💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
Maradontia said:
Indeed. 20 something Maya and Joey going to a house party with children makes them look like pedos.

If you check the credits, Gloria's brother is also in the movie.

I feel like anyone with editing software could make this movie more watchable at least by cutting out all the superfluous stuff. I could do a better job. 10 year olds who make Minecraft videos could do a better job.

The beginning is confusing and goes on too long. It's all over the place and makes no sense. It has to be totally redone. The ending also goes on too long and ends awkwardly. Should probably be moved so the movie can end on Maya. Some scenes are pointless and can be removed entirely like the writhing people (zombies?) in the intro and before the banquet scene, or the lions and tigers you mentioned. Most scenes can just be cut down.

Characters are poorly introduced and seem to disappear. I still don't know what happened to the wizard or the warrior guy who had the one fight scene in the movie.

A good hour and a half cut would be more palatable even if it still sucked. Plus there's audio issues that need correcting. Wasn't there a guy who was supposed to be hired to fix this? Guess he just fucked off.
Click to expand...

Here's the strange thing. Several bits are cut out of the film that were in the book, meaning that they managed to make this film significantly less comprehensible than the book. However, the first half an hour of the film is also the first bit of the books and in both cases, they are completely pointless and add nothing.

This is as entertainingly bad as the Room.
 
Lorento said:
Here's the strange thing. Several bits are cut out of the film that were in the book, meaning that they managed to make this film significantly less comprehensible than the book. However, the first half an hour of the film is also the first bit of the books and in both cases, they are completely pointless and add nothing.

This is as entertainingly bad as the Room.
Click to expand...

The original Seven Bridges was written by Gloria starts with the villain banquet. At some point Gerry did an edit of the book where he added the intro with Professor Epstein, moved the banquet to the end, and altered a few details like changing the grasshopper into a dwarf. I believe this was because he was making the movie and felt he wanted more "drama" or that some things were unfeasible (a talking grasshopper) so he changed things in the script, then went back and changed it in the book to bring it in line with the movie.

To see all the differences between versions, compare the Maradonia and the Seven Bridges article (click the book cover) and the Maradonia Reloaded article on the Conjugal Felicity page.

http://conjugalfelicity.com/gloria-tesch/

That being said, I think when making the movie he still found that some things he had left in the script from the book were unfeasible (talking doves and snakes, battle scenes) so he altered them further (having actresses play the dove and snake) or just plain cut them out of the movie (all the battle scenes). He also ran out of money at some point and said fuck it. All this left us with a movie that's basically a bunch of scenes they shot poorly threaded together.

You know what? I have one positive thing to say about this movie. The credits song isn't bad. It sounds like it could go over the credits of a slightly better movie.
 
Last edited:
Ginger Piglet said:
Well dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians, they actually made one. That was unexpected.

Now where's the Maradonia theme park we were promised?
Click to expand...

Considering they didn't even have enough money to make the final battle scene (or pay their employees, or even their mortgage), a theme park seems out of the question. That being said, I could see Gunter doing some sort of Maradonia promotional sideshow at Florida Renaissance fairs where low rent actors cosplay as the characters.

Shit, bro. Can you imagine the people at the American Film Market just laughing at this?
 
Last edited:
v4PmPw3.jpg

vampires-kiss.jpg

Joey is Nick cage.
 
I like that some of these people have been in actual movies and TV and also...this.

Edit: I'm loving the credits most of all. A character named "Marshall Art." The Dwarf played by Dave the Dwarf. Emily, portrayed by Madeline Hubel. Teacher, portrayed by Madeline Hubel's Mother. School Bully, portrayed by Summer. And then in the middle the columns that the actors/characters are on just switch for no reason.
 
Last edited:
Butta Face Lopez said:
I like that some of these people have been in actual movies and TV and also...this.

Edit: I'm loving the credits most of all. A character named "Marshall Art." The Dwarf played by Dave the Dwarf. Emily, portrayed by Madeline Hubel. Teacher, portrayed by Madeline Hubel's Mother. School Bully, portrayed by Summer. And then in the middle the columns that the actors/characters are on just switch for no reason.
Click to expand...

Don't forget Dr. Michael Michaels as Professor Epstein, and Gloria's brother Benjamin Tesch as Village Boy.
 
Last edited:
Ido said:
http://www.youtubeinmp4.com/ That's what I use at least, and I haven't had any problems with it.
Click to expand...
To save youtube videos, start the video and then open up developer tools. Click the network tab and wait until you see a request for "videoplayback"
Copy that url in a new tab and remove the &range=XXXXXXXXXXXX-XXXXXXXXXXX parameter. Then get that
It will download or the video will play in the browser. If it plays in the browser you can right click on it and save it!
 
Maradontia said:
Did you find Gloria's brother?
Click to expand...
Assuming that's Benjamin Tesch, he's credited as "Village Boy," which I assume is the kid who was crying over his dead mom...there's also a Jonathan Tesch credited as a skateboarder/Empire Guard/captain so I guess it was a whole family affair.
 
Butta Face Lopez said:
Assuming that's Benjamin Tesch, he's credited as "Village Boy," which I assume is the kid who was crying over his dead mom...there's also a Jonathan Tesch credited as a skateboarder and an Empire Guard so I guess it was a whole family affair.
Click to expand...

Yeah, just edited it. Either from the beginning or the Commander Justin(e) part. I guess Jonathan is her older brother or cousin.
 
Last edited:
What's with all the false intros, is this a reverse Return of the King?

The wig the professor is wearing... Don't tell me they didn't have *one* person in this entire production team that pointed out how fake that thing looks. This isn't even a fantasy scene, so why couldn't he be just a regular balding dude?
 
Last edited:
So sadly google was a fag and re-encoded the video in their commie webm format stripping out any interesting metadata in the process. But I did stumble across this:

Frame rate : 23.976 fps

Now this would indicate it was shot on actual film or perhaps was intended to get transferred to plain 35mm film. Now I didn't check the whole movie but I did check some frames for evidence of being recorded on film and did't find any.

30 or 60 fps is more common for digital media, even hollywood films originally recorded in 24fps.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom