Weeb Slinger
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2019
Entering the sport of F1 can be a daunting prospect at the best of times. For austere religious scholar, and Houthi team principal, Abdul-Malik al-Houthi, the already intimidating learning curve was steepened by a less than warm welcome from the other teams.
“They were almost unanimous in their decision; they did not want us to join,” he tells me, a few minutes prior to my beheading, at the team HQ, located in an underground bunker, outside the Northern Yemen city of Saada.
With many predicting that Houthi wouldn't get near a circuit in 2022, the team surprised everyone when they arrived in Jeddah, ready to take part in the sophomore race of the season.
“With the assistance of our Iranian sponsors, and the extra time that has been granted to us in the wind tunnel, in recognition of our low standing in the sport, we have been able to refine a competitive aerodynamic package,” he states. “The data we have received from our brothers in Afghanistan, regarding the performance of dodgems, has allowed us to avoid the crucial mistakes that were made by the McLaren team during the development of their car.”
Porpoising, he admits, remains an issue, but not one that is likely to damage the team's prospects in the race:
“Any unwanted variation in movement is offset by our straight-line speed,” he claims. “Inshallah, we will be in a position to chase down the preening infidel rapper, Lewis Hamilton, in his under performing Mercedes.”
Al-Houthi blames his poor relations with other teams on his opposition to what he describes as “Formula One's colonial expansionist tendencies”. He favours limitations on the availability of fuel, a reduction in the numbers of drivers, that would go hand in hand with a reduction in driver height, and less circuits “as one-by-one they are reduced to smouldering rubble and their support staff enslaved for the glory of Allah".
“It has been a trial by fire, rained down upon us by squadrons of Saudi bombers, yet still we endure, as is the will of God,” he says. “We expect to be able to challenge for both the constructors and drivers championships in 2024, after the ashes of our enemies have been scattered to the winds.”
“They were almost unanimous in their decision; they did not want us to join,” he tells me, a few minutes prior to my beheading, at the team HQ, located in an underground bunker, outside the Northern Yemen city of Saada.
With many predicting that Houthi wouldn't get near a circuit in 2022, the team surprised everyone when they arrived in Jeddah, ready to take part in the sophomore race of the season.
“With the assistance of our Iranian sponsors, and the extra time that has been granted to us in the wind tunnel, in recognition of our low standing in the sport, we have been able to refine a competitive aerodynamic package,” he states. “The data we have received from our brothers in Afghanistan, regarding the performance of dodgems, has allowed us to avoid the crucial mistakes that were made by the McLaren team during the development of their car.”
Porpoising, he admits, remains an issue, but not one that is likely to damage the team's prospects in the race:
“Any unwanted variation in movement is offset by our straight-line speed,” he claims. “Inshallah, we will be in a position to chase down the preening infidel rapper, Lewis Hamilton, in his under performing Mercedes.”
Al-Houthi blames his poor relations with other teams on his opposition to what he describes as “Formula One's colonial expansionist tendencies”. He favours limitations on the availability of fuel, a reduction in the numbers of drivers, that would go hand in hand with a reduction in driver height, and less circuits “as one-by-one they are reduced to smouldering rubble and their support staff enslaved for the glory of Allah".
“It has been a trial by fire, rained down upon us by squadrons of Saudi bombers, yet still we endure, as is the will of God,” he says. “We expect to be able to challenge for both the constructors and drivers championships in 2024, after the ashes of our enemies have been scattered to the winds.”
