UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Kofi Drinka · Mar 17, 2026

weegrumpy said:
Can we have a Bottom appreciation thread lol?!

I made a bong comedy thread. it went like 2 pages and died.

Jimmy Dean Bowl · Mar 17, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
I made a bong comedy thread. it went like 2 pages and died.

Post link, we will revive it

Heinrich Maneuver · Mar 17, 2026

The Ghost of Sergei Witte said:
Why is the maximum amount of milk in the EU seemingly a single solitary litre of UHT?

That's actually really interesting lol, do we drink so much tea we require 2L of milk to be sold?

The Government has announced that rail passengers will soon be able to claim Delay Repay through third-party retailers like Trainline. I already put all my tickets through delay repay just in case there was a delay earlier or is one now that the computer will pay me back for.
Keir has outlasted Rishi.

Without PLing I'm in the middle of some investigations. IDK if i mentioned before but the local nurses (''nurses'' idk if they are qualified) who are mostly Hindu Christian women are currently not being paid by the Muslim manager and she is pocketing all the money, including the travel wages. It also seems that the council will be closing down an essential, yet niche, medical facility and are not saying what it will be replaced with or if there will be any replacement for the medical services, leading to everyone openly speculating its going to be turned into an asylum seeker hotel. I hate this fucking government so much, I know I'm right about all this being human trafficking but it sucks to have it confirmed.

teriyakiburns · Mar 17, 2026

Heinrich Maneuver said:
That's actually really interesting lol, do we drink so much tea we require 2L of milk to be sold?

As a nation, we drink a lot of milk in general, IIRC. Chermans are just peculiar.

Heinrich Maneuver said:
Without PLing I'm in the middle of some investigations. IDK if i mentioned before but the local nurses (''nurses'' idk if they are qualified) who are mostly Hindu Christian women are currently not being paid by the Muslim manager and she is pocketing all the money, including the travel wages.

This happens all over the health sector, from what I can tell. Wife worked briefly in something along those lines (admin work, not nursing) and had to regularly deal with overworked care staff, who barely spoke English, complaining to her that they were being forced to travel huge distances and work well over their contracted hours with no extra compensation. She quit when she she found out the finance manager had been leering at her on the office cameras, because he complained to her face that she'd been out of view of them for too long.

Kofi Drinka said:
I made a bong comedy thread. it went like 2 pages and died.

British comedy doesn't play well on the farms. Americans don't have the cultural context, so they don't get the jokes at more than a surface level. They find Monty Python and Blackadder funny, but shows like Bottom or The Young Ones just confuse them, so they default to cargo-culting Null's hatred of us to deal with their inability to get the joke.

news:

Moving English tests for migrants online risks criminal abuse, providers warn - Terrible racists express hatefacts that immigrants are liars who cheat on tests. Westminster's obsession with making everything online will be the death of us.

LXXVII Brigade · Mar 17, 2026

teriyakiburns said:
Bottom or The Young Ones

I would add that they barely understand that kind of surreal comedy. Both Bottom and The Young Ones feel like fever trips and I genuinely can't think of anything that comes close to them in recent memory.

The closet American equivalent would be It's Always Sunny but even then that's nowhere near as surreal as The Young Ones got. The Windsors comes close which is probably why it's so good, but it is written by Harry Enfield so quality is a given.

I think a big part of it might be the death of Sitcom style comedy as a whole. Both Bottom and The Young Ones were filmed in front of a live audience and only used a handful of sets. Red Dwarf does/did? the same to be fair and it's held up even after the revival.

I think a lot of modern British comedy is either shitty panel shows like 9/10 cats and Mock The Week or some shitty 3rd rate comedians self-insert "Dramaedy" series which takes itself too seriously to be funny and is too stupid to be serious.

We need more comedians writing stupid comedy. Stupid doesn't mean bad, it just means it doesn't want to be high art to win a BAFTA.

Heinrich Maneuver · Mar 17, 2026

teriyakiburns said:
This happens all over the health sector, from what I can tell.

Where's Made in Wales gone? I have to yell at him. It's a Reform councillor (with diabetes, the porker) who's authorised this as well. I'm incredibly MATI about it.

Kofi Drinka · Mar 17, 2026

LXXVII Brigade said:
I would add that they barely understand that kind of surreal comedy. Both Bottom and The Young Ones feel like fever trips and I genuinely can't think of anything that comes close to them in recent memory.

Bottom and The young ones are both very grounded with surreal jokes. Eddie and Richie people exist, they exist exactly the way they're shown. The violence is slap stick but everything else is spot on. Young ones has surreal jokes, but the characters are pitch perfect 80's students. Complete with Mike, the weird "cool" older guy who seems to hang around uni students for some reason.

Modern Red Dwarf sucks. It's sucked since they added the woman to the cast then revived the crew. It ran too long and it never should have been brought back.

Heinrich Maneuver said:
Where's Made in Wales gone? I have to yell at him. It's a Reform councillor (with diabetes, the porker) who's authorised this as well. I'm incredibly MATI about it.

A lot of Reform councillors are just doing exactly what the tories did. There has been no difference between who's in charge. I'm torn between hating Reform for being a bunch of paki lovers and hating the anti reform people because they're leftist twats and they think Labour is an alternative.

Heinrich Maneuver · Mar 17, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
I'm torn between hating Reform for being a bunch of paki lovers and hating the anti reform people because they're leftist twats and they think Labour is an alternative.

Multitrack drifting. 'ate Reform, 'ate Labour, 'ate pakis

Overly Serious · Mar 17, 2026

LXXVII Brigade said:
We need more comedians writing stupid comedy. Stupid doesn't mean bad, it just means it doesn't want to be high art to win a BAFTA.

I get what you mean, but I find one of the biggest differences between British comedy and the USA is that the latter just doesn't really get "High Comedy". The only example from the USA that I can think of, genuinely, is Fraser. And that's going back a long way. Whilst from Yes, Minister to The Thick of It to Drop the Dead Donkey to, well, the list is endless. I think partly it is that the UK has a strong theatre tradition and this bled into much of the TV entertainment. We do some superb High Comedy films as well. Even when the film itself is not a comedy, we often incorporate High Comedy elements. America just doesn't really do this. It's not that they can't (witness Frasier, as mentioned, or Some Like It Hot). But I think their executives deliberately aim everything at the lowest denominator they can get away with. They think that it works by getting the intelligence level they aim at and everything above. Like some kind of fishing trawler casting its nets as wide as possible. But it just leads to crap no smart person wants to watch.

In general, everything is more low-brow than it used to be. I was reading an article in The Spectator and there were a lot of quotes from historical politicians. One referred to pre-WWI America's combination of power and political isolation as "the ghost at all our feasts" whilst an American Republican at the time dismissed the League of Nations saying: "I have loved but one flag and I cannot share that devotion and give affection to the mongrel banner invented for the League."

The greater enfranchisement in our societies, the more our leading figures stoop to the most basic and crude language to get the public's support. Much in the same way TV entertainment in the USA does. And the UK increasingly.

Anyway, more topically, we have the Ukrainian pianist winging his way towards us as we type:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c15xeyny73wo

https://archive.md/vToNT

"Britain will also give £500,000 to fund an AI centre of excellence in Kyiv."

So that's another half a million of our taxes just given to Ukraine for no good reason. An "AI centre of excellence" in Kiev. Excuse me... 'kyeevf'. Let me just re-locate my sides. See, I told you we did High Comedy better than anybody else.

>IMPLYING · Mar 17, 2026

teriyakiburns said:
They find Monty Python and Blackadder funny, but shows like Bottom or The Young Ones just confuse them, so they default to cargo-culting Null's hatred of us to deal with their inability to get the joke.

They might be able to enjoy a few sketches.

I get what you mean, but I find one of the biggest differences between British comedy and the USA is that the latter just doesn't really get "High Comedy". The only example from the USA that I can think of, genuinely, is Fraser. And that's going back a long way. Whilst from Yes, Minister to The Thick of It to Drop the Dead Donkey to, well, the list is endless. I think partly it is that the UK has a strong theatre tradition and this bled into much of the TV entertainment. We do some superb High Comedy films as well. Even when the film itself is not a comedy, we often incorporate High Comedy elements. America just doesn't really do this. It's not that they can't (witness Frasier, as mentioned, or Some Like It Hot). But I think their executives deliberately aim everything at the lowest denominator they can get away with. They think that it works by getting the intelligence level they aim at and everything above. Like some kind of fishing trawler casting its nets as wide as possible. But it just leads to crap no smart person wants to watch.

@Overly Serious I think a part of it is their approach to the absurd and the concept of farce. Maybe ego gets in the way or something but a lot of American actors seem unable or unwilling to entertain it. We know Americans themselves are completely capable of producing examples of farce and absurd, even witty humour, but it's also like they can't convey it without some meta-veneer of the people involved knowing how stupid the situation is. The actors themselves crank up the hammy acting, or the scene includes a straight man to remark on it—the joke can't exist without some need from the writer/director/actor to let the viewer know they know it's stupid. Key and Peele has some genuinely funny sketches but it's seldom that the joke goes by without another character referencing the ridiculousness of the situation.

It's funny to contrast how American tourists were once portrayed versus how they're usually thought of today.
Funny-talking, overbearing, a little ignorant, but still ultimately endearing.

Mundane differences (ways of talking, naming things, accent, etc) being elevated to absurd and nonsensical might also play a part. The thing about pushing mundane, factual differences to absurd, hyperbolic ends is that they effectively no longer accurately describe the people they're attributed to, which helps make them not feel mean-spirited. In American comedy, only blacks are allowed to joke about their own naming conventions and stereotypes, so already there's a barrier there that limits comedy. Granted, that barrier now exists in British comedy as well nowadays (nothing that can be inferred as "punching down" is allowed) but being able to mutually mock other people you share a country with and have it not feel outright malicious is pretty much a necessity.

A lot of it can just be attribute to political correctness though.

All that being said, I think it can be summed up in two words word: sincere & shameless.
Leslie Nielson's delivery in Airplane an easy to "get" example of what I mean from an American POV.
His jokes are allowed to just settle and isn't undercut by the character being self-aware that he made a joke, or others pointing out or explaining it. In British comedy this sort of stupidity can escalate to insane levels and it'll still be treated as completely mundane.

Overly Serious · Mar 17, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
I'm torn between hating Reform for being a bunch of paki lovers and hating the anti reform people because they're leftist twats and they think Labour is an alternative.

But if you don't vote for your lizard, the wrong lizard might get in.

The only winning move is to vote for who you actually want and damn the screams of "split the vote" from the Uniparty mouthpieces.

Kofi Drinka · Mar 17, 2026

Heinrich Maneuver said:
Multitrack drifting. 'ate Reform, 'ate Labour, 'ate pakis

I 'ate a lot of things.

Overly Serious said:
"Britain will also give £500,000 to fund an AI centre of excellence in Kyiv."

So that's another half a million of our taxes just given to Ukraine for no good reason. An "AI centre of excellence" in Kiev. Excuse me... 'kyeevf'. Let me just re-locate my sides. See, I told you we did High Comedy better than anybody else.

I don't get the current trajectory at all except Orange man bad. The UK keeps siding with the Ukraine and now they're just building an expensive crater for Russia. While orange man says "lend us support in this war on Iran" and all of Nato sucks air between their teeth like someone just farted. Without American support NATO doesn't exist. We know all of our military systems at all levels are fucked. When the UK after being attacked could say "We can't spare a lot, but we'll send some drone operators and a row boat". Token support but still support that stops Trump from fucking you in the future. We know Trump is petty and holds grudges. Doing the minimum you can get away with just to keep in America's good books is what you have to do to play ball in global politics. We shouldn't be sucked into another war but some SAS and drone operators would be enough to not piss off Trump and end up put in the corner economically. Who picks the beggar to champion over the giver?

No-Eyed Square Guy · Mar 17, 2026

teriyakiburns said:
They find Monty Python and Blackadder funny, but shows like Bottom or The Young Ones just confuse them, so they default to cargo-culting Null's hatred of us to deal with their inability to get the joke.

Americans now of middle age got The Young Ones advertised to us so hard and repeated at us so often we got tired of it. Good show the first few hundred times you see it, though.

A dozen or so British shows were common on American TV until the '90s. (You knew you'd stayed up too late when Benny Hill was on more than one channel.) Then they all seemed to go away for twenty years or so. Presumably the BBC was overcharging for everything.

It's younger people who don't know the stuff (except the crappy nowadays stuff).

And they don't know why they should hate England, but it's good if they do.

The Ghost of Sergei Witte · Mar 17, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
I'm torn between hating Reform for being a bunch of paki lovers and hating the anti reform people because they're leftist twats and they think Labour is an alternative

I'm of the belief that it's traitors before enemies always. I'm virulent in it actually. You have to radically dismantle traitors, the last thing I want is, God forbid, a repeat of the Bojo years with Reform where people are sold the siren song of populism and instead they're given war and 1.2 million BAMES with a N I G E L W A V E.

If you ever look at my posts and wonder why I say the things I do, whether it's Anti-MAGA or Anti-Reform, it's simply that I hate these venomous snakes in the grass, these actual traitors who "based-wash" their views to only drag you kicking and screaming into the depths of more Managerial Neo-Liberal hell.

Never forget it was Jenrick who imported who knows how many Afghans secretly, it was the Boriswave front bench who've fucked this country beyond recognition that have all defected to Reform. The idea of letting these grotesque, dysgenic, Tory boy, often brown, closeted homosexual freaks anywhere near the levers of power again is beyond the pale for me.

Tony Martin's Force Ghost · Mar 17, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
A lot of Reform councillors are just doing exactly what the tories did. There has been no difference between who's in charge. I'm torn between hating Reform for being a bunch of paki lovers and hating the anti reform people because they're leftist twats and they think Labour is an alternative.

I used to tolerate the Reform voting bloc, but since Lowe started, my apathy has turned into nothing more than disgust.
Take this video from TalkTV with Julia Brewer and Matt Goodwin.

Guy uses all points from Restore's 110 page policy on illegal immigration. Does not mention Restore or Lowe once, mentions the Greens dozens of times. He is saying Reform's immigration policy is the same as Restore's. They are not at all.

Don't worry Jenrick came out today like a prize pony and said Nigel will pay a street's energy bills for a year. I don't even think you can do that legally, as that is essentially bribery. It's not only insulting to your base, as it makes them look for, but it is very tacky. All the while, Lowe said the Restore party wishes to abolish the inheritance tax.

This is all very "style" over substance, where Lowe is giving something of value and long-lasting, and Farage, nothing except failed Tories and Labour defectors.

teriyakiburns · Mar 17, 2026

Kofi Drinka said:
Token support but still support that stops Trump from fucking you in the future. We know Trump is petty and holds grudges. Doing the minimum you can get away with just to keep in America's good books is what you have to do to play ball in global politics. We shouldn't be sucked into another war but some SAS and drone operators would be enough to not piss off Trump and end up put in the corner economically. Who picks the beggar to champion over the giver?

I outlined what I suspect is the problem in the iran thread. Boils down to this: Starmer spent much of his legal career either campaigning for the government to re-open investigations into British veterans who had previously been accused of war crimes in Iraq and Afghanistan, or seeking civil prosecutions against them. Once entrenched at the CPS, he pursued investigations and prosecutions against soldiers for those same supposed war crimes, despite the fact they were previously cleared of any wrongdoing. The cases failed, but they subjected former servicemen to years of stress. In government, one of the first things he did was reduce legal immunity for individual personnel, with the intent that they will be left open to prosecution or legal action for actions they took under lawful orders.

Starmer now cannot risk any attempt to order the military into anything other than the most nominal of defensive actions in the middle east, because they rank and file will almost certainly refuse to take part in anything that could later be construed as "war crimes" or "human rights abuse" under international law. If he tried sending ships, there's a non-zero chance the crew would refuse orders, which is basically mutiny. It wouldn't surprise me if that's why The Prince of Wales didn't sail last week, despite being put on a 5 day readiness notice.

Chunky Salsa · Mar 17, 2026

teriyakiburns said:
It wouldn't surprise me if that's why The Prince of Wales didn't sail last week, despite being put on a 5 day readiness notice last week.

That was actually because of unions.

Eekum Bokum · Mar 17, 2026

teriyakiburns said:
British comedy doesn't play well on the farms. Americans don't have the cultural context, so they don't get the jokes at more than a surface level. They find Monty Python and Blackadder funny, but shows like Bottom or The Young Ones just confuse them, so they default to cargo-culting Null's hatred of us to deal with their inability to get the joke.

You can't expect most Americans to understand most of our comedy after all they are the ones that created the Big Bang Theory which in a just reality would be justification for nuclear war.

AssignedEva · Mar 17, 2026

Heinrich Maneuver said:
Where's Made in Wales gone? I have to yell at him. It's a Reform councillor (with diabetes, the porker) who's authorised this as well. I'm incredibly MATI about it.

He flounced off last month

Made In Wales said:
One final message from me, before my inevitable ban and account deletion.
Whilst, overall, I've enjoyed my time on here it now has to come to an end due to personal threats and directed abuse being sent my way over my continuing support for Nigel Farage and Reform UK. The fact that I won't 'fall in line' and 'know my place' has angered many on here because they are entitled little morons who cannot stand being told the word that starts with N and ends very shortly after with O - NO.
In my life (I am 41 in July, yeah old as fuck go figure) I have spent the vast majority of it standing against the EU and in support of Wales and the UK - I am proud to be both Welsh and British and I love my country and what it has given to the world and still contributes. I have never voted for Labour, despite coming from a Pit Estate in South Wales, but I have strong Socialist beliefs which have cemented my life and understanding of it - respect, trust, honour, friendship, grafting hard. I voted Independent in 2005 and 2010 and thereafter I supported UKIP, Brexit and now Reform UK before becoming a member and working for the party.
Unlike some of the detractors and whiners here, I am actively fighting for a better country which future generations can enjoy, where their freedoms will be respected and where they will be safe and their value as a member of society will be appreciated - a time where the problems of today will be as alien as a world before the internet or the days before 24 hour TV.

...it goes on like that for a while.

teriyakiburns · Mar 17, 2026

AssignedEva said:
...it goes on like that for a while.

Same energy.

UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

Kofi Drinka

You are a dumb nigger. Kill yourself.

Jimmy Dean Bowl

Screen shooting crypto-hag

Heinrich Maneuver

it's just you, me and this wire

teriyakiburns

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

LXXVII Brigade

中国第一。打倒西方帝国主义。

Heinrich Maneuver

it's just you, me and this wire

Kofi Drinka

You are a dumb nigger. Kill yourself.

Heinrich Maneuver

it's just you, me and this wire

Overly Serious

>IMPLYING

Overly Serious

Kofi Drinka

You are a dumb nigger. Kill yourself.

No-Eyed Square Guy

The Ghost of Sergei Witte

Tony Martin's Force Ghost

I killed a gypo!

teriyakiburns

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.

Chunky Salsa

Eekum Bokum

Eekum Bokum

AssignedEva

I throw the quesadilla at the wall.

teriyakiburns

If anyone tried stealing my pot, I'd wrestle them.