UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

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https://news.sky.com/story/row-over-new-greggs-vegan-sausage-rolls-heats-up-11597679 (https://archive.ph/5Ba6o)

A heated row has broken out over a move by Britain's largest bakery chain to launch a vegan sausage roll.

The pastry, which is filled with a meat substitute and encased in 96 pastry layers, is available in 950 Greggs stores across the country.

It was promised after 20,000 people signed a petition calling for the snack to be launched to accommodate plant-based diet eaters.


But the vegan sausage roll's launch has been greeted by a mixed reaction: Some consumers welcomed it, while others voiced their objections.

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spread happiness@p4leandp1nk
https://twitter.com/p4leandp1nk/status/1080767496569974785

#VEGANsausageroll thanks Greggs
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7
10:07 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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Cook and food poverty campaigner Jack Monroe declared she was "frantically googling to see what time my nearest opens tomorrow morning because I will be outside".

While TV writer Brydie Lee-Kennedy called herself "very pro the Greggs vegan sausage roll because anything that wrenches veganism back from the 'clean eating' wellness folk is a good thing".

One Twitter user wrote that finding vegan sausage rolls missing from a store in Corby had "ruined my morning".

Another said: "My son is allergic to dairy products which means I can't really go to Greggs when he's with me. Now I can. Thank you vegans."

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pg often@pgofton
https://twitter.com/pgofton/status/1080772793774624768

The hype got me like #Greggs #Veganuary

42
10:28 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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TV presenter Piers Morgan led the charge of those outraged by the new roll.

"Nobody was waiting for a vegan bloody sausage, you PC-ravaged clowns," he wrote on Twitter.

Mr Morgan later complained at receiving "howling abuse from vegans", adding: "I get it, you're all hangry. I would be too if I only ate plants and gruel."

Another Twitter user said: "I really struggle to believe that 20,000 vegans are that desperate to eat in a Greggs."

"You don't paint a mustach (sic) on the Mona Lisa and you don't mess with the perfect sausage roll," one quipped.

Journalist Nooruddean Choudry suggested Greggs introduce a halal steak bake to "crank the fume levels right up to 11".

The bakery chain told concerned customers that "change is good" and that there would "always be a classic sausage roll".

It comes on the same day McDonald's launched its first vegetarian "Happy Meal", designed for children.

The new dish comes with a "veggie wrap", instead of the usual chicken or beef option.
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It should be noted that Piers Morgan and Greggs share the same PR firm, so I'm thinking this is some serious faux outrage and South Park KKK gambiting here.
 
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isalaide said:
I am sorry to break off from the politics talk, but can we have a thread of the best local newspaper headlines that summarise the absolute state of the nation in 2024.

I am looking for an article in the Liverpool Echo (I have my reasons) and have been reduced to partial hysteria by the combination of the following headlines, neatly stacked together:

"Teacher who abused kids in cupboard says 'it was fun for all'" [ed. this is not actually a Daily Mash headline but I wish it was]

"Man calls shopper a 'nonce' and steals his beer"

"People urged to not tie pets' ears together as 'painful' trend resurfaces"

"Man 'felt burning rage' before killing wife and going to Costa"

"Iceland shopper demands store 'come and collect' slugs from his 89p lettuce"

No fucking wonder Charlie Brooker and Chris Morris say they won't make any more Brass Eye because satire is dead. Is the nation having a collective mental episode
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I think British journos are genuinely the worst in the entire world. How is any of this even newsworthy?
 
isalaide said:
I am sorry to break off from the politics talk, but can we have a thread of the best local newspaper headlines that summarise the absolute state of the nation in 2024.

I am looking for an article in the Liverpool Echo (I have my reasons) and have been reduced to partial hysteria by the combination of the following headlines, neatly stacked together:

"Teacher who abused kids in cupboard says 'it was fun for all'" [ed. this is not actually a Daily Mash headline but I wish it was]

"Man calls shopper a 'nonce' and steals his beer"

"People urged to not tie pets' ears together as 'painful' trend resurfaces"

"Man 'felt burning rage' before killing wife and going to Costa"

"Iceland shopper demands store 'come and collect' slugs from his 89p lettuce"

No fucking wonder Charlie Brooker and Chris Morris say they won't make any more Brass Eye because satire is dead. Is the nation having a collective mental episode
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From my old local news website(s):

“Wetherspoons fact even the most loyal of fans may not know”

“Dad blinded and nearly killed by 30-year Lucozade addiction loses 2st after finally kicking habit”

“Claudia Winkleman among characters in scarecrow competition”
 
Morethanabitfoolish said:
Pastry chef catches chlamydia and turns it into side hustle
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I can't even bring myself to click on that link; my "what the fuck" meter was broken just by reading this.

The Airdrie and Coatbridge Advertiser, in honour of my home town:

"Man sent to prison for using car in potentially lethal attack now jailed for domestic abuse"

"Young Scots mum jailed after pouring kettle of boiling water over boyfriend"

"Worker at homeless accommodation had kettle of hot water and sugar thrown over her"

"Offender had sex with teenage girl while under supervision for similar crime"

"Former soldier jailed for threatening shopper at Coatbridge store with a metal tripod"

"XL Bully puppy euthanised and woman charged following street lockdown"

"Serial offender turned up at Coatbridge police station 'to kill cops'"
 
MichałDrzymała said:
I picked Birmingham
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isalaide said:
The Airdrie and Coatbridge Advertiser, in honour of my home town:
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We all need to be the CWCissey we want to see in the world. With that in mind here's the chlamydia chef.

A pastry chef who contracted chlamydia several years ago decided to create something beautiful out of her experience. Rebecca Ros - also known as Miss ViRos - began to research the virus back in 2020 and discovered what it looked like on a cellular level.

This inspired her to create unique artwork by combining the images of the cells with plants and flowers. She became fascinated with viruses and began to create a series of prints and greeting cards which she now sells at the M32 market held in Eastville on the last Saturday of every month.

Her current collection now includes covid-19, vaginal thrush and the Bubonic plague. "Chlamydia" can be purchased on its own or as part of the Miss ViRos ‘first date pack’ where you can also get "Syphilis" and "Crabs".

For those who are celebrating a two-year anniversary, Miss ViRos recommends "Salmonella", "Herpes" and "Thrush". The 34-year-old pastry chef has also hand-selected a "beginning of the end" pack for couples on the cusp of a break-up which includes "Anthrax", "Rabies" and "the Plague".


Rebecca, who has only recently started making money from her novel designs, has found that apart from being fun, selling at the market has led to some interesting discussions. She said: “Having this stall, a lot of people have opened up to me about what they’ve had and it’s been quite funny.

“I’ve had so many people tell me they’ve had chlamydia. There’s too much stigma so if this is a funny way to break it down then great.


The drawings combine the cells of a virus with a plant.
“It’s an educational tool as well because people start thinking about it a bit more and it’s quite nice. It makes some of the big scary things a little less big and scary, which I quite like.

“A lot of people have asked about plant medicine and if you can use a holistic approach to treatment which I hadn’t thought about. I have met virologists who know loads about the viruses and have spoken to me about that.

“My search history is pretty interesting. It turns out that under a microscope they just look really interesting.

"My favourite was probably salmonella, I found that really difficult to draw.”
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"Aberdeen council architect who chased child with meat cleaver slammed by sheriff for going on holiday."

"NSA ScotSheep 2024: An event not
be missed in East Lothian"

"Fraserburgh fraudster jailed after scamming £10,000 from friend in Hillary Clinton documentary lie"

" 'Large and shambling drunk man' jailed for frightening Huntly woman and kids"
 
isalaide said:
I am sorry to break off from the politics talk, but can we have a thread of the best local newspaper headlines that summarise the absolute state of the nation in 2024.
Click to expand...
They're all owned by the same company, which is dedicated to the dumbing down of the local population.

Notice how low literacy rates are - it's because of a lack of necessity. People don't need to speak well, because the monopoly demands they think in simplistic terms.
 
teriyakiburns said:
I've always advocated for "none of the above". It'll never happen, because it would puncture the egos of the political class and show how disgusted the majority of the country is with all of them, but it's nice to dream.
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Dream scenario is mandatory voting with a RON (reopen nominations) option - even if RON doesn't actually do anything and serves as an indicator. I might as well wish for hen's teeth though.
Rishi got confronted by a yoot while on the campaign trail:


Y: Why do you hate young people so much? You're making us go into the Army -
R: No! No. You'll have a choice, you'll have a choice.
Y: I've volunteered all my life, and-
R: Then you'll love it! Then you'll love it.
Y: Why do I have to do it again, when I'm finally coming out of education?
R: Because I think a culture of service - I wouldn't view it like that, a culture of service is a good thing for this country, and you'll have the choice.
Y: You're waffling.
 
Doctor Love said:
They're all owned by the same company, which is dedicated to the dumbing down of the local population.

Notice how low literacy rates are - it's because of a lack of necessity. People don't need to speak well, because the monopoly demands they think in simplistic terms.
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Don't forget half the population has an IQ below 100. You have your cause and effect back to front, there's no conspiracy.
 
Doctor Love said:
They're all owned by the same company, which is dedicated to the dumbing down of the local population.

Notice how low literacy rates are - it's because of a lack of necessity. People don't need to speak well, because the monopoly demands they think in simplistic terms.
Click to expand...

The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history. But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face—for ever. We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

1984 - George Orwell
 
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