Dove Reviews - Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

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NumberingYourState said:
Perfect, even Revved cannot use this site for ammunition.

Or maybe he could. Who knows? Doesn't really matter...

We can't have fun anymore guys.
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I think if he ever comes to this topic, he'll probably call them, appropriately enough, Barneyfags. Given their reviews.

Or he may twist it into something else, who knows, and who cares?
 
I'm getting flashbacks from CAP Alert all of a sudden. This guy is fucking nuts and applies a "W.I.S.D.O.M" score to each movie. The lower the score, the worse the movie and while he says he'll never review an R rated movie because it's not, you know, for kids he's still done it. Up until the South Park movie came out, Oliver Stone's "Natural Born Killers" had the lowest score. South Park was, and possibly still is, the reigning champion.

To put this whole "W.I.S.D.O.M" score into perspective, there's barely any movie that gets the green light. Literally I think "Mary Poppins" is one of the only movies to get a perfect score where no points were removed. Yet a movie like "Saving Nemo" loses points for a few things and is presented with a warning that this movie might not be suitable for your kids.

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
attack to eat with a father's loss of his entire family (400+) but one - Nemo (non-graphic)
fright factors
additional attacks to eat

Impudence/Hate (I)
series of posterior references and jokes/comments by young adolescents
adolescent defiance
"I hate you" from adolescent son to father
suggestion of flatulence

Even something as innocent as a kiss or display of affection between a married couple can get dinged under "Sexual Immorality" like in "The Incredibles". Mr. Incredible smacks his wife on the butt once or twice, admires it when she walks by and that's immoral in this guy's eyes. But one of the funniest things he said about that movie was under: "Drugs & Alcohol" was listed as "champagne to celebrate evil deeds" yet he totally missed the offer of Mr. Incredible having another Mimosa (champagne & orange juice) as he flew to Syndrome's island the first time.
 
i almost posted this in the cool cat thread but i didnt want to derail it but it still cracks me up (from there hungry game mockingjay part 2 review)
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I think this is literally a site this chick I went to school with's family used to determine if a movie is Christian enough to show their kids (this is a family that didn't want their daughter learning about Greek myths because they had other Gods in them and monsters)
She wasn't allowed to watched Monster House because a kid said oh my God in it
 
I do believe we need some sort of movie night having something in connection with this. Like, how bad are the censored versions of these movies?
 
I'm disappointed they didn't have reviews of my childhood favorites, An American Tail and Back to the Future. I was curious as to how they'd freak out over them.

Phil Ken Sebben said:
I'm getting flashbacks from CAP Alert all of a sudden. This guy is fucking nuts and applies a "W.I.S.D.O.M" score to each movie. The lower the score, the worse the movie and while he says he'll never review an R rated movie because it's not, you know, for kids he's still done it. Up until the South Park movie came out, Oliver Stone's "Natural Born Killers" had the lowest score. South Park was, and possibly still is, the reigning champion.

To put this whole "W.I.S.D.O.M" score into perspective, there's barely any movie that gets the green light. Literally I think "Mary Poppins" is one of the only movies to get a perfect score where no points were removed. Yet a movie like "Saving Nemo" loses points for a few things and is presented with a warning that this movie might not be suitable for your kids.

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
attack to eat with a father's loss of his entire family (400+) but one - Nemo (non-graphic)
fright factors
additional attacks to eat

Impudence/Hate (I)
series of posterior references and jokes/comments by young adolescents
adolescent defiance
"I hate you" from adolescent son to father
suggestion of flatulence

Even something as innocent as a kiss or display of affection between a married couple can get dinged under "Sexual Immorality" like in "The Incredibles". Mr. Incredible smacks his wife on the butt once or twice, admires it when she walks by and that's immoral in this guy's eyes. But one of the funniest things he said about that movie was under: "Drugs & Alcohol" was listed as "champagne to celebrate evil deeds" yet he totally missed the offer of Mr. Incredible having another Mimosa (champagne & orange juice) as he flew to Syndrome's island the first time.
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This was the first thing I thought of back in the Cool Cat thread and I'm so glad you remembered the name. When I first found it I was both happy/relieved my parents don't buy into bullshit like this, and sorry for all the kids with parents who do.

Also there's at least one movie that managed a lower score than South Park. http://www.capalert.com/capreports/cabinfever.htm
 
MysticMisty said:
Also there's at least one movie that managed a lower score than South Park. http://www.capalert.com/capreports/cabinfever.htm
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It's been years since I checked the site but I figured with his aversion to anything rated R he wouldn't have anything newer than South Park.

Seems I was wrong which is a shame because Cabin Fever is just stupid. This scene alone should prove that to anybody:
 
Some of the funniest reviews I have found, these people have stick's the size of Jupiter up their asses.

http://www.dove.org/review/10198-the-wolf-of-wall-street/

"the word chinaman is used"

http://www.dove.org/review/2177-austin-powers-the-spy-who-s-d-me/

They won't even put the word "shagged" in the title.

...while...

A movie where someone is mauled by fucking zombie creatures and shows 200 kids getting blown up is approved by them for Teenage christians, probably because they missed the swearing a few times in the film, also kissing = sex.
http://www.dove.org/review/11649-the-hunger-games-mockingjay-part-2/

and finally, a Christian movie which takes almost everything word for the word from the bible gets a questionable because... it's close to the Bible.

http://www.dove.org/review/11643-the-bible-collection-samson-and-delilah/

-EDIT_

Another one I just found was this gem:

A cutesy kids movie got the same rating as the Hunger Games, because of:

-Vomit Comment
-Arguing with parents.
-A kid cries
-Someone says they want to swear.

This equals= Getting killed by zombies creatures.

http://www.dove.org/review/11226-inside-out/
 
They keep putting 'married couples kiss/hug' down as 'sex'. Do they try to be cold and unloving to their spouses when the kids are around?

On Charlie Brown:

Screen Shot 2015-11-29 at 8.00.41 PM.png
 
The_Doctor said:
Another one I just found was this gem:

A cutesy kids movie got the same rating as the Hunger Games, because of:

-Vomit Comment
-Arguing with parents.
-A kid cries
-Someone says they want to swear.

This equals= Getting killed by zombies creatures.

http://www.dove.org/review/11226-inside-out/
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Their review for Wreck-It Ralph is interesting. They seem to have missed all of the swear stand-ins and no comments at all regarding Vanellope's Hero's Duty jokes.
 
The vast majority of sci-fi films are "not reccomended". Mostly for violence, granted, but there's also mentions of the occult. (Well no shit, dude, a lot of it takes place in a different universe?)

The X-Files series mentions under nudity? "A shirtless man and a woman in a bathing suit". Da'hell?




Oh, and I love CAP Alert. Anyone use the negative ratings to find stuff you WANT to watch?
 
At my workplace, I once came across a book published in the late 1950's by the National Legion of Decency (a Catholic group, as I understand it) that essentially was the same thing as these websites, but it was VERY comprehensive and most films were in it, even if they were relatively obscure. The full text of the copy I found is actually available online here.

That group was just about as crazy as their modern-day counterparts. Apparently part of what they found objectionable in "Psycho" was that you could hear a toilet flush. Oh me, oh my!
 
This is the movie/TV review version of cherrypicking verses from the Bible.

I wonder if they read Revelations, or avoid it like 90% of Evangelical Christians.
 
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