Culinary Atrocities - Crimes against food

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Vienna Sausages

I mean, me and my parents were in a financial bind a long time ago to where we picked up generic hot dogs instead of those sticks of reconstituted collagen, we never sunk so low to get jelly penises in water. Nor did we ever get TREET, the Chris-Chan of knockoff brands.
 
NumberingYourState said:
Vienna Sausages

I mean, me and my parents were in a financial bind a long time ago to where we picked up generic hot dogs instead of those sticks of reconstituted collagen, we never sunk so low to get jelly penises in water. Nor did we ever get TREET, the Chris-Chan of knockoff brands.
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My partner absolutely loves those chopped up and mixed in with scrambled eggs, but only the "original" flavor ones. I'm... not really a fan.
 
UncleMoeLester said:
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The "Now Melts!" part is what really gets me. The fact they had to go out of their way to engineer this monstrosity to even have the ability to melt is unsettling to me, let alone what they probably had to do to it to get it to that point.
 
Armchair Psychologist said:
It smells like cow shit. It contained cow shit. How exactly is this supposed to qualify as good food?
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If you get it made at an actual Mexican place it's good. Nice cold weather food. I don't think I'd eat it out of a can though that looks kinda nasty.

Oh Long Johnson said:
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This shit right here is extremely upsetting to me. White people are paying $20+ per pie for this nonsense.
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I bet the middle one is delicious. Sweet Potato casserole is so good. You can make sweet potato taste like a pumpkin pie if you want.
 
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dannyfrickenp said:
The "Now Melts!" part is what really gets me. The fact they had to go out of their way to engineer this monstrosity to even have the ability to melt is unsettling to me, let alone what they probably had to do to it to get it to that point.
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There's a store near me that makes really shitty pizza and sells it by the slice. It looks like regular pizza, but if you look close at the cheese it's "melted" but you can see the outlines of each individual shred. Like interlocking puzzle pieces. It's so bizarre.

And when you eat a piece, the cheese doesn't stretch into strings. It kinda tears jaggedly. I wonder if that's the sort of "cheese" they use?
 
TheGreatCitracett said:
There's a store near me that makes really shitty pizza and sells it by the slice. It looks like regular pizza, but if you look close at the cheese it's "melted" but you can see the outlines of each individual shred. Like interlocking puzzle pieces. It's so bizarre.

And when you eat a piece, the cheese doesn't stretch into strings. It kinda tears jaggedly. I wonder if that's the sort of "cheese" they use?
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Would you rather trust them with actual cheese that can spoil?
 
Hot dogs in general were invented to make some use of meat remains, like spam, which is why Vienna sausages (which are the original eurofag recipe, from what I understand) have such an odd taste. They can work with scrambled eggs but, just like spam, if you can afford normal meat just eat normal meat
 
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Somsnosa said:
Hot dogs in general were invented to make some use of meat remains, like spam, which is why Vienna sausages (which are the original eurofag recipe, from what I understand) have such an odd taste. They can work with scrambled eggs but, just like spam, if you can afford normal meat just eat normal meat
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hot dogs are good for anal play
especially the cheese filled ones because that can simulate jizzing
 
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I'm not jewish but I went to a seder with an old friend who was, and the food was awful. Matzoh ball soup is very bland, they just made saltwater potatoes. And. Gefilte fish. Just the memory of that meatloaf-pickled fish makes me gag. Worst thing I've ever eaten.

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This is not how seafood is meant to be.
 
Len Kagamoney said:
I'm not jewish but I went to a seder with an old friend who was, and the food was awful. Matzoh ball soup is very bland, they just made saltwater potatoes. And. Gefilte fish. Just the memory of that meatloaf-pickled fish makes me gag. Worst thing I've ever eaten.
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I like matzoh ball soup at least with good chicken stock. Gefilte fish lack much to recommend them.
 
Len Kagamoney said:
I'm not jewish but I went to a seder with an old friend who was, and the food was awful. Matzoh ball soup is very bland, they just made saltwater potatoes. And. Gefilte fish. Just the memory of that meatloaf-pickled fish makes me gag. Worst thing I've ever eaten.

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This is not how seafood is meant to be.
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Normally I'd call ya a schlepp but I don't think I'd trust gefilte that came from a jar. You've gotta make it fresh.
 
Armchair Psychologist said:
Normally I'd call ya a schlepp but I don't think I'd trust gefilte that came from a jar. You've gotta make it fresh.
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Yeah, if I remember correctly it was from that exact jar/brand. Even if I had fresh, homemade gefilte put in front of me I think I would have difficulty eating it because the memory of the jar fish is that bad. Looking at homemade recipes, however, it doesn't seem like it would really taste awful. A different taste than what I feel some people would be used to, but it seems okay.

Seafood shouldn't be frozen or in a jar, it's very fickle and can easily go bad. Same with reheating, although I know a lot of people who just reheat shrimp. Seafood is generally best by the coasts, and recently caught. Farm-raised is a big no-no, and I believe tilapia pretty much mostly farm-raised. I remember a scare a while back with tilapia from China, there was misinformation spread that they could not be wild caught, but that's untrue. They're easy to raise in farms, so that's where they come from most of the time.
 
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