Evangelist Jack Chick is Dead - Had cornered the "Satanic Panic" market

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Jack_Chick.jpg

Jack Chick, author of titular "Chick Tracts" has died. His works were infamous for their ubiquity, hilariously poor art, and insistence that everything on Earth was a creation of Satan himself. This list includes
  • Catholics
  • Buddhists
  • Muslims
  • Any denomination that didn't preach sola fide and used the King James translation
  • D&D
  • All Hallows Eve
  • Harry Potter
  • Family Guy
  • Rock music
  • Hindus
  • Secularists
  • Scientists
  • Anyone the believes in evolution
  • Jews
  • Gays
  • Jehovah's Witnesses
  • Mormons
  • Santa
  • The Tooth Fairy
  • The Easter Bunny
  • Obelisks
  • American Indians
  • Gravity itself
One thing of note is the hilarious degree he abuses history, Scripture, and science to spread his cancer of a message. An even more hilarious aspect is the painful way he rewrote one comic to appeal to "the balcks".

Here's a sampling of his works, unedited.
ChickHealer.jpg

113px-ChickFeelIt.jpg

ChickDragons.jpg

225px-Jack_chick_scary_people.png

225px-Chick_Tract.JPG

OP9uX.gif
 
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I guess I need to post the most famous edit, which is much funnier at night:

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Before I actually saw these comics, I thought "chick tracts" referred to something involving the vagina.
 
Even though Chick is dead, his cancerous comics still find their way to our college campuses. "This Was Your Life" was shoved into my face as I was heading to my World Lit class and I found "Going Down" propped up on a rail in the elevator of the library, funnily enough. I always thought it was just Evangelists that handed this shit out, but according to the mailing address on the back of the comic (Top fucking kek; Broseph's gonna have some fun this weekend :biggrin: ) these were being handed out by a Baptist church. But I can't say I'm surprised since the Baptists don't believe in dancing, drinking, or gambling. I cringed hard at the Chris Chan style 4th wall exposition at the end of "Going Down" with the priest saying how we too can be saved if we just mark some checkboxes and do what it says on the last page, even though I'm pretty sure that prayer is just some shit Chick himself made up.

Shaftie said:
I wonder what Jack Chick's last words were.
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Probably this.

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At least that's what he would have wanted. He most likely died a very violent diarrhea death, alone in his bed, trying to choke out a call for help.
 
Trilby said:
Not as fancy a this...
Picture+6.png
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god....damn my sick mind

I saw this pic an immidiately thought of shopping it in a "SHECAMEFORCWC" style picture

I mean....you could literally call it "HECAMEFORCHICK" so i am fucking obligated to do it now :(
 
AND LO! NOT HALF AN HOUR AFTER HE MADE THE PROMISE DID THE PIGFUCKING ANGEL HOLDEN DESCEND FROM THE HEAVENS TO DELIVER HIS BLESSING TO THE SPERGS ON THE JACK CHICK THREAD!
Kk1FLMG.png


(original for comparison)

4d4f29e47c118afe7b80bb069554f105.jpg
 
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He died before Hillary was outed as a satanist and that girl in that other thread chose to worship a roach because of atheism. The world lost him at the wrong time. He would have had a field day! RIP.
 
Fun fact these are banned as hate literature in Canada, as such I've never actual seen them handed out here, even at a flea market I go to where there are a few booths offering free Christian literature.

Won't he be pissed when he gets to heaven and all the people he demonized are there chilling
 
Bugaboo said:
Fun fact these are banned as hate literature in Canada, as such I've never actual seen them handed out here, even at a flea market I go to where there are a few booths offering free Christian literature.

Won't he be pissed when he gets to heaven and all the people he demonized are there chilling
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At least Canada has a better idea.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canada#Religion
 
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Pop quiz, class. What is wrong with this image?
0058_18.gif

Pumpkins aren't native to the British Isles.
 
John Titor said:
Pop quiz, class. What is wrong with this image?
0058_18.gif

Pumpkins aren't native to the British Isles.
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That's why the devil worshiping satan demons left them, because they're unnatural.
 
Tranhuviya said:
It was a turnip at first, but Chick's description of the origin of the Jack 'O Lantern in those two panels is mostly spot on.
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I know they were made to ward off spirits but I find it unlikely that they were exchanged for sacrifices. Or at least I can't find any evidence, google keeps directing me to the Stingy Jack story.
 
AnOminous said:
One example would be the shockingly vile "Lisa."

In this inspiring bit of work, a child molester rapes his daughter and pimps her out to his friends, giving her a venereal disease in the process. Then the mother also abuses the child.

But then it's okay because they find Jesus. And then Lisa is just supposed to get over it.
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I guess the point he was going for was probably that everyone sins, even what we think of as "small sins" are just as bad as the "worst sins," so nobody can think of themselves as better than anybody else, and most importantly if you trust in Jesus God will forgive you no matter what you've done. But yeah, he obviously missed the very important point that just because you won't go to hell, the consequences for your earthly crimes don't just go away. Just because you can restore a good relationship with God, doesn't mean you'll be able to do so with anyone else.

TheGreatCitracett said:
He even makes it a point in some tracts where wonderful people who've devoted their lives to goodness get sent to hell, while rapists, murderers, molesters, etc, get into heaven with a quick repentance.
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It's biblical. For example Matt 7, and a lot of other places. Jesus makes it clear that there are a lot of people who think they are going to heaven because of good things they've done in their life. Spoiler: They aren't.

DatBepisTho said:
The message I got was "you're sinning, even when you're not sinning, btw good people still go to Hell. Enjoy the good news!" I mean why even bother if heaven is unattainable for regular people?
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That's the entire point of the Bible. Stop trying to be good enough or thinking there is anything you can do to attain heaven (like an arrogant prick). You need to realize and accept that you are helpless and plead to God to save you and forgive you even though you're literal walking garbage that doesn't deserve it. There are no "magic words" that can save you because that would mean there was something you could do.

Sperglord Dante said:
You have accept Jesus as your lord and savior 1 to 3 panels before you die. If you find Jesus and say the magic words too early some other character in the tract (usually someone close to you) will go to hell.
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Gotta admit, having read a lot of these that's pretty hilariously on point.
 
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