Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Haven't drank in a few weeks, don't even know what I last did. Too preoccupied with working my free weekends or motorcycle course shit. I don't really fear when either of those free up because getting up 6am on a saturday beats any amount of ""fun"" you can have drinking a friday night.

Swear to God I had a daily rotation so I didn't show up at the same place more than once a week. That seems to be pretty standard, sharing that tidbit during H&I gigs at my rehab is usually the point where all the patients share a laugh and relax/open up a bit.

Watched a celebrity's sobriety documentary the other day. Bro would have to engage 5 different dealers as to imply to any of these enablers he wasn't one of those losers who wanted to buy every single day. It's crazy what people do just to avoid the shame that isn't just.. avoiding what leads to the shame. The 'best' drinking experiences I've had was buying it all ahead of friday and preemptively deciding "yeah I'm drinking". The whole running around friday evening trying to find what I need is more shameful than drinking alone.

There are a lot of people in AA who make being in recovery their entire identity. If that's what they need to do to stay sober, then, well, you need to do what you need to do.

Beats 'successful women' having 'if you don't think wine is okay every day-' in their bio.

The littlest things would ruin my whole week, now I'm just like "well that makes me mad" and I'm pretty much over it like 15 minutes later.

Goes for everything. Fired? You can literally be over it 15 mins later if you stop feeding the flame. I quit a dogshit job of which the increased wage mostly went to wasting more money because "I now make more" or gas. I still talk to myself about it when only good things have come from quitting it. It's like falling into stinging nettle: If you don't touch it for 15 mins it's literally gone. Scratch and it'll be a 3-day enjoyment.

When I look back at all the time and money I wasted, it's actually quite sad. I wish I'd quit 20 years ago.

Dad quit cold turkey day to next and suddenly could afford a motorcycle a year later. Still need to ask why and how he did so. Seems like motorcycles keep a lot of people off the bottle. Doing zero% just seems like a half-assed cope. It's like people getting on ozempic, telling themselves "nah i'm different, i'll keep the fat off when I stop the meds".

 

[TheArtilleryman]

Its almost been 1 month. My energy and general motivation to do things throughout the day has increased a lot, as has my appetite (at this rate, my next problem will be avoiding obesity). I'm not getting angry that often any more, and a couple of people have said I seem happier. My family is much happier.

The first week dry was a rollercoaster. I was depressed for the first couple of days, then almost manic with the newfound energy and clarity that came back to me in days 3 and 4. Once that settled, I started properly coming to terms with it. The boredom in the evenings is the worst part, and at social gatherings when everyone else is getting drunk... but it only takes a couple of minutes of reminding myself of some of the regretful moments, the hangovers, and the surprises of a lower-than-expected bank account the next day to drive away the desire to touch it again.

It's going well, and everything has gotten better. Avoiding boredom and replacing the drinking time with something else is surprisingly difficult. If I didn't have good IRL support to call upon I'd be having a much harder time with it.

 

[Alaska20k]

October used to be my favorite drinkin’ month, guess I need to get used to that now

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

October used to be my favorite drinkin’ month, guess I need to get used to that now

On the flipside, being sober makes you realize how many adult activities are just an excuse to get drunk. One of my favorite clips from a show exemplifies this:

I sometimes miss getting drunk and doing stuff, but most of it was flooding my brain with feel-good chemicals while I was really just being uninhibited and obnoxious. If being retarded isn't fun sober, then why do it at all?

 

[Your Girlfriend's Dad]

2 years here and it's amazing how I can get stressed or pissed off about something now without having to get drunk to keep myself from feeling anything or thinking about it and end up stewing in it for days as a result. The littlest things would ruin my whole week, now I'm just like "well that makes me mad" and I'm pretty much over it like 15 minutes later.

Yeah. It's almost like you have to grow up when you don't give yourself a chemical crutch to lean on whenever you get upset.

 

[Sausage King]

Being upset, facing a challenge, or avoiding responsibility were/are big triggers for me to drink (2+ years sober now). It sounds cliché, but identifying that feeling and replacing it with confrontation is important. Writing, getting better at music, exercising, cooking something nicer than usual, practicing a skill, reading a book, cleaning, creating art, reaching out to people or doing work/studies are all much more valuable uses of time than getting smashed, and you wake up a better person the next day rather than a deteriorated one.

"I feel like doing and thinking nothing" is the perfect time to actually do something difficult that requires your brain. Sure my brain screams at me "this sucks, go back to doing nothing" but after starting for 10-15 minutes, I'm usually in the zone on whatever it is I chose.

 

[phatdoobz420]

Seems like motorcycles keep a lot of people off the bottle

I’m at two months today. My motorcycle gives me something to do in the evenings that you literally can’t do drunk. It helps a lot. Most of my evening habits either revolved around or easily included drinking. Watching TV, grilling something for dinner or riding the lawn mower all make it really hard but if I fire up the bike i don’t even really think about drinking

 

[Zorak Prison Pod]

100 days.

Why, that's almost three digits!

 

[A random street in Duluth]

The boredom in the evenings is the worst part, and at social gatherings when everyone else is getting drunk... but it only takes a couple of minutes of reminding myself of some of the regretful moments, the hangovers, and the surprises of a lower-than-expected bank account the next day to drive away the desire to touch it again.

True, and very often understated when it comes to putting down alcohol. You are not simply dealing with "just don't drink lmao" but a complete restructuring of your life and habits. I had a friend struggling with this and saw how incredibly fucking hard it is to deal with. You re not just "drinking less". You have to accept that you will never be a social drinker ever again, you cannot just go and have few beers with your friends, you will never watch THE GAME with the bros and maybe have a cheeky little beer, you cant drink at family get togethers, cant have a BBQ, cant drink at weddings, cant drink at company teambuilding parties, cant have a drink at your sons 18th birthday and so on. You are dry. And worst case you might have to avoid every single place of temptation, crippling your social life completely, as something completely normal to most people is deadly poison to you, as a single beer could make you relapse and fuck over your life. Its even worse if you had alcohol-related hobbies. Enjoyed brewing beer or winemaking or mixing cocktails? Too bad, now you can't touch any of it.

 

[phatdoobz420]

You have to accept that you will never be a social drinker ever again, you cannot just go and have few beers with your friends

Yeah this one has been an eye opener for me. I’ve tried to quit a few times and this time has by far been the most successful. It’s cliche but I have friends that aren’t bad guys by any means but the only thing we have in common is getting hammered. It’s like walking a tight rope because on the one hand, they didn’t do anything deserving of being cut out, and on the other hand they just don’t fit in with where I’m headed anymore. It’s also awkward because it’s like looking into a mirror that you really don’t want to see. Was I really this obnoxious when I was drinking? Damn I can’t believe anyone put up with me. Also if you tell your friends you aren’t drinking they automatically feel judged. “You cant have a problem because if you have a problem that means I have a problem and if I have a problem that means I’d have to change and I don’t want to.”

 

[Your Girlfriend's Dad]

Yeah this one has been an eye opener for me. I’ve tried to quit a few times and this time has by far been the most successful. It’s cliche but I have friends that aren’t bad guys by any means but the only thing we have in common is getting hammered. It’s like walking a tight rope because on the one hand, they didn’t do anything deserving of being cut out, and on the other hand they just don’t fit in with where I’m headed anymore. It’s also awkward because it’s like looking into a mirror that you really don’t want to see. Was I really this obnoxious when I was drinking? Damn I can’t believe anyone put up with me. Also if you tell your friends you aren’t drinking they automatically feel judged. “You cant have a problem because if you have a problem that means I have a problem and if I have a problem that means I’d have to change and I don’t want to.”

You don't have to actively cut them out, just don't say yes to going out and getting bombed. If they wanna do something else with you, they will.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

True, and very often understated when it comes to putting down alcohol. You are not simply dealing with "just don't drink lmao" but a complete restructuring of your life and habits. I had a friend struggling with this and saw how incredibly fucking hard it is to deal with. You re not just "drinking less". You have to accept that you will never be a social drinker ever again, you cannot just go and have few beers with your friends, you will never watch THE GAME with the bros and maybe have a cheeky little beer, you cant drink at family get togethers, cant have a BBQ, cant drink at weddings, cant drink at company teambuilding parties, cant have a drink at your sons 18th birthday and so on. You are dry. And worst case you might have to avoid every single place of temptation, crippling your social life completely, as something completely normal to most people is deadly poison to you, as a single beer could make you relapse and fuck over your life. Its even worse if you had alcohol-related hobbies. Enjoyed brewing beer or winemaking or mixing cocktails? Too bad, now you can't touch any of it.

The secret is that you can still do a lot of these things without drinking. If watching THE GAME with the bros is pointless because you can't drink, then you probably never liked it to begin with and it was only about you getting drunk. Try to think of it less as a handicap and more as a huge fucking relief. No more booze math figuring out if you're gonna be the desired level of hammered, or fall short, or get sick. No more worrying about getting too drunk, or hungover, or hiding your drinking, or any of it. Also, stupid company functions suck even when you're drunk.

The best suggestion I can give is do some personal work to reduce the obsession or, at least, learn some defenses against temptation. I used to get really annoyed when I saw booze adverts, which I only started noticing everywhere when I got sober. Now I look at it and feel relieved that I don't poison myself anymore.

Yeah this one has been an eye opener for me. I’ve tried to quit a few times and this time has by far been the most successful. It’s cliche but I have friends that aren’t bad guys by any means but the only thing we have in common is getting hammered. It’s like walking a tight rope because on the one hand, they didn’t do anything deserving of being cut out, and on the other hand they just don’t fit in with where I’m headed anymore. It’s also awkward because it’s like looking into a mirror that you really don’t want to see. Was I really this obnoxious when I was drinking? Damn I can’t believe anyone put up with me. Also if you tell your friends you aren’t drinking they automatically feel judged. “You cant have a problem because if you have a problem that means I have a problem and if I have a problem that means I’d have to change and I don’t want to.”

You don't have to actively cut them out, just don't say yes to going out and getting bombed. If they wanna do something else with you, they will.

I told my friends I quit drinking altogether and most of them were supportive of it. I can be around them when they are doing their thing, and I don't judge them unless they are being genuinely stupid, but you'd be surprised how many people understand the decision. If you tell a buddy you're quitting and he makes it about himself, then that's not your buddy. If someone tries to tempt you and break your sobriety, that's an automatic cut-off. It's one thing for your friend to be hurt that you're not going to booze with him anymore, but it's another thing to be a fucking snake and try to sabotage someone else.

Also, yes, you were that obnoxious when you were drinking. Everyone is.

 

[Maniacal Foreigner]

I'm sorry if this sounds stupid, but it's an honest question: Why is it that alcoholics seemingly always have to permanently quit drinking altogether? Why can't they simply learn to go back to moderate drinking? Is it just a matter of willpower?

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

I'm sorry if this sounds stupid, but it's an honest question: Why is it that alcoholics seemingly always have to permanently quit drinking altogether? Why can't they simply learn to go back to moderate drinking? Is it just a matter of willpower?

It's not a stupid question. Even alcoholics struggle with this question. Why can't I drink like a gentleman?

TL;DR: alcoholism permanently fucks up your brain and DNA expression.

Psychologically, I cannot moderate it well. One drink makes me want more until I'm drunk, and then I want to stay drunk. Physiologically, alcoholism and addiction basically makes the brain particularly sensitive, creating a really strong urge for massive dopamine release via alcohol consumption. Also, long-term use results in the brain basically releasing a ton of stress hormones until you drink again.

Even after long-term sobriety, those pathways in the brain are still there and your DNA still has the switches that respond to alcohol, so introducing a drink revs that fucking engine right back up and it goes from zero to one hundred. That's why some people think of it as an allergy: you have permanently fucked up your body chemistry to the point that it now has a self-destructive physiologcal and psychological response to alcohol.

 

[Alaska20k]

I'm sorry if this sounds stupid, but it's an honest question: Why is it that alcoholics seemingly always have to permanently quit drinking altogether? Why can't they simply learn to go back to moderate drinking? Is it just a matter of willpower?

Because, due to their alcoholism, they will end up exactly where they were before they quit

 

[Sausage King]

Every self-admitted alcoholic has tried countless times to "just have a few". It's the only real test proposed in the Big Book to define whether or not you're an alcoholic for those uncertain: Can you sit at a bar alone or be in any situation with an endless supply of alcohol and just have one or two drinks?

The funny thing is, willpower can allow an alcoholic to just have one or two. When I was drinking, I've been in lots of situations with family, coworkers, my spouse or others where it was prudent to not get drunk. And I would be able to just have one or two for that day/situation.

The problem is, alcohol weakens the willpower, and the feeling of having a bit of alcohol makes the desire to have more stronger, and that desire lasts days or weeks. Having enough willpower to control myself for a nice date is one thing; having the willpower to not go to the liquor store as soon as I'm left unobserved is another kind of willpower altogether.

Life in general cannot run on willpower alone, it takes too much effort. Habits take over, good or bad, and getting drunk resets that particular bad habit entirely, even being years removed from it.

 

[phatdoobz420]

I'm sorry if this sounds stupid, but it's an honest question: Why is it that alcoholics seemingly always have to permanently quit drinking altogether? Why can't they simply learn to go back to moderate drinking? Is it just a matter of willpower?

Basically because there’s no point to drinking in moderation. For me I’m chasing a relaxed buzz. The first time you drink, that means 1 beer. 10 years down the road it means a 12 pack + some whiskey. So drinking 1 beer at dinner with friends is pointless. Might as well have a glass of water.

Edit to add that I think pretty much everyone has tried moderation. But after you’ve ended back up at the same consumption rate a few times, you have to realize that you can’t do moderation and it has to go completely out of your life. It’s like cancer. I want it completely gone.

 

[A random street in Duluth]

The secret is that you can still do a lot of these things without drinking. If watching THE GAME with the bros is pointless because you can't drink, then you probably never liked it to begin with and it was only about you getting drunk. Try to think of it less as a handicap and more as a huge fucking relief. No more booze math figuring out if you're gonna be the desired level of hammered, or fall short, or get sick. No more worrying about getting too drunk, or hungover, or hiding your drinking, or any of it. Also, stupid company functions suck even when you're drunk.

Sadly that's not how it works. That's not how habits work. Pure habit is going to be unbearable alone, just wanting to do what you always did. Seeing all other people drinking socially and disinhibited is going to be even worse. They can all be your friends and respect your decision and try to support you, but they still primarily there to watch THE GAME and have some drinks. Its part of the ritual, like smoke breaks for smokers. Many will tell you how they are not missing nicotine itself, not the physical gestures of handling a cigarette, but the little social events around it, just talking to people during a smoke break at work, having a smoke after a particularly difficult or unpleasant job getting finished or just the social oil at a party. You can always say "hey, wanna get out and have a smoke?" for some deep personal talk or flirting, but "wanna go out and talk for like five minutes" will get you looked at like youre an alien shapeshifter tying to fit in with the hu-mons. Its not just about the drink but how you drink it, the whole ceremony and social behavior around it. Alcohol is simply a part of human culture, and you are cut out of all those moments.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Sadly that's not how it works. That's not how habits work. Pure habit is going to be unbearable alone, just wanting to do what you always did. Seeing all other people drinking socially and disinhibited is going to be even worse. They can all be your friends and respect your decision and try to support you, but they still primarily there to watch THE GAME and have some drinks. Its part of the ritual, like smoke breaks for smokers. Many will tell you how they are not missing nicotine itself, not the physical gestures of handling a cigarette, but the little social events around it, just talking to people during a smoke break at work, having a smoke after a particularly difficult or unpleasant job getting finished or just the social oil at a party. You can always say "hey, wanna get out and have a smoke?" for some deep personal talk or flirting, but "wanna go out and talk for like five minutes" will get you looked at like youre an alien shapeshifter tying to fit in with the hu-mons. Its not just about the drink but how you drink it, the whole ceremony and social behavior around it. Alcohol is simply a part of human culture, and you are cut out of all those moments.

What I did is I found social clubs that do the same things, but without booze. It's not impossible. I have personally not found any problem hanging out with people without drinking, but I'm also not afraid of looking like a weirdo because I'm not drinking or participating in the usual rituals. Most people will ask if I'm drinking, I say that I don't drink, and that's the end of it. Your mileage obviously may vary, but I haven't had too much trouble in that regard.

 

[Absolutego]

True, and very often understated when it comes to putting down alcohol. You are not simply dealing with "just don't drink lmao" but a complete restructuring of your life and habits. I had a friend struggling with this and saw how incredibly fucking hard it is to deal with. You re not just "drinking less". You have to accept that you will never be a social drinker ever again, you cannot just go and have few beers with your friends, you will never watch THE GAME with the bros and maybe have a cheeky little beer, you cant drink at family get togethers, cant have a BBQ, cant drink at weddings, cant drink at company teambuilding parties, cant have a drink at your sons 18th birthday and so on. You are dry. And worst case you might have to avoid every single place of temptation, crippling your social life completely, as something completely normal to most people is deadly poison to you, as a single beer could make you relapse and fuck over your life. Its even worse if you had alcohol-related hobbies. Enjoyed brewing beer or winemaking or mixing cocktails? Too bad, now you can't touch any of it.

Echoing a bit what @Hey Johnny Bravo said. A lot of those activities I got to do way more sober than I could drunk. Football while alcoholic was a pretty solitary activity for me, mostly watching games on a second monitor while I did whatever the fuck else and pounded drinks. Now? I meet up with friends to watch games. I can actually afford to go to games, and made friends eager to go with me. I used to have a personal mix for basically every whiskey cocktail ever. A roommate in Oxford was a bartender and taught me a ton about mocktails and applying the same interest there. And that's a growing hobby right now.

Social interaction stuff, I get the difficulty. I recognize it's a massively different adjustment if you were a social drunk vs. a hermit like I was. But I promise, once you are secure enough in your sobriety to handle the presence of alcohol without it triggering a relapse, you can enjoy all those milestones/social gatherings just fine. It's been my experience that far fewer people are super-invested in making sure everyone's drinking when you're out of college. Moreso now than twenty years ago, for sure. Nobody has ever asked a second question when I politely refuse a drink at an event, and certainly nobody has tried to pressure me to drink. I actually attended both a bachelor weekend and a wedding just shy of 9 months sober and was thoroughly entertained watching all the attendees (mostly new parents where this was maybe the 1st/2nd time they'd gotten a babysitter in a year) overdo it as normal social drinkers. I had a buddy in the know who kept checking in on me, but for the most part I was just enjoying the novelty of watching people make fools of themselves and knowing it's not part of a concerning pattern for them.

Look, early recovery sucks. No bones about that. But it does get better, and you can build a life just as full as anyone else's and a sobriety thoroughly resistant to temptation. It just takes time.