UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Tom Nook's Gloryhole · Thursday at 5:13 PM

Reform winning the by-election would genuinely be the funniest fucking thing ever.

Everyone in Labour loses. Burnham loses because he gets his political career wiped out in one swoop. The Labour coup loses because if not Burnham, who the fuck could take on Starmer? And Starmer himself loses because if a popular Mancurian gets absolutely slaughtered in a Manchester seat then every fucking Labour MP is about to get their poo pushed in by Reform.

Liechtenstein · Thursday at 5:46 PM

Goose the Redeemer · Thursday at 6:04 PM

commie retard said:
If we closed the borders tomorrow, no one in no one out in 50 odd years we would be back to 95% English

He's right on that one, just not in the way that he thinks...

EddyRooney · Thursday at 6:09 PM

Tom Nook's Gloryhole said:
Reform winning the by-election would genuinely be the funniest fucking thing ever.

Everyone in Labour loses. Burnham loses because he gets his political career wiped out in one swoop. The Labour coup loses because if not Burnham, who the fuck could take on Starmer? And Starmer himself loses because if a popular Mancurian gets absolutely slaughtered in a Manchester seat then every fucking Labour MP is about to get their poo pushed in by Reform.

And in the meantime, every tax payer faces a greater burden due to the interest on our debt increasing.
Everyone loses as government goes into stasis. Although if it slows Milliband's crazy docterine down a bit, perhaps we benefit there......
Anyone with a mortgage potentially loses as interest rates increase due to the instability caused by their incompetence.

In his 5th July 2024 victory speech following the general election, Keir Starmer pledged to govern with the principle of "country first, party second".

It's like the classic Fools and Horses, when Del Boy is talking to Mickey......can you smell that ? I can always tell when you're lying.......

BrightonAndHoveAlbion · Thursday at 6:47 PM

Interesting to note that Josh Simons was the director of Labour Together for a couple of years before election in 2024 and sits about as far to the right of labour as you can get.

He was directly involved with the undeclared donations shenanigans and recently resigned all his ministerials posts because of it.

I'm not sure if he's still a close ally of McSweeney and Kier, but I wonder if he's chosen to resign to potentially embarrass Burnham by giving him perhaps the hardest to win seat.

Clem Fandango · Thursday at 8:17 PM

Chunky Salsa said:
His type only ever reign in their genuine disdain and hatred of the other side when they want to try and be sly. It's always performative.

You know, you're right. I just watched his last video, and while it's mainly berating Labour to "get their shit together", (which, to be fair, they probably should) he still feels the need to drop in a thing about "unless Labour sets out a vision, people will believe the lies of the right".

Like, what lies? You know, I drop my son off at school and it's filled with pakis and Africans. Are the "hard right" lying about that? I shop at the supermarket and it's got a halal meat section, and I'm offered a Ramadan special, are they lying about that? I walk to the tube station and I pass a mosque that used to be a church. Are they lying about that??

Man I'd have to be deaf and blind not to see this shit.

cancelmysubscription · Thursday at 8:50 PM

Clem Fandango said:
You know, you're right. I just watched his last video, and while it's mainly berating Labour to "get their shit together", (which, to be fair, they probably should) he still feels the need to drop in a thing about "unless Labour sets out a vision, people will believe the lies of the right".

Like, what lies? You know, I drop my son off at school and it's filled with pakis and Africans. Are the "hard right" lying about that? I shop at the supermarket and it's got a halal meat section, and I'm offered a Ramadan special, are they lying about that? I walk to the tube station and I pass a mosque that used to be a church. Are they lying about that??

Man I'd have to be deaf and blind not to see this shit.

"The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command."

East_Clintwood · Thursday at 9:34 PM

AssignedEva said:
It's not a proper town with proper people, a pie in a bread roll is their local delicacy

Dainty southern poofter hands typed this post. Pie barms are manna from heaven in miserable weather (which is all weather in Wigan because it's a miserable shithole)

Snekposter · Friday at 1:00 AM

Clem Fandango said:
He had a good take after Brexit (maybe calling people we disagree with bigoted gammons isn't the best approach). But I've watched lots of his videos since then and it's a bit sad how he basically seems to have gone back on that.

He also had a short spiel in 2016 about how the Left had caused Trump by not listening to people and instead just slandering them. There's been glimmers of awareness at times from either him or his writing staff.

Overly Serious said:
One could conceal the names of the accused without banning full reporting. So clearly they're trying to suppress the the general backgrounds of the accused. Ethnicity, country of origin, something like that.

We all know at least one of them has the very traditionally English name "Muhammed".

UselessRubberKeyboard · Friday at 3:19 AM

East_Clintwood said:
Dainty southern poofter hands typed this post. Pie barms are manna from heaven in miserable weather (which is all weather in Wigan because it's a miserable shithole)

Oh no. Please don’t start the ‘what do you call a bread roll’ debate again…

(A pie batch sounds fucking amazing though, not gonna lie)

Kikemaster · Friday at 3:21 AM

Hate to hand the UK a W, but it seems the UK is setting a precedence to cut off Palantir mid-term for their Govenrment awarded contracts. The pain point seems to be that their platform sucks (duplicates entries and doesn't integrate well with existing data systems) but also its refusal to not reuse the data for its own purposes and the uncertainty whether UK Citizen data will be exfiltrated outside of the country. This is unlike several other contracts with local governments (London, Dorset), which apparently have these restrictions in place.
The main project that called the re-evaluation of Palantir as a supplier, was a program in which UK citizens could sign up and volunteer to host Ukrainian Refugees in their homes. Of course "NO REFUNDS SUCKERS LOL" applies to the situation and active contracts worth upwards of 220 Million Bongs (not only related to this project) will be left unserviceable. Still possibly a preferable outcome.

tl;dr - Rare Anglo W, Big Palantir L. Globohomo big mad.

More Info:

https://shkspr.mobi/blog/2026/05/uk-government-kicks-out-palantir/

https://www.reuters.com/world/uk/britains-nhs-grant-palantir-contractors-unlimited-access-patient-data-ft-reports-2026-05-11/

Tom Nook's Gloryhole · Friday at 3:48 AM

I genuinely have no issue whatsoever with Palantir getting their grubby hands on UK infrastructure as it should be blatantly obvious to even the public themselves who haven't seen government/police/nhs databases that they're an absolute fucking mess.

If you get a tummy ache when you're in a town 20 minutes from where you live and (yes this is hypothetical, you'd never actually get one) get a doctors appointment, that doctor has no way of accessing your medical history on the fly. Granted, this level of incompetence has probably saved everyone's NHS data from leaking 40 times over, but it's 2026 for fucks sake, surely a database that only registered doctors could access (not Stacy in reception) can be possible. "B-but actually this surgery wants the buttons to be here not there so we can't do th..." SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EITHER USE THE FUCKING SYSTEM OR HAND IN YOUR FUCKING NOTICE.

Then there's the other public sector shit. Every single person here who knows someone who works for the police or civil service or local government etc. will have probably heard them whine about a new fucking system coming into place that's set to replace the old one but ends up having teething issues so both systems run concurrently until they try and work out what the fuck to do. If Palantir manages to create a system that can import JohnSmithCV.doc from the previous system into something that doesn't end up screwing it up into ARCHIVE-22984757019357.dcn then they can use whatever fucking data they want, they've earned it.

A streamlined despazzing of government databases would genuinely benefit everyone, but then unfortunately that'd mean that public sector workers would have no excuses for not being able to do their work so no wonder the laziest retards you know are mad about palantir.

Cuckoman · Friday at 4:08 AM

So I am probably late and gay, but what happened with all this "Starmer will be forced to step down" talk from a while ago?

Starmer found some balls and told them something like:
You force me to step down? Ok, I will step down, AFTER I call a snap election, and then all you faggots will lose your seats too.

Then everyone sat down and shut up ?

i440BX · Friday at 4:11 AM

I have a question for you.

Everytime you see some victim of a stabbing or a murder in UK, I see parents or family members saying racism is bad, diversity is good, we need to tackle knives, etc.

I believe this is not an organic response, and it is pushed on these family members by the police or some goverment agency? Or they censor themselves? But then why don't they refuse to comment?

I remember reading that even US had such thing before Trump got into power.

Do you have knowledge about this phenomenon?

Overly Serious · Friday at 4:12 AM

Tom Nook's Gloryhole said:
A streamlined despazzing of government databases would genuinely benefit everyone

Especially those in power.

Palantir are a known evil. When the counter arguments begin with "if Palantir can..." then you're accepting a definite negative in return for a promise.

Also, the UK services are planted thick with data protection laws. I know, and you probably do too, that any new system by Palantir would be a new top layer on top of everything that had extremely permissive access and just sucked up everything. It's the only way that Palantir could "import JohnSmithCV.doc" into some integrated system.

It's a bad idea to sacrifice liberty for security. But to sacrifice it for government efficiency is a pipe dream.

EDIT: Also worth noting that this very story is about Palantir being ditched because their system was bad. They replaced it with something developed in-house. "In-house" is a dirty word in modern industry and in government, but in my experience, it is often the only thing that works right.

Amin Yasister · Friday at 4:17 AM

Saw a news story from Torrevieja in Spain which detailed that a Columbian man beat his ex-girlfriends cat to death on 27th April. He was arrested for animal cruelty, and that he did so to inflict psychological harm on the woman. He was initially released on bail.

On 13th May he was in court where he was found guilty of both offences, and was told to pay €1000 in compensation to his ex.

He was told that he was to be deported back to Columbia (he is wanted by authorities there) and sent straight to the detention centre to be sent back. And he has been barred from entering Spain for 10 years.

So 15 days from arrest to being held in a deportation centre. Swift justice.

Breadbassket · Friday at 4:32 AM

Cuckoman said:
So I am probably late and gay, but what happened with all this "Starmer will be forced to step down" talk from a while ago?

Starmer found some balls and told them something like:
You force me to step down? Ok, I will step down, AFTER I call a snap election, and then all you faggots will lose your seats too.

Then everyone sat down and shut up ?

Something is happening on that front, just not very fast as Starmer is refusing to go down without a fight. His Health Secretary resigned yesterday so there is definitely some open discontent amongst his Cabinet ministers. Pressure to oust him does seem to be growing as well.

Kikemaster · Friday at 4:44 AM

Tom Nook's Gloryhole said:
If Palantir manages

Yes, and this specific story is that they did not manage, despite even having another contract before this one just for scoping and testing.
And this also then went to other sections of Government to then say "Actually this doesn't work for us either" or is at least implied from freezing the contracts and spokespeople saying they are looking for "alternative solutions" and "purpose-built projects".

Keep in mind, Palantir's ultimate business model is to collect, aggregate and sell PII. The platforms it creates to do data processing, are meant to collect your data. The "Data processing" for its intended purpose, is actually a secondary thought.

That is aside the fact that Palantir CAN offer to not collect and exfiltrate government info and still do so anyway.

Overly Serious · Friday at 4:46 AM

i440BX said:
I have a question for you.

Everytime you see some victim of a stabbing or a murder in UK, I see parents or family members saying racism is bad, diversity is good, we need to tackle knives, etc.

I believe this is not an organic response, and it is pushed on these family members by the police or some goverment agency? Or they censor themselves? But then why don't they refuse to comment?

I remember reading that even US had such thing before Trump got into power.

Do you have knowledge about this phenomenon?

A "liaison officer" is assigned to you. I have no first hand experience of this but I imagine whilst you're still grieving and in shock, and still viewing the police as your a source of stability and guidance in this chaotic and suddenly new experience, the liaison officer is quick in there with:

If you say the wrong thing it might help the bad person get off.
Bad people are going to try and exploit your tragedy by making it about race, so head that off.
If you say something negative about _______, it's going to tarnish your / the victim's reputation.
"We're on your side and protecting you from the press, Say this and it will help."

Or if they need to get more explicit, they can always hint that they'll be less helpful if the family or victim doesn't play along, hint at charges for hate speech, hint that "racial motivations" might sink their case / saying the right thing will help it.

Some of this may seem weak sauce but these are people in a state of shock experiencing a horrible situation they are unfamiliar with and the police represent authority. And if all else fails, look at the case of the poor lad further up whom they drove an iron fence spike through his jaw and then stonewalled any complaints and tried to suppress the video of the attack on the lad.

Amin Yasister said:
On 13th May he was in court where he was found guilty of both offences, and was told to pay €1000 in compensation to his ex.

That's a small amount, imo, for someone murdering a pet cat to get at the owner. But then any financial amount would be, imo. There's something wrong with a society where the law thinks everything can be assigned a monetary value. Public flogging would be a start. Still, glad some countries are willing to actually deport people, I suppose.

Chunky Salsa · Friday at 4:48 AM

i440BX said:
I have a question for you.

Everytime you see some victim of a stabbing or a murder in UK, I see parents or family members saying racism is bad, diversity is good, we need to tackle knives, etc.

I believe this is not an organic response, and it is pushed on these family members by the police or some goverment agency? Or they censor themselves? But then why don't they refuse to comment?

I remember reading that even US had such thing before Trump got into power.

Do you have knowledge about this phenomenon?

It's a government founded NGO - a QUANGO - Called the behavioural insights team. They manage the situation when it happens so that therr's no breaking from the message that racism is the ultimate evil. When they don't go along, the media simply doesn't platform them.

UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Tom Nook's Gloryhole

Liechtenstein

Goose the Redeemer

EddyRooney

BrightonAndHoveAlbion

Clem Fandango

Can you hear me?

cancelmysubscription

East_Clintwood

Snekposter

Operation: Desert Snek

UselessRubberKeyboard

Jet Set Neowilly

Kikemaster

You have been bаnned! (N-word in username)

Tom Nook's Gloryhole

Cuckoman

Xoogler

i440BX

Now with a faster fpu

Overly Serious

Amin Yasister

Breadbassket

Kikemaster

You have been bаnned! (N-word in username)

Overly Serious

Chunky Salsa