✨ Celebrity Gwyneth Paltrow / GOOP

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i.e. Rich, beautiful and famous enough that all the moronic things she says/does are regarded as 'bold' or 'unconventional' :roll:
 
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How does Paltrow live with her hypocrisy? "This jade egg cleanses my yoni and was once used by vaguely Asian Royalty...all praise!" Um. I'd bet dollars to Goop-free-donuts that those "special jade" eggs were: blasted from underneath some subsistence level farmer's ancestral home, roughed out of their granite trappings by six year old kids who haven't seen the sun in three years, and polished to a yoni-slick high gloss by blind Nepali pan handlers...but, it's oh so powerful and mysterious. I love how her "get a ways" are always to a pre-inspected boutique hotel or private Island, too. Nothing says "I have more money than sense." than vaginal steaming....every vagina I've come across is already steamy and moist- if yours isnt', you're defiitely doing it wrong. I'm looking at you, Coldplay.
 
So I saw this thread about yoni baths.

I'm sorry but... That name!

Yoni bath!:lol:

https://www.lipstickalley.com/threads/have-you-ever-done-a-yoni-bath.1135620

Maya healers and midwives used steams for centuries. Bajos means “down low” in Spanish. Bajos is a warm steam bath for the vagina. Vaginal steams are very effective treatment and are indicated for many common female complaints. Many women have poor circulation to the pelvis thus resulting in stagnation, so the warmth can support many common female issues caused by cold stagnation. Yoni Steams are a beautiful way to bring warm steam and heat to the pelvis and to the womb by increasing circulation and energy flow. The moist heat opens up the pores of the tissues and the botanical infused water vapor delivers the medicinal benefits of the plants, including volatile oils directly to the pelvic tissue. Vaginal tissue is one of the most absorbent of the entire female body so Yoni steams can be very supportive to women’s health. We choose specific herbs to increase the healing benefits of the steam. The herbs chosen are dependent on the condition being treated. We usually choose herbs that stimulate circulation to the pelvis, cleanse, tone, nourish or heal the tissues. This modality is used for fertility, postpartum, post miscarriage, post DNC, for endometriosis, ovarian cysts, pelvic pain, constipation, etc. I have never used this modality on its own, as it is intended to be an adjunct therapy for healing, with nutritional guidance, herbal tinctures, teas and Maya abdominal massage, yet I am sure you will have wonderful results!
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Western medicine already has it's own version of the yoni bath. It's called a Sitz bath. And unlike steaming your clam it actually has health benefits for certain ailments like hemorrhoids, post birth care, pelvic irritation, post pelvic surgery care ect... It's safe to use with proper instructions and won't cost you some crazy ass consultation from some nutty new age clam healer who has jacked some trendy sounding Hindu terms.

People are acting like this is some amazing POC secret and it is not. Pelvic baths have been around forever. For legit medical concerns. New agers just hijacked it to make green by claiming that it's some spiritual nonsense from ancient cultures, whom I'm sure actually did use it for a long time as a treatment. But so has whitey. These dumb goopers are being scammed.

"Cold stagnation" sounds like a made up new age term. Like the adrenal weakness and parathyroid weakness that Anna is being scammed into thinking she has because Dr. Morse likes a full bank account. Tell me, how many times you go to the gynecologist and he says "I'm afraid you are suffering from cold stagnation. Just take this potpourri, sprinkle it into a yoni bath and steam your vagina over it. Your excessive bleeding and extreme pelvic pain should clear right up."

That kind of advice could kill someone. Which is why doctors don't recommend that you steam your female issues away.

People talk about putting all these herbs and oils in their yoni bath. I would think that the fumes from certain substances might actually be irritating.

Like so:
I did it at the Korean spa late last year. You steam for 20 minutes. It does get a little hot and uncomfortable. I smelled like chamomile tea for a few days lol
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If it burns then maybe it wasn't a good idea? Nothing you put down there should be burning you and hurting you. Burning is a sign that something is wrong and your flesh is in distress. Take your snatch out of that chamomile and check for scalding. It's only a matter of time before someone ends up in the news for steam burns after trying this. Steam can be just as dangerous as hot water. It's not safer because it isn't heat in liquid form.

And you just know some neo-new age nutjob is going to start recommending that you drink the tuna tea afterwards to realign your chakras or something like that. It's only a matter of time.:cryblood:

Anyone heard about the pearls as well? Seems very trendy. I wanted to try the steam but I want to find a reliable source to order from. Thinking of trying Home (Holistic goddess website)

The reviews I heard for the steam that persuaded me to wanna try one was the tightness and taste. People say that the notice the yoni is more tight and that they've been told they taste sweeter.
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Stop saying yoni! It's a vagina.:mad:

Vagoos are supposed to taste like vagoos. They are supposed to smell like them too. If your snatch smells like a freshly opened can of Friskies salmon then something is probably wrong. Maybe you should try seeing a doctor?

Vaginas are self cleaning and do a pretty good job with that most of the time. Adding something to the equation can throw off the pH and kill off beneficial bacteria, which will actually lead to more problems.

In Haitian culture many women bathe in these leaves to tighten the uterus and to cleanse the body after childbirth

YouTube has many women that discuss their yoni steaming.
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Again, we already have that here. The Sitz bath. It's not some amazing POC invented treatment. Next people will be complaining that yoni baths are cultural appropriation.

I'm curious about the videos. But I just ate.

I guess this is all just becoming a trend now. And I wouldn't be surprised if there's an uptick in infections because women are irritating their genitals with steam and herbs and self medicating serious problems because western doctors don't want you to know that the cure for your pelvic woes lies in the produce section.

Gwyneth Paltrow has to really have some loose screws. I've heard that the jade egg is just a symbol and you wouldn't really put it inside of you. It's no different than believing that having a miniature pyramid in your house increases energy flow. Eggs have been symbols of fertility for a very long time.

The egg can easily become stuck. Even if there is a cord the egg could still become stuck. The cord could also snap. Then you have to go to the ER and explain why you've got a rock stuffed up there. The doctor will try to explain to you that there are no health benefits and it's dangerous. But he's just trying to sell you some poison from Big Pharma. Keep sticking rocks up there.

Looks like elsewhere you can get vagoo eggs in several other lovely mineral varieties.

https://yonihealer.co.uk/

Jade-Eggs.jpg


Which egg are you drawn to the most? not by colour but by feeling. There are no right or wrong answers, when it

comes to choosing your Yoni Egg, you will have to trust your intuition or research the healing properties of the egg.

We do have information on the healing properties of each egg. When it comes to the physical results of the egg,

each egg performs equally.
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This couldn't possibly be a scam to sell multiple eggs to multiple idiots could it?:thinking:

Women who use the Yoni Egg are

More likely to have healthier reproductive organs

More likely to be more mentally balanced

Less likely to be sexually repressed with partner

More likely to reach menopause later

Less likely to suffer from a prolapse, incontinence or fistula

Less likely to have a difficult childbirth

More likely to have more and intense orgasms

Likely to have stronger pelvic floor muscles

Less likely to suffer from BV or yeast infections

More likely to have shorter and painless periods

More likely to have a better sex life
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Umm... No. None of that stuff is backed up by medical science. The page has no links to legit medical articles because there are none with positive things to say about stuffing a rock up your snatch to reap health benefits.
 
Dysnomia said:
Stop saying yoni! It's a vagina.:mad:
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I'm guessing vagina is too medical and formal sounding while everything else is too sexual and crude (and to be fair too informal for any kind of article that isn't supposed to be a blog or forum post). But yoni is "exotic" and therefore "romantic". Vagina though really isn't too formal for this kind of thing, and it doesn't make me feel like I'm reading some sort of dumb erotic novel for women.
 
Dysnomia said:
Stop saying yoni! It's a vagina.:mad:
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MysticMisty said:
I'm guessing vagina is too medical and formal sounding while everything else is too sexual and crude (and to be fair too informal for any kind of article that isn't supposed to be a blog or forum post). But yoni is "exotic" and therefore "romantic". Vagina though really isn't too formal for this kind of thing, and it doesn't make me feel like I'm reading some sort of dumb erotic novel for women.
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"Maya healers and midwives used steams for centuries. Bajos means "down low" in Spanish. Bajos is a warm steam bath for the cunt. Twat steams are very effective treatment and are indicated for many common female complaints. Many women have poor circulation to the pelvis thus resulting in stagnation, so the warmth can support many common female issues caused by cold stagnation. Axe wound Steams are a beautiful way to bring warm steam and heat to the pelvis and to the womb by increasing circulation and energy flow. The moist heat opens up the pores of the tissues and the botanical infused water vapor delivers the medicinal benefits of the plants, including volatile oils directly to the pelvic tissue. Beef curtain tissue is one of the most absorbent of the entire female body so Vagoo steams can be very supportive to women's health. We choose specific herbs to increase the healing benefits of the steam. The herbs chosen are dependent on the condition being treated. We usually choose herbs that stimulate circulation to the pelvis, cleanse, tone, nourish or heal the tissues. This modality is used for fertility, postpartum, post miscarriage, post DNC, for endometriosis, ovarian cysts, pelvic pain, constipation, etc. I have never used this modality on its own, as it is intended to be an adjunct therapy for healing, with nutritional guidance, herbal tinctures, teas and Maya abdominal massage, yet I am sure you will have wonderful results!"
 
MysticMisty said:
I'm guessing vagina is too medical and formal sounding while everything else is too sexual and crude (and to be fair too informal for any kind of article that isn't supposed to be a blog or forum post). But yoni is "exotic" and therefore "romantic". Vagina though really isn't too formal for this kind of thing, and it doesn't make me feel like I'm reading some sort of dumb erotic novel for women.
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"yoni" is an exotic Indian term but nobody at GOOP has done enough research to realize that they prefer to use "vagene" over there now.
 
"Maya healers and midwives used steams for centuries. Bajos means "down low" in Spanish. Bajos is a warm steam bath for the fish mitten. Vertical smile steams are very effective treatment and are indicated for many common female complaints. Many women have poor circulation to the pelvis thus resulting in stagnation, so the warmth can support many common female issues caused by cold stagnation. Growler Steams are a beautiful way to bring warm steam and heat to the pelvis and to the womb by increasing circulation and energy flow. The moist heat opens up the pores of the tissues and the botanical infused water vapor delivers the medicinal benefits of the plants, including volatile oils directly to the pelvic tissue. Flange tissue is one of the most absorbent of the entire female body so Penwiper steams can be very supportive to women's health. We choose specific herbs to increase the healing benefits of the steam. The herbs chosen are dependent on the condition being treated. We usually choose herbs that stimulate circulation to the pelvis, cleanse, tone, nourish or heal the tissues. This modality is used for fertility, postpartum, post miscarriage, post DNC, for endometriosis, ovarian cysts, pelvic pain, constipation, etc. I have never used this modality on its own, as it is intended to be an adjunct therapy for healing, with nutritional guidance, herbal tinctures, teas and Maya abdominal massage, yet I am sure you will have wonderful results!"
 
Yoni doesn't mean vagina if I remember correctly. It refers more to the uterus. But let's not tell them that or sticking things in your uterus will be the next big fad.

Tiger's Eye contains asbestos too. Can't remember the chemistry of the other stones but I've seen ones made of Selenite which is a form of gypsum which dissolves in water.
 
This particular line keeps jumping out at me, every time I see this passage quoted:
Stephanie Bustcakes said:
Many women have poor circulation to the pelvis thus resulting in stagnation, so the warmth can support many common female issues caused by cold stagnation.
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So basically, Gwyneth Paltrow and her white, affluent followers are a bunch of frigid bitches, and "cold stagnation" is just a nice way to say it (sort of like "conscious uncoupling" instead of "divorcing," another Paltrowism).

I remember the long-ago days when GwynnieP was referred to as "Fish Stick" on alt.gossip.celebrities. Back then, she was merely insufferable and obliviously overprivileged, rather than a peddler of fraud and superstition.

And while I'm at it, I'd like to throw out "bearded clam," "tuna taco," "ladygarden," "cooter," "hoohah," and (I can't believe this hasn't been used yet) "stink ditch" for consideration.
 
If you have to shove eggs in your bodily cavities, just get silicone ones from any number of furry sex toy shops. At least those are actually designed to be safe to insert into mucus membranes.
 
Gwyneths latest addition to the GOOP brand, a 75$ vagina-scented candle apparently sold out within less than 24 hours.

https://www.menshealth.com/uk/sex/a...s-goop-vagina-candle-has-completely-sold-out/

She's such a lolcow and I can't believe people actually bought it but I'm not even mad, I gotta respect her hustle. I know she came from money but she's out here getting even richer off of all these white suburban moms' stupidity. She's a marketing genius.
 
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