Like Joe Rogan & Joey Diaz I thought Owen Benjamin was another phase my bf was going through. I heard Owen screaming the N word and going off about Jews one night when I went downstairs so I was tempted to check it out.
I thought most of what he was saying was based but it took a while for his personality to grow on me.
After like a year of watching his streams my bf slowed down but I for some reason accelerated?
I eventually made a bear name, and started paying more attention to the chat, before I was pretty oblivious, so I didn’t actually know much about the gammacide or how the dynamic worked.
I hate to admit that I wanted to be a part of their little bear cult but I did, and in the beginning it was fun.
I actually started using an old Instagram account to post conspiracy stuff I was interested in and surprisingly I got an overwhelming amount of bear followers using the unbearables hashtag.
And I’m not too bad looking so I’m guessing that helped? Oh and black. So that was kind of different. The term bike returner was cute for a second.
I don’t want this to come off the wrong way but, I know Owen knew who I was because of my social media. I know because the stream he did after I started getting noticed by the Mods and Codd had subtle hints in them.
I remember in one stream cringe panda joined and he went on about how young girls shouldn’t be doing a mans job of talking about controversial things etc etc. One stream he made after I started being vocal in the chat included bike thief chicken for no reason, he mentioned how he dated a black girl before, for no reason, and he mentioned how girls shouldn’t wear shorts but dresses...for no reason..(I had a photo of me in shorts on my story) and in this same episode I’m pretty sure he was making fun of my voice because I do look and sound really young.
These episodes were like around April #820 but I see a lot of his old videos have been deleted, like the super intense jew ones.
Maybe I’m just being paranoid, it doesn’t even matter. People were nice to me, a lot of people wanted to bounce ideas off of me which I thought was innocent but i definitely should of set more boundaries.
I also noticed momma j bear watched my stories and wasn’t following me, and poppa j bear also had weird helicopter vibes. They both “warned” me about following some of the gammacide people?
One of the OG bears told me momma j was jealous of me, I think to incite drama because it was super unwarranted. I had actually reached out to her and tried to be her friend multiple times.
There were some bears in particular who sort of pressed me for more personal information because I only had maybe two or three photos of myself on my profile. I later learned a lot of that was due to a female bear prior to me catfishing a bunch of them? Or so they say... and around the time I started using that Instagram account, there was a “bot” hacking many bear accounts.
Somehow I was to blame for that and always had a target on me, so here I thought people were being genuine to me but turns out I was just a “honey pot” lol they literally called me that... and even named a group chat after me. They spread rumors about me but when asked to provide evidence, none was ever provided. The main cause of the public humiliation came down to me seeking to renew my faith... which I gave some credit to Owen, for sparking that idea in me again.
So I had been studying my Bible more etc and trying to discern what worldy things I should and shouldn’t be giving my attention. So as most of us know something strange is going on with the sky in 2020, well back when I was on that spiritual journey I was very hesitant to pay attention to the stars and sky etc. But one night I saw two stars move across the sky and switch positions... so I reached out to a few bears and asked them for advice rooted in faith and one bear in particular took that opportunity to backstab me. This is someone who was literally laughing and joking with me earlier that day... but I found out she didn’t like that I messaged her soon to be boyfriend, although I had no idea, and he had given me advice rooted in Christian doctrine before. Some friends i made gave me intel so I knew what was going on the whole time and what was being said behind my back... the funny thing is this girl had told me about one other guy (who wasn’t her boyfriend to be) she was interested in, plus a follower fwd me a message he received from her, saying he was her soulmate.
BUT I kept that all to myself. I tried to take the higher road, I posted my id with the details blacked out just to prove I’m not a bot. I moved on, but at this same time... I had decided to write Owen a letter.
So as this drama unfolds, my letter is literally in the mailbox to Owen. I wrote a very lengthy letter because when I checked into the DLive stream one late night asking for advice, someone said Owen enjoyed reading well thought out letters...which I regret because I went on an autistic tirade, and well he didn’t read it until a week after I sent it. I think it was stream #836 or #838, something like that.
I was excited because people were messaging me telling me he was reading it live! So I went to catch the stream, but what I received was so, so disappointing.
As he read my letter, people in the chat started to chime in, the people this girl bear and the other traitor bears had turned against me, based off hearsay. I know Owen believed I was real at first, because I saw him sit down and get ready to read that letter. He’s even talked to me in the chat. It only changed when the circus started to make noise. He literally broke my heart saying he was going to burn my letter and that I’m a grifter. They lied to his face. And he lied to himself.
I poured my heart out into that letter because I wanted to show him how he had helped me back on a journey to finding myself. But putting merit in men was my first mistake.
I touched on so many crazy connections and coincidences in my life and even talked about my abuse for the first time publicly which he called fake...because no one talks about abuse “like that” he also agreed I was fake because “black people don’t talk like that”.
I wanted it to be a moment that could bridge some gaps for some people, but it went so terribly wrong.
Like nightmarishly wrong and I was so repulsed by it all.
I couldn’t even finish the stream or ever watch another one. But the craziest thing happened because of it. Some people I had never met came to my defense, it was literally like something out of a movie. I actually made a very good friend out of all that mess. I changed my Instagram name although I stayed friends with some bears and bear adjacent but the more time goes on the more they seem to disappear... I had the wildest spiritual experience of my life as well right after that, it was right before my 28th birthday. I have to add, the night I saw the stars, I asked God to reveal & remove everything that was no longer serving me. And surely, they were revealed. I never looked at the people that stayed in his loop knowing what happened to me the same.
So I’m releasing this now so I can move on and so that if Owen sees this, he knows I forgive him.
curlyhairbear
