💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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That was from her "Young Conservative" phase. Her more recent behavior seems to indicate she's not that much of a conservative or Christian. She seems to be heading into professional party-girl territory but time will tell.

Yeah, from my perspective, Gloria seems to have a "whatever works" ethic when it comes to output. Writing a screed that condemns an entire generation for it's corrupt behavior ? Yeah, good. That works. There's an audience for that. Twerking her shapely caboose in a rap video where the chorus repeatedly says to "Fuck being polite?" Yeah, good. That works. There's an audience for that.
 
Yeah, it sounds like they are pretty normal kids and not lolcow material like the parents.

I found something "inspirational" on her blog.

https://gloriatesch.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/mediocre-and-corrupt-generation/
archive
Co-authored by Marjan Šiklić??? said:
You might not see it now, but TV will play a role if there is a downfall of the USA. The fact remains there will always be four groups of people in this world. In ancient times, the Greeks and Romans measured their country by a person’s level of understanding (or mental capacity) in the following groups: Alpha, Beta, Gamma, and Delta!


(on a more serious note, I strongly suspect all of this was penned by Mama Tesch)
 
There's an audience for that.

Not a huge one though.
(on a more serious note, I strongly suspect all of this was penned by Mama Tesch)

Co-authored by jivin Gunter, no doubt.
The grammar is far too good for something written by matushka Tesch, if you contrast it with her own site.
I wonder if the whole thing is just stolen from some other religious or right-wing website or article, it is far to coherent(if very cliche) for "famous it-girl Gloria".
 
I wonder if the whole thing is just stolen from some other religious or right-wing website or article, it is far to coherent(if very cliche) for "famous it-girl Gloria".

The alpha/beta/gamma/delta/epsilon concept has been around for a long time. Aldous Huxley came up with something very similar in Brave New World. Even though Huxley was writing a satire, I wouldn't be at all surprised for some Fundie church to take his ideas at face value, adopt them for their own, and publish a tract that Glo-Glo/the Family Tesch used for their own purposes.
 
Uh.....

Okay, I realize somebody may have ninja'd me here, but just the same, ya'll remember that Goldilocks song I referenced above?


Yeah, so, I was checking out a reddit forum about Gloria, and I heard about this little ditty...

 
Uh.....

Okay, I realize somebody may have ninja'd me here, but just the same, ya'll remember that Goldilocks song I referenced above?

https://youtube.com/watch?v=GAvcAK1iPoU
Yeah, so, I was checking out a reddit forum about Gloria, and I heard about this little ditty...

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1eWdbMBYlH4
The Dominican Republic one is (unsurprisingly) far better. Seriously, if I tried to rap I'd probably have more flow than Gloria and I don't even listen to Rap.

Team Tesch could have given an interesting spin to this though by shooting the video in one of the run-down poverty-stricken prefab highrise satellite towns near Moscow.

Russia-poverty.jpg
 
The Dominican Republic one is (unsurprisingly) far better. Seriously, if I tried to rap I'd probably have more flow than Gloria and I don't even listen to Rap.

Yep. I'm pretty sure Porky Pig suffering a grand mal seizure could flow better than Gloria.
Also, she orders some woman - presumably Swankivy - to "crawl back in [her] hole before I effen' blast it."

Hm. Gloria threatening to blast Swankivy's hole. Huh. I don't know why, but that's got to be one of the most ... indescribably erotic things I've heard this year.
 
Yeah, from my perspective, Gloria seems to have a "whatever works" ethic when it comes to output. Writing a screed that condemns an entire generation for it's corrupt behavior ? Yeah, good. That works. There's an audience for that. Twerking her shapely caboose in a rap video where the chorus repeatedly says to "Fuck being polite?" Yeah, good. That works. There's an audience for that.
Yeah, but I think that comes more from her parents. They seem to view Gloria as a money-making tool first, and a daughter second. So she goes along with whatever they come up with out of a misguided sense of familial loyalty.
 
Yep. I'm pretty sure Porky Pig suffering a grand mal seizure could flow better than Gloria.
Also, she orders some woman - presumably Swankivy - to "crawl back in [her] hole before I effen' blast it."

What get's me is that the Swankivy thing was done about 4 years ago...possibly later because she was flagged by Team Tesch. Wild for the Night came out about two years ago (according to the video). This means that Gloria has been holding a grudge for at least two years against a woman who said mean things about her over the internet. Say what you will about her, but Gloria is persistant in her 'blasting of haters'.

She DOES mention A$AP in the song "I'm not A$AP but that's when I need my paper". Even though she can rhyme, she can't flow, and comes off sounding EXTREMELY white.
 
I don't follow this too closely, but I'm really amused this woman offers signed photos on her dead end website.

I'm also left to wonder how much of her body was purchased by daddy (just like her writing career).

Can someone here link me to an explaination to her dad's backstory? I've seen mention here he's some kind of snake oil salesman but I can't find the story...
 
From left to right: extra chromosome, mental disability + terrible manipulative parents, sort of normal but broken home
"sort of normal" has a really odd look on her face, which is further proof that Glo-Glo's photographer has no idea what he is doing and isn't taking multiple shots so he can pick the best one. (Or, is it possible that this is the best photo he could take?)

And did they seriously take this photograph under a bridge?!? Stay classy, Glo-Glo.
 
I don't follow this too closely, but I'm really amused this woman offers signed photos on her dead end website.

I'm also left to wonder how much of her body was purchased by daddy (just like her writing career).

Can someone here link me to an explaination to her dad's backstory? I've seen mention here he's some kind of snake oil salesman but I can't find the story...

Gunter Tesch was a guitar-strumming Christian evangelist in West Germany during his youth (some of his religious songs and albums can still be found on Youtube and I think there are pics of a few of his German language religious books floating around too). It's not clear whether he immigrated to Florida before or after meeting Marina, his mail-order bride (and Gloria's future mother) from St. Petersburg, Russia, but once in the USA he started up a few Christian publishing houses that churned out third rate religious pamphlets and texts written by himself and others. He bills himself as Dr. Gerry Tesch now, though the doctorate is from one of those shady non-accredited evangelical Christian universities. In Florida, he had domestic battery charge filed against him by the now divorced Marina, and he's also in deep shit with the government for committing financial fraud. Basically he was swapping the property title to his expensive house between himself and his wife every few years in order to prevent the bank from foreclosing on it. The authorities caught on after about a decade of that back and forth title swapping and they're taking him to court over it now.
 
Gunter Tesch was a guitar-strumming Christian evangelist in West Germany during his youth (some of his religious songs and albums can still be found on Youtube and I think there are pics of a few of his German language religious books floating around too). It's not clear whether he immigrated to Florida before or after meeting Marina, his mail-order bride (and Gloria's future mother) from St. Petersburg, Russia, but once in the USA he started up a few Christian publishing houses that churned out third rate religious pamphlets and texts written by himself and others. He bills himself as Dr. Gerry Tesch now, though the doctorate is from one of those shady non-accredited evangelical Christian universities. In Florida, he had domestic battery charge filed against him by the now divorced Marina, and he's also in deep shit with the government for committing financial fraud. Basically he was swapping the property title to his expensive house between himself and his wife every few years in order to prevent the bank from foreclosing on it. The authorities caught on after about a decade of that back and forth title swapping and they're taking him to court over it now.

That covers most of it. How does he have all this money to sink into vanity publishing and a cramp movie? And where's his ex-wife in all this?
 
How does he have all this money to sink into vanity publishing and a cramp movie? And where's his ex-wife in all this?


Scams, basically.
He managed to scam the bank out of 8 years of mortgage payments (bought a house and stopped paying the mortgage after a year).
The newspaper wrote that he and his wife have been unemployed for years and survive by leeching off friends and family.
I wouldn't be surprised if he managed to sell the maradonia books and movie as some kind of godbear related propaganda to some of his well-off bible-humping friends and persuaded them to "invest"
 
Top video set to private. Anyone got a backup?
You're not missing much. Watch the A$AP video and imagine the rap being performed by a white girl with no sense of rhythm or flow. Then, in place of the rappers, insert cuts of Glo-Glo and her hired "friends" trying to dance and act cool. And Glo-Glo also takes a couple of shots at SwankIvy because of course.

Oh, yeah, and we can't forget the low-angle shots of Glo-Glo walking up a set of steps in a short skirt and the resulting panty shots of our young evangelical Christian author/producer/director/valedictorian.
 
I find it really cringey bringing up SwankIvy after so long. A rapper beef with someone who hasn't cared about you in years is just sad. It's grasping at relevance that encourages new viewers who might have been fans if they didn't know her past to look up the name to find out who the fuck she is talking about. If you Google 'SwankIvy Gloria' or 'SwankIvy Gloria Tesch' kiwi shows up on the first page for both.

Whether it's the Tesch parents or Gloria herself choosing to put those lines in the song it's an absolutely horrible idea from a marketing standpoint.
 
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