💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

[captkrisma]

She should try to get Troma to distribute it, they will distribute stuff they haven't made themselves, even if its not up to the same level of quality as their own stuff. Hell they distributed Outlaw Prophet (a Christian Scifi movie for kids, that is hilarious) and Redneck Zombies (which is a horrible shot on Shitteo zombie movie made by some teenagers in the late 80s)

You can't forget "Canibal! The Musical!".

I think, with the quality of the current product, that Troma is really the only company that would distribute on a wide scale in an attempt to recoup costs. Knowing Gloria and her family's fundamentalist views, however, will turn them away from this kind of deal. "Killer Condom" and "Surf Nazis Must Die!" does that to some people.

 

[bradsternum]

Heh, I worked for Troma for a little while. They actually review submissions before making the decision to distribute them. They reject more films than you'd think.

 

[Picklepower]

Heh, I worked for Troma for a little while. They actually review submissions before making the decision to distribute them. They reject more films than you'd think.

Holy crap that's cool that you worked there! well maybe she could get whatever distributor David Decotau uses to release his ultra low budget kids films/the 1313 series, to release her epic? Ok we all know if this does get made it will be straight to internet, or like self distributed, but its fun to imagine if some regular distributor released it. Worse looking movies have been released.

Begs the question... what kind of movie are they making, exactly?
https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hph ... 3768_n.jpg
And how is this not sorta racist?

"Ebony and Ivory 8: Its a Jungle Out there"

 

[Henry Bemis]

Begs the question... what kind of movie are they making, exactly?
https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hph ... 3768_n.jpg
And how is this not sorta racist?

No, no, it's not racist. They hired black people. Beautiful black people.

 

[TheIncredibleLioness]

Begs the question... what kind of movie are they making, exactly?
https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hph ... 3768_n.jpg
And how is this not sorta racist?

No, no, it's not racist. They hired black people. Beautiful black people.

Well, there is a bit in the book about the "most beautiful black person in the whole kingdom." They're just sticking to canon.

“I also bought my other best friend ‘Ceara’ with me. Look at her. She is the most beautiful black person in our kingdom. Look at her how beautiful she is with her curly hair."

 

[Saney]

Begs the question... what kind of movie are they making, exactly?
https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hph ... 3768_n.jpg
And how is this not sorta racist?

No, no, it's not racist. They hired black people. Beautiful black people.

Well, there is a bit in the book about the "most beautiful black person in the whole kingdom." They're just sticking to canon.

“I also bought my other best friend ‘Ceara’ with me. Look at her. She is the most beautiful black person in our kingdom. Look at her how beautiful she is with her curly hair."

Tesch lives one hell of a sheltered life.

 

[trip2themoon]

Begs the question... what kind of movie are they making, exactly?
https://scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hph ... 3768_n.jpg
And how is this not sorta racist?

Her brown friend actually scrubs up quite well, in an earlier pic she looked a bit horsey with her big, long head but here she looks well hot. I thought Gloria would be the kind of girl who likes to be seen with ugly girls so she gets more attention but her pals are way prettier than her.


^ I bet she's the only brown girl in the kingdom.

 

[Pikimon]

Nah every time there's a black character in her book, she feels the need to point out they're black.

Instead of writing

"Marcus the knight had dark skin and strong broad shoulders, was busy cleaning a heavy looking broadsword"

She writes

"Marcus the black knight who is blacker than any black night that has ever blacked was so black that black black black black omg so black"

 

[trip2themoon]

Nah every time there's a black character in her book, she feels the need to point out they're black.

Instead of writing

"Marcus the knight had dark skin and strong broad shoulders, was busy cleaning a heavy looking broadsword"

She writes

"Marcus the black knight who is blacker than any black night that has ever blacked was so black that black black black black omg so black"

Lol, so she's trying way too hard to show she's diverse. That's rather pathetic.

Is she playing the lead girl in the film? By the time it's finished she'll be way too old to play a school age teenager. I hope she's one of those people who age quick and look way older so she looks even worse at trying to pull of teenage schoolie.

 

[c-no]

Nah every time there's a black character in her book, she feels the need to point out they're black.

Instead of writing

"Marcus the knight had dark skin and strong broad shoulders, was busy cleaning a heavy looking broadsword"

She writes

"Marcus the black knight who is blacker than any black night that has ever blacked was so black that black black black black omg so black"

So she points out that there is a black character in her book. Any reason to point out why they are black? Does it hold any significance? Does it reference any possible segregation and racism within Maradonia?

 

[Hodor]

Nah every time there's a black character in her book, she feels the need to point out they're black.

Instead of writing

"Marcus the knight had dark skin and strong broad shoulders, was busy cleaning a heavy looking broadsword"

She writes

"Marcus the black knight who is blacker than any black night that has ever blacked was so black that black black black black omg so black"

So she points out that there is a black character in her book. Any reason to point out why they are black? Does it hold any significance? Does it reference any possible segregation and racism within Maradonia?

That's too interesting of an idea for Tesch to do. She's just trying to be diverse and totally-not-racist, and laughably falling on her face.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Is she playing the lead girl in the film? By the time it's finished she'll be way too old to play a school age teenager. I hope she's one of those people who age quick and look way older so she looks even worse at trying to pull of teenage schoolie.

Yes, Gloria is playing Maya and yes, she might be too old to be a credible teenager. But on the plus side, that means those gratuitous bikini shots are totally not skeevy, amirite?

 

[trip2themoon]

Is she playing the lead girl in the film? By the time it's finished she'll be way too old to play a school age teenager. I hope she's one of those people who age quick and look way older so she looks even worse at trying to pull of teenage schoolie.

Yes, Gloria is playing Maya and yes, she might be too old to be a credible teenager. But on the plus side, that means those gratuitous bikini shots are totally not skeevy, amirite?

Those bikini shots seem a wee bit too perfect to me, I don't believe she's that fit and toned. Can digital video editing techniques do things like smooth out cellulite? I hope not then people will see that she's really a bit of a dog. Her body looks great in those pics but considering how much she fancies herself she's really not very pretty at all.

 

[TheIncredibleLioness]

I think she's 19? So she might have some wiggle room as far as playing a teenager goes, at least for a little while. There have been 20somethings playing teens before. (As an aside, it's amazing to see how much skin she started showing when she hit 18. Even better, I think some of her bikini pics were taken by her mother.) But yeah, seconded about the perfect bikini shots. She could be that toned. I don't know if there are ways of touching up stuff like that in post-production. But it seems a bit unlikely to me.

 

[Henry Bemis]

I think she's 19? So she might have some wiggle room as far as playing a teenager goes, at least for a little while. There have been 20somethings playing teens before. (As an aside, it's amazing to see how much skin she started showing when she hit 18. Even better, I think some of her bikini pics were taken by her mother.) But yeah, seconded about the perfect bikini shots. She could be that toned. I don't know if there are ways of touching up stuff like that in post-production. But it seems a bit unlikely to me.

I mean, her body and her looks are the only currency she has (when she doesn't have her hands on Daddy's wallet). And considering she's surrounded by modeling folks who can probably sniff out cellulite and other such fakery in a second, it's probably all real.

Also, I'm not sure what fundies think about cellulite, implants, etc.

 

[trip2themoon]

I think she's 19? So she might have some wiggle room as far as playing a teenager goes, at least for a little while. There have been 20somethings playing teens before. (As an aside, it's amazing to see how much skin she started showing when she hit 18. Even better, I think some of her bikini pics were taken by her mother.) But yeah, seconded about the perfect bikini shots. She could be that toned. I don't know if there are ways of touching up stuff like that in post-production. But it seems a bit unlikely to me.

Stacy Dash was about 29 when she played a 17 year old in Clueless, Stacy Dash is a really beautiful looking girl though. Lol at her mum taking those pics, the only person who loves her as much as she does.

 

[RP 520]

Gloria and her family remind me a lot of crazy Amy, her husband and that shitty bakery they run.

Basically I set the same rule as I do with Amy, believe nothing they spout. They say they're "Good Christian Republicans" but they probably only say that to win the hearts of their neighbors and townsfolk who might actually be Christians and Republicans. If they lived in a Liberal Democrat area they would probably be saying they're "Good, all accepting, diverse Liberal Democrats".

They're narcissists and the "good, Jesus loving Christian" shit that the Tesch's (and crazy Amy) do is all a ploy so they can make themselves look good to a large group of people when in reality they just fill you up with lies so that you don't question their shady and probably illegal activities or where they're getting the shit ton of money from. They've essentially created a network of meat shields to use and defend them whenever they might feel the pressure.

That's my theory anyways.

If they ever did catch the hook of fame (haha, I know) they would probably have a couple days of fame only for everything to come crashing down disastrously when everyone starts to look for a history on the family.

 

[c-no]

Gloria and her family remind me a lot of crazy Amy, her husband and that shitty bakery they run.

Basically I set the same rule as I do with Amy, believe nothing they spout. They say they're "Good Christian Republicans" but they probably only say that to win the hearts of their neighbors and townsfolk who might actually be Christians and Republicans. If they lived in a Liberal Democrat area they would probably be saying they're "Good, all accepting, diverse Liberal Democrats".

They're narcissists and the "good, Jesus loving Christian" shit that the Tesch's (and crazy Amy) do is all a ploy so they can make themselves look good to a large group of people when in reality they just fill you up with lies so that you don't question their shady and probably illegal activities or where they're getting the shit ton of money from. They've essentially created a network of meat shields to use and defend them whenever they might feel the pressure.

That's my theory anyways.

If they ever did catch the hook of fame (haha, I know) they would probably have a couple days of fame only for everything to come crashing down disastrously when everyone starts to look for a history on the family.

That could have some credibility, especially with Mr. Tesch and how he might conduct business.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Gloria and her family remind me a lot of crazy Amy, her husband and that shitty bakery they run.

Basically I set the same rule as I do with Amy, believe nothing they spout. They say they're "Good Christian Republicans" but they probably only say that to win the hearts of their neighbors and townsfolk who might actually be Christians and Republicans. If they lived in a Liberal Democrat area they would probably be saying they're "Good, all accepting, diverse Liberal Democrats".

They're narcissists and the "good, Jesus loving Christian" shit that the Tesch's (and crazy Amy) do is all a ploy so they can make themselves look good to a large group of people when in reality they just fill you up with lies so that you don't question their shady and probably illegal activities or where they're getting the shit ton of money from. They've essentially created a network of meat shields to use and defend them whenever they might feel the pressure.

That's my theory anyways.

If they ever did catch the hook of fame (haha, I know) they would probably have a couple days of fame only for everything to come crashing down disastrously when everyone starts to look for a history on the family.

That could have some credibility, especially with Mr. Tesch and how he might conduct business.

However, assuming Mr Tesch is indeed a skilled money launderer or whatever, wouldn't the last thing he'd want be widespread recognition of Gloria's name?

I mean, smallish book tours would be acceptable, but a movie with a zealous social media campaign is probably not the best for any illegal scheme. That is, unless his spoiling of Gloria is strong enough to dismiss those concerns.

 

[bradsternum]

My theory is that the Tesch family is fucking stupid.