Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

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Diego Lane said:
Hey guys my name is Diego lane and im an alcoholic

Started drinking the day after my 22nd birthday (not a meme)

Ive gone through a number of dry spells never last more than a few months

Everything sucks when im sober and then I get angry cruel and self conscious and after a while what usually gets me is I say fuck it pour me a shot because im caught being a prick or unduly rude to people or I start getting violent

Its like the opposite where while even a bit toasty im loosened up nicer I cam be funny my posts are better I dont hate people

How do i be drunk me without alcohol is what I wanna know
How do i not be a high strung big meanie head when im sober
How do I turn off my rapid fire brain withou5 drugs
How do i relax

Meditation is boring, god is gay and I dont really find a lot of "hobbies" interesting
I work out pretty consistently regardless and have been making origrese and I did drop beer and hard liquor last few weeks in favor of wine (Sutter home merlot my new go to when I cant find mad dog)
Amd when I find something interesting I usually cant do it then forget get bored move on

The harder part is I dont really spend too much on drinking I can budget and since i cut down severity from the wodka days it doesn't take much to get me where I wanna be maintain and then sleep good

I dont have any friends or family or relationships so its not like drinking affects those

So what can I do should I bother trying
Sitting in a hotel smoking cigarettes washing my clothes in the tub contemplating the usual merlot & malaise
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You sound pretty dead-set on drinking. You're not going to get any better unless you commit to making some serious changes about yourself.
 
Sausage King said:
It affects you. Others not being around does not make self abuse any better. And the lack of others being present may be a symptom of the self abuse.
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What the fuck is self-abuse is that what they're peddling in aa these days

See this is my problem with being sober is that sober people are kalaidoscopic cesspits of soft language and fake terms and layers upon layers of convoluted rationale like a lump of paper mache and kids glue assembled by a drooling toddler
 
Diego Lane said:
What the fuck is self-abuse is that what they're peddling in aa these days
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It looks like washing your clothes in a bath tub in a hotel room wondering how to relax without drugs and nobody to talk to, taking pride in how your Internet forum posts are better when you get sloshed.

Don’t need to go to a meeting to take a look at your situation and say you have lost the plot somewhere.
 
Diego Lane said:
What the fuck is self-abuse is that what they're peddling in aa these days

See this is my problem with being sober is that sober people are kalaidoscopic cesspits of soft language and fake terms and layers upon layers of convoluted rationale like a lump of paper mache and kids glue assembled by a drooling toddler
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I think you might be describing your own situation there, champ.
 
Diego Lane said:
What the fuck is self-abuse is that what they're peddling in aa these days

See this is my problem with being sober is that sober people are kalaidoscopic cesspits of soft language and fake terms and layers upon layers of convoluted rationale like a lump of paper mache and kids glue assembled by a drooling toddler
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You're the one who can't exist in your default state without getting angry, cruel, and self-righteous (your own words) and then drinking to cope with that.
Everything in your posts is screaming out that you aren't happy with how you are, but you ridicule any response from people sympathizing with that problem and offering advice, to instead retreat back into jaded cynicism.

Your problem isn't the booze, it's you. You're just using booze to escape yourself.
 
Diego Lane said:
I dont have any friends or family or relationships so its not like drinking affects those
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Maybe this is the main problem. You seriously have no family? As for friends, you say you work out, is there no form of sport or club you're interested in joining? Even just shooting the shit with other guys at your local gym? No offence but you do sound very antisocial IRL. Nobody's going to help you if you refuse to admit weakness and keep rejecting people. Even now, after you've just asked for help, you then turn around and act offended at the idea of "weak talk" so to speak.

Absolutego said:
Do something social. Isolation is the most poisonous state to us. I've done sober sports leagues (kind of a poor time of year for that), book clubs, found a group to jam with musically. All three kept me around other people, which is a good distraction from rationalizing a drink or two (that turns into forty)
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Diego Lane said:
What the fuck is self-abuse is that what they're peddling in aa these days

See this is my problem with being sober is that sober people are kalaidoscopic cesspits of soft language and fake terms and layers upon layers of convoluted rationale like a lump of paper mache and kids glue assembled by a drooling toddler
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I don't know jack shit about you, other than your posts and responses here so far. So please excuse the potential snap judgement. And if it's off base, then my apologies...

But so far? You seem angry. Like... deeply angry. The kind of angry that makes you bitter at most of the world around you. "People suck. Work sucks. TV/The internet sucks. Cars suck. Food sucks. Everything just sucks and fuck you, that's why" kinda angry. And when people disconnect from you because of it, it just re-enforces this thought process.

So the first thing I'd want to know is "why" that anger is there by default that makes me so fucking bitter.

Usually it's because of some shit in your past. Maybe childhood? Maybe teenage trauma? idfk. But in my experience, very few things make people perma-dicks. It takes a lot to be mad at the sunrise every day and it almost always involves some sort of deep seated issue they keep shoved down and has festered.

Personally, I found it a hell of a lot easier not to reach for some sort of inebriate once I sorted my shit out.
 
Diego Lane said:
Everything sucks when im sober and then I get angry cruel and self conscious
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Sounds like you need to re-evaluate your life here pal. You've become the communist ideal of the atomised man and your mind is rebelling. If you can't handle life sober, then you're masking your feelings. I had a similar problem but in (kind of) reverse. I have always had very social women in my life, which forced me to constantly interact with people and their stupid fucking opinions. It took a lot of years to realise that what I needed was solitude. I still have friends, friends that I would kill or die for, but I don't have 100 acquaintances that I need to see on a weekly basis.

Diego Lane said:
What the fuck is self-abuse is that what they're peddling in aa these days

See this is my problem with being sober is that sober people are kalaidoscopic cesspits of soft language and fake terms and layers upon layers of convoluted rationale like a lump of paper mache and kids glue assembled by a drooling toddler
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Self-abuse is abuse of yourself, you dumb nigger.
I prefer the term "committing suicide in instalments", but drinking/drugging yourself to death is basically bug-chasing for straight men.
It's a sign of self-loathing. Which in case you can't work out means loathing yourself.

You don't need to go to AA to get sober, but if you want to, (apparently) different groups have different attitudes. Find one that suits you. Or find another group if you need support. There's probably a "sober weightlifting" group near you if you live in a city, there's almost certainly a BJJ, boxing, or some other combat sport gym that will have at least a couple of guys who are getting sober.
 
TheArtilleryman said:
Maybe this is the main problem. You seriously have no family? As for friends, you say you work out, is there no form of sport or club you're interested in joining? Even just shooting the shit with other guys at your local gym? No offence but you do sound very antisocial IRL. Nobody's going to help you if you refuse to admit weakness and keep rejecting people. Even now, after you've just asked for help, you then turn around and act offended at the idea of "weak talk" so to speak.
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I talk to the old lady at the liquor store
And i work out alone, running, bodyweight in my tent in the woods ive made good progress (195lbs) starting from 240~ in like 4 months of real effort
People dont talk to me unless theyre honeless crackheads who want a cigarette
 
Diego Lane said:
I talk to the old lady at the liquor store
And i work out alone, running, bodyweight in my tent in the woods ive made good progress (195lbs) starting from 240~ in like 4 months of real effort
People dont talk to me unless theyre honeless crackheads who want a cigarette
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If this isn't a bit, and you've actually drank yourself into a tent in the woods, the you are the embodiment of this meme...
0_ZjYSm_q36J4KChdn.webp
That's Luna Slater levels of delusion.
 
I started going to AA in the spring and I was white-knuckling it. I "had" to have something to drink every evening, so I was alternating really sour juice like pure cranberry with the occasional NA beer. I could not give up the weed, and I was still taking opioids for pain.

I got my two-month chip for the booze, then I just... started drinking again. First a little, then a lot.

At the beginning of July, I decided to stop going to meetings and I picked up my merry old booze habit like I had never been gone.

It was miserable. Everything immediately went off the rails. I almost caught charges for a family situation (not violence) and code enforcement sent me a sternly worded letter about the condition of my house.

September 1, I decided to start going back to meetings.

I don't want to say that I am "cured," but the urge to drink and smoke weed just isn't there anymore. I'm not white-knuckling this round. The noise is gone.

I had some CRAZY shit happen the other day, like think a meteor falling through the roof crazy, and I had a moment of "OMG FUCK ME FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK THIS WHOLE GAY EARTH" but I didn't pick up, I put on my big girl pants and fixed my shit. And when I say I fixed my shit, my aunt who is an OG tomboy was like "I am really impressed."

Then I went to a notorious local restaurant/bar ("Full bar service available at 6 AM!") and ordered some food to go. I sat in the bar, drank a really good mocktail, and watched a bunch of drunk wildland firefighters being obnoxious. Then I got my food and went home.

The problems are still there, but it's like being able to see more than two moves ahead on the chessboard.

I can't promise that my positive mental attitude will remain, but I hope it does.

Good luck to all the kiwis who are in the trenches. I am here with you.
 
KiwiFuzz2 said:
Then I went to a notorious local restaurant/bar ("Full bar service available at 6 AM!") and ordered some food to go. I sat in the bar, drank a really good mocktail, and watched a bunch of drunk wildland firefighters being obnoxious. Then I got my food and went home.
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Being drunk is cringe. Coping in other ways but mentally towards any issue is cringe. Just this night I had a dream in which I clearly suffered the consequences of drinking. I dreamed I had re-added people I've finally rid myself of on Discord; messed up a vehicle of some sort I had been driving, and suffered the awkward socializing of facing that occurrence with strangers. Then I woke up, almost wanted to check my Discord and then went "oh wait, I haven't drank in weeks".

I recently watched this video, which is an aight listen from a somewhat based f*mxle, but one throwaway comment was about being at a big social gathering and thinking "Am I having FOMO despite being present? Should I be enjoying this more than I am?", and that's basically my drinking. I could've played friday night TF2 with friends sober, but I drank to enjoy it -more-. I only yearn to drink friday nights, because I could enjoy the night more. But now the enjoyment is gone. I waste time, money, health and precious days off.

I may not be enjoying it -more- by being sober, but I get more hours to enjoy. The biggest takeaway from rusty_cage's sobriety vlog was "There's so many hours in the day I -have- to come up with something to do". I can waste 3 hours playing a dogshit game and then look at the clock and it's 9:15AM on a saturday. I could spend 2 hours driving home and be there before lunch if need be. It feels like staying up late to get more hours in the day except it's positive and life-affirming.

KiwiFuzz2 said:
I put on my big girl pants and fixed my shit.
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Not really alcohol related but I've had days where I was out and about every single god damn day and even if it was only a 35 minute thing, it took willpower to go do it. Willpower that stems from good, sleep, early rising, and setting a goal and sticking to it. I chose to lose weight; I lost 25kg. I randomly decided to get a motorcycle license; hopefully I've got it in 20-25 days. Ex-alcoholics and near-death survivors seem to start ODing on going out there and doing shit in life. Can't think about drinking if you signed up for bouldering saturday morning.

I really wanted to quit drinking jan 1 2026 but I've relapsed several times. The whole idea of making it noteworthy to sober up is probably why it's so tough. It's binary; hero or zero. I stopped drinking (again) a few weeks ago. Don't know when exactly nor does it matter. My dad stopped drinking day to next with no relapsing going on years and I still don't know how, granted he drank after work and that's a clear waste of money and health. Lots of men quit drinking to then kill themselves on a motorcycle. At least that's honorable.
 
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