How can he sincerely look at the state of his facial hair and think "This doesn't look like a toddler took a dull razor to it and fucked around for a few minutes"? Does he like having a metaphorical "kick me" sign? The fact it's been this fucked up for 4 months is embarrassing.
DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included
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- Joined
- Feb 5, 2021
I think he just doesn't care, shaving it off would be admitting defeat to him.
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2018
This. He literally blamed his headphones for causing his balding, his ego is at risk.
- Joined
- May 5, 2020
The absolutely astonishing frailty of that thing, especially after all these years, is exceeded only by how fucking pathetic it is. It's like it has the same inability to adapt and learn as its owner does. Seriously, no matter how much it gets punched, it never toughens up. Not one tiny little bit. I've never seen that before.
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2020
Keep in mind, this is the same man who thought that because his aunt had gout flare ups her whole life and is apparently a hereditary disease, this was the main reason why he got gout in the first place, no it wasn't because of his lifestyle, he didn't know he was supposed to watch what to eat, drink and lower his acid levels in his body.
By this logic he could blame potential liver problems by no not his constant alcohol abuse when he was in his fun hectic college years, when he used to stream on the gout couch with his camcorder or his late night twitter/champions gin sessions, but because someone like his dad or uncle had this same problem and he inherited it from them! Phil has no clear idea about how genetics works, what's funny though is that his hair problems are actually hereditary (most hair loss reasons are, however it can vary between person to person), but it's not like he'd know that you'd be able to tell what your hair line looks like by looking at the men on your mother's side of the family.
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2021
First thing. I really wish the farms would quit tanking so often when I want to post shit or read up on lolcows.
Second thing.
I find it absolutely peak DSP he not only denies he is losing hair but goes out of his way to say it's not his fault, nothing he could do dood.
I'm convinced the only reason he abandoned the crew cut he had for most of his adult life was because it looked awful (marginally better than now however) and to try and cover up his balding. I'm willing to bet he never, if ever shampoos that mop.
Big ups to that hairdresser who has to deal with that shit.
Second thing.
I find it absolutely peak DSP he not only denies he is losing hair but goes out of his way to say it's not his fault, nothing he could do dood.
I'm convinced the only reason he abandoned the crew cut he had for most of his adult life was because it looked awful (marginally better than now however) and to try and cover up his balding. I'm willing to bet he never, if ever shampoos that mop.
Big ups to that hairdresser who has to deal with that shit.
- Joined
- May 5, 2020
Speaking of which, I've noticed it's now getting to a point where the long hair up top is having to practically curl back towards the front of his head, in order to cover up the parts on the sides of his head, where there is no hair at all.
I can't wait for how hilarious it's going to look by the end of the year. lol
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2021
I like that part of his on stream routine now is regularly flattening it to keep it from curling and making him look like a retard. Considering he probably doesn't shampoo or shower that often the pigpen must be more disease ridden than a Chinese wet market.
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2019
DEFINITE loss of territory here.
Some illusion of maintenance is maintained by moving troops to the middle.
Alas it looks bleak.
Would welcome further battlle plan advice.
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- Joined
- Mar 11, 2016
Sir, intel reports your positions will be overrun within 4 weeks by Mature Adult Responsibilities and Stress due to Tax Season and a mysterious event only known as "The Big 4-0"; our top autists have prepared their assessment of the aftermath and troll reaction here. The only way to save your men's lives is an immediate and full retreat!
Serious explanation in the spoiler.
I'm balding myself and recently saw a doctor for help because I couldn't pretend it was a bad haircut or cover it up by growing my hair out anymore. He put me on the standard prescriptions to treat it and the prognosis was simple if unfortunate - hair regrowth on the crown/vertex of the head was almost a given, preventing further hairline loss was very likely, but at least some of the hairline loss was probably permanent even with treatment. I realize it's mostly genetics and getting that diagnosis didn't make me spontaneously age but it was still tough to hear.
Now let's apply this to Phil: He's lost more hair than me so he is near-certain to have bald spots, a widow's peak, or both even if he does get medical help. The only out would be hair transplants..... but those start at $4,000 according to WebMD so it's a no-win situation for him: Either he starts acting like a responsible adult and sets aside money to pay for this, which crimps his manchild lifestyle, or he keeps going the way he is and we get a bald 40-year-old raging at children's games and snarling at people asking about his combover.
Now let's apply this to Phil: He's lost more hair than me so he is near-certain to have bald spots, a widow's peak, or both even if he does get medical help. The only out would be hair transplants..... but those start at $4,000 according to WebMD so it's a no-win situation for him: Either he starts acting like a responsible adult and sets aside money to pay for this, which crimps his manchild lifestyle, or he keeps going the way he is and we get a bald 40-year-old raging at children's games and snarling at people asking about his combover.
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- Joined
- Feb 5, 2021
At this point I am wondering how long his hair is in the middle to pretend he isn't balding.
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- Joined
- Mar 7, 2021
A friend of mine use to be an ER surgeon. He quit to start a hair transplant clinic. He is now a multi millionaire with numerous clinics and he charged 5k per surgery. The work is incredible. It does look like shit for 2 weeks and you have to shave your head AND it does take about a year to see the results but the work is incredible.
Phil could afford it if he quit champions for 2 months.
Phil could afford it if he quit champions for 2 months.
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2018
It's fucking hilarious that this isn't even a joke.
- Joined
- May 24, 2020
Phil is so much of a robust Italian even his hair is performing Roman military strategies:
'Defence in Depth' is a theory held amongst some historians that Roman defensive military strategy evolved in the 4th century AD from the previous ideology of 'preclusive defence'. Preclusive defence was Rome's method of neutralising incursions by stationing units along its border, as well as in forward outposts, to trap enemy forces that came between them in a pincer movement. However, Roman borders became too vast to defend properly in this manner; limitanei couldn't hope to successfully defend fortifications until comitatenses swept in from outlying regions to neutralise the threat. This led to the development of defence in depth, a technique whereby the enemy army is given some ground over a large area, weakening its supply logistics as it spreads itself too thinly. Then, its weaker positions are attacked by the defending army, with the intention of repelling the enemy back to its original position - outside the boundaries the strategy was intended to defend. Defence in depth was common in late antiquity, when Rome's Western Empire became too ungainly, and among the barbarian kingdoms that succeeded it, in order to maintain their new-found and hard-won frontiers.
- Joined
- May 5, 2020
I've noted before that whoever styles his hair now is the most competent he has ever had. They're just losing material to work with, fast, probably because Phil is a low-T alcoholic who eats and sleeps like shit.
His stylist knows to keep the not-thin-but receding parts short, and very strategically even out the long hairs up top in order to hide the thinning, and receding. And it's the latter that's fucking him the most right now, because it's happening faster. The thinning on the top of his head goes back over a decade, but the receding hairline does not. Yet it's just as bad, if not worse. When the hair on the sides recedes to a point where his top hair isn't growing fast enough to cover it, I expect his mood to start getting a lot worse.
Remember, he has been running from this since before he even gained a rep on YT. This is as personal as it gets, and so when his denial finally gives out, it's going to get ugly, because now he has his self-hatred AND external blows to his ego.
He would be doing himself a huge favor if he started wearing hats all the time with no explanation given.
It gets better when you realize that that game is the reason we have photos of Phil looking like a retarded gay space nazi. He had no other reason to degrade himself so much for tips. He has always been greedy, but some years ago, I've noticed he didn't even have a tips goal. Just a tip jar. That was clearly before Champions really got a hold on him.
It has not only ruined his life but his image as well, even if you don't believe in it, because the symptoms have been showing for some time, and they make him look like a jackass.
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2021
Phil could afford a lot of he quit gacha.
Robust and flavorful Italian history dude!
When his hairline does go a bridge too far I wonder how he will lash out at that poor woman. He probably already treats her like shit, her not being able to hide his hairline anymore would be the final straw.
- Joined
- May 5, 2020
No way. Phil's shit-talking is exclusive to his streams, he's polite as can be in-person. Probably doesn't tip, ironically, but that's as far as it goes. That's why I don't call him a Karen, he doesn't have enough balls to file a complaint or anything like that. Not unless it's Twitch, and Superhound is fucking with him. He would never, to a person's face, get shitty. The dude ran away from Justin Wong, FFS, one of the least intimidating people in the FGC. That's like being scared of James Rolfe.
That said, he will blame his stylist, but not even on stream, because he admits to absolutely no one that he's bald, and that's never going to change even when he finally gives up. Like I said, this is as personal as it gets with him. He'll shit on Leanna before he ever talks about how his hair looks BAD, for any reason other than "his headphones were making him bald". Which was only an excuse to stop wearing them, because of the hat gimmick. Which is in turn hilariously dictated as being a thing because his life revolves around Champions.
- Joined
- May 27, 2019
Bold of you to assume any woman could be paid enough to touch our little Italian Stallion.
He gets his mane tamed by a Ricky Martin-esque immigrant that isn't shy about leaving his hand on Phil's shoulder a bit longer than needed. Quite possibly the only person in the universe that Phil tips.
Mane tamed... Maintained...
- Joined
- May 24, 2020
Whether he'll complain or not depends on whether Curls'n'Twirls has an automated complaints bot like Burger King has.