💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

[Lorento]

Great job. I've read the first five "chapters" for free on Kindle and I could barely make it through them. For somebody to actually sit down and go through these things so that the rest of us don't have to suffer is just the best.

Was that for the Seven Bridges or for the Gold of Ophir? Either way, it's still going to hurt. Also, Chapter 3 analysis will be coming today.

 

[CWCissey]

I wonder where Glo-Glo got the inspiration for the title 'Gold Of Ophir'

Spoiler: Hmmmm

http://data:image/jpeg;base64,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

 

[Ravenor]

Back to the picture though, I'm guessing it was done in B&W because... art?

B&W Photography can be done fantastically but it's such a over used style it's getting a little shameful to use it unless your VERY good at it. I do a lot of film photography for fun and B&W film was traditionally used because it was cheep and easier to develop and for photo's that where geting sent over the wire they where easier to encode in such a way they could be printed that's why it continued in use with the press for longer than it did for day to day home photography.

And seriously, have these people that follow her on Twatter ever seen another woman in their entire life? Guys. She's not that hot... ish.

I showed a friend of mine who called her a 2 Pint Sally.

I wonder where Glo-Glo got the inspiration for the title 'Gold Of Ophir'

It's a region or port mentioned in the Bible as well so she might have picked it up from Herr Tesch, it was supposed to be either in Africa or possibly Asia but it's location is lost to history.

 

[Lorento]

Lortano's autistic ramblings. Maradonia GoO 3-4: Return of Alana Terrence.

Spoiler: Autism intensifies

And thus, with a heavy heart I return to Maradonia once more. Chapters 3 and 4 shall suffice, as they consist of mostly filler, but also some fairly awesome scenes. Instead of starting with a snarky quip, a shall instead post this with no comment.

Spoiler: Great

So we start off with Maya and Joey walking to school in a storm. I'll be honest, the description here is actually pretty good, though by Maradonia standards its practically Homer. What happens next though is baffling. For no real reason, the perspective changes to the narrator talking about Plouton's two agents Sutornia and Cassandra (If you can figure out where Tesch stole these character names from, you get fuck all) and their links with the psychic community. To show you how out of place this is, behold.

Spoiler: What?

So, straight from school corridors to psychics. If you are going to do a perspective shift, Glo-Glo, please do it somewhere more sensible! Also, italics in lots of places because....there is no reason is there?

I missed out the last bit of this, because it's so brilliant that it needs a screenshot of its own.

Spoiler: Genius

Two problems. One, she said the same thing twice in the same sentence. Secondly, if its top secret, couldn't you have Maya and Joey overhear it somehow as opposed to, I don't know, TELLING THE AUDIENCE DIRECTLY FOR NO REASON! Joey and Maya do not know this information, so why does the reader need to know? Tesch, I take my fedora off to you and burn it.

So, the action abruptly switches back to Joey and Maya, Joey watches his friend Derrick skate while Maya heads to a maths lesson with a substitute maths teacher. Why do I feel more attached to the female lead as opposed to the male lead who's only slightly younger than me? Because Tesch cannot empathise with any character outside of herself, ie: Maya.

Anyway, Maya drifts off to sleep, as you do and is woken by the teacher shouting at her. Her response is...

Spoiler: Verbal Beatdown

And then she maced the teacher and screamed "Don't call anybody!" before storming off. Anyway, this is the most ridiculous thing I've heard. When did Maya become a douche, or ever shown to be big headed or rude to people of lesser rank? The answer is never, Maya is supposed to be humble and such, and to Tesch's credit she showed her being that in the first book, acting as a foil to Joey's dumbassery. So there's no real reason for her to do this. The response, much like to CWC's meltdown, is pure laughter.

But then, Drama occurs. One girl is not happy with Maya and her name is!

Spoiler: Shock

For those of you who have your head in your hands as you remember chapter 2 of the first book, Alana was a bully who tried to attack Maya. She was beaten the crap out of and this in turn led to one of the greatest lines in literature.

Spoiler: Back to the Past!

Unfortunately, there will be no stupid statements on that level in this book. Which makes me sad. So Alana and co decide to hatch a dastardly scheme to beat up Maya, because Tesch has some issues that she wants to get out in her literature. On to Chapter 4!

The chapter opens with Alana reiterating her desire to crush Maya. They seem to think that Maya acts superior to them due to her outburst in maths class. It's pretty poor reasoning, but screw it, it's better than their motives in the first book....

Speaking of poor, Maya is talking with her friend Rachel, who starts talking about her boyfriend.

Spoiler: Prepare for cringe

Oh dear god. I'm now going to go on a spergy rant about love and why Tesch should never write romance.

I don't really mind that Tesch put this scene here, as Rachel is a teenager and teens tend to exaggerate a lot, especially going into puberty. Trust me, despite my own lonely life, reading books like this, I hear people outside talking about their girlfriends and boyfriends and its all bollocks because they'll break up in a week.

My problem is that Tesch was thirteen when she wrote this. Surely somebody should have realised that a thirteen year old writing about love is simply not going to work! Heck, I'm afraid to write romantic relationships into anything I write because ultimately, I lack the experience to make it realistic, so what were they thinking in allowing Gloria to put anything like this in.

Oh, and before I forget, Maya's dialogue at the end is a joke. I've never really seen a sentence start and end with "With". Well done Tesch, at least you remain consistent even when your characters don't.

Sperg rant ends.

So anyway, Maya isn't really with it so Rachel walks off and leaves her. As Maya tries to follow her, evil music starts playing and out of nowhere...

Spoiler: Oh NO!

Studded gloves. Also, the least sentence is a "No shit" sentence, because its so unbelievably stupid. Alana and her girlfriends attack Maya and knock her out. Then the real fun starts.

Spoiler: True Horror

This is a child's book where a character advocated murdering a fellow student because she doesn't like her. Tesch, you lunatic. Fortunately Alana is stopped by her own friends, but she has one final message to deliver.

Spoiler: More terror

Wow. I have no words. Except for Alana's pantomime villain performance at the end there, with the "Ha, ha, ha" and everything. But just as you thought that things couln't get more retarded, this happens.

Spoiler: Errr

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This kid got approached by three girls and peed himself. I like to think that Freddy's on Lookism right now, talking about how he totally beat up the three girls and then fucked all of them. In any case, this is brilliantly bad, almost on the level of chapter 2 of the first book. Not quite, but almost.

So that ends chapter 4, with one of Alana's friends giving us the only intentionally funny line, and one that sums up the effect these books have on my mind.

Spoiler: Humour

Next time, can Joey get to the bottom of his sister's beatdown? Who cares?

 

[Peace and Harmony]

Holy shit that brutal beatdown of Maya was weird. How old is she supposed to be again? 15 or something? Am I supposed to believe that a teenage Gloria wrote this in and thought that it was a good idea to include in a tween fantasy novel? Though I guess it's no more horrifying that Bella Swan's "Rosmary's Baby"-style birth in the last Twilight book.

 

[Lorento]

Am I supposed to believe that a teenage Gloria wrote this in and thought that it was a good idea to include in a tween fantasy novel?

Keep in mind that she had at least two editors for this book. How did this slip them by as well?

 

[Muscle Bra]

@LorentoCatch-and-release gone horribly wrong:

I know I'm coming in late on this one but, the more I look at it, that mermaid tail (and Glo-Glo's entire mermaid obsession) just gets creepier and creepier.

Even though Daddy Tesch is likely a grifter, I still find it hard to believe that he had nothing better to spend his ill-gotten gains on than a fucking mermaid tail for his little Glo-Glo's fish fetish.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Was that for the Seven Bridges or for the Gold of Ophir? Either way, it's still going to hurt. Also, Chapter 3 analysis will be coming today.

Seven Bridges actually. The first five "chapters" are free on Kindle so we never actually get to Maradonia that way but the writing was just terrible and disjointed. It had the feeling of being too wordy in some parts, not enough words elsewhere and sounding like a Bablefish translation elsewhere. I attributed part of this to Glo Glo being home schooled by two non-Native English speakers and she picked up on their way of speaking.

I showed a friend of mine who called her a 2 Pint Sally.

Maybe one pint if you're really hard up but in all seriousness I wouldn't call her ugly. She's a bit of a butterface in that she's superfically pretty when you see her for the first time but later on you realize there's something wrong with her face. The fact that she's got a nice body makes up for a lot and you're able to ignore certain things about her.

All I'm saying is that she's not that hot. Do a GIS for "hot blonde" and you'll get a bevy of beauties that make Glo Glo look like she's been hit with every branch on the ugly tree. Twice.

 

[Muscle Bra]

She's a bit of a butterface in that she's superfically pretty when you see her for the first time but later on you realize there's something wrong with her face.

That's something I've been meaning to ask about...

When I first joined this thread, I thought Glo-Glo was a fairly attractive girl but the more I learned about her, the less attractive she became. I'm sure part of that is because she has such a despicable personality but I think there's more to it than just that. I agree with @Phil Ken Sebben that there is something wrong with her face but I just can't put my finger on what it is. Is is that there's never any recognizable emotion on her face and looking at her is akin to looking at a department store mannequin, or is it something else?

 

[millais]

That's something I've been meaning to ask about...

When I first joined this thread, I thought Glo-Glo was a fairly attractive girl but the more I learned about her, the less attractive she became. I'm sure part of that is because she has such a despicable personality but I think there's more to it than just that. I agree with @Phil Ken Sebben that there is something wrong with her face but I just can't put my finger on what it is. Is is that there's never any recognizable emotion on her face and looking at her is akin to looking at a department store mannequin, or is it something else?

That awkwardly pained smile combined with her horse-teeth smile and high cheekbones. I think she might have inherited it from her father though (see second photo from right)

 

[Ravenor]

Seven Bridges actually. The first five "chapters" are free on Kindle so we never actually get to Maradonia that way but the writing was just terrible and disjointed. It had the feeling of being too wordy in some parts, not enough words elsewhere and sounding like a Bablefish translation elsewhere. I attributed part of this to Glo Glo being home schooled by two non-Native English speakers and she picked up on their way of speaking.


Maybe one pint if you're really hard up but in all seriousness I wouldn't call her ugly. She's a bit of a butterface in that she's superfically pretty when you see her for the first time but later on you realize there's something wrong with her face. The fact that she's got a nice body makes up for a lot and you're able to ignore certain things about her.

All I'm saying is that she's not that hot. Do a GIS for "hot blonde" and you'll get a bevy of beauties that make Glo Glo look like she's been hit with every branch on the ugly tree. Twice.

That's something I've been meaning to ask about...

When I first joined this thread, I thought Glo-Glo was a fairly attractive girl but the more I learned about her, the less attractive she became. I'm sure part of that is because she has such a despicable personality but I think there's more to it than just that. I agree with @Phil Ken Sebben that there is something wrong with her face but I just can't put my finger on what it is. Is is that there's never any recognizable emotion on her face and looking at her is akin to looking at a department store mannequin, or is it something else?

It's something about the proportions some things are just a little to close to each other other things are just a little to far, and the teeth while not as equine as ADF's they definitely don't look right.

It's almost like the basics of a attractive face are there, they where just assembled by some one who didn't have the manual and got it wrong.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

That's something I've been meaning to ask about...

When I first joined this thread, I thought Glo-Glo was a fairly attractive girl but the more I learned about her, the less attractive she became. I'm sure part of that is because she has such a despicable personality but I think there's more to it than just that. I agree with @Phil Ken Sebben that there is something wrong with her face but I just can't put my finger on what it is. Is is that there's never any recognizable emotion on her face and looking at her is akin to looking at a department store mannequin, or is it something else?

I've said the same thing at some point. There's something wrong with her face that bothers me on an almost instinctive level but I can't say exactly what it is.

If we dissect her face down to it's critical components there's nothing specifically wrong with any of them. Okay the nose might be a little long and those teeth might be too big but taken as parts they're all rather mundane in that they're all normal enough. But put them together in that face and something comes up that is borderline repulsive but you don't know what it is.

Personally I blame a lack of true emotion in her face. When she smiles, it never seems to touch her eyes.

 

[Ravenor]

Personally I blame a lack of true emotion in her face. When she smiles, it never seems to touch her eyes.

Yea it's like brain and body don't match up with reality, you know when schwarzenegger does one of those repulsive cutesy bits in his films and does that over exaggerated smile? It's like that there is no genuine emotion on display and it's all a very forced act on their part.

 

[ChuckSlaughter]

Seven Bridges actually. The first five "chapters" are free on Kindle so we never actually get to Maradonia that way but the writing was just terrible and disjointed. It had the feeling of being too wordy in some parts, not enough words elsewhere and sounding like a Bablefish translation elsewhere. I attributed part of this to Glo Glo being home schooled by two non-Native English speakers and she picked up on their way of speaking.


Maybe one pint if you're really hard up but in all seriousness I wouldn't call her ugly. She's a bit of a butterface in that she's superfically pretty when you see her for the first time but later on you realize there's something wrong with her face. The fact that she's got a nice body makes up for a lot and you're able to ignore certain things about her.

All I'm saying is that she's not that hot. Do a GIS for "hot blonde" and you'll get a bevy of beauties that make Glo Glo look like she's been hit with every branch on the ugly tree. Twice.

I think most kiwis have a hard time deciding how to feel about her she's pretty and probably the most attractive non celebrity lolcow but in the world of instagram attention whore models she's low teir. So we go back and forth between calling her horse faced and cute.

I think there is also a lot of speculation about her doing porn and I think lots of our members believe this to be wishful thinking but in fact the only thing hard to believe is that she hasn't done it already her personality, past behavior, economic situation, and location all make her a good candidate.

Maybe she's a victim the poor girl getting used by her parents... except well she is a massive cunt sometime too.

That's what makes her such a fun lolcow. It's hard to decide exactly how to feel about her and there is lots of shit to discover. The part about being poor was an awesome twist.

EDIT THIS IS NOT AN AUTISTIC POST I WORKED VERY HARD ON IT SO PLEASE STOP RATING IT AUTISTIC PLEASE.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

I think there is also a lot of speculation about her doing porn and I think lots of our members believe this to be wishful thinking but in fact the only thing hard to believe is that she hasn't done it already her personality, past behavior, economic situation, and location all make her a good candidate.

I can see her doing porn although I see it as a slow, gradual slide into it rather than jumping in head first.

Think modelling which leads to semi-nude and then completely nude. The money goes up with the less clothes she's actually wearing. A softcore skin flick on Skinimax comes next and from there doing porn full time is hardly different although the money is better and nobody cares how badly she acts.

While I don't necessarily think she'll go down that path I can't say I'd be surprised if she did.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

Argh, this has "Günter Tesch" written all over it... these fundie types see Satan everywhere, most of all in illusion shows, magic tricks and the Gothic Mov... erm, subculture.

When I was small, I attended a protestant school for a few years, and we had this one fundie teacher who insisted that everything written in the Bible was historical fact, like Jack Chick or Ken Ham. He also talked a lot about Satan and how it was a strenous everyday task to avoid his evil schemes. "I was once invited to a birthday party at my sister's", he would tell us, "and they performed these magic tricks there - surely, the work of Satan! They must have asked hellish demons to assist them in their illusion show, but I prayed to God so the evil forces could not attain power over me."

I didn't stay at this school for very long. Said teacher later became a heavy alcoholic.

 

[For The Internet]

Argh, this has "Günter Tesch" written all over it... these fundie types see Satan everywhere, most of all in illusion shows, magic tricks and the Gothic Mov... erm, subculture.

When I was small, I attended a protestant school for a few years, and we had this one fundie teacher who insisted that everything written in the Bible was historical fact, like Jack Chick or Ken Ham. He also talked a lot about Satan and how it was a strenous everyday task to avoid his evil schemes. "I was once invited to a birthday party at my sister's", he would tell us, "and they performed these magic tricks there - surely, the work of Satan! They must have asked hellish demons to assist them in their illusion show, but I prayed to God so the evil forces could not attain power over me."

I didn't stay at this school for very long. Said teacher later became a heavy alcoholic.

I fucking love me some Ken Ham.

And yes, you can see daddy's paws all over that shit, especially in the random italicising, which is absolutely rife in Maradonia (along with random bolding and underlining).

Okay, so I just finished the Divergent trilogy and Twilight: Breaking dawn in the span of about 3 days so I'm feeling pretty invincible when it comes to reading completely boring self-important bullshit written for (and in some cases, by) teenagers.

So I broke down and bought book 4, Maradonia and the Dragon Riders and I guess I'll probably review it here as I go.

I'm going to regret this SO HARD.

 

[Peace and Harmony]

And yes, you can see daddy's paws all over that shit, especially in the random italicising, which is absolutely rife in Maradonia (along with random bolding and underlining).

Which brings me back to the scene where Mara gets six shades of hell beaten out to her. I can only hope that he wasn't writing that with one hand down his pants.

 

[For The Internet]

Which brings me back to the scene where Mara gets six shades of hell beaten out to her. I can only hope that he wasn't writing that with one hand down his pants.

You know he was. These fundies are always massive pervs. For reference: Josh Duggar, Bill Gothard, Doug Phillips (who I'm still convinced is gay)...

 

[bradsternum]

That awkwardly pained smile combined with her horse-teeth smile and high cheekbones. I think she might have inherited it from her father though (see second photo from right)