is made with geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed to put us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth."

So, Summer's Eve? Apparently the name is a joke.

 

[Space Lobster Bat]

Don't forget, GOOP is getting it's own Netflix show too! So it's an extra special infomercial! That you have to pay to have a Netflix account to watch.

Netflix Link

Also, if your hoohah smells that strongly of flowers and wood, maybe you should lay off steaming your clams for a while.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Gwyneths latest addition to the GOOP brand, a 75$ vagina-scented candle apparently sold out within less than 24 hours.

https://www.menshealth.com/uk/sex/a...s-goop-vagina-candle-has-completely-sold-out/

She's such a lolcow and I can't believe people actually bought it but I'm not even mad, I gotta respect her hustle. I know she came from money but she's out here getting even richer off of all these white suburban moms' stupidity. She's a marketing genius.

Wonder what it smells like. My money's on maggoty pork and rotting gardenias.

 

[Zamzz]

Wonder what it smells like. My money's on maggoty pork and rotting gardenias.

As many organic limes from WholeFoods as she eats I would be disappointed if it doesn't smell like those car air fresheners.

 

[JambledUpWords]

I went on the GOOP website, and here are some interesting things for sale:

Anyone wish to spend $20 on a small jar of salt?

How about $85 for a water bottle with a giant rock in it?

Why get collagen from meat when you can take $95 supplements instead?

The only reason this vibrator is 4K is because it’s covered in gold.

Think $25 mascara is expensive? How about $60 mascara?

For when you want to get kinky, but also want your handcuffs to be worth as much as fine jewelry.

You’re pretty much spending $300 on mason jars. DIY and save at least $200 or more.

You want to really save the planet, but also show how much money you have? These $95 straws will do it. They even come in an artisanal canister.

 

[Zamzz]

I went on the GOOP website, and here are some interesting things for sale:
View attachment 1100643
Anyone wish to spend $20 on a small jar of salt?
View attachment 1100644
How about $85 for a water bottle with a giant rock in it?
View attachment 1100645
Why get collagen from meat when you can take $95 supplements instead?
View attachment 1100646
The only reason this vibrator is 4K is because it’s covered in gold.
View attachment 1100647
Think $25 mascara is expensive? How about $60 mascara?
View attachment 1100648
For when you want to get kinky, but also want your handcuffs to be worth as much as fine jewelry.
View attachment 1100649
You’re pretty much spending $300 on mason jars. DIY and save at least $200 or more.
View attachment 1100650
You want to really save the planet, but also show how much money you have? These $95 straws will do it. They even come in an artisanal canister.

Table salt for 22 dollars???? No thanks, I would rather go to the sea and fish up my own salt thank you very much.

 

[Grimoire Canthari]

View attachment 1100644
How about $85 for a water bottle with a giant rock in it?

I'll raise you $20 for a water bottle with a pink giant rock in it.

 

[NoReturn]

I'll raise you $20 for a water bottle with a pink giant rock in it.
View attachment 1101016

Shitfuck. PINK? Oh man. Sold. Fucking sold. I'm gonna align my chackras so hard.

 

[MysticMisty]

The only reason this vibrator is 4K is because it’s covered in gold.

Man, I wish I had so much money that I could throw away $3.5k on just a vibrator. I still wouldn't buy the vibrator (probably), but I wouldn't have to worry about money ever again.

 

[Twolegstillmidnight]

The gold vibrator is a LELO, who is an independent luxury toy brand that just wholesales to other companies. Goop has just chosen the most expensive of their products to sell. That’s probably the least weird item on this list as LELO generally starts in the $100+ range and goes up from there.

 

[eternal dog mongler]

Are these the new Ben Wa balls?

I'd get patients in emergency every once in a while who "lost" them in their vagina. Just squat, bear down like you're taking a shit and cough. Wow, it's a miracle. They came out!

Here's your bill that makes you wish you bought the three thousand dollar gold-plated vibrator instead.

 

[Stephanie Bustcakes]

I wonder what it smells like though.

If it smells like Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina it probably smells something like this:

 

[89elbees]

Goop was a terrible enough name for a beauty brand as it is... and then it turns out they sell vagina eggs.

Who the fuck is their target customer, beyond a very small subset of woo middle aged suburban moms? I haven't done my research but I can't imagine a world where this shit isn't stupidly expensive. That audience doesn't have a ton of disposable income. Who is making this brand profitable?

 

[Sister Mary Elephant]

Are these the new Ben Wa balls?

I'd get patients in emergency every once in a while who "lost" them in their vagina. Just squat, bear down like you're taking a shit and cough. Wow, it's a miracle. They came out!

Here's your bill that makes you wish you bought the three thousand dollar gold-plated vibrator instead.

Fucking hell, and this is only one reason emergency workers should get hazard pay. My hat is off to you.

 

[thejackal]

Goop was a terrible enough name for a beauty brand as it is... and then it turns out they sell vagina eggs.

Who the fuck is their target customer, beyond a very small subset of woo middle aged suburban moms? I haven't done my research but I can't imagine a world where this shit isn't stupidly expensive. That audience doesn't have a ton of disposable income. Who is making this brand profitable?

I get the impression it's a vanity project for her. She probably doesn't need the money but she loves people talking about her.

 

[NoReturn]

Goop was a terrible enough name for a beauty brand as it is... and then it turns out they sell vagina eggs.

Who the fuck is their target customer, beyond a very small subset of woo middle aged suburban moms? I haven't done my research but I can't imagine a world where this shit isn't stupidly expensive. That audience doesn't have a ton of disposable income. Who is making this brand profitable?

Like thejackal said, it doesn't have to be profitable. Even then, it's an aspirational lifestyle luxury brand more like Hermès than A New Day.

 

[eternal dog mongler]

Like thejackal said, it doesn't have to be profitable. Even then, it's an aspirational lifestyle luxury brand more like Hermès than A New Day.

I, too, aspire to own an executive dildo. Look, it doesn't even look remotely like a penis! It's fancy!

Just get a Hitachi, damn.

 

[JambledUpWords]

As far as luxury brands go, GOOP’s pricing isn’t that out of the ordinary. However, there are still some odd things to be seen (more so in the sense of being exorbitantly expensive for what it is):

Didn’t want to get collagen from a supplement? Well, there’s a crystal gel kit for the low price of $480 that can help you.

Had buyer’s remorse from spending $50 on that serving board you had to have? Don’t worry, you can spend $250 on this basic black serving board that is a collaboration between GOOP and Alexis Steelwood.

Ever worried about that $40 IKEA lamp breaking? Now you’ll be extra scared with having two lamps that are a combined total of $11,000. Why put a down payment on a house, when you can buy lamps instead?

This isn’t just any cutting board. This one is handmade in Portugal and costs $100. Let’s hope it doesn’t get stained or chipped.

Are people really spending $60 on dish sponges these days?

Your lovely planter at your windowsill not doing the trick? How about this $800 planter that will help you plant those .50¢ cilantro seeds? It will take years of fresh herbs before this gadget gives back for what you paid for.

Still thought that perfume you bought at Victoria’s Secret was too much? Now you can buy GOOP exclusive perfume for $165. Even if you aren’t rich, you can still smell like you have a larger bank account.

Ever wanted to look like a cross between Evil Kenevil and Elvis while skiing? Now you can with this GOOP exclusive ski suit for $840.

Thought those $20 pajamas you got your kids for Christmas was a splurge? Now you can buy GOOP exclusive pajamas for just $122.

Want to treat yourself to some pajamas? How about these pajamas that are worth as much as a prom dress? It’s only $220.

 

[Mrs Paul]

All I know is that if I were gonna spend almost four grand on a freaking vibrator, it had better give me the orgasm to end all orgasms.