Ankylosis spondylitis, doctor recently told me I experience more pain with it than anyone else with the condition he treats, feels like my joints are pulling apart like wishbones while my joints dissolve/fuse together, it's pretty much every joint in my body, so outside of drinking like 20ish oz of 50% alcohol vodka in four to eight hours I don't really have a way to cope with the level of pain I'm dealing with.
It's crazy how quickly that self-control disappears. Bryan Johnson says you've no willpower when you're tired and I'd believe it. If I think about waking up 6am on a saturday morning, I immediately recognize how many hours of the day I get to enjoy unless I drink friday night. Though, not having anything planned is what gets to me. "well whatever, ill lay hungover til 3pm", but that also means more likelihood of ordering food, eating more than I should and what not.
I hate beer but it's also easier to buy than liquor and a mixer. But it fattens a lot more and drinking becomes a chore. I can drink the 4 cans that gets me drunk but I remember basically all of it, then tip over into 'can't remember shit' towards 11pm, whereas with anything stronger I'd be in bed by 10. The fact drinking is a literal workout at this point should tell me all I need to know. I go out of my way to sleep better, fast 5 days a week and what not, and drinking just 100% ruins all benefits I may get from that.
That's where groups like AA can be really helpful because you can pick up a phone and call guys if you're feeling like a drink. I personally found stuff like that extremely helpful. You also make sober friends by talking to sober guys, so you have something fun to do, without drinking, with other guys who aren't drinking.
This is probably how most people start, I certainly started because I didn't know how to talk to people, and being a drunken fool is funny when you're young. The problem is a clown without a circus around him is just a very annoying person. I'm 99% sure that a Seinfeld quote.
This is absolutely a red flag. I found that I would fail to get things done because I was drunk, then the next day I'd be angry because I was trying to catch up. Eventually, you're so far behind that you are in a permanent state of irritation, and because humans are excellent at avoiding responsibility, you start taking it out on others.
As someone else in this thread has written; think of it as retiring. I often say when asked "I have already drunk my share". If I framed it as struggling with an addiction, I think it would be harder. We all have something we used to do but don't anymore. I see alcohol like going to punk shows, or being promiscuous: it's just something I used to do, but I can't be bothered any more. I don't want to lose my hearing, or my wife, so I've found other way to entertain myself.
If you find that you only enjoyed doing something while drinking, then you never really enjoyed that thing. It was just an excuse to drink. Try new things all the time. There's no shame or harm in trying something, realizing you don't like it/suck at it, and moving onto a new hobby. I usually suggest creative hobbies since you can actually make something and get some tangible positive feedback. Playing music is one such example but there are many others.
Try things that give you a natural high. Either through endorphins (my preferred method), or dopamine. I'm a huge advocate of exercise in nature, especially hiking and camping. You can't get alcohol if you're in a tent 5 miles from a road, and you'll be too tired anyway.
Do something social. Isolation is the most poisonous state to us. I've done sober sports leagues (kind of a poor time of year for that), book clubs, found a group to jam with musically. All three kept me around other people, which is a good distraction from rationalizing a drink or two (that turns into forty)
This a million times. I've seen a lot of relapses and they always begin with isolation, be it social, mental, or spiritual.
That also holds true for pretty much any addiction unfortunately, and it's something people barely talk about: Once you're past a certain point, you don't go back to normal (Not completely at least). Sobriety becomes a constant battle of willpower you have to be actively exerting constantly, because your brain is constantly craving whatever substance is addicted to, and it actively fuck you up as much as it can to get it (Withdrawal syndrome).
Yeah. Plenty of us thought we weren't no pussy too. Until our liver swelled up, our skin turned yellow and we passed out in the Liquor store isle trying to get that morning's bottle before the shakes take hold too badly. Dying from Alcohol addiction is incredibly painful. Some of us gave it the ol' college try, envisioning our disappointed mother's faces if we had to tell her we quit drinking. All the way to death's door.
The best way I've seen it described is that you're putting your emotional state on a credit card, and this goes for pretty much all addictions.
I hit the point where I managed to have a withdrawal seizure in the self-checkout getting my daily ration. I think I'd had an unusually busy day before or tried to taper off or something and hadn't had a drink in close to 24 hours.
In the mind of an active addict, this makes perfect sense. One can't be faulted for that.
I mean, I went for both, they let me finish paying for the whiskey and take it with me (also no idea how I got away with that).
It affects you. Others not being around does not make self abuse any better. And the lack of others being present may be a symptom of the self abuse.
