💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
lol Gloria comes close to deepthroating that recorder like it's a flesh flute. Too exploitable for photoshop
 
Untitled.jpg

The more I look at Uberscrn, the more he looks like Robin Thicke.
 
Lucky thing for him is if they end up getting lost or something, he just has to click his heels together and wish to go back home.

Nice shoes dick.
 
So as the poor teen I am, I can't even afford to buy her cheap-ass "novels", nor can I find a preview (maybe I'm not looking hard enough), but if someone who has could maybe send me a decent sized chunk of the first book or maybe a link to a preview, I would love to do some rewriting and see if I might be able to polish the turd~
 
Sophiya said:
So as the poor teen I am, I can't even afford to buy her cheap-ass "novels", nor can I find a preview (maybe I'm not looking hard enough), but if someone who has could maybe send me a decent sized chunk of the first book or maybe a link to a preview, I would love to do some rewriting and see if I might be able to polish the turd~
Click to expand...

Skip the next few superhero films then. Gloria really needs your money.
 
Sophiya said:
So as the poor teen I am, I can't even afford to buy her cheap-ass "novels", nor can I find a preview (maybe I'm not looking hard enough), but if someone who has could maybe send me a decent sized chunk of the first book or maybe a link to a preview, I would love to do some rewriting and see if I might be able to polish the turd~
Click to expand...

I Just Want to See Attachments did an audio book of the first 22 chapters.

I Just Want to See Attachments said:
View attachment 54570

I'M BACK, BITCHES.

[part one]
[part two]
[part three]
[part four]

This audiobook is low on my list of priorities, ergo the lengthy wait for more content. So let's get on with the pain.

View attachment 54572

Chapter Eighteen - Sunflower Fields
Thoughts: all of these "tests" are nothing more than cheap filler content to make the book longer than the plot will allow. Nothing happens in this chapter aside from the siblings being mildly inconvenienced due to their own incompetence. It's riveting.

Coping mechanism: I did a quick Google search and apparently there's a drink called a "Sunflower Highball" that's basically a Screwdriver with some vanilla liqueur in addition to the vodka. Whatever, it's a theme drink, so down that fucker with a vengeance.

View attachment 54573

Chapter Nineteen - The Pond of Bacchus
Thoughts: I have no idea what the fuck the Tesches think the Greek/Roman god of wine and debauchery has to do with a tar pit, but considering the fact that the whole thing reads like one giant euphemism for an unhappy bukkake I guess it makes sense. Also, in case you haven't noticed, I've been making up character voices on the fly. So you can thank my rusty improv skills for the "slow in the mind" dove minions.

Coping mechanism: offer Dionysus your apologies for this travesty by drinking goblets of wine and having an orgy.

View attachment 54574

Chapter Twenty - The Third Eye
Thoughts: I really have to wonder how much of this book was actually written by grandpa Tesch. This chapter reads too preachy to have been written by Gloria, though Joey's hilarious list at the end of the chapter does sound like the priorities of an eight-year-old. Though the idea that Joey ever cared about books is enough to shatter my already thin suspension of belief.

Coping mechanism: I see you're still busy with the wine induced orgy. I'll check back later.

View attachment 54575

Chapter Twenty-One - The Iron Curtain
Thoughts: I think this is my favorite chapter. It has everything: utter incompetence on the part of our "heroes", endless whining for someone to come and save them, bickering, forced moments of "enlightenment", and that fucking title. I also know a few engineers who'd probably have some things to say about the structural integrity of this "Iron Curtain"...

Coping mechanism: consume your weekly ration of vodka in remembrance of the glorious Communist regime.

View attachment 54576

Chapter Twenty-Two - Deception &/or Temptation
Thoughts: Libertine is the most blatant Deus Ex Machina since those eagles in Lord of the Rings. He/she/it should be hailed as the goddamn hero instead of these two imbeciles. It also goes to show just how weak the writing is when you rely on constant verbal exposition instead of conveying information through more organic means. "Show, don't tell" is the golden rule of writing. The Tesches, as expected, have shit all over it.

Coping mechanism: fuck it, do you guys have any absinthe?
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
glutenfreebooty said:
View attachment 101627
The more I look at Uberscrn, the more he looks like Robin Thicke.
Click to expand...
10: 1 chance that they're not actually flying anywhere and just posing as if they're going. Do you know why? Anybody that has flown more than a couple times in their life knows that you wear the most comfortable things you have that don't necessarily look bad and Glo-Glo in that dress is not going to be comfortable at 30,000 feet while wearing it. Even in Business Class you don't find that kind of outfit and if you've ever had the chance to see a First Class cabin, you'll know what people do the moment the plane takes off. And no, it's nothing crude, they just slip into their First Class pyjamas as soon as they can. Trust me, it's possibly the most comfortable and at the same time stylish way to fly.

Then look at their destinations. It's nowhere that requires a dress like that. I mean are you seriously going to wear that to the Grand Canyon? And secondly, why only places in the US? Wouldn't these people being the young, upwardly mobile and superficially "beautiful" they are want to go to more exotic places like the French Riviera, the Tuscan countryside or a cozy chalet in Switzerland? No, it's all rather generic places in the US. They might as well have put down "Cleveland" as one of their choices.
 
Phil Ken Sebben said:
10: 1 chance that they're not actually flying anywhere and just posing as if they're going. Do you know why? Anybody that has flown more than a couple times in their life knows that you wear the most comfortable things you have that don't necessarily look bad and Glo-Glo in that dress is not going to be comfortable at 30,000 feet while wearing it. Even in Business Class you don't find that kind of outfit and if you've ever had the chance to see a First Class cabin, you'll know what people do the moment the plane takes off.
Click to expand...

They dress the way poor people think rich people dress.
 
Maradontia said:
I Just Want to See Attachments did an audio book of the first 22 chapters.
Click to expand...
I guess I'm desperate/cheap enough to transcribe. :biggrin:

"Emily, why do you cry?"

Good things this guy is the art teacher instead of the science teacher!
 
Last edited:
And, usually, when you go on a "#business #trip", you're going somewhere with a purpose. You aren't just going "wherever the wind takes you". As @bradsternum pointed out, Glo-Glo tries to act the way poor people think rich people act.
 
I just can't get over Uberman's clown shoes and MASSIVE truckasaurus hands.

EDIT: I agree that business trips never go 'where the wind takes you', and very rarely have I seen business deals go down at the Grand Canyon.
 
captkrisma said:
I just can't get over Uberman's clown shoes and MASSIVE truckasaurus hands.

EDIT: I agree that business trips never go 'where the wind takes you', and very rarely have I seen business deals go down at the Grand Canyon.
Click to expand...
I dunno~ The long fall may be convenient if the deal goes bad!
 
The only time I have ever seen a woman on a plane dressed like that, she was supposed to be the hot but superficial and silly one in some kind of planes-in-peril disasterpiece. All she needs is an infuriating yappy dog in a bag and she'd be the Paris Hilton wannabe from Snakes on a Plane.
 
glutenfreebooty said:
View attachment 101627
The more I look at Uberscrn, the more he looks like Robin Thicke.
Click to expand...

Do You Realize said:
His hand looks weirdly Photoshopped from some other person's arm. And I also call BS on their actually going anywhere, she's wearing way too much shit to take off at screening. Nobody does that. You keep it in your carryon and put it on later
Click to expand...
That sign looks shopped. Its way to dark and the word American is not centered
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom