🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[Phil Ken Sebben]

All right @Connor Bible I didn't release this before because you seemed so enthusiastic to follow through on the project I gave you. I thought 'boy, maybe he can redeem himself just a little' so I sat on this thinking you'd follow through.
...Boy I should have fucking known better. So here it is, unedited (because I'm so busy with work), my interview with Connor.

Son, I am disappoint.

(I apologize for the clicking sound; I was on my shit laptop.) Here's a fun game, too: see how many Connorism's you can pick out from the conversation!

Damn that was beautiful and gotta admit your voice is really classy and it's got that sarcastic edge to it that I love.

 

[ChameleonBody]

Was anyone else reminded of Chris's impromptu slang in the Lars call when Connor started calling MD "bro" all of a sudden?

 

[grilledcheesesandwich]

He sounds just as spirited and passionate IRL as he does online.

 

[Bugaboo]

Oh shit I remembered something, back in the day when we were skyping with Connor and he was talking about Alphaboi.
He tried to refrain from telling us stuff about the story because he legit thought if he revealed his ideas we would steal them and whenever he heard us typing he was like "ARE YOU STEALING MY IDEAS"

 

[caffeinated_wench]

Oh shit I remembered something, back in the day when we were skyping with Connor and he was talking about Alphaboi.
He tried to refrain from telling us stuff about the story because he legit thought if he revealed his ideas we would steal them and whenever he heard us typing he was like "ARE YOU STEALING MY IDEAS"

Now that he mentions it...

In all seriousness, that's... kinda paranoid, for a variety of reasons. And by "kinda" I mean "very."

Also, does anyone else have a suspicion that he's saying "Molly Ringwald will be the villain!" and claiming he hates her now to hide that the Molly Ringwald character is actually going to be the love interest?

 

[Scribbler]

Oh shit I remembered something, back in the day when we were skyping with Connor and he was talking about Alphaboi.
He tried to refrain from telling us stuff about the story because he legit thought if he revealed his ideas we would steal them and whenever he heard us typing he was like "ARE YOU STEALING MY IDEAS"

If anyone needed to steal ideas for a story, why would they take his? They could just use the same source material he gets his ideas from. And they're most likely handled better in the source material.

 

[Pikonic]

I've read the whole thread and any time Connor has posted his writing he's had his fair share of people shooting him down and attacking his writing without being constructive.

You're right that he's has his share of "this sucks you suck" here. Sometimes I wonder if he PMed another user a short story and had them post it people would actually read it and offer more constructive instead of "Connor u bad."
However, this isn't a writers workshop and were not literary critics. We're the kiwi farms, 4chans autistic cousin. You're gonna get people just saying you suck, you have to sift through that to find the actual critism.

 

[Rin]

You're right that he's has his share of "this sucks you suck" here. Sometimes I wonder if he PMed another user a short story and had them post it people would actually read it and offer more constructive instead of "Connor u bad."
However, this isn't a writers workshop and were not literary critics. We're the kiwi farms, 4chans autistic cousin. You're gonna get people just saying you suck, you have to sift through that to find the actual critism.

I do think people are probably a bit too quick to jump on him, but he's really chosen the wrong venue for what he wants. I can understand that three pages of acerbic criticism are hard to handle, but at the same time, it doesn't seem fair to declare that only certain people have the privilege of commenting on Connor's work. Yes, he's going to get overly negative attention, but that shouldn't be a shock, considering the venue he's chosen to publish it at. If Connor really wants writing help, he should find a community based around that or contact someone privately for advice, instead of posting it publicly. It's not fair for Connor to demand attention and then complain it's not the brand of attention he was looking for. I certainly don't think it's worth it to asspat Connor in the vague hope that it gets him to produce more content. And while I think people are sometimes hard on Connor solely because he's Connor Bible, I don't think any Kiwi posting that much, of that quality, would escape without at least some degree of mockery.

Or to put it more concisely, it would be nice if people weren't so hard on Connor, but it's not likely to happen any time soon.

 

[Ruin]

I do think people are probably a bit too quick to jump on him, but he's really chosen the wrong venue for what he wants. I can understand that three pages of acerbic criticism are hard to handle, but at the same time, it doesn't seem fair to declare that only certain people have the privilege of commenting on Connor's work. Yes, he's going to get overly negative attention, but that shouldn't be a shock, considering the venue he's chosen to publish it at. If Connor really wants writing help, he should find a community based around that or contact someone privately for advice, instead of posting it publicly. It's not fair for Connor to demand attention and then complain it's not the brand of attention he was looking for. I certainly don't think it's worth it to asspat Connor in the vague hope that it gets him to produce more content. And while I think people are sometimes hard on Connor solely because he's Connor Bible, I don't think any Kiwi posting that much, of that quality, would escape without at least some degree of mockery.

Or to put it more concisely, it would be nice if people weren't so hard on Connor, but it's not likely to happen any time soon.

I respectively disagree. Connor writes at about a third grade level, refuses to take to heart any constructive criticism, and is a poisonous narcissist. The main reason Connor is such a broken person is because his parents coddled him and shielded him from any criticism whatsoever. Anyone encouraging Connor to follow his dreams of being a famous writer at this point however well intention ed, is doing more harm than good.

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

I've read the whole thread and any time Connor has posted his writing he's had his fair share of people shooting him down and attacking his writing without being constructive. So much that often mods have had to post to remind people that instantly dismissing him achieves nothing. I personally have seen him being given some great advice but I can see why he'd be put off writing, Connor actually told me word for word there that no matter what he writes he believes the forums members will attack him regardless.

Personally disagree. There's a lot of people here that have tried to do legitimate, helpful criticism, like myself as well as the amazingly awesome Kiwi Knife. Connor needs a thicker skin and needs to ignore the obvious baiting from people like Cat and follow the advice of the other people that want to contribute positively to him.

If he wants to take every post here seriously, then fine, he can stay 9.

How can I delete my profile? You can't either. No one else on this site can. Also, you people are no friends of mine. What kind of "friend" talks trash about you behind your back while putting on a façade of affability? What kind of "friend" tells people to just give up on their goals and that they won't amount to anything? That's downright scummy.

Connor, OK, I'm gonna level with you on a very personal level here. I'm gonna sit right down and tell you what I truly, truly think, without hesitating whatsoever. These are my blunt and honest feelings.

Shut the fuck up.

Are you seriously, seriously going to disregard every single post of people here legitimately trying to help you because some of us have decided you aren't worth saving and will keep telling you you're a fag and to kill yourself? There are posters here that have offered to go out with you. There are posters that have given you constructive criticism on your writings and how to better yourself. There are posters that have stuck up for you despite your glaring inability to even recognize their compassion.

Seriously, dude, will you shut the fuck up and read the shit that we are telling you for once. These aren't asspats, but the world ain't fucking asspats and if you think the Kiwi Farms are harsh, just wait until you try whining irl and learn why it's a fantastic fucking thing that people cannot punch each other over the Internet. Generalizing all of us as bullies because some of us have given up is fucking childish given the insane amount of levity and shit we let you get away with. We have literally ripped cows apart, posted all of their social media sites, and made it quite fucking clear that they will never be forgotten. You are a board joke, but compared to so many other people we have talked about you have it motherfucking easy. There are people here that want you to recover, want you to become a Kiwi, just want you to move on with your life and get better. The fact that you think they mean ill will for you is absolutely motherfucking disgusting, you know that?

Friends do not asspat each other. Real friends, true motherfucking friends will stare you right in the face and tell you when you are fucking up. They do not want you to feel better; they want you to get fucking better. If you wanna sit in your goddamn room and live in your little autistic fantasy world where you're a successful writer but are woefully oppressed by the dang dirty Kiwi twolls then sit there and rot for all I goddamn care. Sit there until the little delusions you desperately cling to all fall apart like they inevitably will. If you wanna bash the people that legitimately care about you, do not be surprised at all when everyone finally gets sick of you and leaves you to wither and decay.

And as a final little addendum, I noticed that you dropped my contact details after I posted my criticism of Alphaboy. Sorry, Connor, but I ain't gonna be your mommy and tell you that everything you do is super special awesome. Alphaboy sucks. If you don't want to acknowledge it then it can keep sucking and I can keep ripping it apart.

Kindly screw off,
Sanae Kochiya - The Moriya Shrine Maiden

 

[MasterDisaster]

I do think people are probably a bit too quick to jump on him, but he's really chosen the wrong venue for what he wants. I can understand that three pages of acerbic criticism are hard to handle, but at the same time, it doesn't seem fair to declare that only certain people have the privilege of commenting on Connor's work. Yes, he's going to get overly negative attention, but that shouldn't be a shock, considering the venue he's chosen to publish it at. If Connor really wants writing help, he should find a community based around that or contact someone privately for advice, instead of posting it publicly. It's not fair for Connor to demand attention and then complain it's not the brand of attention he was looking for. I certainly don't think it's worth it to asspat Connor in the vague hope that it gets him to produce more content. And while I think people are sometimes hard on Connor solely because he's Connor Bible, I don't think any Kiwi posting that much, of that quality, would escape without at least some degree of mockery.

Or to put it more concisely, it would be nice if people weren't so hard on Connor, but it's not likely to happen any time soon.

I also have to politely disagree. There are plenty of artists/writers here on the Farms that upload stuff all the time and get plenty of rave reviews; I for one fucking love @_blank_ and @Trickie's Sonichu comics; Trickie creates so many awesome feels while _blank_ creates an awesome story...and did I mention he colors it with fucking markers ala Chris?
No, Connor gets shit because he walks around expecting us to give his positive reviews simply because he posts something and thinks it's awesome. @Sanae Kochiya is right on the mark when it comes pointing out that he nitpicks the choicest comments and then gets pissy at the ones that don't give him his precious asspats. Every time you compare his actions to someone else's he immediately goes on the defensive with his usual tirade taken completely out of context. You tell him 'I think you should try writing for more than fifteen minutes' and he turns it into 'So what you're basically saying is I should never sleep, write for hours on end and never spend time with my family or go to class?' That's the autistic equivalent of a fast food employee asking if you want anything else and you freak out thinking they want you to buy everything on the menu.

 

[The I Scream Man]

Frankly it's not that we're all huge jerks to him 100% of the time (although we are), but it's that he deserves it. We just get sick of his shit, man.

 

[Rin]

I also have to politely disagree. There are plenty of artists/writers here on the Farms that upload stuff all the time and get plenty of rave reviews; I for one fucking love @_blank_ and @Trickie's Sonichu comics; Trickie creates so many awesome feels while _blank_ creates an awesome story...and did I mention he colors it with fucking markers ala Chris?
No, Connor gets shit because he walks around expecting us to give his positive reviews simply because he posts something and thinks it's awesome. @Sanae Kochiya is right on the mark when it comes pointing out that he nitpicks the choicest comments and then gets pissy at the ones that don't give him his precious asspats. Every time you compare his actions to someone else's he immediately goes on the defensive with his usual tirade taken completely out of context. You tell him 'I think you should try writing for more than fifteen minutes' and he turns it into 'So what you're basically saying is I should never sleep, write for hours on end and never spend time with my family or go to class?' That's the autistic equivalent of a fast food employee asking if you want anything else and you freak out thinking they want you to buy everything on the menu.

I did say "of that quality." What I mean is if I posted Alphaboy instead of Connor, it probably wouldn't get as much criticism, and a lot more "Who the fuck are you?" but people would still tell me it sucks.

I'm not arguing that Connor handles it like shit. My main point was that if Connor was genuinely looking for writing advice, he's come to the wrong place given both the forum's general tone and his own infamy. Unfortunately for Connor, he's not looking for writing advice - he's looking for public acclaim as a writer. Alphaboy isn't going to get him that no matter where he goes.

 

[HG 400]

How is Connor even a lolcow, really? He's just a whiny fat faggot who won't finish his book.

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

How is Connor even a lolcow, really? He's just a whiny fat faggot who won't finish his book.

My days are boring so I generally fill them with laughing at whiny, fat faggots.

Make of that what you will.

 

[HG 400]

My days are boring so I generally fill them with laughing at whiny, fat fucking LOLCOWS.

Make of that what you will.

That's a good point and I find that I agree. Connor is a lolcow and we're right to mock him. What a piece of shit.

 

[LiquidCooledGonads]

Does Connor's attempt to make an IRL woman the antagonist in his story remind you of anyone else?

Spoiler

 

[MysticMisty]

I'll save you the trouble. He didn't 'outgrow' them. He's not allowed to play them. He's already super lazy so the last thing they want him doing is sitting around all day playing games. That's why he's not allowed on Facebook cause he just probably plays Farmville all day.

I didn't consider that, I admit. It could also be that he's trying so hard to seem mature, the same way he tries too hard to be edgy.

 

[Karen Riley]

It's quite interesting how similar Connor's behaviour is one on one on the likes of Skype in comparison to how he acts on the various forums he's frequented for years. It's pretty much identical to how he is on the forums.

In two days he's went from sperging about his writing, lamenting how no matter what he writes for the Kiwi Farms it won't be good enough, getting horny over Connie Nielson in the film Devil's Advocate and even going out off his way to let me know that Null is an avid watcher of child porn who uses donations to fund his habit. Connor's mind must be an interesting place, moving from mood to mood at a rapid pace while staying rooted in the same recurrent topics.

 

[Ti-99/4A]

I'll save you the trouble. He didn't 'outgrow' them. He's not allowed to play them. He's already super lazy so the last thing they want him doing is sitting around all day playing games. That's why he's not allowed on Facebook cause he just probably plays Farmville all day.

21 years old and still gets grounded from video games and Facebook.