UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

https://news.sky.com/story/row-over-new-greggs-vegan-sausage-rolls-heats-up-11597679 (https://archive.ph/5Ba6o)

A heated row has broken out over a move by Britain's largest bakery chain to launch a vegan sausage roll.

The pastry, which is filled with a meat substitute and encased in 96 pastry layers, is available in 950 Greggs stores across the country.

It was promised after 20,000 people signed a petition calling for the snack to be launched to accommodate plant-based diet eaters.


But the vegan sausage roll's launch has been greeted by a mixed reaction: Some consumers welcomed it, while others voiced their objections.

View image on Twitter


spread happiness@p4leandp1nk
https://twitter.com/p4leandp1nk/status/1080767496569974785

#VEGANsausageroll thanks Greggs

7
10:07 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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Cook and food poverty campaigner Jack Monroe declared she was "frantically googling to see what time my nearest opens tomorrow morning because I will be outside".

While TV writer Brydie Lee-Kennedy called herself "very pro the Greggs vegan sausage roll because anything that wrenches veganism back from the 'clean eating' wellness folk is a good thing".

One Twitter user wrote that finding vegan sausage rolls missing from a store in Corby had "ruined my morning".

Another said: "My son is allergic to dairy products which means I can't really go to Greggs when he's with me. Now I can. Thank you vegans."

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pg often@pgofton
https://twitter.com/pgofton/status/1080772793774624768

The hype got me like #Greggs #Veganuary

42
10:28 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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TV presenter Piers Morgan led the charge of those outraged by the new roll.

"Nobody was waiting for a vegan bloody sausage, you PC-ravaged clowns," he wrote on Twitter.

Mr Morgan later complained at receiving "howling abuse from vegans", adding: "I get it, you're all hangry. I would be too if I only ate plants and gruel."

Another Twitter user said: "I really struggle to believe that 20,000 vegans are that desperate to eat in a Greggs."

"You don't paint a mustach (sic) on the Mona Lisa and you don't mess with the perfect sausage roll," one quipped.

Journalist Nooruddean Choudry suggested Greggs introduce a halal steak bake to "crank the fume levels right up to 11".

The bakery chain told concerned customers that "change is good" and that there would "always be a classic sausage roll".

It comes on the same day McDonald's launched its first vegetarian "Happy Meal", designed for children.

The new dish comes with a "veggie wrap", instead of the usual chicken or beef option.

It should be noted that Piers Morgan and Greggs share the same PR firm, so I'm thinking this is some serious faux outrage and South Park KKK gambiting here.

 

[Snackbarism]

I went for a Maccies breakfast the other day during my shop and I am saddened that what was their best thing is now shit tier. The only thing holding up Maccies was their breakfast. I am now using the local bap house, Fucking £9 for a breakfast, what in the ever-loving fuck.

For me it has to be their new breakfast sausage sandwiches. Except they're not really new, you can buy the exact same things out of a supermarket to put in a microwave.

 

[Duane Dibbley]

justeat/uber has utterly ruined the experience.

They're a mafia. Take away shops are told to prioritise take away orders or ubereats will remove take away service, of which they charge the place an exorbitant amount.
It's why take away slop is so expensive, to cover the cost of delivery that used to be free within a mile and delivered by a local.

 

[Tony Martin's Force Ghost]

I have decided I will just replicate it at home using a disc egg mould and making sausage patties. Yeah, my local pizza place put their delivery to £5, it's a mile away... Fuck you, I guess. I will make my own pizza; you can freeze the dough after it proves. Then, after defrosting, you do it again.

 

[femboy fart huffer]

back in August they might have had time to tweak their campaigns so they were a little whiter

Nah they just need to change a couple words in the prompt and they'll have a brand new advert spat out in a few hours. I personally look forward to the fucking death of people being excited for adverts. It's the most pathetic shit worse than the yearly bullshit about fairytale of new york. Not even excited for a product to consoom but excited for the opportunity to be reminded that there are products to consoom. It's like all the americans that piss themselves in excitement over the superbowl ads but somehow even more pathetic. Especially the fucking john lewis one, fuckers had the full on christmas shit out idk exactly when but about a month ago. Three fucking months to Christmas and they're already trying to sell you shit. If you start selling christmas shit in shorts weather then you deserve to be beaten.

 

[Tom Nook's Gloryhole]

Right on a bit of a tangent here but figured you guys might be able to have a ponder on this thanks to pooled autism.

There's this advert where a student nurse went blind and got her guide dog which is some nice heartwarming story and gives you a nice reason to donate to this guide dog charity etc. But the big question is, if her eyesight declined slightly over time, why exactly is she talking like a complete fucking retard?

I get people with hard of hearing having the weird deaf voice where it's not regulated, but surely being blind doesn't affect how you speak. My gut feeling is that she, like many nursing students of her age, got routinely blitzed every fucking night until she had a seizure from one hangover too many being the last straw for her body. She shows the telltale signs of alcoholic brain damage, and as we all know, drinking heavily will make you go blind.

Maybe I'm just a bastard here but I've never been able to take the advert seriously when it sounds like she's a retard alcoholic who was thankfully blinded before she could graduate and impose her awful decision making process on some helpless patient.

 

[Duane Dibbley]

Do Guide dogs tell the blind person when they need to stop wiping?

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

Right on a bit of a tangent here but figured you guys might be able to have a ponder on this thanks to pooled autism.

There's this advert where a student nurse went blind and got her guide dog which is some nice heartwarming story and gives you a nice reason to donate to this guide dog charity etc. But the big question is, if her eyesight declined slightly over time, why exactly is she talking like a complete fucking retard?

I get people with hard of hearing having the weird deaf voice where it's not regulated, but surely being blind doesn't affect how you speak. My gut feeling is that she, like many nursing students of her age, got routinely blitzed every fucking night until she had a seizure from one hangover too many being the last straw for her body. She shows the telltale signs of alcoholic brain damage, and as we all know, drinking heavily will make you go blind.

Maybe I'm just a bastard here but I've never been able to take the advert seriously when it sounds like she's a retard alcoholic who was thankfully blinded before she could graduate and impose her awful decision making process on some helpless patient.

How the fuck is she nursing when she’s blind? Do all her patients end up in bed with a nappy on their heads and a spoon up the arse, or what?

* Guide dog looking on with the patience of a saint.

Edit: powerlevel blogpost, but I cannot wait for Halloween to be over. My house is full of chocolate and my roving eye and fat arse can’t resist. Stupid American tradition.

Christmas ads make me boak. At least there’s Amazon to avoid the constant barrage of ‘Mistletoe & Wine’ over shop tannoys, but you miss out on the drunken twats slapping each other around in town then. What to do, Kiwis? I only want stuff from the market and maybe a cuppa to spedwatch for half an hour. Can’t a lady do that without being assaulted by ‘Last Christmas’ on repeat?

 

[femboy fart huffer]

Do Guide dogs tell the blind person when they need to stop wiping?

Nah. The dog is the one that does the wiping. That's why they're the same type of dogs that toilet roll ads use. Dogs love peanut butter afterall.

I get people with hard of hearing having the weird deaf voice where it's not regulated

I've met a few deaf people, the only ones that do that voice are ones that were born that way or became deaf in their early childhood. The people I've met who were recently deafened still talk normally they just have trouble talking at a normal volume. It's kinda like gays, the ones that do the voice are the theater kid faggots that were always gay, the rest just don't.

 

[Tom Nook's Gloryhole]

How the fuck is she nursing when she’s blind? Do all her patients end up in bed with a nappy on their heads and a spoon up the arse, or what?

She had to quit nursing when she went blind.


Decided to do some digging and found a mirror article.

Mentions that on holiday in Spain (suspicious) she fell ill and had serious kidney (suspicious) failure and eyesight loss (suspicious).

No smoking gun, but I get the feeling I might have been right on the money. Everything tracks for her drinking something of high proof that caused organ shutdown. Doctors also surprisingly baffled about how it happened (read, they don't want to call her a fucking alcoholic retard) and just assume she picked up an infection. God how I'd love to read those internal notes.

When a life-threatening illness robbed trainee nurse Stacey Percival of her sight and her dreams, she told her boyfriend Kierran Butcher to walk away.

But he refused – and now the couple have walked up the aisle as husband and wife, accompanied by the guide dog who gave Stacey back her future.

The newlywed, 29, said: “To think that eight years ago I wanted my life to be over, and I had to completely reconstruct my life around my sight loss… it’s hard to put into words how happy I am to finally be Mrs Butcher.”

Stacey was just 21 and training to be a nurse when she fell ill on a holiday to Spain with her family and long-term boyfriend Kierran.

She suffered severe vomiting and diarrhoea, could not walk and her kidneys began to fail.

Within minutes of becoming unwell, she also lost her eyesight.

Mum Alison begged her to go to hospital – but Stacey was in so much pain she told her she wanted to stay where she was and “slip away”.

When she eventually got to A&E, Stacey had complete kidney failure and was put straight on filtration dialysis.

As all her organs began shutting down and she needed surgery to fix a hole in her bowel, doctors put her into an induced coma for a week.

Her memories of that terrifying experience are patchy, other than knowing she felt “very scared and unwell”.

Stacey’s worried family and boyfriend, who she had met in a nightclub three years earlier, were warned she was unlikely to survive surgery.

But she came through against the odds and was eventually flown back to the UK – to spend a further three months in hospital fighting sepsis and blood clots.

Stacey said: “Nobody knew the cause. The UK doctors said the clots in my optic nerves and kidneys might be virus-related, an auto-immune disease.

“They didn’t know if I’d had it from birth or picked it up more recently.”


Left with no central vision and only limited peripheral vision, Stacey had to give up nursing and stop driving after having just passed her test and gained her independence. She said: “It felt like my whole world, all my dreams, were gone

“I told Kierran I understood if he had to move on, to find happiness with someone else. He said, ‘No way, we’re in this together’.”

Stacey needed dialysis several times a week to keep her alive as she tried to rebuild her life, both physically and mentally.

Her sight loss was a barrier to getting out and about, so she decided she wanted a guide dog to regain the independence she was used to.

In April 2014, just eight months after she had fallen ill, she was matched with a lab-cross retriever called Toffee – who was described as a “cheeky” guide dog suitable for a younger person.

Toffee had 12 months of ‘walking training’ followed by six months of advanced training before being partnered with Stacey at 18 months old.

The new pair then trained together for three weeks before they were left to forge their own path and transform Tracey’s life

She said: “He got me out of my depressed state and gave me a reason to live again. With Toffee by my side, I can do anything I want.

“I qualified with Toffee the same day my friends became qualified nurses.”

By then Stacey had also had a kidney transplant, donated by her aunt Suzanne

Stacey said: “I applied for over 200 jobs before I finally got one. I couldn’t have handled it without my two boys supporting me – Toffee and Kierran.

“Toffee’s the most lovable, dopey, clever dog imaginable. He’ll sense when I’m down and come and sit with me.

“He helps me navigate the world and has given me my life back.”

Having stayed at her side throughout, Kierran proposed on a beach in the Algarve in Portugal in August 2018.



After delays due to Covid, the couple, of Coventry, tied the knot last month in the gardens of Warwick House in Southam, in front of 100 family and friends. Stacey said: “We’d had the wedding postponed three times and I seriously thought this day might never come.

“Toffee stole the show, carrying the rings down the aisle in a box attached to the same blue bow tie as Kierran and the other ushers were wearing.

“My dad Jim walked me down the aisle towards my special boys, Kierran and Toffee looking back at me beaming.

“There wasn’t a dry eye. Toffee was by my side all day, even watching longingly as Kierran and I had our first dance. Of course I told everyone how much we owed to Toffee, how none of this would be possible without him.

“Kierran and Toffee love each other too, they’re always playing together.”

Stacey and Toffee are now featuring in a new Sponsor a Puppy TV advert for the charity Guide Dogs.

In it, she says: “It’s not just a guide dog to help people from A to B, it’s someone’s lifeline. Please help someone like me live life to the full.”

https://archive.is/XgJj6

 

[Made In Wales]

How the fuck is she nursing when she’s blind? Do all her patients end up in bed with a nappy on their heads and a spoon up the arse, or what?

* Guide dog looking on with the patience of a saint.

Edit: powerlevel blogpost, but I cannot wait for Halloween to be over. My house is full of chocolate and my roving eye and fat arse can’t resist. Stupid American tradition.

Christmas ads make me boak. At least there’s Amazon to avoid the constant barrage of ‘Mistletoe & Wine’ over shop tannoys, but you miss out on the drunken twats slapping each other around in town then. What to do, Kiwis? I only want stuff from the market and maybe a cuppa to spedwatch for half an hour. Can’t a lady do that without being assaulted by ‘Last Christmas’ on repeat?

I think, with that advert, the woman in question says that the day that she should have graduated was the day that she got her Guide Dog.

I currently help out a few charities: Dogs Trust, Deafblind Children and the Ty Hafan Hospice for terminally ill children.

I won't help anymore.

Had some guy come to the house about Water Aid and I asked him if he knew that Mike Craven-Todd gets paid £105k per annum to film children in the third world (I'm sure that Jimmy Savile would have done the same job for a lot less) and that it has been debunked that children there aren't drinking liquid shit and that Water Aid itself has a bad reputation for how its workers behave.

He was genuinely shocked and said that if true he could no longer support them.

The next thing will be that the Government will raid your wallets and donate to these charities anyway in your name because 'good and kind thing to do'.

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

No smoking gun, but I get the feeling I might have been right on the money. Everything tracks for her drinking something of high proof that caused organ shutdown. Doctors also surprisingly baffled about how it happened (read, they don't want to call her a fucking alcoholic retard) and just assume she picked up an infection. God how I'd love to read those internal notes.

Ah, sh’s from the Midlands. That explains the sped voice too.

Yeah, that sounds like one too many shandies (and maybe nose candies), you’re right. Horrifying nonetheless, but still.

Stacey and Kierrrrrrrrrrrron, god. Bets on any kids having atrocious double-barrelled surname and something like ‘Alfie’ as first name, as and when they arrive.

Edit: @MadeInWales, Ty Hafan are a wonderful charity. Well done on working with them!

 

[femboy fart huffer]

Everything tracks for her drinking something of high proof that caused organ shutdown.

I'd be more willing to bet drinking something made by some dodgy retard and methanol poisoning.

 

[BongoMongo]

A lot of charities behave absolutely disgracefully. It's always worth digging about on them before committing your money or time to one.

The big ones are always the absolute worst as well. Thatcher was right with the jist of "there is no such thing as society". Communities are best placed to know where and who needs supporting within them, not someone in a Government office somewhere. Hell even at a county level they don't know.

And any "celebrity" who takes any money to support a charity is a cunt of the highest order.

 

[femboy fart huffer]

A lot of charities behave absolutely disgracefully. It's always worth digging about on them before committing your money or time to one.

Remember when that kony 2012 shit happened and literally all of the major charities threw a big hissy fit over it because it was 'meant' to be the month for some other charity and some random guy disturbed the fucking cycle of suffering that charities decide on showing. NOOOOO!!!!!!!! you cannot show child slaves april is dead dog month!!!!!!!! reeeeeeeeeee type shit. There is always some local thing that would love your support, bird orphanage near me or any of the shit like that is way more valuable than some nebulous oh yea we'll stop hunger in africa type shit as if I care or would even notice.

 

[Symbol of the Chud]

A lot of charities behave absolutely disgracefully. It's always worth digging about on them before committing your money or time to one.

The big ones are always the absolute worst as well. Thatcher was right with the jist of "there is no such thing as society". Communities are best placed to know where and who needs supporting within them, not someone in a Government office somewhere. Hell even at a county level they don't know.

And any "celebrity" who takes any money to support a charity is a cunt of the highest order.

For me, I like Monkey World, it's a nice place to visit, and also a nice reminder that only white people are capable of treating animals with any sense of respect or dignity.
Fuck, the way subhumans treat animals like elephants and monkeys makes me fucking crash out.

 

[Morethanabitfoolish]

The next thing will be that the Government will raid your wallets and donate to these charities anyway in your name because 'good and kind thing to do'.

You do know that a metric ton of charities already receive public money in the guise of working to improve societal problems right?

 

[FedPostalService]

We live in a society.

 

[femboy fart huffer]

We live in a society.

Speak for yourself I live in a teepee hut

 

[BongoMongo]

bird orphanage near me or any of the shit like that is way more valuable than some nebulous oh yea we'll stop hunger in africa type shit as if I care or would even notice.

That sounds like a really great thing to get involved in. My personal ones are a local hedgehog charity and a local hospice (for people not hedgehogs hah).

I also hate the "sponsor a guide dog puppy" ads. You're not doing jack shit for any puppy, you donate your money, it vanishes into their coffers.

 

[Hazel Motes]

I used to be pro death penalty

Me and my father have a habit of watching Crimewatch repeats on YouTube. While Nick, Sue and later Jill, go over a case, I look up what happened after the appeal. Most, distressingly, remain unsolved, but that is to be expected, the show was often a last resort. Some are caught due to the show; others, thanks to DNA, long after.

A few, a small number but a significant few involve a man being caught, convicted and tried, then found innocent 20 or so years later. Sometimes DNA vindicates him, sometimes it is persistence by a lengthy appeal, but the truth reveals itself, on some level, that is: a killer remains free, two families are placed back into grief and confusion, and two lives remain over.

I like to imagine I could support the death penalty, but I don't think I am able to. There's too much scepticism in me towards the courts, especially now. There is an analogy with corporal punishment. Maybe a child deserves a good hiding now and then, I know there was a couple occasions when I needed a good smack on the head. But, looking back on my school years, I ask, Was there any teacher I would trust to hit a child, to dole out fair punishment? My teachers, with rare exceptions, were petty, half-witted, prone to childish moods and tyrannical in what power they had. They were incapable of teaching a lesson, educational or moral.

Our system is so completely degenerated that the death penalty would be subverted. The term, so direct and commanding, would be latinised, masking the act, as though death was somehow uninvolved. The method would not be immediate, like a hanging, guillotine, or (my preference) firing squad, but a slow acting death where the executioner hugs and apologises to the murderer, while popular music (Oasis, Adele, the Beautiful South) plays on cheap speakers. The victims family will be encouraged to publicly forgive the murderer in a display of unity. Danny Boyle will direct a moving slideshow, featuring both the victim and the murderer's lives, a commentary on how despite our actions, we are all in this together. And everyone will be forced to clap once the deed is done.

We do have an issue with death, fearing what should be seen as inevitability. We should be closer to it. That's one benefit of a public hanging, but I don't imagine they would ever bring that back. It would leave many, especially those without grounded metaphysics, displaced and confused, but displacement and confusion are two feelings that inspire us to ask serious questions about the world. It is the reason why executions (and sacrifices) have played such integrals roles in past societies.

They are two stories in Hardy's Wessex's Tales that feature public hangings. In the book's preface, he claims tales of executions used to 'form a large proportion of the local traditions', and describes how he was acquainted with a man who failed to obtain the post of hangman, and sunk into an 'incurable melancholy,' alleviated only by telling stories about respected hangmen of the past. I wonder if Hardy, with his death-obsession and sombre mood, felt he missed his true calling by not becoming one himself. There is something about the deaths in his novels that are like an execution, painful as they are educational.