Dove Reviews - Won't Somebody Please Think Of The Children?

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Piga Dgrifm

Piga Dgrifm

Assigned Hitler At Birth
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Oct 6, 2014
Dove Reviews was brought to the attention of the Derek Savage/Cool Cat thread. They're a group of Christian reviewers whom make Ned Flanders look tame in comparison.

http://www.dove.org/

Their way of rating films as 'family friendly' is fairly skewed as well. Inside Out is given a 12+ rating for alluding to curse words, while Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas is approved for all ages in spite of Saint Nick beating the shit out of people, and infants being murdered.

They have a pretty odd grasp of what counts as violence, to the point that even Tumblr would call them too easily triggered: (Eg: painting graffiti on a wall is apparently violence, and dag-nab-it is a swear.)

http://www.dove.org/review/11084-cool-cat-saves-the-kids/

Cool Cat isn't the only LOLcow they've reviewed, however:

http://www.dove.org/review/7509-the-no-cussing-club-book/
 
"Violence: Some bullies pick on McKay and others."

Bullying is fucking violent.
 
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These guys are trying to shield kids from pretty much everything. Funny that they are a christian review site, seeing that I am sure the bible included things such as dunno... killing threethousand people over them worshipping a gold calf and a global genocide.
I wonder how they read their bible to their children.
 
Their content rating system:
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Biblical profanity!

Also, this bit in the sidebar kinda cracked me up:
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Segue said:
Gargoyles are meant to be grotesque depictions of what you see/can become if you don't follow the will of God. I guess merely mentioning gargoyles scares the shit out of these guys.
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Gee, I hate to think what would happen if they ever saw that old 90's cartoon "Gargoyles" then.
 
Piga Dgrifm said:
They have a pretty odd grasp of what counts as violence, to the point that even Tumblr would call them too easily triggered: (Eg: painting graffiti on a wall is apparently violence, and dag-nab-it is a swear.)
Click to expand...


Brother, tumblr got nothing on hardcore Christians in terms of watering down "questionable content"

Welcome to clearplay. Where you can stream or rent Christian edited movies. (@bearycool this may make a good movie night)

https://www.clearplay.com/
 
Screen Shot 2015-11-29 at 2.36.13 PM.png

In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony God's blessing. But because, I have nearly laughed myself into a coma.
 
skeletonfucker said:
http://www.dove.org/review/3564-harry-potter-and-the-sorcerers-stone/
With the ban on witchcraft and sorcery, it's quite obvious that they would hate Harry Potter. Each of the movies is not recommended for families. This place is so extremely Christian it's almost painful.
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"but witchcraft, conversing with the dead, and possession should be maturely discussed with young viewers." Yes I remember when I got the talk and my father sat me down and talk me the fact of life like how witchcraft and sorcery are not to be toyed with and possession is never okay.
 
Segue said:
Gargoyles are meant to be grotesque depictions of what you see/can become if you don't follow the will of God. I guess merely mentioning gargoyles scares the shit out of these guys.
Click to expand...

Are they Catholic?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gargoyle#Gargoyles_and_the_Catholic_Church

The primary use of the gargoyle was to illustrate evil through the form of the gargoyle. In the 12th century, St. Bernard of Clairvaux was famous for speaking out against gargoyles:

What are these fantastic monsters doing in the cloisters before the eyes of the brothers as they read? What is the meaning of these unclean monkeys, these strange savage lions, and monsters? To what purpose are here placed these creatures, half beast, half man, or these spotted tigers? I see several bodies with one head and several heads with one body. Here is a quadruped with a serpent's head, there a fish with a quadruped's head, then again an animal half horse, half goat... Surely if we do not blush for such absurdities, we should at least regret what we have spent on them.
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There was a dude who was famous in the 12th Century for speaking out against gargoyles.

That's kind of cool, I guess.
 
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