Yup, more alcohol in the house. Starting with the remains of my poor bottle of Effin. We have a bottle of Fireball to chase this. And away we go!
0:00 ‘Hello.’ Fuck you and get back to ‘Hey Guise’ you shitmonger.
0:10 So she says that people want her to react to reaction channels, and she thinks that might be entertaining. Except she did that during her livestream and failed.
0:28 Rants for a few moments about how having channels dedicated to reactions is bullshit. But yeah, she’s going to do this in AL fashion - she doesn’t care enough to learn how to do her fucking job. She’s just going to film with her iPhone and show us her laptop.
1:00 She’s going to react to a reaction channel she doesn’t normally watch because she doesn’t know what the hot takes will be.
1:25 Video is called ‘How will Amberlynn win back her audience.’ She says she doesn’t want to win back her audience because she just wants to be herself, but whatever.
1:50 Rarity siting! AL ruins it with baby talk as always.
2:00 Of course, she goes on trying to give life advice and tells us all to be a good person and not try to fake shit. Which is something our rocketcunt could try for once in her flabby life, but won’t because effort. And fuck me, there’s more baby talk to Rarity. Just film the cat without doing your retarded high-pitched chatter to her. Rarity beep-mewing is adorable. That should be your content. Only that. Maybe get some Twinkie running in circles or something. Wasabi giving you the stink eye before marching off to be matted elsewhere. That kind of shit. Then your channel would be tolerable.
2:33 Starts the video (I think this is Lordy it’s Jordy or whatever - I don’t watch, so dunno if I got the name of the channel right, but it’s the same guy she tried to react to in her Livestream and gave up on when he started spitting truths while whining that she wasn’t mad, she was bored). She pauses it when the rambling intro, which has stated that we’re ‘pumpkin people’ and ‘we’re still going’ and promises good times and then says ‘every morning, wake up and ask yourself ‘Am I a party person yet?’’ This is the one thing she latches onto. She says she is a party person. Which is funny, because she goes absolutely nowhere and interacts with nobody unless it’s online.
3:08 She says she watches all videos at 2x speed because she has the attention span of a gnat. For this video, she’s doing 1.5x.
3:33 The reaction properly starts - she does kind of shake her head and shudder as he proclaims that we’re diving back into the Amberverse. I think that was a narcgasm or something. She’s the center of the fucking universe right now and is quite pleased. Then she recognizes that the video he’s reacting to is the one where she got her CT scans back.
3:48 She pauses her shit to state that what she finds interesting about reaction channels is that she doesn’t get the thought process behind reacting to a vlog. She says she could understand if anything interesting happened, but 9 times out of 10 a vlogger does day-to-day life. So she watches boring shit. Treats them as white noise, watches while she’s eating or writing. Says it’s a snooze fest if she pays attention to the shit she watches. So she doesn’t get why reactors would want to react to her shit, because even she subconsciously understands that her shit is so dull it makes regular drunks into liquor-processing machines the likes of which this world has never seen.
5:00 The reactor chats about how there’s no point to the AL show. She acknowledges that there’s no point. Says vlogs are just observing someone’s life. Probably because she doesn’t understand that some people have good vlogs that are interesting instead of shit like ‘I’m putting on my makeup and yammering like a retard.’
5:45 Pauses the video because it’s the part where in the video she was stating that she was shocked that F/JFoNY:MGF,W bought her makeup. Explains that F/JFoNY:MGF,W does buy her makeup, but AL doesn’t expect it. Blah blah blah no one cares. She says that she’s not used to good energy towards her - then laughingly says it’s not shade to anyone. Rent, electricity and utilities are paid by F/JFoNY:MGF,W, by the way. It’s Venmo’d to AL monthly. Goes on that she’s grateful for that type of situFUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOU.
7:10 She pauses him mid-rant about their finances and how he’s not going to go diving into that rabbit hole to begin blathering about F/JFoNY:MGF,W and Ulta. Says that she’s been caught filming in Ulta before and they told her she can’t film in there. This is to apparently answer to places people don’t believe she hasn’t gone because she hasn’t filmed there. She says it was random that F/JFoNY:MGF,W decided to buy part of her Ulta haul or whatever.
8:17 AL is defensive of F/JFoNY:MGF,W paying for groceries, toiletries, essentials, cleaning supplies, half of all the bills to include rent, blah blah blah. No one cares. Still.
8:53 So this entire segment has been him talking about how she’s raking in cash and yet she’s bitching about a $20 makeup brush. She’s just like ‘it doesn’t matter, even if I was Kim Kardashian rich, $20 is rather pricy.’
9:11 Fuck, she just had that screechy ‘oh, that’s like a whole molment!’ And I’m here screaming IT’S NOT A FUCKING MOLMENT YOU DUMB CUNT!!! She’s blathering about how every vlogger does the same boring shit she does. Except it’s only the boring shit she watches. She says it’s ‘crazy’ that this reactor reacts to vlogs.
10:21 He goes off about her putting on foundation for her doctor appointment - and how just a couple videos ago she wasn’t wearing foundation because of her mask. She’s like ‘oooooh’ because she didn’t even realize that she’s a contradictory dipshit and can’t keep anything straight in her life. She tries to justify that by saying that they were going to go out and do things after that particular appointment so fuck it.
11:25 Now she’s blathering on that we should always have had to wear masks in doctors’ offices and hospitals and shit. She says ‘I know some people get away with not wearing a mask in a doctors’ office’ and apparently that freaks her out.
12:20 AL pauses to simp about how she wishes she was wearing makeup right now as she’s watching herself put makeup all over her face.
12:42 She is stunned when he mentions that she is very much about control. She is confused as to how ‘they are turning this into a control thing’. It’s a compilation of your videos and observation of your entire person, AL. That’s all. It /is/ a control thing. She says it’s not about control but that she thinks she’s ugly and she’s self conscious about her blemishes, her eye circles and the color of her skin. Which is all bullshit, because otherwise she’d fucking stop eyefucking herself constantly. He continues his dissertation about how makeup is control. She is befuddled and says that she does this because she thinks she’s ugly.
14:15 He mentions that he’s heard that beards are makeup for dudes. She agrees, and says that men look better with beards. She wants to see this dude without a beard. She says that he’s not ugly, he’s actually really kyuuuuuute, but she prefers beards.
14:40 Fucking hell, we’re blathering about beards and shit. She’s just like ‘embrace it, you look good’ as he goes on and on about his beard and then gets back on topic.
15:15 She’s doing the Charlie Gold stare and nodding reaction and a couple little ‘true, true’ insertions. So absolutely no transformative shit.
15:44 She gives us an update on that call she got in her original video - the call she got from her ‘friend’ was an accidental call.
16:00 He talks about how she gets anxious every time she leaves the house. He starts saying ‘you know how you get that out of your life?’ And she pauses it and goes ‘no, no I don’t’ and then goes on for 1,200 years that no, it’s anxiety about going to the doctor and shit, but not about leaving the house. She says that she used to have anxiety about leaving the house, but the last 10+ times she left she hasn’t had any anxiety. I guess F/JFoNY:MGF,W hasn’t forgotten the tube turkey in the store.
18:00 What’s funny is that she says ‘whatever advice he’s about to give, past AL needed it’ whereas he’s already been giving it.
18:29 He discusses how overcoming anxiety felt ‘like a light switch’ and she thinks that’s very inspiring because she’s a fat anxious bitch. Says the first time she had an anxiety attack when she was 18 years old, and it happened when she was sitting with MethMom. MethMom knew exactly what was happening, probably because it reminded her of coming off a meth high.
19:30 She’s STILL blathering about her anxiety attacks. I am happily draining my vodka.
19:54 Lesson from MethMom - stop yourself. Don’t even stop yourself - keep having that panic attack. Ask yourself ‘what do you see, what do you smell, what to you feel, what do you hear’ because that apparently can pull you out of the attack. Whatever. Liquor is good.
20:30 He recommends she get out of the house every day because it’ll make her stronger. She just nods and says ‘I believe it.’
21:08 She pauses so she can blather about the ‘whole situation’ and praise her doctor. She’s not so much reacting to the reactor, she’s reacting to her own shit and giving herself more opportunity to blather about herself. She yammers on about how her doctor is so awesome for listening to her shit and she’s so shocked that walking pneumonia is a thing because she always thought you would be bedridden if you had pneumonia. Then she goes on to grumble about she was frustrated about the disappearing nodule, and once again says the ER misdiagnosed her despite them not diagnosing people as mentioned in previous reeeecaps.
23:10 The reactor comes in to say ‘the collapsed lung never happened. The nodule never happened or it healed on its own’ and then AL pauses it to medsplain that benign nodules tend to disappear or that it was misread due to the fluid. The reactor, unpaused, goes on to say ‘here comes the speculation in me.’
24:00 LOL Black placard up saying ‘Mood switches’ in white lettering. She says ‘so your’e about to see here my mood completely changes.’ AKA: She’s hearing negative shit about her and she gets pissed off, and had to put this in post-edit so people wouldn’t be taken by surprise that she’s actually a raging thundercunt.
She says she gave this channel in the beginning ‘the benefit of the doubt’ and was taking his advice and saying he’s kyuuuute and shit. But here’s where her true personality comes out! Yay!! She tries to spin this positively to say she does accept reaction channels and shit, but if it’s insinuated that she’s lying she gets pissed.
She’s still ranting that she feels very disrespected as a person when she’s told that she’s lying her fucking face off. Because we all know that she doesn’t lie ABOUT MEDICAL THANGS. Remember, she did specify her truthfulness about medical things in particular.
25:40 Oh, we’re back. Now she’s rolling her eyes and shaking her head. He’s going on about how she has the Golden Corral of medical issues, and that’s a rather fun way of putting it, but she pauses it and seethes that this type of speculation is not healthy and waaaaahhhhhhh. Rants on and on about she was confused and worried for her health, then grumbles that it makes him a poor person for speculating about this shit.
26:35 He goes on about how everything resolved itself in a week’s time. She says that he’s playing time traveller - which is funny, because she’s the time traveller with her fucking videos. She’s whining that it’s been over a month of fear and confusion and shit. She’s being a raging cunt.
27:24 So yeah, he mentions that It’s just flat out odd that she’s had all this shit so rapidly and shit. She’s groaning and pissed and I am laughing as I sip my vodka in leisurely delight.
28:00 Pauses to say that her most favorite vlogs to watch is them going shopping. She loves to watch people waste money and shit. Learning to be Fearless and Sarah Ray Vloggus are apparently major shopping vlogs, and she loves that. She says that it was relatable, but she’s trying to slow it down a little bit. She loves that content, but to react to it would be boring.
28:50 He pauses and says ‘we’re about halfway through this episode’ and she prattles that she loves that he calls them episodes. Unpausing him, she hears him mention that views have been down. She looks angry and says ‘for who?’
For you, dumbass. There’s plenty of empirical data to prove that.
He does point out that she does 60-70K views.
She pauses him and then says she never looks at video views per video. She looks at monthly views. She says for the last views, she’s been getting the same views per month. That’s because she’s putting out four times her shit content. Goes on and on about how she’s so grateful for all her views and shit. Recognizes that she got the most views when she was the least mobile and the most miserable and a huge blubberpotomus and was doing nothing but mook bongs and trolling and shit.
Goes on about how she thinks success is more than views - it’s the ‘vibe.’ Which is hilarious. She whines that the time she was at her most miserable and was considering ‘trigger warning, unaliving’ wasn’t her most successful time.
Maybe not, but monetarily it was.
31:30 She’s whining about how she was suicidal and putting out a cry for help and people were telling her she was sympathy-begging and lying. And says she didn’t like how she was getting a lot of views and a lot of money. But now is better, apparently.
Fuck, will this bitch shut up about views already?
32:45 He mentions that he feels we’re nearing the end. She shakes her head and says ‘what, of reaction channels? Fine. But not the end of Amberlynn Reid.’ She says she’ll do this shit even if she’s only getting 5,000 views and she has to go flip burgers down the street.
Bitch, you aren’t qualified to flip burgers. And nobody would hire you for fear that you’d either (a) eat all the merchandise or (b) would collapse of a heart attack at the till.
She’s going on and on about how she’s not going to give up, because she has thousands of people who are waiting for her content. I pity those souls. I would love a break because liquor is delicious, but it’s also pricy, and you’re hitting my wallet.
34:20 Back to ‘this is my job!’ Bullshit. But this is where she’s happy and wants to be happier. Says she wants the vibe around her channel to be happier and better and shit. She has to stop being a cunt for that to happen, but that won’t happen.
35:00 She is so fucking stupid. He’s basically stating that he feels that people are getting bored, and she’s thinking that he’s talking about his own channel and how reacting to vlogs are boring. ‘It’s a vlog. It’s a vlog.’ But you could make a vlog interesting. You just don’t. That’s his point. Your losing views because you’re boring as growing grass. The fact that this shitty video is an hour long and I’m already halfway through it and not done with my vodka yet (almost there) just speaks to how dull you are. (It also helps that there’s long stretches of absolutely no discernible content to bitch about.)
35:09 So yeah, she’s still on about reaction channels and there’s no reaction channel that is a way from AL or Chantal that takes one or two creators (especially vloggers) and reacts to every single one of their vlogs. AL says that she’s tried to find them (not hard enough, the haydurs thread would prove that). She is really, really missing the point that he’s not talking about his channel. He’s talking about her’s. She can’t find the point because she’s a narcissistic twat.
37:03 She’s still justifying being a boring shithead by proclaiming ‘this is a vlog!’ And says this is a good vlog. Because it’s got good news. It’s not a good vlog, though. It’s boring. Vlogs shouldn’t be boring.
37:46 He says her biggest competitor isn’t size, it’s views. She just rolls her eyes. Then she bitches about the fact that he was starting to compare her to Foodie Beauty. She doesn’t get why they’re compared, just because they’re both large girls and that beyond that, they’re nothing alike.
That’s the point. She’s fun to watch, apparently. You are not. You’re a chore. Like dusting the bookshelf type of chore.
38:16 So he brings up that Foodie Beauty just flew halfway across the world to meet her boyfriend. AL instantly pauses and goes on about how she wishes her all the best in the world. AL, you should listen to the rest of the statement, dipshit. He’s basically pointing out how you’re boring as fuck and in the vlogverse, there are many, many people more exciting than you. Doing ‘just vlogs’ as you call them. Without being dull as snot.
38:38 What the fuck is this dipshit on? ‘I feel bad for her because she had to fly uncomfortably across the country to the person she loves where I get to sleep next to that person every night.’
…
…
…
Dummy. Across the country. Wow. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked by the bitch who didn’t realize that other countries have flags. She probably doesn’t know where Kuwait is located. Or realize that there are international flights. And while she says there’s no shade being thrown, there is /so/ much fucking shade there.
She basically says there’s no comparison. Yeah, there’s no comparison. Because you’re dull. Still. Can’t emphasize that enough.
39:25 He does happily state that Chantal’s shit is what people want to watch. AL pauses it and says ‘yes, that’s tea.’
NO, THAT’S NOT T. YOU DUMB FUCK.
She doesn’t understand that ’t’ is short for truth. ‘Bringing the tea’ is bringing the truth.
I knew she was dumb, but I have to recalculate how many braincells are starving in the vacuum between her ears. I had previously assumed it was 2. Apparently, I was quite wrong.
40:25 So yeah, she wanted to show us how excited Twinkie gets when they get home. And I have to put up with her bullshit squealing again. The reactor mentions that the insertion of Twinkie was pointless and dead air. AL goes on and says that she thinks it’s authentic to have dead air edited into her shit videos to pad it out for ads.
41:35 He’s yawning. She hasn’t. He’s bored, she’s fascinated and watching herself with glee.
42:10 She notices how bored he is. Still says that it’s because this is a vlog and this is what people vlog. She says she watches quite a few vloggers and they’re all boring as shit. She grumbles that he shouldn’t bitch about her being boring as shit because he chose to react to a vlog.
If you’d put out anything other than a dull sack of ass, that’d be grand.
She’s rather offended that he’s fast forwarding her shit. Which is cracking me up, because she opened this shit talking about how she watches shit at 2x speed because she gets bored easily.
44:00 At least she recognizes that he’s miserable because she’s boring.
44:21 She admits that she only does the purse contents shit because it’s what OtHeR yOuTuBeRs Do. She says she’s bored watching him watch her. And she still doesn’t get the point of this.
45:03 She says this video has made her ‘realize what is the point of reaction channels.’ The point is watching your shit without giving you clicks, dummy. And maybe getting some funny commentary in this shit. Duh.
45:44 He bitches about her nontent. She squeals and says ‘Oh really? I can say the same thing. This is your content? Your little tiny face just chillin’, talking about how boring this is, but watching it and reacting? Just cut the video off and say ‘I’m not reacting to this one. Wait for the next one.’’ Blah blah blah blah. She’s still ranting and raving about nontent and being boring and then starts bitching when he says ‘nothing happened at the doctor’s office’ and noooo, she got good newwwwwws, waaaaaaaah.
48:15 She pauses him right as he’s about to speak. She says this proves that he relies on her for his channel. I don’t know this creator, so I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I suspect it’s not.
48:46 This is beautiful. She unpauses, and he says ‘So you know what Amberlynn would say? ‘Well, then, why do you watch?’’ She is flabbergasted and laughs because he just nailed what she’s been ranting about for the last 48 fucking minutes lolz. She goes ‘yes, it’s because it looks stupid!’
49:06 And she looks offended when he says ‘you know, that’s the worst viewpoint and the worst attitude you could have about it.’ She disagrees heavily because ‘YoU’rE rEaCtInG tO a VlOg!!!11!!’ And then she goes on and continually bitches about all the shit we’ve been reeeeeecapping. She bitches about ‘what do you expect from a vlog?’ Blames her lipodema for not being able to do anything with her life. Uses going to Disney or traveling or, I dunno, walking down the street without being driven, as things her lipodema prevents her from doing. Says over and over that she doesn’t have what reactors are looking for.
Says she’s asking the reactors to fire her. Not her viewers, her haydurs, whatever. Just her reactors. Because she’s incapable of making her vlogs interesting. She says she’s making them for the people ‘who enjoy them for the right reasons.’
51:30 Realizes she’s coming off as a bitch. Amazing! Some insight!
51:57 He talks about how she did her livestream and how she was going to react to videos and that’s when the disgusting Narc Alert thing happened. She says she has apologized for the ‘Narc Alert - who cares that she had a heart attack’ shit. Says she actually means it when she apologizes and won’t fake-apologize and shit.
52:37 So, she misses the back half of what he says. He’s talking about how on her livestream, she was laughing at things he was saying in one of his videos, but she’s viewed his stuff in the past and said he’s disgusting and foul and a sack of shit and basically went full cunt-mode on him. She just focuses on the fact that she was laughing at what he was saying bit, and says ‘yeah, I’m going to laugh. It doesn’t matter if I like you or hate you, if it’s funny I’m going to laugh.’ Listening to others or comprehension aren’t skills she possesses, obviously. But then she gets back to it and says that yes, she called him foul because he put out there that she was lying about her hospital visit. She still doesn’t get that people think this because she’s been caught in about 24,000,000,000 lies in the past.
I’m guessing… 0.83 braincells? Can I get some concurrence or arguments for a different quantity in here for the total quantity of cellular matter floating in her skull?
53:10 He states that he doesn’t know where her view of him stands. She says she was meant to watch this. Her view of him is that he reacts to her for views and money and he’s bored with her and complains about literally almost everything, that it’s almost insufferable and it’s hard to watch. She says that’s a common denominator with reaction channels. It’s rare that they say anything nice about her. AKA: they don’t feed her narc fantasies about being a brand person.
54:32 She believes that he’s doing a cliffhanger about her opinion of him. She says ‘nope, Imma say this shit right now.’ Then she blathers on nonsensically, trying to paint herself as a saint and lovely woman rather than the Cuntasaurus Rex she is. She says she sent him a waving hand on IG and he replied back and that was it. Apparently. She says she doesn’t do drama and I am draining my glass of vodka.
LyfeofaFreeSpirit is fake according to AL, and I can’t argue that lolz
56:10 He tells her that she has to step it up. She gripes that he’s fucking confused, and she’s not going to step it up for her reactors. She says they have more issues with her views than she does with her own. She’s bitching about how people like her boring shit and she will forever be a grateful, boring bitch. She boringly bitches more about being a boring bitch and not going to step up from being a boring bitch. ‘You know what’s not relatable? A 500 lb gorl skydiving.’ No shit, but you could not be boring. Bitch.
Says there are days she wishes she had another source of money, because there are days she doesn’t want to turn on the camera because MUH MENTALZ.
She says she finds energy to film for thousands of people to tear her apart, which makes her some savant or fucking pariah or saint or whatever. Says she’s upping her shit in a different way. By being a boring bitch.
58:43 Ah, she’s still blathering. Talking about how she is spending her time trying to ‘up’ her mental and physical health, not to make any decent content. Says her vlogs aren’t designed in any fashion and it shows. She’s vlogging the minutia of her daily doldrums.
59:28 Finally acknowledges that she is repeating herself. Says her content is special to her in a way, because there’s more behind it (which she doesn’t show us because she only puts out bare-minimum boring bullshit because she’s a boring bitch). She rambles on and on and on and shit.
1:00:12 Unpauses. Girl Defined is another channel he may go into. She is stunned, because she didn’t realize there’s anyone out there other than herself and Chantal that get reactors. Duh.
1:01:07 He goes on how she hasn’t changed since last year, and how AL is basically on a carousel. She is grateful for her audience in finding dull shit something to click on. She cuntily says ‘I’m sorry for you.’ Because he’s dying of boredom while she’s happily eyefucking herself.
1:02:17 Pauses again to talk about how in YouTube studio, there’s a copyright section that shows videos that are on YouTube that have your video in it. It gives the option to put out a copyright strike. She says that she would never have false copyright strikes in the past. She says she won’t do it and wouldn’t do it and hasn’t done it. Except for Apathetic Fax and Bottle.
1:03:51 He mentions that she’s home for the rest of the day, lambasting her for coating herself in perfume. She snorts and mutters that she doesn’t show everything she does and says even when she’s at home she wants to smell good (aka: she has to cover her fucking foul stench). She admits to body spray daily. Also lies about showering daily. Maybe it’s just the nasty hair funk.
1:04:54 She pauses again and prattles on about how if she’s staying at home and she’s done her makeup and hair, that’s good because her MENTALZ is thriving. Tells us not to listen to him. Says to do your makeup and spray the fuck out of yourself even if you’re staying home. She says she feels better with shit smeared on her face and her hair done even if she’s just sitting at home. I think 200 of her videos would argue with this.
1:06:00 Black placard that says ‘Lost footage’. AL explains that everything past this point was lost because dummy doesn’t know how to fucking edit videos to save her life. Oh, or according to her, ‘it’s gone missing.’ Says the video was extremely long but it’s all gone.
Her overall concusses is that she’s not making reactable content. She doesn’t understand the point of reaction channels. Says that she understands that in 2019 she was a train wreck, so she got it then, but now she believes she’s not as much of a train wreck so she doesn’t get it anymore. Says she gets tons of DMs from people who love her boring as fuck shit, so she doesn’t get reaction channels. And she keeps blathering about it. Threatens us with a future reaction. Thinks it’s only fair that she be allowed to talk about this shit because it’s directly involving her. Wah wah wah.
