The Cole Smithey Thread

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What's also funny is that Chris honestly thought that any local New York TV station would be covering the house fire in Ruckersville, unless he intended it to be CNN or Fox News or any national cable news network. In all likelihood, Cole would probably have been watching some obscure art or foreign film instead of the news.

On the other hand, since Chris's arrest has been reported internationally, maybe it wasn't too far fetched for him to assume the fire at 14BC would garner worldwide media coverage.
 
FightenGnome said:
I've never seen this super-sized, I like the a-hole monthly framing on the wall with him on it. The one thing I always thought was weird is how Chris put "mother and sister". You'd think if he was going to say his brother was a truly evil and selfish man he would not respect Chris' preferred pronouns like that.
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It's hilarious that Chris thinks that Cole is that wealthy.
 
All things considered and working against him, Cole did grow up to be a functional adult. He’s smug and pretentious as hell, but he still had the better outcome.
 
FUCK Imagine being Cole Smithey and finally feeling some sense of triumph and satisfaction in your life, having risen above your genetics and upbringing to become the most successful and "intellectual" person in your bloodline. Then overnight you become IMMENSELY more famous in the context of your autistic half brother, for antics like drinking his own cum and dicking down his Playstaion. You already deeply resented him for actually being loved by your mom, and now your life's work is a mere footnote to his, if mentioned at all. THEN HE FUCKS YOUR MOM
 
Nignogninja said:
Him not caring about abusive neglectful people doesn’t make him heartless.
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Before the dementia, Barb was well known for being an insanely abusive and manipulative person. Her entire family cut her off as well because she allegedly went after her sister's husband.
While what happened to her was horrendous, the people she hurt or screwed over in the past owe her nothing.
 
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Cole is just so detached from the utter lunacy of the situation that he might not even be losing much sleep over this. He surely knew when he cut them off that the situation degenerating into something like this was a solid possibility if not inevitable, and he's been consistent in giving zero fucks, it's probably just the natural end result of garbage people making a lifetime of horrible choices as far as he's concerned. Clearly he feels no reason why this is in any way his problem. This is a guy who has been featured multiple times in A-Hole Monthly, he probably is just really fucking irked that people associate his name and background with a bunch of literal retards who live in trash and vermin engaging in some of the grossest degeneracy possible.
 
vanilla_pepsi_head said:
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Cole is just so detached from the utter lunacy of the situation that he might not even be losing much sleep over this. He surely knew when he cut them off that the situation degenerating into something like this was a solid possibility if not inevitable, and he's been consistent in giving zero fucks, it's probably just the natural end result of garbage people making a lifetime of horrible choices as far as he's concerned. Clearly he feels no reason why this is in any way his problem. This is a guy who has been featured multiple times in A-Hole Monthly, he probably is just really fucking irked that people associate his name and background with a bunch of literal retards who live in trash and vermin engaging in some of the grossest degeneracy possible.
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He maintained a bit of contact with Christian Weston Chandler to avoid directly speaking to Barb. I'm guessing Barb is beyond dead to him, and now Chris is too. Don't forget that Cole was like 16 or 17 when Chris was born. He moved to the other side of the country to get away from Barb. I find him to be a strangely comforting character in all of this because someone was able to escape Barb. Even though he seems like kind of a weirdo, he is normal relative to Chris. Same for Bob's children who grew up to be successful. It's comforting that it took two people at the end of their fertile years, a series of bad decisions, the shitshow of cartoons, video games, and the internet, plus malfeasance by many people to create the monster known as Chris Chan.
 
it's weird how both Barb's kids became internet famous/notorious, at totally different times and for totally different reasons. Like they both became almost famous for attention seeking and annoying (Cole with his controversial reviews, fighting with Ebert). Barbs "infamous attention seeker" genes must be strong
 
BurningPewter said:
it's weird how both Barb's kids became internet famous/notorious, at totally different times and for totally different reasons. Like they both became almost famous for attention seeking and annoying (Cole with his controversial reviews, fighting with Ebert). Barbs "infamous attention seeker" genes must be strong
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Well thankfully her gene pool has come to a dead end because neither Chris nor Cole have reproduced,
 
BurningPewter said:
it's weird how both Barb's kids became internet famous/notorious, at totally different times and for totally different reasons. Like they both became almost famous for attention seeking and annoying (Cole with his controversial reviews, fighting with Ebert). Barbs "infamous attention seeker" genes must be strong
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Cole would be nowhere near internet famous without Chris. Probably 9/10 times somebody talks about him its because he's Chris' brother.
 
Corsola said:
Cole would be nowhere near internet famous without Chris. Probably 9/10 times somebody talks about him its because he's Chris' brother.
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I know. But he still made a slight online presence based around being outrageous and annoying (the Toy Story stuff etc). He wants online fame
 
Just thinking about the time a young Chris sent Smithey an email asking for him to vote for him in a Parappa the Rappa contest and Smithey used it as an oppurtunity to bitch about his bad relationship with Barb. What a fucking asshole.
 
DeeCeeBees said:
I wonder if the State of VA will contact Cole if Barb requires guardianship. How the fuck is he gonna say "NO WAY" and that he wants nothing to do with his freshly raped and elderly senile mother. I could see if my brother went to jail and animal control asked me to take his dog and me saying no. It's a dog. But someone who's vagina you came out of? Have a little compassion you asshole.
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You underestimate the amount of care that an elderly relative requires. It's essentially a full time job. Cole doesn't work (except his LARPing as a film critic), but that's a lot of work for someone who you don't even care about. Especially when Cole is not even trained for the job.
 
I doubt they're gonna track down the estranged son of a woman who fucks her sons, even if Chris was the forceful one they're gonna know something is wrong in the family
 
BurningPewter said:
I doubt they're gonna track down the estranged son of a woman who fucks her sons, even if Chris was the forceful one they're gonna know something is wrong in the family
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He's next of kin, so they probably tried only to be turned away.

It stands to reason none of the family wants anything to do with this insanity (especially after they learned what Chris did) and how can you expect them to react any differently?

They probably cried because they shared genetic material with these people.
 
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