💬 Off-Topic Death Fat Death Pool - The Kentucky Fried Derby

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Death Fat Death Pool

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All things being what they are, if one of the DF's is going to drop dead from fatness, it will probably be Jen.

Her body is already compromised being in a wheelchair, now add 500+lbs to it, as well as an apparent desire to go back to staying in bed all the time, it all adds up to one toxic lifestyle.
 
Chantal revealed today that her live-in boyfriend Malan is experiencing symptoms, and that the pair are currently in quarantine.
 
I check in over at voat everyday, where of course it's all doom and tin foil hats re: covid. "It's not real," "It's a plot to take away our rights," "Do you even know anyone that has it?" And I must say, if one of these unhygienic lard barges doesn't get it, I will have to join the paranoid ranks.
 
Dutch Courage said:
I'm with my gorl Chantal too. Her physical decline over the last year has been rapid, noticeable, and has involved surgery. Her response to all this is to ramp up the gluttony that has caused this decline in the first place.

Amberlynn is just made from sturdier stock; she has some kind of moxy that Chantal lacks.

Jen is in awful condition too, but she is less prone to stress, and having a boyfriend (despite his own loserdom) probably adds to your longevity. Amy seems fairly healthy. The Slatons are a mess, but they also have the benefit of family nearby.

I'm not entirely convinced Chantal has a year left. I'm going with her. The cheese cemetery awaits her.
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I honestly didn’t know they made coffins that big!
 
My gut tells me Sara will go first. She already nearly died a couple years ago, and one day she will make the critical mistake of trying to say five words in a row without taking a breath. If that doesn’t do her in, her ever swelling neck will.
But I voted for Fat Jen. At 44 years of age, she is already on borrowed time. 44 in death fat is like 110 in regular human years. One day soon, GinGene will just not come home from a whiskey run and suddenly disappear from her life. Jen will eat 57 salted caramel ice cream sandwiches and die of ice cream intoxication.
 
My vote went for Jen. She's 45+, I think? Has some of the worst fat distribution, her immune system is likely shot to hell too, and while she might not be going out herself, her alcoholic boyfriend... well, who knows where he's gonna end up during one of his binges (I don't believe it one bit that he stays sober) and what he's gonna bring home.
 
Hammy Slaton. She is bedbound bound. In her latest pic with that mystery guy she looks bigger than ever. She was sick for months due to "fatty can't breathe" and it's only a matter of time before she gets another respiratory illness. And having some guy come over during a pandemic for a ham flavored makeout session is just dancing with disaster. TamTam would not survive a dance with Corona-chan.

XenomorphThot said:
My vote went for Jen. She's 45+, I think? Has some of the worst fat distribution, her immune system is likely shot to hell too, and while she might not be going out herself, her alcoholic boyfriend... well, who knows where he's gonna end up during one of his binges (I don't believe it one bit that he stays sober) and what he's gonna bring home.
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That's my second pick. I would like to think Gene would try to preserve his crash pad as long as possible. But he is obviously enabling her and drunks don't make very good decisions. I don’t buy that he is sober. It's just that Jen is delusional about being in a relationship with a guy who just wants a place to stay and an extra government check to waste on booze. She is likely more forgiving that she should be to keep dat D.
 
Dysnomia said:
Hammy Slaton. She is bedbound bound. In her latest pic with that mystery guy she looks bigger than ever. She was sick for months due to "fatty can't breathe" and it's only a matter of time before she gets another respiratory illness. And having some guy come over during a pandemic for a ham flavored makeout session is just dancing with disaster. TamTam would not survive a dance with Corona-chan.



That's my second pick. I would like to think Gene would try to preserve his crash pad as long as possible. But he is obviously enabling her and drunks don't make very good decisions. I don’t buy that he is sober. It's just that Jen is delusional about being in a relationship with a guy who just wants a place to stay and an extra government check to waste on booze. She is likely more forgiving that she should be to keep dat D.
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My prediction is Gene will squat in the apartment until he is forcibly removed. It can take a long time to get someone out even if they haven't paid, etc.
 
I’m so torn. On one hand I’m so excited about Chantal’s race to the finish line; on the other, she is my current favorite cow (aside from the troon freak shows, bless their autism) due to her general belligerence and flagrant disregard for reason. The move-out binge combined with the corona saga has her at 6 minutes to midnight by my clock, and I’ve finally voted on the poll.
 
Chantal is binging like no tomorrow on take out and fast food I wouldn’t be surprised if she caught something that’s gonna take her out, not to mention she keeps pissing in public exposing her intimate area to all sorts of bacteria and germs. Death by rotten vag? Possible.
 
raritycunt said:
Chantal is binging like no tomorrow on take out and fast food I wouldn’t be surprised if she caught something that’s gonna take her out, not to mention she keeps pissing in public exposing her intimate area to all sorts of bacteria and germs. Death by rotten vag? Possible.
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She's really on another level lately. She was even taste testing butter last night. wtf
 
I voted for Fat Amy. It wasn't so much based on likelihood, more a case of wishful thinking.

She's ignoring lockdown and goes out on a regular basis, dragging her feral brood along for the free samples ride. With her appalling hygiene and regular face-touching she's bound to ingest that tasty old virus at some point.

If the 'rona doesn't get her and she's put into full lockdown then maybe she'll get her throat ripped out by the support skunk as they stage a death match for the last remaining pizza slice. Failing that, the abused ferals might finally rebel and beat her to death with her own wooden spoon. Now that's a vlog I'd watch. On repeat.
 
Going just by physical condition I would think Tammy or Jen but I chose Sara.
I think they are all more likely than the rest to have a heart attack sooner but Tammy and Jen will just sit around being lazy asses all day. Sara seems like she would try to do activities like housework, rearranging that house, gardening that might put her heart over the edge.
 
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