🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[Sonic Hoo]

Well that degraded quickly. I'm glad I did my homework; I even made sure to put Connor's favorite word on top

Also...I think you missed the deadline for the writing contest too. Just saying.

 

[Lurker]

Hey @Connor still there? Are you a Pokemon fan? Some of us are. We've been putting together a little fanfic of you on your own Pokemon journey based on the classic gen 1 games. Have you read it? My favorite parts are when you sperg out over rival Null doing better than you because trying is hard.

MOLLY?

That energy is better directed at ridicule at this point.

Pretty much, man. Like, I've lurked and I've seen the advice people have been giving to him in this thread, and how many times it has been blatantly ignored. He is simply not worth trying to help. This is his mess, and we're just here to laugh at him.

 

[ASoulMan]

Giving advice to Connor is like talking to a brick wall. It's apparent that he only posts here just to wallow in his own negativity like the edgel0rd he is.

But seeing him perform mental gymnastics in order to justify his inability to be productive in life will never cease to amaze.

 

[Golly]

The thing is, it doesn't matter how stern anyone is with him, or what advice he is given.

Connor will not change unless he wants to change. But he clearly doesn't. He is content to be a useless, pathetic, whiny fat faggot. We're not his keepers.

Like, I understand what you're doing. I really do. But it's a waste of your time and your kindness.

That's pretty much the case with my person, too.

The good news is, I already post on Kiwi a lot, and it doesn't use up a ton of kindness for me to tell someone to stop being a whiny fat faggot waste of space without being direct about it. (Oops, did I call Connor that?) So I'm not doing much out of the ordinary.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Well, we haven't gotten a "GUYS SLOW DOWN MY AUTISM CAN'T PROCESS EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE" post yet, so I assume he's fucked off for the night, or Mommy told him it was past his bedtime.

 

[Shiala]

Connor left, baffled that people didn't believe that he was actually changing for real this time.

I'm sad I missed him, though

 

[Lurker]

Well, we haven't gotten a "GUYS SLOW DOWN MY AUTISM CAN'T PROCESS EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE" post yet, so I assume he's fucked off for the night, or Mommy told him it was past his bedtime.

Or.

Or maybe he's writing his stor- PFFT HAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Connor left, baffled that people didn't believe that he was actually changing for real this time.

I'm sad I missed him, though

I know, I got my Saltines & cranberry juice ready & everything. Ah, well. It was mildly amusing, & fun to see some of my favorite lurkers come out of hiding for a bit (like @Lurker & @KingofManga420) :3

 

[Lurker]

I know, I got my Saltines & cranberry juice ready & everything. Ah, well. It was mildly amusing, & fun to see some of my favorite lurkers come out of hiding for a bit (like @Lurker & @KingofManga420) :3

yasss i'm someone's favorite

I was actually mildly disappointed that I missed Connor by, like, 8 minutes. He's my favorite resident lolcow. Mostly because he is the gift that keeps on giving. Like herpes!

 

[Shiala]

yasss i'm someone's favorite

I was actually mildly disappointed that I missed Connor by, like, 8 minutes. He's my favorite resident lolcow. Mostly because he is the gift that keeps on giving. Like herpes!

I would consider him more like the a regift that keeps getting passed around.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Ohh, like the offbrand lavender scented candle at the office white-elephant party. This one, of course, comes only in Death scent.

 

[Ruin]

The best pat is every time Connor shows up he seems genuinely puzzled as to why people aren't lining up to kiss his ass.

 

[Lurker]

The best pat is every time Connor shows up he seems genuinely puzzled as to why people aren't lining up to kiss his ass.

Well, he woke up this morning and hauled his fat ass over to his computer chair.

HE DID THINGS.

 

[KingofManga420]

I know, I got my Saltines & cranberry juice ready & everything. Ah, well. It was mildly amusing, & fun to see some of my favorite lurkers come out of hiding for a bit (like @Lurker & @KingofManga420) :3

Hey now, I don't lurk. I just typically don't make a mess of the Connor thread. I have a huge disposition towards wanting to a-log Connor more than just about any other cow so I try not to encourage myself because I am gazing at the abyss and I refuse to blink.

 

[Meowthkip]

I apologize to you and Meowthkip, I really do. I let my emotions get the better of me. Oh, and that round robin? My contributions were mostly crap, masturbatory.

@Smutley : Actually, Alphaboy is set in the same universe as RE, but the stories are like apples and oranges. One's psychological horror, while the other can best be described as a cross between a teenaged Superman story mixed with an old-school Steven Seagal film.

Yeah, I want to know why they were so masturbatory. I really want to know what your reasoning was, and how you reasonably expect me to go along with a story about you.

I feel like that was more than just your emotions getting the better of you. It felt like spite. And when I tried to add some mild peril you ran off, and called me a scumbag because a story about you wasn't giving you anything in return.

I think you need to examine what, exactly, your problem is. I don't appreciate lip service.

 

[Lurker]

I think you need to examine what, exactly, your problem is. I don't appreciate lip service.

His problem is that he is Connor Bible.

 

[Picklechu]

Connor, you've presumably heard the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, right? No one believed him when a wolf finally came because he kept on lying about it. The same principle holds true for you. Past behavior is the strongest predictor of future behavior. No one believes you have improved, are improving, or are trying to improve because you've made the exact claim over and over and over and over and over. Already, your responses indicating your bafflement that you aren't getting asspats points to this cycle continuing.

 

[MysticMisty]

Well, we haven't gotten a "GUYS SLOW DOWN MY AUTISM CAN'T PROCESS EVERYONE TALKING AT ONCE" post yet, so I assume he's fucked off for the night, or Mommy told him it was past his bedtime.

But he hasn't reacted to "Connor's Pokemon Non-Journey" yet.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

I would consider him more like the a regift that keeps getting passed around.

Ohh, like the offbrand lavender scented candle at the office white-elephant party. This one, of course, comes only in Death scent.

I was thinking more like Christmas fruitcake, or marshmallow Peeps.
Like, every year around Easter, I see marshmallow Peeps, & I'm like, "awww, they're so cute, I wanna eat one." & then I do & I'm like "UGH GUH THIS IS GROSS WHY DID I JUST EAT A NASTY-ASS GRANULATED-SUGAR-COATED MARSHMALLOW"
I somehow fall for it every fucking year.

@Connor is a marshmallow Peep.

 

[wagglyplacebo]

I was thinking more like Christmas fruitcake, or marshmallow Peeps.
Like, every year around Easter, I see marshmallow Peeps, & I'm like, "awww, they're so cute, I wanna eat one." & then I do & I'm like "UGH GUH THIS IS GROSS WHY DID I JUST EAT A NASTY-ASS GRANULATED-SUGAR-COATED MARSHMALLOW"
I somehow fall for it every fucking year.

@Connor is a marshmallow Peep.
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It's like a golden poop with man titties. So you got Connor down pat, good job!