Dove Reviews - Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

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SamTheEagle said:
There's a similar filtering service out now called VidAngel, a streaming service that lets you pick what filters you want. Say what you will about the service, its audience, intentions, etc., but I admit their ad is pretty well done.
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I love how their slogan is, "Every word has impact". The problem is, that's not really true.

It's a word and the only power or impact it has is that which you give it. You are the one imparting meaning to that word and it doesn't matter if it's "fuck" or something innocent like "cake". You can use any word you want to swear, give it all the passion and power of a recognized swear word and it will have the same effect. The only difference is, people will have no idea what you're talking about and won't get their panties in a twist if you let one rip.
 
SamTheEagle said:
"Mad Max: Fury Road- not recommended for families"
No crap, it's rating is "Restricted audiences."
It's hilarious that they were even reviewing NC-17 movies beforehand. The people interested in these recommendations aren't going to be looking for NC-17 stuff, anyway.
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It makes no sense that they'd even bother to make a page for these movies, Mad Max doesn't look like it'd be "family friendly" just from the poster.
 
Bugaboo said:
I checked to see what they think of a couple Pokemon movies because they were my childhood favorites and the first pokemon movie got a 12+ rating and I'm going to look into why right now
Apparently it's just for violence, while my memory of the movie isn't great I remember the violence is portrayed as a bad thing and one of the characters is all like "pokemon aren't meant to fight like this" and then they all learn that the circumstances of how you're born don't matter and everyone's memories get erased so they forget the lesson about not beating the shit out of each other. Honestly I expected them to not like to because Christians have a history of thinking pokemon is evil and that's why I chose the movie to look at, they don't mention the fact pokemon are esstentially magical animals used for cockfights
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Too bad the review for the 2nd movie is so positive and mundane one of my pogeymans waifus is in it an I wouldve love to see them going on a crazy tirade about him being Satan or something:powerlevel:

There's an odd charm about Christian fundies you don't have with other morality police types like SJWs IMHO. Like they're so batshit and out of touch with reality its almost whimsical.

Gotta see what they think of Jurassic Park because reasons.
EDIT: apparently they actually approve JPIII for 12+, though JW and the first movie are off limits for, amongst other things, "evolution comments", shirtless Jeff Goblum, and kids crying about their parents getting a divorce.
 
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Android raptor said:
Too bad the review for the 2nd movie is so positive and mundane one of my pogeymans waifus is in it an I wouldve love to see them going on a crazy tirade about him being Satan or something:powerlevel:

There's an odd charm about Christian fundies you don't have with other morality police types like SJWs IMHO. Like they're so batshit and out of touch with reality its almost whimsical.

Gotta see what they think of Jurassic Park because reasons.
EDIT: apparently they actually approve JPIII for 12+, though JW and the first movie are off limits for, amongst other things, "evolution comments", shirtless Jeff Goblum, and kids crying about their parents getting a divorce.
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Aw man kids only get to watch the third one? That's like the worst one kids shouldn't have to watch it :(
Also, don't some sects of fundies think dinosaurs were made up to test people's faith?
 
Bugaboo said:
Aw man kids only get to watch the third one? That's like the worst one kids shouldn't have to watch it :(
Also, don't some sects of fundies think dinosaurs were made up to test people's faith?
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Agreed. That said they don't have a review for TLW, so maybe kids can watch the second one too :P

Wonder how they rate stuff with homo content? Like do they have special warnings for faggotry or what?
 
Android raptor said:
Agreed. That said they don't have a review for TLW, so maybe kids can watch the second one too :P

Wonder how they rate stuff with homo content? Like do they have special warnings for faggotry or what?
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I checked out their review of Brokeback Mountain because it's the only movie I know with the homos off the top of my head and they seem to be mostly upset about the language rather in the review but the sex got a 5/5. They pointed out the cowboys were gay but they didn't say "DON'T WATCH IT, IT HAS HOMOS"
 
Bugaboo said:
I checked out their review of Brokeback Mountain because it's the only movie I know with the homos off the top of my head and they seem to be mostly upset about the language rather in the review but the sex got a 5/5. They pointed out the cowboys were gay but they didn't say "DON'T WATCH IT, IT HAS HOMOS"
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They may very well be more progressive moralists who are more concerned with exposed ankles than homosexuality
 
Android raptor said:
Gotta see what they think of Jurassic Park because reasons.
EDIT: apparently they actually approve JPIII for 12+, though JW and the first movie are off limits for, amongst other things, "evolution comments", shirtless Jeff Goblum, and kids crying about their parents getting a divorce.
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I'm surprised the "looking up the dinosaur's skirts" remark didn't get a mention. Same with "man destroys God". The CAP review is appropriately lulzy, if short (comes with claim of Dr. Grant groping Lex). http://www.capalert.com/capreports/jurassic/jurassic.htm
 
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Fuck I love this kind of shit. For awhile when I got bored at work I would look up movies on Movieguide.org for a laugh. As it turns out Tarantino's movies aren't very Christian.
 
they should review tv shows so I can know what's good to drill fundamental Christianity into my child's brain for several hours at a time
 
Their review for Pan's Labyrinth is great. "Me no understand art! Or Spanish!"
Why are they even reviewing R-rated flicks for family-friendliness? I can understand looking at PG-13 movies since some of those are more 'child-friendly' than others, but who the hell sees an R-rating and thinks "Hmm, I wonder if this movie is okay for little Joey?"

Jaiman said:
It sure does seem pretty costy for them to approve your review for their site.
View attachment 60909
http://www.dove.org/submitting-product-for-review/
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So if someone had enough money, they could submit tons of porn? This gives me a great idea for a Kickstarter campaign.
 
nonnewtonian said:
Their review for Pan's Labyrinth is great. "Me no understand art! Or Spanish!"
Why are they even reviewing R-rated flicks for family-friendliness? I can understand looking at PG-13 movies since some of those are more 'child-friendly' than others, but who the hell sees an R-rating and thinks "Hmm, I wonder if this movie is okay for little Joey?"


So if someone had enough money, they could submit tons of porn? This gives me a great idea for a Kickstarter campaign.
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I think there are some adults who look at these just to see if a movie would be too offensive to them, not just their kids.
 
MysticMisty said:
(comes with claim of Dr. Grant groping Lex)
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I think they're referring to a blooper left in the film. When Lex screams at the T. rex and Grant covers her mouth and tells her to hold still, Sam Neill accidentally puts his hand on Ariana Richards's chest for a split second before covering her mouth. It's clearly unintentional, despite what CAP suggests (unfortunately it's one of those things that if you see it once, you'll never not notice it afterward).
No idea where they're getting the "no excuse to show so much of a preteen's breast" thing, though. Then again, they're complaining about Laura Dern's shorts, so a preteen in a tank top probably makes them clutch their pearls.
 
I looked to see if they did a review of The Passion, remember that movie all the fundies made their young children go see even though it was incredibly, incredibly graphic?
Not surprisingly they gave it 5 doves out of 5 and said that older children should be allowed to see it and that "It will change your life to see what Jesus went through"
Honestly the movie is basically Roman times Saw starring Jesus as the guy who gets super fucked up
 
Bugaboo said:
I looked to see if they did a review of The Passion, remember that movie all the fundies made their young children go see even though it was incredibly, incredibly graphic?
Not surprisingly they gave it 5 doves out of 5 and said that older children should be allowed to see it and that "It will change your life to see what Jesus went through"
Honestly the movie is basically Roman times Saw starring Jesus as the guy who gets super fucked up
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So swearwords so mild they barely even qualify are a big no-no, but two hours of straight up torture porn is good for the kids because muh jesus.

Dunno about you, but it sounds like they don't have their priorities straight.
 
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