- Joined
- Aug 31, 2015
Theirs is a pure love.
Let's Sperg APAMG: Dream Daddy - A dating sim with surprising moments, but save your $15
- Thread starter AngeloTheWizard
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Theirs is a pure love.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
Alright guys, I had a pretty hectic weekend, and I've decided, to hell with this. I'm not stopping the LP, we're just accelerating it. So every day until we're done, we'll be doing an entire route in one go, starting with finishing Hugo's. This game and all the juicy drama has run its course and now I just want to be done with it. So let's get to it.
For anyone wondering, the exact picture of Jackie Chan is this:
We take a dad nap and eventually, plans are made and we're about to head out for cheese boards, interrupted by Amanda. She asks us to convince Hugo to go easy for the final, but Box is too focused on cheese.
This line comes after Hugo gives us more details about Colin's antics, and at the end of it, this line is both chuckle-worthy and totally understandable. The place is also having a trivia night, and we get a scorecard...
And a party. Another lesson in writing, and game design in general: Having more characters in a scene is tough. When you set out wanting to write a scene between two characters (in this case, Hugo and Box), adding more characters only serves to divide the audience's attention. A mention that another character is there is fine, but this? This whole long conversation between four dads and two daughters? NO! BAD WRITER! NO COOKIE!
We end up issuing a challenge, mostly because the writers seem intent on locking us into a competitive mode with Brian regardless of our chosen route-this marks at least twice now that we've had a chance to have a battle with Brian during someone else's route. Brian is not the star, guys.
Turns out Spinmaster Quinn moonlights as Quizzmaster Quinn, and no, the game actually does spell it with two Zs. Fuck me.
Quinn still has family problems like in the Joseph route. It makes things awkward for the characters when he brings them up, and annoying for me because i have to click through annoying "..." responses to get to the fucking trivia!
We start with Literature, and I am convinced, despite the guide telling me so, that the word "Endor" does not exist anywhere in Tolkien's works. Then we get movies, and then a Wrestling category. Hugo, out of nowhere, announces that he's got the Wrestling stuff.
Hugo nails the wrestling category, which is a lightning round, and corrects the answer on one question. Quinn mockingly asks if Hugo is his ex-wife, and the restaurant laughs. We then move to a cool animal category, and we can help out again.
Answer 3 is a real thing, weirdly. And the answer.
After we win (because I'm cheating), we get a chance to ask about Hugo's wrestling knowledge. We have to push, but eventually he shows us:
His fucking shrine to wrestling.
Ernest comes home, and the two get into a fight. Hugo confides in us that he does his best, but he can't compete with "Fun Weekend Dad", as he's a double authority figure and makes him turn his homework in on time. Box consoles Hugo, saying that eventually, Ernest will come to appreciate it. After that, it's time for us to head on home. We have some breakfast for dinner with Amanda, and I get my S rank.
For anyone wondering, the exact picture of Jackie Chan is this:
We take a dad nap and eventually, plans are made and we're about to head out for cheese boards, interrupted by Amanda. She asks us to convince Hugo to go easy for the final, but Box is too focused on cheese.
This line comes after Hugo gives us more details about Colin's antics, and at the end of it, this line is both chuckle-worthy and totally understandable. The place is also having a trivia night, and we get a scorecard...
And a party. Another lesson in writing, and game design in general: Having more characters in a scene is tough. When you set out wanting to write a scene between two characters (in this case, Hugo and Box), adding more characters only serves to divide the audience's attention. A mention that another character is there is fine, but this? This whole long conversation between four dads and two daughters? NO! BAD WRITER! NO COOKIE!
We end up issuing a challenge, mostly because the writers seem intent on locking us into a competitive mode with Brian regardless of our chosen route-this marks at least twice now that we've had a chance to have a battle with Brian during someone else's route. Brian is not the star, guys.
Turns out Spinmaster Quinn moonlights as Quizzmaster Quinn, and no, the game actually does spell it with two Zs. Fuck me.
Quinn still has family problems like in the Joseph route. It makes things awkward for the characters when he brings them up, and annoying for me because i have to click through annoying "..." responses to get to the fucking trivia!
We start with Literature, and I am convinced, despite the guide telling me so, that the word "Endor" does not exist anywhere in Tolkien's works. Then we get movies, and then a Wrestling category. Hugo, out of nowhere, announces that he's got the Wrestling stuff.
Hugo nails the wrestling category, which is a lightning round, and corrects the answer on one question. Quinn mockingly asks if Hugo is his ex-wife, and the restaurant laughs. We then move to a cool animal category, and we can help out again.
Answer 3 is a real thing, weirdly. And the answer.
After we win (because I'm cheating), we get a chance to ask about Hugo's wrestling knowledge. We have to push, but eventually he shows us:
His fucking shrine to wrestling.
Ernest comes home, and the two get into a fight. Hugo confides in us that he does his best, but he can't compete with "Fun Weekend Dad", as he's a double authority figure and makes him turn his homework in on time. Box consoles Hugo, saying that eventually, Ernest will come to appreciate it. After that, it's time for us to head on home. We have some breakfast for dinner with Amanda, and I get my S rank.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
Apparently, going on anyone's second date while ALSO having been on Joseph's first date triggers the cutscene in the bar with Mary. I skip it this time. Fuck that bitch.
According to Box, Hugo and him have been crushing at trivia night. This time, however, our third date is all Box inspired. Which makes sense, Hugo is a rather reserved individual, so we're going to need to make a special effort to win this one's heart.
I find this somewhat heartwarming.
As it happens, Box decided to get Hugo two cool things: One, a legally distinct parody of Uncle John's bathroom reader, and two, Wrestling Tickets. For once, Box is smooth as fuck.
Hugo appreciates our gift by lifting us up in a bear hug. As it happens, he lifts.
We have a scene change, to the night of the Power Slam, and...
...Someone put acid in my coffee this morning, didn't they?
Game, you're reminding me of Moviebob. Stop that.
We end up with nosebleed seats, but Hugo could not give a fuck. He's just so happy to be here he's about to cream his super tight jeans. I mean seriously, Hugo, get some better fitting pants, I can tell what religion you are.
We go get snacks, and find out that Colin and some of Hugo's other students are here. We decide to sneak back to our seats, and for some reason, the guide tells me to tell him "get under my shirt". Well, no one can tell it's Hugo under there, considering his own shirt...
The next match is a lot of reading and not a lot of action. It's well written, by someone who has at least watched a few wrestling matches and knows how to poke fun at them-the "Eastern Dragon" comes out to pan flute music, for instance, and Hugo just goes "wrestling". After the match, well...
We end up on the Jumbotron. On the kiss cam specifically.
Oh baby, you know what we gotta do here.
Or at least, we try to. Turns out there was a couple behind us who were actually kissing. Well, nevermind. We know we'll get that kiss later.
We head out to the parking lot. We get another "about to kiss" moment, when we get interrupted by the Eastern Dragon. No, really:
Turns out Hugo does huge writeups of matches on a certain web forum, and the Eastern Dragon is a fan of his. And we get to witness it all.
Colin, who has no portrait, comes up to us after Eastern Dragon walks off. Can we please stop with getting a million characters interrupting us? Colin mocks Hugo for liking wrestling, but Colin's friends think it's pretty cool that he's into it. After all the problems that Colin has hit Hugo with, Hugo gets this final line after turning all his buddies against him:
We return to Hugo's wrestling cave, crack open a beer, and then do some wrestling moves. We finally get to have that kiss with Hugo after he pins up, by selecting "go for it", because there's no way we're picking "tap out like a coward". We then get implied sex when Box asks if Hugo has any more moves to show, and he says he might have a few...
Epilogue changes!
* Hugo wears the autographed shirt.
* Quinn is here, for some reason.
* Ernest does what Lucien did in the Damien route, and thanks us for being cool to his dad. He threatens to set our garbage can on fire if we tell anyone he has a soft side. TEENAGE WASTELAND!
* Colin told everyone at school that Hugo likes wrestling. It backfired spectacularly and made Hugo into the "cool teacher". Hugo makes a mention of a "pump handled piledriver" move, and the Hugo route comes to a close.
Analysis: I actually kinda like this one. Hugo's route has the moral of coming out of your shell a little bit-you don't have to be all open all the time, but showing a few interests can be beneficial. We've seen Hugo evolve from the shy and reserved English teacher to a guy who can be open about how much he loves wrestling. Despite my complaints of stretching these scenes way longer then they needed by constantly throwing dudes at us, the heartwarming moments do warm the heart and I'm not left feeling cheated.
Finally, your complimentary shitty picture, as I gear up for the Robert route, as he won the voting. No more vote polls after this, we're just going in order of votes from this one.
According to Box, Hugo and him have been crushing at trivia night. This time, however, our third date is all Box inspired. Which makes sense, Hugo is a rather reserved individual, so we're going to need to make a special effort to win this one's heart.
I find this somewhat heartwarming.
As it happens, Box decided to get Hugo two cool things: One, a legally distinct parody of Uncle John's bathroom reader, and two, Wrestling Tickets. For once, Box is smooth as fuck.
Hugo appreciates our gift by lifting us up in a bear hug. As it happens, he lifts.
We have a scene change, to the night of the Power Slam, and...
...Someone put acid in my coffee this morning, didn't they?
Game, you're reminding me of Moviebob. Stop that.
We end up with nosebleed seats, but Hugo could not give a fuck. He's just so happy to be here he's about to cream his super tight jeans. I mean seriously, Hugo, get some better fitting pants, I can tell what religion you are.
We go get snacks, and find out that Colin and some of Hugo's other students are here. We decide to sneak back to our seats, and for some reason, the guide tells me to tell him "get under my shirt". Well, no one can tell it's Hugo under there, considering his own shirt...
The next match is a lot of reading and not a lot of action. It's well written, by someone who has at least watched a few wrestling matches and knows how to poke fun at them-the "Eastern Dragon" comes out to pan flute music, for instance, and Hugo just goes "wrestling". After the match, well...
We end up on the Jumbotron. On the kiss cam specifically.
Oh baby, you know what we gotta do here.
Or at least, we try to. Turns out there was a couple behind us who were actually kissing. Well, nevermind. We know we'll get that kiss later.
We head out to the parking lot. We get another "about to kiss" moment, when we get interrupted by the Eastern Dragon. No, really:
Turns out Hugo does huge writeups of matches on a certain web forum, and the Eastern Dragon is a fan of his. And we get to witness it all.
Colin, who has no portrait, comes up to us after Eastern Dragon walks off. Can we please stop with getting a million characters interrupting us? Colin mocks Hugo for liking wrestling, but Colin's friends think it's pretty cool that he's into it. After all the problems that Colin has hit Hugo with, Hugo gets this final line after turning all his buddies against him:
We return to Hugo's wrestling cave, crack open a beer, and then do some wrestling moves. We finally get to have that kiss with Hugo after he pins up, by selecting "go for it", because there's no way we're picking "tap out like a coward". We then get implied sex when Box asks if Hugo has any more moves to show, and he says he might have a few...
Epilogue changes!
* Hugo wears the autographed shirt.
* Quinn is here, for some reason.
* Ernest does what Lucien did in the Damien route, and thanks us for being cool to his dad. He threatens to set our garbage can on fire if we tell anyone he has a soft side. TEENAGE WASTELAND!
* Colin told everyone at school that Hugo likes wrestling. It backfired spectacularly and made Hugo into the "cool teacher". Hugo makes a mention of a "pump handled piledriver" move, and the Hugo route comes to a close.
Analysis: I actually kinda like this one. Hugo's route has the moral of coming out of your shell a little bit-you don't have to be all open all the time, but showing a few interests can be beneficial. We've seen Hugo evolve from the shy and reserved English teacher to a guy who can be open about how much he loves wrestling. Despite my complaints of stretching these scenes way longer then they needed by constantly throwing dudes at us, the heartwarming moments do warm the heart and I'm not left feeling cheated.
Finally, your complimentary shitty picture, as I gear up for the Robert route, as he won the voting. No more vote polls after this, we're just going in order of votes from this one.
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2013
Hugo's love of wrestling is definitely one of the more entertaining parts. He's also "voiced" by Ray Narvaez Jr, formally of Achievement Hunter, who had abut of a running gag thing going when they played wrestling games, so there's an extra bit of humor if your familiar with him.
And the "bitch" line is great.
And the "bitch" line is great.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
Alright, let's do Robert. This is a plan without a hint of flaw or possibility of error!
Robert is a bit different. He doesn't immediately respond to us on Dadbook, even after we watch 30 cat videos. We decide to watch some TV.
Not gonna lie, I'd watch that.
We then make lunch, and remember that we brought a basketball hoop and decide to put it up. Yes, I'm not kidding, a good chunk of this date seems to be us fucking around the house and not actually interacting with Robert.
Game, I don't care what fucking point you think you're making, if I wanted to experience a guy fucking around in an empty house, I'd just leave work early.
It's nighttime before we get a message back. Amanda is her bubbly self as always. We head on out to Jim and Kim's, because what other bar is there?
And considering Joseph's wandering ways, a potential threesome.
It's time for a round, and I remember that Robert likes whiskey, so I decide to start off with some whiskey. He appreciates it. After taking some shots, it's revealed we're going on a bar hop. For the uninitiated, that's when you run around to a bunch of different bars and have a drink at all of them. It is, at least, more fun then the hipster version of Starbucks hopping, and less traumatizing then corpse munging. We head to Irish I Were Drinking, Box makes a bad pun, Mary throws an insult, and Robert tells her to put her fangs away for a bit.
We get another shot at Irish I Were Drinking, and Robert decides to sip on this one. Mary downs it, and Robert calls her the picture of grace and beauty. And while I know it will likely change, Mary is far and away more interesting of a character, can anyone please tell me how a hard drinking firey redhead married a pastor?
Mary tells a story about how the kid of a woman named Edith slipped some pot brownies into a bake sale, Mary was about to tell Edith when Edith flipped out on her, so Mary told her to eat a brownie. She ate three, leading to the above line.
Mary then reveals she has some blunts in her purse (SERIOUSLY! HOW THE FUCK DID SHE MARRY JOSEPH?!) and I immediately accuse her of being with the feds-I thought it would lead to a "I will if you promise you ain't the cops", but instead, Box goes off on a string of bad "retro" slang and Robert laughs uncontrollably. Mary says she was joking, but I can't tell with her, ever.
We get a chance to maybe get Mary to leave so we can have some alone time with Robert. I immediately rule out the choice about invoking Joseph, because that's just a can of worms. I decide to try asking her to get the next round.
Mary sees right through it.
Robert admits he had us pegged as a straight laced type. Um, hello, pink puff hair? Regardless, we let him know we used to be wild, though we don't mention Craig and our college days. Robert asks if we have some wild left. I tell him I have so much wild, and Box makes a bad joke about a safari, spoiling our reputation somewhat. Well, was worth a try.
We get our first look into Robert's real personality here. I'm with him on this, silence is actually really powerful in communication. We sit in silence for a bit until Robert asks if we've ever killed a man. We say no, even after he goes into way too much detail about what happens, and he says he hasn't either. Goddamn Robert, dial back the crazy train a bit.
We head out of the bar after a bit and hit up a liquor store. Robert gets us some wine-some real fruity wine.
Buddy, I just did Hugo's route. I ain't judging shit.
Robert decides to throw rocks at things. We join in. He hits a stop sign. We announce we have a problem with authority and hit a parked car, leaving a crack in the windshield. We run.
After that mess, we head to a little pizza joint. Pete's Piece a Pizza. Someone needs to use that name now. Robert asks if we're cool with pineapple on pizza, and while I respect and admire the great Gordon Ramsay, I will bullshit if it means an A ranking.
We get our pizza and head back into the alleyway. We find ourselves sliding into an open door, finding ourselves in the cinema. We watch a romantic comedy and heckle it the whole time. Ernest is there...for some reason. Box fucks with Ernest the whole damn time.
Kid, you have balls, but you and your friends are a bunch of middle schoolers challenging two grown adults, and if I remember correctly, Robert's Dadbook page said he never left the house without a gun. Even if I didn't remember correctly, you are diving head first into stupidity here.
Also, apparently Robert can run rings around your ass when it comes to banter. This is going to wind up being a "don't make assumptions" moral, isn't it?
Ernest rushes Robert at that, apparently he hates his own name. We dive between and take a kick to the knee, and that sets Robert off. He squares up and discusses Queensbury dueling rules, and also points at one of Ernest's friends and declares that "if you die, he dies". This gets Ernest and his crew to back off, because, well...look who you just pissed off.
But, as some of my tabletop characters will tell you, not wanting to hit a kid doesn't mean you can't put on a show to get things to stop. Also, he made half of his show up, meaning that this guy is probably a Rogue specced in the Bluff skill.
As we walk home, I tell him thanks for the adventure, and he replies that adventure is all he's got. Hey, I'll take it.
We don't even get an end scene with Amanda, we just get to go right into getting our A ranking. One date down, two to go.
Robert is a bit different. He doesn't immediately respond to us on Dadbook, even after we watch 30 cat videos. We decide to watch some TV.
Not gonna lie, I'd watch that.
We then make lunch, and remember that we brought a basketball hoop and decide to put it up. Yes, I'm not kidding, a good chunk of this date seems to be us fucking around the house and not actually interacting with Robert.
Game, I don't care what fucking point you think you're making, if I wanted to experience a guy fucking around in an empty house, I'd just leave work early.
It's nighttime before we get a message back. Amanda is her bubbly self as always. We head on out to Jim and Kim's, because what other bar is there?
And considering Joseph's wandering ways, a potential threesome.
It's time for a round, and I remember that Robert likes whiskey, so I decide to start off with some whiskey. He appreciates it. After taking some shots, it's revealed we're going on a bar hop. For the uninitiated, that's when you run around to a bunch of different bars and have a drink at all of them. It is, at least, more fun then the hipster version of Starbucks hopping, and less traumatizing then corpse munging. We head to Irish I Were Drinking, Box makes a bad pun, Mary throws an insult, and Robert tells her to put her fangs away for a bit.
We get another shot at Irish I Were Drinking, and Robert decides to sip on this one. Mary downs it, and Robert calls her the picture of grace and beauty. And while I know it will likely change, Mary is far and away more interesting of a character, can anyone please tell me how a hard drinking firey redhead married a pastor?
Mary tells a story about how the kid of a woman named Edith slipped some pot brownies into a bake sale, Mary was about to tell Edith when Edith flipped out on her, so Mary told her to eat a brownie. She ate three, leading to the above line.
Mary then reveals she has some blunts in her purse (SERIOUSLY! HOW THE FUCK DID SHE MARRY JOSEPH?!) and I immediately accuse her of being with the feds-I thought it would lead to a "I will if you promise you ain't the cops", but instead, Box goes off on a string of bad "retro" slang and Robert laughs uncontrollably. Mary says she was joking, but I can't tell with her, ever.
We get a chance to maybe get Mary to leave so we can have some alone time with Robert. I immediately rule out the choice about invoking Joseph, because that's just a can of worms. I decide to try asking her to get the next round.
Mary sees right through it.
Robert admits he had us pegged as a straight laced type. Um, hello, pink puff hair? Regardless, we let him know we used to be wild, though we don't mention Craig and our college days. Robert asks if we have some wild left. I tell him I have so much wild, and Box makes a bad joke about a safari, spoiling our reputation somewhat. Well, was worth a try.
We get our first look into Robert's real personality here. I'm with him on this, silence is actually really powerful in communication. We sit in silence for a bit until Robert asks if we've ever killed a man. We say no, even after he goes into way too much detail about what happens, and he says he hasn't either. Goddamn Robert, dial back the crazy train a bit.
We head out of the bar after a bit and hit up a liquor store. Robert gets us some wine-some real fruity wine.
Buddy, I just did Hugo's route. I ain't judging shit.
Robert decides to throw rocks at things. We join in. He hits a stop sign. We announce we have a problem with authority and hit a parked car, leaving a crack in the windshield. We run.
After that mess, we head to a little pizza joint. Pete's Piece a Pizza. Someone needs to use that name now. Robert asks if we're cool with pineapple on pizza, and while I respect and admire the great Gordon Ramsay, I will bullshit if it means an A ranking.
We get our pizza and head back into the alleyway. We find ourselves sliding into an open door, finding ourselves in the cinema. We watch a romantic comedy and heckle it the whole time. Ernest is there...for some reason. Box fucks with Ernest the whole damn time.
Kid, you have balls, but you and your friends are a bunch of middle schoolers challenging two grown adults, and if I remember correctly, Robert's Dadbook page said he never left the house without a gun. Even if I didn't remember correctly, you are diving head first into stupidity here.
Also, apparently Robert can run rings around your ass when it comes to banter. This is going to wind up being a "don't make assumptions" moral, isn't it?
Ernest rushes Robert at that, apparently he hates his own name. We dive between and take a kick to the knee, and that sets Robert off. He squares up and discusses Queensbury dueling rules, and also points at one of Ernest's friends and declares that "if you die, he dies". This gets Ernest and his crew to back off, because, well...look who you just pissed off.
But, as some of my tabletop characters will tell you, not wanting to hit a kid doesn't mean you can't put on a show to get things to stop. Also, he made half of his show up, meaning that this guy is probably a Rogue specced in the Bluff skill.
As we walk home, I tell him thanks for the adventure, and he replies that adventure is all he's got. Hey, I'll take it.
We don't even get an end scene with Amanda, we just get to go right into getting our A ranking. One date down, two to go.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
Round 2, bitches!
Box comments that Robert's been elusive ever since the first date. We send him one final message, instead of, you know, walking over and knocking on his door, which is what I would do if I was wondering where someone went off to.
At this point, I'm just going to stop commenting on how wildly Box's baking skills swing from chapter to chapter. This game can't remember shit.
Beats Robert throwing rocks at the window.
We hop into his pick-up truck and drive on out. He puts on some Tom Waits as we drive. We try to find out what's going on, but he doesn't tell. I keep my mouth shut for the ride, cause after all, he likes silence.
If your answer to "where we're going" is "Makeout Point", you'd be right. We're on a cliff overlooking the city.
Excuse me. MasturbatePoint. Obviously he's joking, and by now I wish Box would stop jumping out of his skin at everything. Robert busts out a knife and then starts whittling. He asks if we thought we were going to be stabbed, and I decide to play along. Box says he's been eating junkfood in preparation, making him two steps ahead of Robert. He enjoys this.
We're invited to whittle with him, which brings us into a minigame. The minigame graphics are shit compared to the rest of the game, it's just very basic, low detail 3d models compared to the 2d art work-no shadows, no illusions of depth, a limited and very saturated and dull color palette...it's bad.
See?
We whittle a bunch of shit, and we get to declare what it is each time. There are many humourous options, and none of them seem to really affect what Robert thinks-maybe we just get points for playing.
At the end, we whittle a horse. I call it Sir Horsington the Brave, and Robert says it's a noble name for a noble creature. Wait til Amanda hears about this.
We end up slicing our finger while we're distracted by Robert carving a smaller, wooden knife. He then starts talking about cryptids, so we get ourselves a ghost story as well as all our whittled shit.
Then the ghost story gets real, and Robert gets an Oh Crap moment.
I feel like Robert's pants should have been brown.
We head on out in the truck, and Robert starts talking about his life. Mentioning that he's getting old, and he feels like he's drowning in a sea of regret. He regrets that he spent his whole life chasing what made him happy that he hurt a lot of people around him. I thank him for telling us, saying that it must have taken a lot for him to put that out there, then he hits us with a big one:
Box also talks about his own Dad, and how Dad Spooner was never really there. Always working, you know how this speech goes. Box says the happiest memories he has are with his family, with Alex (who I'm guessing is the dead spouse) and Amanda. We then pull a Robert ourselves and say we left Dad to die in a Belaruse prison, but then we reveal the joke and say he lives in Florida and we visit on Christmas. It gets a good laugh.
Robert drops us off and lets us keep the folding knife. We meet Amanda in the house, and talk about cryptid hunting. And finally, to hammer the point home about family, Box tells Amanda that he loves her. Thus ends date 2...up next, the finale of Robert.
Box comments that Robert's been elusive ever since the first date. We send him one final message, instead of, you know, walking over and knocking on his door, which is what I would do if I was wondering where someone went off to.
At this point, I'm just going to stop commenting on how wildly Box's baking skills swing from chapter to chapter. This game can't remember shit.
Beats Robert throwing rocks at the window.
We hop into his pick-up truck and drive on out. He puts on some Tom Waits as we drive. We try to find out what's going on, but he doesn't tell. I keep my mouth shut for the ride, cause after all, he likes silence.
If your answer to "where we're going" is "Makeout Point", you'd be right. We're on a cliff overlooking the city.
Excuse me. MasturbatePoint. Obviously he's joking, and by now I wish Box would stop jumping out of his skin at everything. Robert busts out a knife and then starts whittling. He asks if we thought we were going to be stabbed, and I decide to play along. Box says he's been eating junkfood in preparation, making him two steps ahead of Robert. He enjoys this.
We're invited to whittle with him, which brings us into a minigame. The minigame graphics are shit compared to the rest of the game, it's just very basic, low detail 3d models compared to the 2d art work-no shadows, no illusions of depth, a limited and very saturated and dull color palette...it's bad.
See?
We whittle a bunch of shit, and we get to declare what it is each time. There are many humourous options, and none of them seem to really affect what Robert thinks-maybe we just get points for playing.
At the end, we whittle a horse. I call it Sir Horsington the Brave, and Robert says it's a noble name for a noble creature. Wait til Amanda hears about this.
We end up slicing our finger while we're distracted by Robert carving a smaller, wooden knife. He then starts talking about cryptids, so we get ourselves a ghost story as well as all our whittled shit.
Then the ghost story gets real, and Robert gets an Oh Crap moment.
I feel like Robert's pants should have been brown.
We head on out in the truck, and Robert starts talking about his life. Mentioning that he's getting old, and he feels like he's drowning in a sea of regret. He regrets that he spent his whole life chasing what made him happy that he hurt a lot of people around him. I thank him for telling us, saying that it must have taken a lot for him to put that out there, then he hits us with a big one:
Box also talks about his own Dad, and how Dad Spooner was never really there. Always working, you know how this speech goes. Box says the happiest memories he has are with his family, with Alex (who I'm guessing is the dead spouse) and Amanda. We then pull a Robert ourselves and say we left Dad to die in a Belaruse prison, but then we reveal the joke and say he lives in Florida and we visit on Christmas. It gets a good laugh.
Robert drops us off and lets us keep the folding knife. We meet Amanda in the house, and talk about cryptid hunting. And finally, to hammer the point home about family, Box tells Amanda that he loves her. Thus ends date 2...up next, the finale of Robert.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
Alright Robert, you're our Dream Daddy.
Robert sends us a bunch of messages, about drinking. I tell him that tonight we ride, and he tells us to hit up J & K's at 8.
Amanda says she's listening to sad shit when we tell her what we're doing tonight. I decide to choose the "I don't give a fuck anymore" option, and since she's an adult, Box says she can swear. She says "Fuck Yeah" and I get an achievement for it: "Let Amanda Say [CENSORED]"
Mary joins us for our drinking, and Robert has cleaned up a bit. Mary calls him out on his out of character behavior.
Turns out our Dream Daddy has Daddy Issues of his own.
Box stupidly assumes he's joking, but Mary slaps us down and says that Robert doesn't joke about his dad. Robert's dad has two months.
Only that's all a lie, if Robert is telling the truth when he suddenly pops up with "nah, he's retired". Now I don't know what to believe, and this is starting to get on my nerves. Heading outside, we find ourselves joining a ghost tour, led by...
This fucking guy.
Robert gets his jollies by fucking with Quinn for the entire ghost tour. I love Robert. I love him so much right now. Robert invites us, "Dr. Loomis", to make some shit up, and I decide to "go with something I know", which causes Box to parody the plot of Ghostbusters. Quinn calls us out, but we stop him mid-sentence.
Mary breaks away, but not before giving us this little bit of advice. I was planning on that anyway, but thanks Mary. She's much more like how she is in the Damien route in Robert's route, and I prefer this Mary.
The final stop of the tour is a graveyard, and Robert and Box launch into a tall tale that gets the entire group going. We have the whole group, even Quinn, buying every word, and man is it a hell of a lot of fun to make it up as we go.
We head back to Robert's house, and remember that dog Robert found in Damien's route? So does the game! This is Betsy, his not Pitbull. Robert used a scar he has in our story we told the tour, and we learn how he really got it-he flew over a rock after hitting it on his bike and he and his daughter went to the hospital. Yeah, even the supposedly unattached bachelor has a kid, but I'm sure you picked up on that last time.
The difference is, his daughter is in her 20s, unlike our Amanda.
Robert acts a bit strange, Box asks if he's okay, and Robert leans in to kiss the hell out of us. Eventually Box figures that something is up, and Robert admits he's been stressed, but stays vague. We push it a bit, and he opens up.
He admits that his daughter, Val, is coming tomorrow, and she wants to patch things up. He last saw her four years ago. He and his wife moved out here to get away from temptation, but Robert couldn't help it, and then...
He goes into a spiral of self-loathing. We get some options, and we decide to do the hard love option, telling him what he needs to hear.
Box goes on about how he has regrets, but he knows that no matter what he does, he can wake up the next morning and be better then what he was before. He says that Robert now has that privilege of being better. In the end, we tell him that it's going to be okay. We end up falling asleep while embracing each other.
Now, Epilogue changes:
* Mary is giving Amanda a crash course on drinking. Have water in between rounds, and if you have a hangover, pickle juice (does that work?)
* We meet Val!
She has her Dad's tendency to crack jokes that make us nervous. Box figures out she's Val by that alone. She thanks us for helping Robert out, and she's serious about patching things up. It's always good to play peacekeeper. Val also hands Amanda a business card (she does magazine stuff) and says if she needs an internship, call.
* Our final conversation with Robert has him talk about how he's fighting his own self-destructive vices...but thanks to us, it's gotten a bit easier. We try to kiss him, but he pulls away, saying that he can't do anything romantic because we deserve a lot better. We say he needs a friend, and we're happy to be a friend for him.
Our final picture, which is actually a lot better then the other three. So, final analysis:
Robert's route is very, very, VERY good. While the opening of the first two dates does little for the pacing, the content is very heavy emotionally, and it feels good to be the voice that helps pick him up out of the rut he's in and get him on the path of redemption. Basically, we get to play hero in this one. And it's presented realistically, Val brings up that it's not going to go away in a week, but it's getting better. Robert says he still has to fight it. If there was more time, maybe we'd get to see Robert in a better state, but the slow burn approach feels a lot better when we only have an hour and a half of content, and it's good to go out on a high note for a change.
Robert sends us a bunch of messages, about drinking. I tell him that tonight we ride, and he tells us to hit up J & K's at 8.
Amanda says she's listening to sad shit when we tell her what we're doing tonight. I decide to choose the "I don't give a fuck anymore" option, and since she's an adult, Box says she can swear. She says "Fuck Yeah" and I get an achievement for it: "Let Amanda Say [CENSORED]"
Mary joins us for our drinking, and Robert has cleaned up a bit. Mary calls him out on his out of character behavior.
Turns out our Dream Daddy has Daddy Issues of his own.
Box stupidly assumes he's joking, but Mary slaps us down and says that Robert doesn't joke about his dad. Robert's dad has two months.
Only that's all a lie, if Robert is telling the truth when he suddenly pops up with "nah, he's retired". Now I don't know what to believe, and this is starting to get on my nerves. Heading outside, we find ourselves joining a ghost tour, led by...
This fucking guy.
Robert gets his jollies by fucking with Quinn for the entire ghost tour. I love Robert. I love him so much right now. Robert invites us, "Dr. Loomis", to make some shit up, and I decide to "go with something I know", which causes Box to parody the plot of Ghostbusters. Quinn calls us out, but we stop him mid-sentence.
Mary breaks away, but not before giving us this little bit of advice. I was planning on that anyway, but thanks Mary. She's much more like how she is in the Damien route in Robert's route, and I prefer this Mary.
The final stop of the tour is a graveyard, and Robert and Box launch into a tall tale that gets the entire group going. We have the whole group, even Quinn, buying every word, and man is it a hell of a lot of fun to make it up as we go.
We head back to Robert's house, and remember that dog Robert found in Damien's route? So does the game! This is Betsy, his not Pitbull. Robert used a scar he has in our story we told the tour, and we learn how he really got it-he flew over a rock after hitting it on his bike and he and his daughter went to the hospital. Yeah, even the supposedly unattached bachelor has a kid, but I'm sure you picked up on that last time.
The difference is, his daughter is in her 20s, unlike our Amanda.
Robert acts a bit strange, Box asks if he's okay, and Robert leans in to kiss the hell out of us. Eventually Box figures that something is up, and Robert admits he's been stressed, but stays vague. We push it a bit, and he opens up.
He admits that his daughter, Val, is coming tomorrow, and she wants to patch things up. He last saw her four years ago. He and his wife moved out here to get away from temptation, but Robert couldn't help it, and then...
He goes into a spiral of self-loathing. We get some options, and we decide to do the hard love option, telling him what he needs to hear.
Box goes on about how he has regrets, but he knows that no matter what he does, he can wake up the next morning and be better then what he was before. He says that Robert now has that privilege of being better. In the end, we tell him that it's going to be okay. We end up falling asleep while embracing each other.
Now, Epilogue changes:
* Mary is giving Amanda a crash course on drinking. Have water in between rounds, and if you have a hangover, pickle juice (does that work?)
* We meet Val!
She has her Dad's tendency to crack jokes that make us nervous. Box figures out she's Val by that alone. She thanks us for helping Robert out, and she's serious about patching things up. It's always good to play peacekeeper. Val also hands Amanda a business card (she does magazine stuff) and says if she needs an internship, call.
* Our final conversation with Robert has him talk about how he's fighting his own self-destructive vices...but thanks to us, it's gotten a bit easier. We try to kiss him, but he pulls away, saying that he can't do anything romantic because we deserve a lot better. We say he needs a friend, and we're happy to be a friend for him.
Our final picture, which is actually a lot better then the other three. So, final analysis:
Robert's route is very, very, VERY good. While the opening of the first two dates does little for the pacing, the content is very heavy emotionally, and it feels good to be the voice that helps pick him up out of the rut he's in and get him on the path of redemption. Basically, we get to play hero in this one. And it's presented realistically, Val brings up that it's not going to go away in a week, but it's getting better. Robert says he still has to fight it. If there was more time, maybe we'd get to see Robert in a better state, but the slow burn approach feels a lot better when we only have an hour and a half of content, and it's good to go out on a high note for a change.
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2013
It's actually interesting to me that all the routes don't end up with the player being with the Daddy of choice. Joseph's makes you basically his "whatever a male mistress" is, Robert's leaves you as close friends so he can get his life together...the writing can be really good and realistic when it wants to be.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
It all comes back to that weird sort of division we can clearly see in the writing team-someone wanted to be serious, someone wanted to be a parody. Unable to reconcile the two, the serious one won out, simply because Mr. Serious got all of the characterization. And while I dislike the ending of Joseph's route, that has more to do with my own personal distastes then any flaw in the writing.
Now, my Kiwis, I am altering what I said I'd do again. Look, here's the deal: Path of Exile did their big 3.0 update last week. Tomorrow, Hearthstone's new expansion, Knights of the Frozen Throne, comes out. At the end of this month, Destiny 2's early access opens up. I can't bring myself to give a shit about this game anymore, so today, we are going to shotgun the last three dads. Yup, you heard me. This ends tonight.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
It's time for Craig.
Box is able to throw out a message without getting Amanda's help, but he's a bit more comfortable around his old roomie. Craig invites us-as in, Box and Amanda-to the softball game, and Amanda happily agrees to join us after relating a tale about her first softball game where a softball came at her and she ran off crying. Not even hit her. She ended up thinking Box was a giant, sentient softball.
Her words, not mine.
There ain't no crying in softball, kiddo.
We get our requisite "this dad has hidden depths!" moment with this line. At this point, the dads are all following a formula: Date 1 has the dads showing a hidden depth and giving some advice, Date 2 has us giving the Dad some advice, and Date 3 brings it all full circle with hard hitting emotional moments. At this point, I'm just curious what Craig's "advice" bit will be.
A rogue foul ball heads right for us, but Amanda reaches out and grabs it before it hits us. She is very happy that she confronted her fears. At the end of the game, we meet up with Craig and also the twins Briar and Hazel. Amanda asks who the evil one is, Briar says Hazel, Hazel...agrees.
Craig is about to split so he can hang with us, but a mom by the name of Janet says we have to go out for pizza. She's not super into Box coming along (and finally, someone in this game with an appropriate reaction to Box!) but agrees.
Apparently they used to fold whole pizzas in half and put taco fillings inside, which is what "pizzacos" is referencing. Not gonna lie, I would eat that.
Craig gets jumped by another mom, Martha. It seems like every lady with kids wants a piece of Craig's man meat. Craig himself...isn't feeling it. Dunno why, but I bet that'll come up!
Craig then gets dragged off by the girls to play DDR, and you know what, unlike with Robert, I'll let this slide. The writing is putting obstacles in the way of us hanging with Craig instead of Craig just not coming around to talk to us, and things are actually happening instead of us just faffing about. We head off to play some pinball with Amanda, and Janet from before comes up and asks us about Craig, specifically if he's available. Janet makes Amanda's machine tilt just before she beats our high score (no, there's no minigame for it, holy fuck I do not want to play what this game would do with pinball), and as a gamer myself I'm amazed Amanda doesn't just rip her fucking throat out.
We manage to break out of the arcade with Craig, leaving the party behind. Amanda heads home, and we're left alone with Craig-whoohoo!
We play some catch and catch up on old times. We get to ask Craig about how his life is going, and even though the game presents choices, we basically have to ask him everything if we want the full story. He's happy to have his kids, have the team, and he also runs a fitness-gear business, so basically, his life is pretty damn solid.
He finally mentions Janet, and how usually she's worse then she was today, but him?
He wants some peace and quiet. His dream sexual fantasy is sleeping in on a Saturday. I completely get you, bro. He says the moms can flirt all they want, his top priority is his kids.
The option I pick combine with Box's actually decent social skills to tell Craig that the right person-one who cares for his kids as much as he does-will come eventually, and there's no need to rush. Seems we're slightly breaking the formula now.
Craig's softball hits us square in the head. he says he'll do the dad thing, and Box counters with don't tell me you have to kiss it to make it better. Craig counters our counter with "you would be so lucky". I press my luck a little bit, saying that we've earned it for waiting all day to hang with him, and he agrees, kissing us right on the forehead.
Wow, we really are breaking my supposed formula. Fucking exceptions that prove the rule and wreck the battle plan!
We head on out after this, talking about the old days. Including a house party that got broken up by a SWAT helicopter. So far I like this route much more, we're actually learning about Box which is good since he isn't a blank slate like most dating sim protagonists.
Once we get home, we have a brief chat with Amanda, and then turn in. If it feels like I'm speeding along, I'm not, it's just that Craig doesn't have a lot of crazy outfits or interesting dialogue that I can't just type out instead. Ah well, maybe more pictures next time, Kiwis.
Box is able to throw out a message without getting Amanda's help, but he's a bit more comfortable around his old roomie. Craig invites us-as in, Box and Amanda-to the softball game, and Amanda happily agrees to join us after relating a tale about her first softball game where a softball came at her and she ran off crying. Not even hit her. She ended up thinking Box was a giant, sentient softball.
Her words, not mine.
There ain't no crying in softball, kiddo.
We get our requisite "this dad has hidden depths!" moment with this line. At this point, the dads are all following a formula: Date 1 has the dads showing a hidden depth and giving some advice, Date 2 has us giving the Dad some advice, and Date 3 brings it all full circle with hard hitting emotional moments. At this point, I'm just curious what Craig's "advice" bit will be.
A rogue foul ball heads right for us, but Amanda reaches out and grabs it before it hits us. She is very happy that she confronted her fears. At the end of the game, we meet up with Craig and also the twins Briar and Hazel. Amanda asks who the evil one is, Briar says Hazel, Hazel...agrees.
Craig is about to split so he can hang with us, but a mom by the name of Janet says we have to go out for pizza. She's not super into Box coming along (and finally, someone in this game with an appropriate reaction to Box!) but agrees.
Apparently they used to fold whole pizzas in half and put taco fillings inside, which is what "pizzacos" is referencing. Not gonna lie, I would eat that.
Craig gets jumped by another mom, Martha. It seems like every lady with kids wants a piece of Craig's man meat. Craig himself...isn't feeling it. Dunno why, but I bet that'll come up!
Craig then gets dragged off by the girls to play DDR, and you know what, unlike with Robert, I'll let this slide. The writing is putting obstacles in the way of us hanging with Craig instead of Craig just not coming around to talk to us, and things are actually happening instead of us just faffing about. We head off to play some pinball with Amanda, and Janet from before comes up and asks us about Craig, specifically if he's available. Janet makes Amanda's machine tilt just before she beats our high score (no, there's no minigame for it, holy fuck I do not want to play what this game would do with pinball), and as a gamer myself I'm amazed Amanda doesn't just rip her fucking throat out.
We manage to break out of the arcade with Craig, leaving the party behind. Amanda heads home, and we're left alone with Craig-whoohoo!
We play some catch and catch up on old times. We get to ask Craig about how his life is going, and even though the game presents choices, we basically have to ask him everything if we want the full story. He's happy to have his kids, have the team, and he also runs a fitness-gear business, so basically, his life is pretty damn solid.
He finally mentions Janet, and how usually she's worse then she was today, but him?
He wants some peace and quiet. His dream sexual fantasy is sleeping in on a Saturday. I completely get you, bro. He says the moms can flirt all they want, his top priority is his kids.
The option I pick combine with Box's actually decent social skills to tell Craig that the right person-one who cares for his kids as much as he does-will come eventually, and there's no need to rush. Seems we're slightly breaking the formula now.
Craig's softball hits us square in the head. he says he'll do the dad thing, and Box counters with don't tell me you have to kiss it to make it better. Craig counters our counter with "you would be so lucky". I press my luck a little bit, saying that we've earned it for waiting all day to hang with him, and he agrees, kissing us right on the forehead.
Wow, we really are breaking my supposed formula. Fucking exceptions that prove the rule and wreck the battle plan!
We head on out after this, talking about the old days. Including a house party that got broken up by a SWAT helicopter. So far I like this route much more, we're actually learning about Box which is good since he isn't a blank slate like most dating sim protagonists.
Once we get home, we have a brief chat with Amanda, and then turn in. If it feels like I'm speeding along, I'm not, it's just that Craig doesn't have a lot of crazy outfits or interesting dialogue that I can't just type out instead. Ah well, maybe more pictures next time, Kiwis.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
I don't either, Box.
We set up a run for tomorrow. Amanda orders pizza that night, and knows the delivery guy so well that when he asks if Box is on a health kick, she replies yes.
In the morning, Craig has a plan set out for us. He's pretty damn hardcore, and is going to take it to the limit with us, so just imagine Box Spooner and Craig running to the tune of MIDI versions of 80s synth:
We manage to keep pace with Craig! Even though we're sweating buckets.
We do a hill climb, and at the end, both Craig and Box are beat up.
At this point, the running is put on hold. See, River (that's the toddler) has a cute little stuffed capybara, and it's now lost. It's time to play detective, or, as Craig puts it, to have a "Broventure".
We have to balance our searching with keeping River calm, and this whole segment has a bit of an adventure game feel to it. Which makes me so happy I have a guide so that I can end this game tonight.
Partway through, we find the stuffed animal's leg. Oh man, this is murder most foul, isn't it?
Fucking hell, make sure your text boxes fit on screen even at the low resolution, boys.
By the time we get to the woods, we've interrogated Joseph, Mat and his daughter, River herself, some squirrels, and found a lost leg. Robert's also out here, and Joseph mentioned the twins might be out here too. We've got our last few leads.
We interrogate Robert, and threaten to spoil the ending of Paranormal Long Haul Ice Road Truckers. We get a sentence in before Robert tells us to stop and gives us what we want. Bad Cop is fun.
Sloppy! (FF14 players will get it)
The Twins have been cutting Arnold up, and with our evidence, we can prove that he's ours. We get the animal back, and we take the safety scissors from them. Craig gives a final shout of "stop watching true crime shows!" which is funny because this whole adventure has been one, see.
We head to a diner to get brunch.
Brunch is SERIOUS. FUCKING. BUSINESS.
The waitress keeps hitting on Craig, and Box even mentions that we can't take him anywhere. We talk about camping for a weekend, and Craig doesn't know if he can, he has so many responsibilities. Box convinces him that if he never relaxes, it'll kill him. Craig relents.
After Brunch, we head back home. We check in on Amanda, who's just waking up in the middle of the afternoon, and then Box's legs give out, leaving him in the middle of the hallway. He just hangs there for a while, as the scene comes to a close.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
I've submitted a bug report to the official Steam forums about the talk with Mary triggering on everyone's second date. Hey, just cause I'm ripping this game a new asshole doesn't mean I can't help some newbie programmers learn.
We manage to get our camping weekend according to Box. Time to go be Woodland Bros. Amanda is heading on a school trip to DC, so we have literally no responsibilities. So maybe that's the point of Craig's route: Finding the time to unwind. It's not quite Joseph's Margarita Zone, since that was about finding little moments of happiness, this is about being able to just step away and relax.
And also admiring sexy man muscles.
Craig gets nervous about having no phone reception. He's worried about something happening to the girls, but Box chimes in with this helpful bit.
We eventually set up camp, then head up to a waterfall. We're greeted with this:
Please tell me he doesn't show up like this in the epilogue.
Box gets undressed too, and the two start whistling and goofing off like old college dudes. We jump off the waterfall, and I then dunk Craig under the water. We jump a few more times, then head back to camp.
Back at camp, we manage to start a fire without matches cause Craig forgot 'em. Then we start cooking. In this moment, we are bros. And because we are bros, we can finally get Craig to open up:
Box gives him the solid advice of too little butter on too much toast, i.e., spreading yourself too thin, and life needs balance. Craig confides that he has a little voice in the back of his head telling him no matter what he does, it's never good enough, he should do more, and any time he tries to relax, he doesn't deserve it. Man I'm familiar with that. Box tells him he does deserve to be happy, and ends with "if only you could see yourself the way I see you".
We climb inside the tent, and find out that Box forgot the other sleeping bag. With only one bag between us, we end up curling together for warmth, and then, well...implied sexy times, with the final line being Box thinking "I'm not afraid of getting cold tonight."
And now for Epilogue changes!
* Craig does NOT show up half naked, thank god.
* Amanda is trying to get the twins Briar and Hazel to develop psychic powers. Mostly because she wants in on it, to be "the third twin".
* Craig comes to the realization that working himself to exhaustion is just as self destructive as his college days, and he needs to pull back. He's trying to not feel guilty when it comes to being a little selfish, which is balance of a sort. We're happy to be bros with him, and help him to relax.
And now the final picture:
Final analysis: Craig's stuff feels less substantial, but a good chunk of that is because his issue is a bit more easily resolved then others. The big deal was just never taking some time off for yourself, which is easier to work with then dealing with crisis of identities or reconciling with family. It's still a good route, though, and sweet when all is said and done.
Next up, Brian!
We manage to get our camping weekend according to Box. Time to go be Woodland Bros. Amanda is heading on a school trip to DC, so we have literally no responsibilities. So maybe that's the point of Craig's route: Finding the time to unwind. It's not quite Joseph's Margarita Zone, since that was about finding little moments of happiness, this is about being able to just step away and relax.
And also admiring sexy man muscles.
Craig gets nervous about having no phone reception. He's worried about something happening to the girls, but Box chimes in with this helpful bit.
We eventually set up camp, then head up to a waterfall. We're greeted with this:
Please tell me he doesn't show up like this in the epilogue.
Box gets undressed too, and the two start whistling and goofing off like old college dudes. We jump off the waterfall, and I then dunk Craig under the water. We jump a few more times, then head back to camp.
Back at camp, we manage to start a fire without matches cause Craig forgot 'em. Then we start cooking. In this moment, we are bros. And because we are bros, we can finally get Craig to open up:
Box gives him the solid advice of too little butter on too much toast, i.e., spreading yourself too thin, and life needs balance. Craig confides that he has a little voice in the back of his head telling him no matter what he does, it's never good enough, he should do more, and any time he tries to relax, he doesn't deserve it. Man I'm familiar with that. Box tells him he does deserve to be happy, and ends with "if only you could see yourself the way I see you".
We climb inside the tent, and find out that Box forgot the other sleeping bag. With only one bag between us, we end up curling together for warmth, and then, well...implied sexy times, with the final line being Box thinking "I'm not afraid of getting cold tonight."
And now for Epilogue changes!
* Craig does NOT show up half naked, thank god.
* Amanda is trying to get the twins Briar and Hazel to develop psychic powers. Mostly because she wants in on it, to be "the third twin".
* Craig comes to the realization that working himself to exhaustion is just as self destructive as his college days, and he needs to pull back. He's trying to not feel guilty when it comes to being a little selfish, which is balance of a sort. We're happy to be bros with him, and help him to relax.
And now the final picture:
Final analysis: Craig's stuff feels less substantial, but a good chunk of that is because his issue is a bit more easily resolved then others. The big deal was just never taking some time off for yourself, which is easier to work with then dealing with crisis of identities or reconciling with family. It's still a good route, though, and sweet when all is said and done.
Next up, Brian!
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
Box doesn't wanna hang with Brian, but since Amanda and Daisy work well together, he bites the bullet for the sake of the kiddos. Good man.
Box leads with getting the girls together, and Brian suggests minigolf. I could try to get the 18 holes in one, but FUCK YOU, no.
Box and Brian make a bet, loser at minigolf buys drinks and mows the winner's lawn that weekend. The minigame itself is like doing pool trick shots, it's hard to describe, but basically, we get one shot at each hole, the direction we shoot moves back and forth, and we're on a time limit to set up our shot for each hole. It's not too difficult, but getting all 18 is tough.
I get half the shots, which ends with us winning. The person writing this guide must have sucked, because they got a different answer then me. Whatever, pick the humble one, either "I fought valiantly" or "I have bested you on the field of battle".
We get some drinks at the bar, talk lawn care, and Brian mentions that he's a general contractor, even helped build the cul-de-sac we all live in. He followed in his dad's footsteps.
Box slowly gets a bit conflicted. He wants to keep things light, but also wants to compete and doesn't know how to go about either. We pay a few compliments, and mention the fish on the wall, and Brian brings up a love of fishing. Box almost admits that he doesn't fish much, but of course he flips it around into being competitive, and I am required to say that no one can out fish me. We know our next date already.
I know I'm posting these fast, but this whole competiting thing is going to be the lesson of the route, isn't it?
After this, we head on home. We force Amanda to come fishing with promises of Daisy and Maxwell the dog, and head on back to Dadbook for more. This is not going to end well.
Box leads with getting the girls together, and Brian suggests minigolf. I could try to get the 18 holes in one, but FUCK YOU, no.
Box and Brian make a bet, loser at minigolf buys drinks and mows the winner's lawn that weekend. The minigame itself is like doing pool trick shots, it's hard to describe, but basically, we get one shot at each hole, the direction we shoot moves back and forth, and we're on a time limit to set up our shot for each hole. It's not too difficult, but getting all 18 is tough.
I get half the shots, which ends with us winning. The person writing this guide must have sucked, because they got a different answer then me. Whatever, pick the humble one, either "I fought valiantly" or "I have bested you on the field of battle".
We get some drinks at the bar, talk lawn care, and Brian mentions that he's a general contractor, even helped build the cul-de-sac we all live in. He followed in his dad's footsteps.
Box slowly gets a bit conflicted. He wants to keep things light, but also wants to compete and doesn't know how to go about either. We pay a few compliments, and mention the fish on the wall, and Brian brings up a love of fishing. Box almost admits that he doesn't fish much, but of course he flips it around into being competitive, and I am required to say that no one can out fish me. We know our next date already.
I know I'm posting these fast, but this whole competiting thing is going to be the lesson of the route, isn't it?
After this, we head on home. We force Amanda to come fishing with promises of Daisy and Maxwell the dog, and head on back to Dadbook for more. This is not going to end well.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
Brian hits us with the fishing message first. Box is dreading it, but I am a minigame master!
Box meekly tries to justify the competing, but Amanda calls us out on it. They both get some sleep and Box has a weird as fuck dream about fishing, with talking fish that have Brian's eyes. I...I don't get it.
We head on up to the lake, and Amanda and Daisy go off to do their own thing. Maxwell gets an adorable, dog sized life vest. We then head out to fish. If the minigame is anything like Stardew Valley's fishing, then fuck you twice.
The dads put some power tools on the line for fish catching. I want to save scum here but I think I'd lose respect for myself if I pulled that bullshit on a DATING SIMULATOR...so I'll just have to do it in one.
Bejeweled, you say? Finally, those 300 hours of Gems of War are paying off! Though, this game breaks a few rules, for instance, I can barely tell the difference between some of these species, and I feel so bad for anyone who's colorblind and playing this.
I get 1,830 points, not enough for the 2,000 point achievement, but enough that I feel confident. At the end of the match, though, Brian doesn't seem to give much of a darn about winning, and then we feel something big tug at the line.
We try to catch a big, massive rainbow trout in a net, but fuck it up and send the canoe tipping. Brian saves us because apparently we didn't take that life vest, idiots that we are. Brian gets us to shore.
I had to see this, and now, so do you.
We get to hang out with Maxwell a bit, playing some fetch with the dog. We fish from the shore, and get some good fish going. The bet's been put aside for now, thankfully. Box's inner monologue continues to want to out do Brian, and he gets more and more jealous of Brian being a generally good person. I kinda wanna slap Box, but whatever. We head on home after eating and playing catch.
Amanda chastises us at home for continuing to compete. I agree with her. She flops onto the floor and falls asleep, bringing us to the end of date 2.
Box meekly tries to justify the competing, but Amanda calls us out on it. They both get some sleep and Box has a weird as fuck dream about fishing, with talking fish that have Brian's eyes. I...I don't get it.
We head on up to the lake, and Amanda and Daisy go off to do their own thing. Maxwell gets an adorable, dog sized life vest. We then head out to fish. If the minigame is anything like Stardew Valley's fishing, then fuck you twice.
The dads put some power tools on the line for fish catching. I want to save scum here but I think I'd lose respect for myself if I pulled that bullshit on a DATING SIMULATOR...so I'll just have to do it in one.
Bejeweled, you say? Finally, those 300 hours of Gems of War are paying off! Though, this game breaks a few rules, for instance, I can barely tell the difference between some of these species, and I feel so bad for anyone who's colorblind and playing this.
I get 1,830 points, not enough for the 2,000 point achievement, but enough that I feel confident. At the end of the match, though, Brian doesn't seem to give much of a darn about winning, and then we feel something big tug at the line.
We try to catch a big, massive rainbow trout in a net, but fuck it up and send the canoe tipping. Brian saves us because apparently we didn't take that life vest, idiots that we are. Brian gets us to shore.
I had to see this, and now, so do you.
We get to hang out with Maxwell a bit, playing some fetch with the dog. We fish from the shore, and get some good fish going. The bet's been put aside for now, thankfully. Box's inner monologue continues to want to out do Brian, and he gets more and more jealous of Brian being a generally good person. I kinda wanna slap Box, but whatever. We head on home after eating and playing catch.
Amanda chastises us at home for continuing to compete. I agree with her. She flops onto the floor and falls asleep, bringing us to the end of date 2.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
Our third date with Brian starts off strangely-there's a fair in town and Amanda wants to go to it with us, even though she won a teddy bear already and that's kind of the peak.
Amanda literally forces us away from coffee and word jumbles. And then we run into Brian...
Because our kids are conspiring little shits.
Box is still competing. This whole route makes me want to slap my own character because I cannot make Box chill the fuck out. He doesn't compete this much against Craig, for fuck's sake! We head out to play some carnival games, in an effort to get that pole saw.
Brian is also in competing mode, and we play a skeeball minigame. I end up getting 200 more points then Brian does. Muwahahaha.
The prize is a goldfish, and with our winnings, we give it to Amanda. Amanda is so fed up with this competitive bullshit she immediately names it Brian, and I continue to love her. We then head out to the Ferris wheel, under the pretense of riding with our daughters, until they lock us into the same carriage together.
Amanda, you are fucking good.
Ferris wheels always get stuck in fiction, and this one is no exception. So yes, we have to do the horrible thing and actually *GASP* TALK TO EACH OTHER!
Box is a mean son of a bitch, and eventually loses his temper, accusing Brian of always trying to one up him. Brian asks why Box hates him.
In other words, we're both being uncommunicative idiots.
The next text box says that Brian just wants us to like him, and that's why he's being so fiercely competitive and trying to win against us. He just wants to be bros.
This is the one time where the odd man out choice is the bad idea, because that choice is "be an asshole". Be honest with yourself here, cause Brian is being honest with himself too.
We meet up with our kids and Brian...the fish...is in trouble. We end up working together to get him to safety off of the pipe that he's on, firmly establishing our pact of brotherhood. We end up playing another round of Bejewled fish edition, but there's only one match to make, and it gets Brian the fish down. Once the fish is back, we finish the Log Flume ride together-think Splash Mountain from Disney World, okay?
We end the final date watching fireworks together. And yes, there is a kiss illuminated by fireworks. Romantic!
Epilogue change time:
* Daisy and Amanda are hanging out and talking about college, even though Amanda hasn't gone yet. Amanda advises Daisy to enjoy being a kid, cause she wants snack time and recess back, and god I'm picking up what she's laying down.
* Brian and Box decide to out-compliment each other instead of fighting. We decide to head out for more fishing trips, and also realize that we were quite productive when we were competing, so maybe a bit of it is good, but the level we were at was just too much.
And the ending picture:
Behold his beer gut.
Final Analysis: This felt more like Box's route then Brian's route. We spend more time with our own insecurities then learning much about Brian, and while it's not badly written, this is a dating simulator and I want to know more about the people I'm dating. I'm just some schlub with a pink puff hairdo.
Amanda literally forces us away from coffee and word jumbles. And then we run into Brian...
Because our kids are conspiring little shits.
Box is still competing. This whole route makes me want to slap my own character because I cannot make Box chill the fuck out. He doesn't compete this much against Craig, for fuck's sake! We head out to play some carnival games, in an effort to get that pole saw.
Brian is also in competing mode, and we play a skeeball minigame. I end up getting 200 more points then Brian does. Muwahahaha.
The prize is a goldfish, and with our winnings, we give it to Amanda. Amanda is so fed up with this competitive bullshit she immediately names it Brian, and I continue to love her. We then head out to the Ferris wheel, under the pretense of riding with our daughters, until they lock us into the same carriage together.
Amanda, you are fucking good.
Ferris wheels always get stuck in fiction, and this one is no exception. So yes, we have to do the horrible thing and actually *GASP* TALK TO EACH OTHER!
Box is a mean son of a bitch, and eventually loses his temper, accusing Brian of always trying to one up him. Brian asks why Box hates him.
In other words, we're both being uncommunicative idiots.
The next text box says that Brian just wants us to like him, and that's why he's being so fiercely competitive and trying to win against us. He just wants to be bros.
This is the one time where the odd man out choice is the bad idea, because that choice is "be an asshole". Be honest with yourself here, cause Brian is being honest with himself too.
We meet up with our kids and Brian...the fish...is in trouble. We end up working together to get him to safety off of the pipe that he's on, firmly establishing our pact of brotherhood. We end up playing another round of Bejewled fish edition, but there's only one match to make, and it gets Brian the fish down. Once the fish is back, we finish the Log Flume ride together-think Splash Mountain from Disney World, okay?
We end the final date watching fireworks together. And yes, there is a kiss illuminated by fireworks. Romantic!
Epilogue change time:
* Daisy and Amanda are hanging out and talking about college, even though Amanda hasn't gone yet. Amanda advises Daisy to enjoy being a kid, cause she wants snack time and recess back, and god I'm picking up what she's laying down.
* Brian and Box decide to out-compliment each other instead of fighting. We decide to head out for more fishing trips, and also realize that we were quite productive when we were competing, so maybe a bit of it is good, but the level we were at was just too much.
And the ending picture:
Behold his beer gut.
Final Analysis: This felt more like Box's route then Brian's route. We spend more time with our own insecurities then learning much about Brian, and while it's not badly written, this is a dating simulator and I want to know more about the people I'm dating. I'm just some schlub with a pink puff hairdo.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH, FUCKERS!
Mat invites us to a concert. I've actually had to turn the sound back on to try and figure out the copyrighted music here, but I have a feeling it may be some shit I don't know.
Couldn't tell you, bro.
Amanda mentions a mosh pit when we tell her what's going on. There's going to be a mosh pit, and we're going to be in it, because Chekov's fucking gun.
We meet up with Mat, and he tells us about "scene", the thing all the kids are into. He gets a look in his eyes when he says that no one wants to admit that they were into it. It's that "never again" look. This is kinda fun already.
Mat's popular, but knows his limits. We grab some beers and have a little scene of checking out merch, meet a green haired dude named Pablo, and then start enjoying the show. The show opens with some really crap, and the soundtrack sounds like the Game Grumps all got together, banged on pots and pans, and screamed really loud. Goddamnit, Arin.
We head to the bathroom and then try to get back before the show starts, throwing us into a minigame where we have to survive a randomly moving around crowd while a decent punk song about relationship issues and drinking plays. It's actually the most fun minigame of the bunch and I would play a whole game that was just dodging flying bodies. So Mat gets points for having good shit.
We wind up in the mosh pit, of course. Mat comes and saves us, but instead of pulling us out, we dive into the center of it all and love it.
We end up meeting PUP outside after the concert. The one on the right frightens me. Then again, that haircut and face tell me he(?)'s only capable of calling me a mysoggyknee.
We head to a diner and Mat regales us with some mosh pit stories. We enjoy some brinner, and Mat talks about how Carmen is having a rebellious phase. He wants to be supportive but that kinda defeats the purpose. I suggest rebelling against fashion, Mat says Box has that covered, and he's correct. Again, someone who reacts to Box appropriately.
Mat mentions he has trouble talking to people. I feel like this is going to be the focal point. After we have our Brinner, we head on home for the night.
Mat invites us to a concert. I've actually had to turn the sound back on to try and figure out the copyrighted music here, but I have a feeling it may be some shit I don't know.
Couldn't tell you, bro.
Amanda mentions a mosh pit when we tell her what's going on. There's going to be a mosh pit, and we're going to be in it, because Chekov's fucking gun.
We meet up with Mat, and he tells us about "scene", the thing all the kids are into. He gets a look in his eyes when he says that no one wants to admit that they were into it. It's that "never again" look. This is kinda fun already.
Mat's popular, but knows his limits. We grab some beers and have a little scene of checking out merch, meet a green haired dude named Pablo, and then start enjoying the show. The show opens with some really crap, and the soundtrack sounds like the Game Grumps all got together, banged on pots and pans, and screamed really loud. Goddamnit, Arin.
We head to the bathroom and then try to get back before the show starts, throwing us into a minigame where we have to survive a randomly moving around crowd while a decent punk song about relationship issues and drinking plays. It's actually the most fun minigame of the bunch and I would play a whole game that was just dodging flying bodies. So Mat gets points for having good shit.
We wind up in the mosh pit, of course. Mat comes and saves us, but instead of pulling us out, we dive into the center of it all and love it.
We end up meeting PUP outside after the concert. The one on the right frightens me. Then again, that haircut and face tell me he(?)'s only capable of calling me a mysoggyknee.
We head to a diner and Mat regales us with some mosh pit stories. We enjoy some brinner, and Mat talks about how Carmen is having a rebellious phase. He wants to be supportive but that kinda defeats the purpose. I suggest rebelling against fashion, Mat says Box has that covered, and he's correct. Again, someone who reacts to Box appropriately.
Mat mentions he has trouble talking to people. I feel like this is going to be the focal point. After we have our Brinner, we head on home for the night.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
That's Pablo, everyone. No, not the one with the ribbon, the other one.
Mat is training Pablo, and he'll be done in a couple hours and was gonna go record shopping. Hell yeah we wanna go record shopping.
We talk about the old days, about making mixtapes and about records. Old music, man. Ollllld shit. I like it anyway.
The cashier is named Molly, and mentions she was kicked out of art school for destroying her paintings at the end of every critique. We buy our records and Molly asks about open mic night. We're getting dragged into that, I bet.
After the record shopping, Mat and Box talk about how music can trigger memories. It is actually a real thing, even people so riddled with Alzheimers and Dementia can be moved to dance by a favorite song-it's something primal, man. It's cool.
We decide to get some weed, and our supplier turns out to be Lucian. I should have grabbed a shot of it, but I was laughing too hard at how awkward both Box and Mat were. Lucian says to give him $10 and he hands us a bag of some good shit.
Well, actually, it only smelled like good shit. Now it's hilarious.
We spy a dusty piano and give it a try. Box plays Chopsticks poorly, Mat who's supposedly super out of practice plays something great, the bastard. We ask if he's going to play at the open mic night, and Mat says no, he doesn't like being alone on stage. Afterward, we head on home. We're gonna get him a little more outgoing, I bet.
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
The finish line is in sight, boyos.
We head on out to the open mic night. Box muses on how Mat is so passionate about music, but outright refuses to play. It is strange...but maybe it's time to get this all sorted out.
Damien and Hugo are around, too.
Open mic nights are wild beasts.
We meet Mat in the back room. The set list includes that awful opening band from the first date, and I'll let Mat speak for himself:
Goddamnit, Arin.
In the end, we jump in and decide to play in the place of that particular band. The Skammunist Manifesto rides again, but Box's inner monologue keeps trying to make us stop.
The show proceeds, and it's slow going. Mat and Box slowly get more and more nervous. Also, the record store is apparently called Vinyl Fantasy VII, and I hate the writers now.
We get thrown into a piano playing minigame, and well, good luck playing anything ska-ish or good. But then...
Mat makes the save!
It seems our ballsiness to play piano on stage gave Mat the guts to do it too. He plays a few tunes and sends the crowd wild. He hasn't played since Rosa died, as Hugo informs Box and I guess back in the second date because, well, it just seemed obvious to me.
We help Mat close up, and carry the gear back to Pablo's van. Time for romance!
He's no good with crowds, but with someone to help him, he can do it. Now he's back in his groove, rediscovering his love of the stage. We kiss, and our final date comes to a satisfyingly sweet close.
Epilogue Changes:
* Pablo stops by, talks about shirts and mom's apple butter. Apple butter is surprisingly tasty.
* There's a mention in Box's inner monologue about the oregano incident.
* Amanda and Carmen are chatting about high school. Amanda gives advice in the form of finding a group of buddies and hanging out with them.
* Mat is nervous, but tells us that he hasn't been this happy in a long time. He wants to keep hanging with us. We agree, and he agrees to show us some new tunes he's working on.
One last picture:
Final Analysis: It's pretty good. I wish we had more time to work with Mat and develop a more natural progression, but getting to stoke that fire is a nice feeling. Gotta get out of your comfort zone, right?
Final FINAL Analysis: The game is surprisingly good when you get past the first chapter. Chapter 1 meanders around, not sure if it wants to be parody or something serious. Once we get to go on dates, the game decides to become more serious, with occasional bits of comic relief, and it works out so much better in the end. The characters are more then just stereotypes, bad writing habits are less apparent, and it's just all around better. The minigames are mostly awful, because Unity needs a hell of a lot of work to get going, but there's some fun to be found in them too.
So in the end, it's not bad, but $15? Why not save it and just read this thread? I've already given you all the good bits anyway.
A final thanks to Krautkid for buying the game, a thank you to all the Kiwis who joined me for this ride, and a special thanks to everyone on my Steam list and my Discords that saw me playing this and didn't give me shit for it. We will now return to your regularly scheduled Final Fantasy autism.
We head on out to the open mic night. Box muses on how Mat is so passionate about music, but outright refuses to play. It is strange...but maybe it's time to get this all sorted out.
Damien and Hugo are around, too.
Open mic nights are wild beasts.
We meet Mat in the back room. The set list includes that awful opening band from the first date, and I'll let Mat speak for himself:
Goddamnit, Arin.
In the end, we jump in and decide to play in the place of that particular band. The Skammunist Manifesto rides again, but Box's inner monologue keeps trying to make us stop.
The show proceeds, and it's slow going. Mat and Box slowly get more and more nervous. Also, the record store is apparently called Vinyl Fantasy VII, and I hate the writers now.
We get thrown into a piano playing minigame, and well, good luck playing anything ska-ish or good. But then...
Mat makes the save!
It seems our ballsiness to play piano on stage gave Mat the guts to do it too. He plays a few tunes and sends the crowd wild. He hasn't played since Rosa died, as Hugo informs Box and I guess back in the second date because, well, it just seemed obvious to me.
We help Mat close up, and carry the gear back to Pablo's van. Time for romance!
He's no good with crowds, but with someone to help him, he can do it. Now he's back in his groove, rediscovering his love of the stage. We kiss, and our final date comes to a satisfyingly sweet close.
Epilogue Changes:
* Pablo stops by, talks about shirts and mom's apple butter. Apple butter is surprisingly tasty.
* There's a mention in Box's inner monologue about the oregano incident.
* Amanda and Carmen are chatting about high school. Amanda gives advice in the form of finding a group of buddies and hanging out with them.
* Mat is nervous, but tells us that he hasn't been this happy in a long time. He wants to keep hanging with us. We agree, and he agrees to show us some new tunes he's working on.
One last picture:
Final Analysis: It's pretty good. I wish we had more time to work with Mat and develop a more natural progression, but getting to stoke that fire is a nice feeling. Gotta get out of your comfort zone, right?
Final FINAL Analysis: The game is surprisingly good when you get past the first chapter. Chapter 1 meanders around, not sure if it wants to be parody or something serious. Once we get to go on dates, the game decides to become more serious, with occasional bits of comic relief, and it works out so much better in the end. The characters are more then just stereotypes, bad writing habits are less apparent, and it's just all around better. The minigames are mostly awful, because Unity needs a hell of a lot of work to get going, but there's some fun to be found in them too.
So in the end, it's not bad, but $15? Why not save it and just read this thread? I've already given you all the good bits anyway.
A final thanks to Krautkid for buying the game, a thank you to all the Kiwis who joined me for this ride, and a special thanks to everyone on my Steam list and my Discords that saw me playing this and didn't give me shit for it. We will now return to your regularly scheduled Final Fantasy autism.
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2013
PUP is apparently a real band from Toronto.
