🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[EI 903]

You probably don't want to start down the trail of ways in which you are superior to Connor Bible. That road inevitably leads to dark places.

 

[Handsome Pete]

Oh that's what I mean. I'm no writer. But I'm sure I could do a 500 page shitpost if I really put my mind to it.

Someone could just print out this thread and call that the book. Over the last 557 pages, something like a narrative (or at least an extremely detailed character study) has emerged. Individual posters have taken on different roles in the story. We've got tons of Connor's own writing, frequent illustrated interludes, and (mild) conflict in the form of the ongoing debate about whether he's beyond help.

Forget clumsy metaphors where we cast Connor as a depressed peasant or a do-nothing superhero, we've already got our story.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

That's really not saying much. I think a lot of people on this site could ghostwrite a badly written novel in about the same amount of time that Connor takes to do anything of value.

You'd think... But I found out when ghostwriting for Joe Cracker that it's actually kinda hard to deliberately write badly. It takes a great deal of effort to silence the voice that tells you to give a shit about the end result. By the end, you've probably expended twice as much energy as you would have genuinely trying to make a good story.

Yet another reason Connor should be able to finish his first draft.

 

[Xarpho]

Someone could just print out this thread and call that the book. Over the last 557 pages, something like a narrative (or at least an extremely detailed character study) has emerged. Individual posters have taken on different roles in the story. We've got tons of Connor's own writing, frequent illustrated interludes, and (mild) conflict in the form of the ongoing debate about whether he's beyond help.

Forget clumsy metaphors where we cast Connor as a depressed peasant or a do-nothing superhero, we've already got our story.

Hmm...

By now, the overweight young man was now sweating profusely.
"So, you guys want me to create masks for different people and social situations, get a low-level and possibly low-paying job that won't bring me any happiness, move into some shitty one room apartment, buy a Mickey Mouse jalopy, get in deep with the local Russian sharks, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?"

The Kiwis in the bar laughed.
"Yes. And then write about it!" the Knife said. Like a knife, those words cut deep.

Just then, silentprincess, who everyone knew as the kindest, most patient one in the group, walked up and slapped Connor hard in his face. His gelatinous cheeks shook from the impact, and as he was stunned, she continued.

"Connor we do have to wear many social hats, that's part of life and we are all actors as is a quote I can't remember. But really if you were really trying fucking hard to help yourself, then you would be taking all the notes down from the thread, and putting them into a document to work from. But no, rather than doing that, you would rather spend your time whining. Do you ever hear yourself and this pathetic whining you keep doing, because I'm going to tell you this. Whining is not going to get you through life, so get that through your fucking head. Because the more you whine, the more people are going to ignore you, it is that fucking simple."

 

[r00]

Someone could just print out this thread and call that the book. Over the last 557 pages, something like a narrative (or at least an extremely detailed character study) has emerged. Individual posters have taken on different roles in the story. We've got tons of Connor's own writing, frequent illustrated interludes, and (mild) conflict in the form of the ongoing debate about whether he's beyond help.

I think we should do kiwinanowrimo, with connor as a prompt and this thread as a resource for content, just to prove a point. The more non-writers the better.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

You'd think... But I found out when ghostwriting for Joe Cracker that it's actually kinda hard to deliberately write badly. It takes a great deal of effort to silence the voice that tells you to give a shit about the end result. By the end, you've probably expended twice as much energy as you would have genuinely trying to make a good story.

Yet another reason Connor should be able to finish his first draft.

I'm aware of that and I still think a lot of people on this site would be able to churn something out on par with what Connor has written in no time at all.

It's not a question of trying to write well or listening to that little voice says, it's about putting words on the page and not caring about the end result. In a lot of cases, it's just seen as a writing exercise. It's not so much what you write, just that you're writing in the first place.

 

[AnOminous]

You'd think... But I found out when ghostwriting for Joe Cracker that it's actually kinda hard to deliberately write badly.

Every bad writer worth reading even for ironic value has their own unique voice, so it isn't just writing badly, as you'd write if you were really drunk or lazy, but writing to someone else's terrible specifications. For it to be funny, it has to exaggerate their flaws, too. Extremely bad writers can't be parodied for this reason.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

Tommy Wiseau is popular for how bad he is. The difference is he actually wrote something.

 

[r00]

Tommy Wiseau is popular for how bad he is. The difference is he actually wrote something.

Wiseau is like some sort of Kubrick/Hemingway-hybrid type creative animal compared to Connor.
He has successfully written, produced, directed, starred in and independently funded multiple projects as well as writing their novelizations, and he toured the world meeting his fans.
Connor will never achieve even a fraction of what Tommy Wiseau has achieved.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Someone could just print out this thread and call that the book. Over the last 557 pages, something like a narrative (or at least an extremely detailed character study) has emerged. Individual posters have taken on different roles in the story. We've got tons of Connor's own writing, frequent illustrated interludes, and (mild) conflict in the form of the ongoing debate about whether he's beyond help.

I've actually been reading back through the thread, & man, it really is an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. It's actually really uplifting to read through people's stories about their struggles & how far they've progressed. It's like every user in the thread undergoes some sort of character development. It's pretty amazing. Reading through pages of advice, bonding, & creative endeavors has made me fall in love with this thread all over again.

I think we should do kiwinanowrimo, with connor as a prompt and this thread as a resource for content, just to prove a point. The more non-writers the better.

That actually sounds like a lot of fun. Earlier this week I was toying with the idea of having everyone list the things they've accomplished since the start of this thread. For example, Connor has actually really helped me get back on track with my art. Here's the first drawing I ever did in this thread:

Spoiler: a bunch of Mollys joined at the navel

https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/mollyringworm-png.13393/

& here's a commission I did very recently.

Spoiler: sea goddess

You probably don't want to start down the trail of ways in which you are superior to Connor Bible. That road inevitably leads to dark places.

. . .oops.

 

[Zeorus]

Earlier this week I was toying with the idea of having everyone list the things they've accomplished since the start of this thread.

I've finished my first year of grad school and started the first critical edition of a previously unknown American opera.

You probably don't want to start down the trail of ways in which you are superior to Connor Bible. That road inevitably leads to dark places.

Can't be darker than Connor and Vordrak's combined angst (wake me up inside).

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

I've finished my first year of grad school and started the first critical edition of a previously unknown American opera.



Can't be darker than Connor and Vordrak's combined angst (wake me up inside).

If you can make a list of stuff you want to accomplish today, you're already doing more than Conner. Actually, you're doing more than Connor just by making the damn list.

 

[Smutley]

Okay @Connor Bible. I'm getting sick of this. You have until Monday to give us the email correspondence you had with Vordrak or I'm going to dox your entire family starting with your half-brother Mark and his wife Jamie.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Okay @Connor Bible. I'm getting sick of this. You have until Monday to give us the email correspondence you had with Vordrak or I'm going to dox your entire family starting with your half-brother Mark and his wife Jamie.

Smutley, no! Don't you remember what happened last time?

You threaten my family, you're going to be in a world of pain.

No one threatens your family, they threaten you.

With your family.

So you're blackmailing me to get off this site and be productive?

Oh, wait. Nevermind. Carry on, then.

I told your mom. She seems mad.

You're relative J.B. is next.

How did you...

Your doxx was leaked.

What? By who?

Let's just say M.B. should ring a bell as well...

Yourself you exceptional individual.

*whom

And you were the one who leaked it.

By you Retardo Montelbon

View attachment 16404

I did not.

There is literally a screenshot right above you.

Good times, good times.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

If you can make a list of stuff you want to accomplish today, you're already doing more than Conner. Actually, you're doing more than Connor just by making the damn list.

You don't even need to make a list, just by going on with daily life is more than what Connor accomplishes.

 

[Xarpho]

I was under the impression that no one actually knew Connor's family, and Smutley just was a smooth operator in terms of taking a somewhat gullible young man who gave his full name and then just playing the odds, like if my name was Albert Vons, then someone could make cryptic references to a "G.V.", and I assume "Oh no, they're talking about my uncle who lives in Atlanta!", then the trolling succeeded.

That is mostly what happened, right, or did someone actually run searches?

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

I was under the impression that no one actually knew Connor's family, and Smutley just was a smooth operator in terms of taking a somewhat gullible young man who gave his full name and then just playing the odds, like if my name was Albert Vons, then someone could make cryptic references to a "G.V.", and I assume "Oh no, they're talking about my uncle who lives in Atlanta!", then the trolling succeeded.

That is mostly what happened, right, or did someone actually run searches?

Nope. Connor Bible is the ONLY Connor Bible in the U.S., so it's really quite easy to find his relatives. & the only Connor Bible in the U.S. lives in Port Royal, SC, which the man himself told us.

 

[Smutley]

I was under the impression that no one actually knew Connor's family, and Smutley just was a smooth operator in terms of taking a somewhat gullible young man who gave his full name and then just playing the odds, like if my name was Albert Vons, then someone could make cryptic references to a "G.V.", and I assume "Oh no, they're talking about my uncle who lives in Atlanta!", then the trolling succeeded.

That is mostly what happened, right, or did someone actually run searches?

Yeah I pretty much know not only his entire local family but even the normie redneck extended families in Mississippi.

No searches are needed though, they're incredibly easy to find. Like Uncle Cirrhosis who uses their home address for his business. Right @Connor Bible?

Where are the emails.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

Vordrak probably seized the emails so he can use them in his war against Kiwi.

Because he is named Vordrak, he is supreme.

 

[DuskEngine]

Earlier this week I was toying with the idea of having everyone list the things they've accomplished since the start of this thread.

I told a transsexual with gross mental deficiencies to kill themselves over the internet.