Martial arts lolcows

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Around here, it's MMA-spergs, same song, different dance.

The martial arts are like a "sperg hub" where several groups of losers tend to overlap all at once...

- Overcompensation-guy who lives on a steady diet of testosterone, to him, this is just another "manly" thing he consumes with abandon along with his protein shakes.
- The paramilitary guys, to whom hand-to-hand combat is how REAL war (tm) is fought (and the fact they can't afford/legally buy a milspec Beretta) .
- The Japanophiles who believe there's some mystic woo-woo involved that will let them crack open mountains at the highest levels (Cuz Dragon Ball wouldn't lie!) .
- The street-level patriot, who's got to be "ready" to drop terrorists at the slightest notice a la' Chuck Norris.

There's probably a few more I'm forgetting, but, it's a good thing these places exist, so the real and honest practitioners of martial arts have a place to refer these numbnuts to and get them to stop hassling their students.

I can just imagine the instructor's face on the first day of class as he scans around the room and picks out the wannabe Dolph Lundgren in the room wearing an urban-camo tank top and thinks "Dear God, not ANOTHER one."
 
I'm just going to leave this here


Not sure if real, gay porn, or a troll.

I know nothing of chunning but that capo is shameful can't even cartwheel right.

Plus it's always funny to see people obsessing on which style is best or better or if certain martial arts are even martial arts. Different styles of fighting were made for different situations so the best is at best subjective. That said I've never seen a good chunner or akido-ka.
 
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Yellow Yam Scam said:
If you know your jiujitsu enough to appreciate truly terrible grappling, this is my youtube channel where I used to compile videos of shitty BJJ instructors: https://www.youtube.com/user/EasyKillChoke/videos

https://youtube.com/watch?v=859toNYteDU
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Good god that's painful to watch. I don't know any martial arts but I wrestled through jr. high and highschool and have competed at the state level a few time and just from that I can tell you most of that crap won't work in that vid. He's sacrificing way to much of his leverage and weight advantage by getting crazy.
 
Holdek said:
George Dillman humiliated on national TV:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_Z0_n7tGnK0
(Fast forward to 3:59 if you want, although the setup makes it better).
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The way Dillman acts in regards to the skeptic, it's just pure laughter in regards to how he tries to defend his position in that his style is legit and that the non-believer is just trying to hurt his reputation.

I'm not too familiar with martial arts lol-cows but I do remember coming across this:
http://mcdojo-faq.tripod.com/#top
It does help in letting one know about a mcdojo, which in of itself can be filled with martial art spergs that think their style is superior or that some other style is just inferior. It would also tell one a bit about the owner/master of a mcdojo such as with claiming their style to be some secret art such as with the video that Holdek linked, claiming to use chi do some no touch punch. Hope this helps with the thread in some way.
 
Stephen Cio Burrell

The Low Down:

Stephen claims to be an 8th degree blackbelt in Aikido, which is a blatant lie. As are his claims to be a Vietnam veteran, spy, "adventurer" and all around badass.

He was almost certainly the creator of a now dead site titled The Top Ten Most Dangerous Men in the World, because the whole list is full of fake, awkward names except his. He ranked himself as the #4 most dangerous in the world.

One thing that is true about him is that he is an author. His book Weekend With Rita can be found on Amazon.com and is an autobiographical tale about being in prison and sneaking his girlfriend in for a weekend. In the book, all the prisoners look up to this Cadillac of men. In reality, he sued the prison he did time in after getting beat up by what one web site cleverly referred to as "The 3rd most dangerous man in the world".

There's more, like threats made to people who make sites/pages about him but I don't wanna go on forever here...


The Links:

Bullshido.net thread:
http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=96548

His page from a site that exposes Stolen Valor types (this one is awesome 'cause the lady that helped expose him recieved several threats of violence from him and responds by keeping the comments section alive and entertaining. Also, Stephen's groupies/girlfriends will sometimes show up to defend him):
http://thisainthell.us/blog/?p=29679

Prison message board (?) exposes two of Stephen's "prison consultant" schemes in one thread. This is from back in 2003:
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-40425.html

His book:
http://www.amazon.com/Weekend-Rita-S-CIO-Burrell/dp/0595652379


burrell8.jpg

Full Disclosure:
I used to know this guy (through no fault of my own) and thus have much uncorroborated shit on him, such as his claim to being a 300 year old vampire.


Edit: Added some shit.
 
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Problem is that martial arts, as defense or even as way of gaining discipline or confidence are valid. I do them or at least did do them when I was still in Japan. Coming back home I tried to join a dojo but was just met with one strip mall McDojo after the other who were more interested in chasing the belt than they were in actually teaching. One of them wanted to hire me as an instructor in their style of karate when mine was completely different. But that's another story.

Holdek said:
George Dillman humiliated on national TV:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_Z0_n7tGnK0
(Fast forward to 3:59 if you want, although the setup makes it better).
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The really sad part about this is that George was a good martial artist at some point before he got into the whole Dim Mak and pressure point bullshit. And even then, pressure points do exist but the difference of doing them as a demonstration and using them in combat or even kumite are completely different.

But I'm surprised nobody mentioned Yellow Bamboo yet. It's Balianese white magic whereby you charge up your chi and can drop or even kill somebody with it. Just look at how easily these people are dropped by the remarkable power of Yellow Bamboo and screaming:

Of course reality is a bit of a downer:

Which is a bit of a shame because Bali is home to Silat which is a legitimate, and rather impressive looking, martial art.
 
A future one for certain:
Gimmicks won't carry you in the UFC, Phil. Unless you're Tom Lawlor but he is hilarious.


TowinKarz said:
Around here, it's MMA-spergs, same song, different dance.
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My thoughts on MMA diehards is prefectly summed up by this promo by two "fake fighters" in the words of said MMA diehards.
 
Anyone ever hear of Shoalin-do it's the world's most deadly martial art direct from the Shoalin temple they even had a werewolf as a grandmaster and is now headquartered in central Kentucky.

The current Grand Master Sin The has done many amazing feats like melt a baby with his bare hands.

http://www.bullshido.org/Sin_The

Ignore all the court hearings that Sin admitted to making his material up and the sexual assault scandal at their former Colorado headquarters.

The martial arts is nothing but forms upon forms upon forms with minimal sparring or discussion of application of the forms it's the McDojo.
 
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General Juicer said:
That reminds me to ask; is this thread going to be about lolcows attempting to become martial artists or martial artists attempting to become lolcows? There's surprisingly little overlap between the two groups. Ashida Kim (who would be the first) and Steven Seagal (who would be the second) are both hilarious but they're hilarious in different ways.
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My thoughts were that it would be about people being lolcows in the context of doing martial arts. So, while Norris is incredibly corny in Walker: Texas Ranger and Seagal is corny in just about everything does, both are legit in martial arts and Seagal has a verified reputation in Aikido and has even done some pro MMA coaching. So yeah I was thinking more like the Ashida Kim types, but there can be some overlap, as someone mentions below that Dillman was legit before he got into the woo, and in fact Leon Jay's (the guy who tried to knock out the skeptic in the video) father Wally was the developer of Small Circle Ju Jitsu and trained with Bruce Lee and Gene LaBelle. He's dead now and I'm sure is rolling in his grave over this no-touch knockout shit he's up to with Dillman.
 
Holdek said:
My thoughts were that it would be about people being lolcows in the context of doing martial arts. So, while Norris is incredibly corny in Walker: Texas Ranger and Seagal is corny in just about everything does, both are legit in martial arts and Seagal has a verified reputation in Aikido and has even done some pro MMA coaching. So yeah I was thinking more like the Ashida Kim types, but there can be some overlap, as someone mentions below that Dillman was legit before he got into the woo, and in fact Leon Jay's (the guy who tried to knock out the skeptic in the video) father Wally was the developer of Small Circle Ju Jitsu and trained with Bruce Lee and Gene LaBelle. He's dead now and I'm sure is rolling in his grave over this no-touch knockout shit he's up to with Dillman.
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Seagal did as much coaching as he just said he gave silva some advice which if that even happened is dubious at best. Seagal is just a couple levels above Ashida Kim.
 
There was this guy named Chrono who ran a website called The Ki Sanctuary. He was convinced that things he saw on Dragon Ball Z were things he was able to do in real life. The video below speaks for itself.
I discovered this guy through an article on Heavy.com called The 20 Worst Internet Losers which coincidently but unsurprisingly has Chris at number 1.
We obviously love mixed martial arts here at Heavy, but for some people the path to physical perfection is one beset with lunacy. When you fold in the brain-destroying sludge known as anime, the recipe is made for a true epic loser. One such loser is Chrono, who came to Internet fame with his site The Ki Sanctuary. Unlike many dedicated martial artists who train for years or decades to develop their skills, Chrono was convinced that he was already gifted with superhuman powers and just needed to stand out in the backyard, yell at trees and travel the astral plane with Sonic the Hedgehog. After real martial artists tore him a new one for his clownery, he disappeared, but we’ll always have the memories.
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Stress Sigh said:
Seagal did as much coaching as he just said he gave silva some advice which if that even happened is dubious at best. Seagal is just a couple levels above Ashida Kim.
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While we're on the topic, this video is must see:


I kinda get that the point here is to show how to execute the techniques, but it doesn't show in the least how effective any of it is since everyone seems to be in agreement to walk lazily into everything Seagal does here.

Aikido itself is far more legit than any of the make believe martial arts brought up in this thread, but Seagal's demonstration videos are pretty much the same; opponents feed limbs to the demonstrator and not much is truly learned.


Edit: Now I have the right video posted.
 
John " the Jam Man" Decyk

http://www.mixedmartialarts.com/thread/1421049/Check-out-this-fake-fighter/?page=1


And a classic.

Christian "War God" Darrow .

Ex con drug addict claiming to be an "undefeated prison pit fighter". Opened a MMA school called "Attica mma".

Got his ass kicked by a guy he confronted on a MMA forum TWICE.

http://www.mixedmartialarts.com/thr...f-this-guy-Undefeated-Prison-Fighter/?&page=1

http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=91624

Just look up his name on youtube to see the fail.
 
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