Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

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Hey Johnny Bravo said:
Correct. You'll feel anhedonic for a little bit but it does, indeed, improve as your brain re-adjusts to a normal dopamine loop.
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I would say that one of the traps of alcohol is that it can make a lot of boring things fun and also make a lot of fun things not so fun anymore. It's good to try out new things and also things that aren't instant dopamine hooks like writing, art, drawing, making music and other shit - try to get a new hobby or work on one that you perhaps lost or burned through due to alcohol use.

To counter that though some people who already have those hobbies use alcohol as a crutch or superpower so its not an all encompassing fix. But at least giving yourself a few longer term projects can help with setting goals and outcomes and working towards stuff, it depends how a person's life is.

Someone on k-farms shared the story of the book Infinite Jest with me and apparently the author wrote it after becoming sober or something like that: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_Jest (they were an author who found alcohol gave them a "superpower" during writing previously). Not sure how accurate that is but its interesting.
 
neger psykolog said:
Someone on k-farms shared the story of the book Infinite Jest with me and apparently the author wrote it after becoming sober or something like that: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_Jest (they were an author who found alcohol gave them a "superpower" during writing previously). Not sure how accurate that is but its interesting.
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David Foster Wallace was maybe the best ever writer to describe the despair and turmoil that comes from addiction and depression. But, not the best role model of someone who overcame their personal issues after coming to terms with addiction/alcoholism (suicide at 46). His commencement speech "This is Water" is really profound practical advice on keeping a constant awareness of our self-centered mindsets, and living with grace and acceptance of reality.

My "superpower" of alcohol was definitely music. There were many months after becoming sober that I felt like I couldn't enjoy listening to or playing music. That took a long time to get back, but it does come back.
 
Jerk Sausage said:
My "superpower" of alcohol was definitely music. There were many months after becoming sober that I felt like I couldn't enjoy listening to or playing music. That took a long time to get back, but it does come back.
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I used to listen to such a prolific amount of music when I was drunk. Just insane amounts where I would be like in the top listeners for a lot of bands and also within whatever country I was in. I still get tons of people who come over and ask for my playlists because of it.
There was a lot of music I only found because it fit in with the depressive/happy mindset I would find with alcohol.

There are definitely periods now when I'm sober where I don't need music to carry me on, whereas before I required it all the time but there are also times when I still listen heavily to music. And yeah, it definitely took a while to have music hit me emotionally again.
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
You cannot get sober for your wife, your kids, your friends, your career, or anyone else. You have to do it for yourself.
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I had to go and dig up this post from a few pages back. You're so, so right.

I just had a moment where I was waiting at the station for my train, and my brain literally whispered to myself, like an intrusive thought: "Get four cans of cider for the trip. No one would ever find out".

If I was doing this for someone else, I would have just let them down. Because that devil on my shoulder is right. No one would have found out. It wouldn't have affected anyone else if I quietly got drunk on this train ride.

In the end I got a milkshake. Because I'm doing this for me, and I would have known, and I would have felt like I let myself down. But fuck me, where did that thought even come from? It just leapt in there.
 
Clem Fandango said:
No one would ever find out
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That little voice is such a prick isn't he? Good on you for fighting him. Traveling solo is very dangerous in early sobriety for that very reason, there's a ton of temptation and 0 perceivable reason to stay accountable, except to yourself and God. But they're both poor accountability partners when one has little respect for themselves and no real commitment to the higher power.
 
Jerk Sausage said:
My "superpower" of alcohol was definitely music. There were many months after becoming sober that I felt like I couldn't enjoy listening to or playing music. That took a long time to get back, but it does come back.
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My sobriety date is the last gig I played. I fucked up my life doing the sex, drugs and rock and roll thing and it has taken me a very long time to separate those things from each other in my mind. I recently started playing again for the first time in years, at least in any meaningful capacity, and it's as fulfilling as it used to be.

I still can't see live jazz / blues without wanting a drink. So I drink the fake shit. When I go to New Orleans or Memphis I bring a flask of fake whiskey to give to the bartender for my old fashioneds. When I run out, I leave. If I ever relapse, it'll be because the music was too good to walk away from.
 
dick brain said:
I still can't see live jazz / blues without wanting a drink. So I drink the fake shit. When I go to New Orleans or Memphis I bring a flask of fake whiskey to give to the bartender for my old fashioneds. When I run out, I leave. If I ever relapse, it'll be because the music was too good to walk away from.
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I've wanted to drink some fake margaritas because I always enjoyed the flavor, but I'm too worried about some asshole at the bar putting booze in it.
 
Back with updates. As of July 25th, I've gone back to work. It's worse this time. 16 hours a day. Reminder this is an outdoor blue collar job and it's hot as fuck out. I've worked 16 hours every single day since the 25th, I was supposed to get off the 19th, but office wants me to stay until the 26th, and even then they said there'll likely be something else coming up on the 27th. So I'm back to drinking. But I've lowered my total alcohol intake from last time.
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
I've wanted to drink some fake margaritas because I always enjoyed the flavor, but I'm too worried about some asshole at the bar putting booze in it.
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Next time I see a buddy of mine, I think I'll get my Bartender's Bible back from him. I know there's a bunch of non-alcoholic recipes for dedicated drinks in there. (Think like a Shirley Temple.) Don't know if they got a Mock-a-rita in there, but having a name to give to the bartender might at least help with that.

I also know I have a whole book of just non-alcoholic drinks lying around at home somewhere too, but I need to figure out where that ended up.
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
Remember that apologizing and making amends is about cleaning up your shit, not getting sympathy. Do not make promises about changing if you're not going to change. You cannot get sober for your wife, your kids, your friends, your career, or anyone else. You have to do it for yourself.
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Goes for most if not all things in life. I've been reading a lot for the first time in my life but I've no idea what it's like to have friends who read, so I just close the book and go "that was nice". Compare that to video games where I constantly feel like I need to show off that I'm playing by having it in my status or something. I can't sit down and play a game I've 100%'d for the fun of it, but I'll gladly read 1800 pages of "useless info" about some magical continent.

In general, if you live life for yourself and avoid things that you feel embarrassing, you'd be rid of smartphone addiction, porn addiction and the feeling of being behind in life. I don't specifically aim to find a partner in life, yet I have that tiny spark at times, which is to say I've cucked myself out of the stoic lifestyle of "I'll just care about myself, thanks". Cause I straighten my back not for myself but in case that woman walks past. It's another kind of motivation sure but one outside your control.

Anyway: Non-stop relapsing, specifically because I'm bored to tears. I think I've hit the point at which I need to actually put in effort. I've gone on drives to a random beach with my family and thought to myself "why don't I do this on my own too?" and I can't answer why. Other than that it's hard to face the need to actually put yourself into places you wanna be. Easier to just go "Nah gaming sucks right now bro, it'll change!". At least I'm reading instead. That's rare these days. :)
 
End of week 2.

Not much to update. Still sober. But man, solo travelling is treacherous as hell. Sitting alone in the hotel room, you're accountable to no one. Same on the train. And I was severely tempted. But managed to stave it off this time.

I've got a business trip to France coming up next month. That's going to be a doozy. Maybe I'll just start smoking again instead.

Otherwise, it's all moving in the right direction, mentally, physically. Much better sleep now. I feel chattier and friendlier with my colleagues in the office. No more of that horrible flailing of being hungover at work, where you just want to get through the day with no one noticing.

Took my son to the park yesterday. The one I was supposed to take him to that time where I instead took him to the pub and it all kicked off. But this time we stayed in the damn park. He played with a couple of girls and had a blast. So yeah, doing a bit better on that front too.
 
I find myself reading this and having to confront lots of internal feelings and familial history. My cope for a long time had been "Oh, see? You took a day or 2 off drinking, and you're not shaking, it's fiiiiine!" And sure, it's fine for now. But, nothing stays fine forever. So, after putting on 20ish pounds over the last 4-5 months, I decided it's time for a realignment. Oddly enough, this was spurred because of an encounter I had at the liquor store. I got off fairly early for the day, and decided "what the hell, a couple tall boys, a couple pocket shots, that's no problem!" However, seeing the 2pm-3pm liquor store crowd can be jarring. Looking at them, I thought "Jesus, these guys look rough. Glad I'm not them!" But, I was them in that moment.

Sure, I didn't look as rough, but that was just because I had 2 or 3 decades less of drinking under my belt than they did. Seeing them felt like looking at some benadryl fueled vision of the future. So, seeing how bad it could have been, coupled with the personal experiences of seeing how bad it was first hand with multiple members of my family dying from a slew of terminal alcoholism maladies, I decided to drop it. It felt/feels like there's a lot of "dead time" now, but I am finding things to fill that time. Historical books and long-form YouTube documentaries (shout out to Othias and C&Rsenal, it was funny to see him on the site), or just doing general research. Hell, I even found a museum I can volunteer at on the weekends when it re-opens.

There are plenty of things out there to do with your time that aren't drinking, and you'll thank yourself the next day when you get actual sleep for the first time in a long time. It's extra niggerlicious to think it's not a problem if your family has an extensive history of it. That shit is genetic, and you can't outrun your genes. You just have to find ways to work around them. Here's to week 1 of many.
 
I've been wasting all of my free time for about a decade drinking. It sucks ass, and while I don't get physical withdrawals I am a little pissy when I can't drink. I've noticed I've been drinking 4 or 5 nights a week the past 10 months, and I'd really rather be playing video games. The problem is that I always have booze around, or an excuse to drink booze. It really is a vicious cycle, and I need to try to reign it in somehow.
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
The most retarded part of my drinking is I managed to be mostly-sober during serious life events. When a family member or a loved one died, I was sober as a judge until the very end of the day so I would be presentable and available to people around me. It was little things that set me off on binges. I literally stubbed my toe one morning while getting ready for work and that was why I started drinking at 9 AM.
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Same here. I remember goimg home to visit family after my grandfather had a massive stroke, and I had no trouble staying sober because I knew that everybody else needed me to. Then I got home, found that my cat had pissed in my laundry again in my absence, and said, "Fuck this shit, " and went out to the bar.

Jerk Sausage said:
My "superpower" of alcohol was definitely music. There were many months after becoming sober that I felt like I couldn't enjoy listening to or playing music. That took a long time to get back, but it does come back.
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My alcoholic superpower is being able to talk, to string words together easily without stumbling (I can write well, but am a tongue-tied, brain-glitching retard in conversation). Unfortunately, the ability to talk while sober has never improved, but I'll still take it over being an active alcoholic any day.

Hey Johnny Bravo said:
I've wanted to drink some fake margaritas because I always enjoyed the flavor, but I'm too worried about some asshole at the bar putting booze in it.
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Nobody hates drunks more than bartenders do.

If you tell the bartender that you want a non-alcoholic version of anything, they will be glad to provide it. In better places, with more complicated drinks on the menu, I'll even ask if they have any NA concoctions of their own that I've never tried. But I have no trouble getting a virgin margarita, strawberry daquiri, bloody Mary, or (if I'm close enough to the Canadian border) bloody Caesar. If I say I'm the designated driver, sometimes I'll even get a free drink.

Clem Fandango said:
Sitting alone in the hotel room, you're accountable to no one.
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You're accountable to yourself. You matter. And how you feel about yourself, and your ability to resist a destructive habit that not only hurts you, but your family, matters a lot—more than you can possibly imagine in those moments.
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
I've wanted to drink some fake margaritas because I always enjoyed the flavor, but I'm too worried about some asshole at the bar putting booze in it.
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They do sell mocktails and such online and at stores, in case you feel like having one. Up to you, though.
Whatisgoingon said:
I've been wasting all of my free time for about a decade drinking. It sucks ass, and while I don't get physical withdrawals I am a little pissy when I can't drink. I've noticed I've been drinking 4 or 5 nights a week the past 10 months, and I'd really rather be playing video games. The problem is that I always have booze around, or an excuse to drink booze. It really is a vicious cycle, and I need to try to reign it in somehow.
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I had a habit of pouring drinks and building a tower of games or movies I swore I’d watch that night. Of course, the booze always won, and my grand plan of multitasking turned into a blurry marathon of getting hammered and forgetting my own ambitions.
 
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