Ask men why they do things the way they do and maybe you'll get an honest answer

[Uzumaki]

thanks for the answer which leads to another question. What can I do to make men not think that I'm one of them? I'm not into wearing girly clothes and whatever.

It’s not about clothing; nobody would assume this based on appearance.

This isn’t something I’ve ever really thought about but I assume the best way to avoid it would be firstly, don’t participate. You want to have a clear line of demarcation between you and the bantz. Secondly if someone says something that sounds out of line to you (and its purely your subjective experience of it) shut it down with a friendly but firm “hey, I’m a girl” or whatever the equivalent verbiage is in your specific postmodern micro culture god I’m old. The point is convey 1) that was inappropriate and 2) the reason is you don’t treat women like that. Almost (and I say almost only out of a cosmic sense of anything can happen) all men have a filer already for not including women in the back and forth, if you remind them once that you’re in that category and don’t muddy the water by engaging most non-regarded guys should back off. The idea that a woman can “hang” is a fragile one to begin with.

Now it might be harder if the group is already used to giving you the business. You might have to swallow the medicine here and actually talk to everyone about how you feel. Secret ninja techniques only work early on, before people have set behavioural patterns.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

you could be open about how you don't like to be teased and stuff. make them remember that your aren't a guy they'd probably get it if you explained it to them

though depends on the guys

If you have someone you can't make jokes with or someone who's going to be defended by the others in the group you're warping the dynamic by being there. We socialize differently in a mixed group to a single sex group and you can't change that. It's not that there's anything wrong with being a woman, but you're not a man and that's mixing will always change a groups dynamic.

The solution is to have your own interests and shared interests. I am interested in football, the pub and darts, you are interested in flower arranging, collecting cushions and handbags. We are interested in horror movies, quiz shows and going to comic conventions. You do not try to do the pub or my sports, I don't try to do flower arranging. We compliment each other on what we do, but we keep our distance beyond admiration. Then we spent quality time together watching movies or going to conventions.

That is the ideal dynamic, even if the example is a bit sarcastic. Understanding what which of those 3 groups an activity comes into and respecting those boundaries is essential. The most you can cross over is they teach you how to do the very basics so you understand what they're doing. But you don't actually start doing it yourself or join in with them doing it.

@Uzumaki Sorry I can't quote your post but do not ever say "Hey I'm a girl, you can't say that to me" unless you want a war within that group. You will turn it into a war between white knights and everyone else. You made someone a protected class and you fucked the dynamic. I have seen so many groups of friends fucked up because women tried to engage in banter and then 2 dudes wanted to fuck her.

 

[Anonitolia]

Building off of the aforementioned "affectionate bullying" thing and asking here because I'm a dense motherfucker: how can you tell legitimate dislike from affectionate ribbing?

I've hung out with guys plenty and 99% of the time I have no issues with the ribbing, but at one point I was being legitimately picked on by some guys for like two years and never caught on. Every time we interacted I just figured they were just teasing, like almost everyone else usually was, and I'd tease right back or jostle with them some other way. I only figured out they legitimately disliked me when the fucking retards invited me to a group DM where they took turns shitting on my future prospects and talking about how retarded I was because I guess one of the guys thought it'd be funny. To go into further detail would border on powerleveling, but TL;DR it ended very poorly.

Aside from the obvious cases like that, where there's literal documented evidence of dudes disliking you, is there some sort of tell or indication that someone's being serious with their dislike outside of facial expressions or vocal declarations? I don't want to end up paranoid.

 

[Smashed & Slamed]

how can you tell legitimate dislike from affectionate ribbing?

I think it's one of those social signals autists can't read. You just get a feel for when someone is being meanspirited instead of just an asshole.

 

[Uzumaki]

You will turn it into a war between white knights and everyone else

While you’re not wrong that’s only really an issue with ultra-shut-in nerd circles. You’ll find much much less of it among the “touched a boob before” set. As long as she doesn’t object to what the guys say to one another who cares if you’re not allowed to go after the women? Get over it that’s every mixed sex group.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

While you’re not wrong that’s only really an issue with ultra-shut-in nerd circles. You’ll find much much less of it among the “touched a boob before” set. As long as she doesn’t object to what the guys say to one another who cares if you’re not allowed to go after the women? Get over it that’s every mixed sex group.

Not being able to go after the women changes the group dynamic. What is going after a woman? That's why you have the sexual divide in your social life. You have "polite company" where you lay off the banter. Like when you visit your parents or when there's children around. But if you have a male group and a woman joins she is going to try and banter. She is going to get upset or vindictive if people try to banter with her. You need a strict banter/no banter divide.

I'm a shit talker, I banter a lot. I joke about myself and others. Any time any of my men's groups have had a woman in them I've just stopped. I won't joke with a woman in a group. I will turn into "polite company" socializing any time I'm interacting with her. It's just a mine field to try and treat a woman like she is a man. Even if she takes banter well today, tomorrow could be her period and she'll burst into tears because her hormones are fucked. And yes, that's something I've dealt with in the past. Every day jokes with girlfriends, period hits and the water works come on because you joked she's going to burn dinner. Womens hormones are wild.

 

[Tram Fan]

you could be open about how you don't like to be teased and stuff. make them remember that your aren't a guy they'd probably get it if you explained it to them

though depends on the guys

I'm tryna do it but sometimes they are only 20 years old and retarded.

Let your hair grow and lose some weight. If you're into men's clothes, do not use any geek shit that might get people to think you just some guy with moobs

how long? is 4 feet enough or do I have to become a Rapunzel?

If you have someone you can't make jokes with or someone who's going to be defended by the others in the group you're warping the dynamic by being there. We socialize differently in a mixed group to a single sex group and you can't change that. It's not that there's anything wrong with being a woman, but you're not a man and that's mixing will always change a groups dynamic.

Yeah I don't care about small jokes here and there but sometimes they go full autist on me out of a sudden.

The problem is that sometimes I have to be a in a group where 90% are men and I have to survive somehow.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

The problem is that sometimes I have to be a in a group where 90% are men and I have to survive somehow.

What sort of groups without doxxing yourself? "Smile and nod" is basically the best advice if you can't avoid it and don't want to engage. Same way men do when women start nagging at each other and you're stuck there wishing you were any where else.

 

[Fishnumm]

I'm tryna do it but sometimes they are only 20 years old and retarded.

how long? is 4 feet enough or do I have to become a Rapunzel?

Yeah I don't care about small jokes here and there but sometimes they go full autist on me out of a sudden.

The problem is that sometimes I have to be a in a group where 90% are men and I have to survive somehow.

yeah retarded autists often dont get the point

 

[Tram Fan]

What sort of groups without doxxing yourself? "Smile and nod" is basically the best advice if you can't avoid it and don't want to engage. Same way men do when women start nagging at each other and you're stuck there wishing you were any where else.

The first example was a discord chat for moids around 20 years of age I needed to be there for a while but I've left eventually. Without context it was smart moids only moderate to high iqs allegedly

 

[souschef]

how long? is 4 feet enough or do I have to become a Rapunzel?

Doesn't need to be Rapunzel, needs to be feminine

Also you negrated the post, if you think i was mocking you, it's not how it is. I've met girls that were short, chubby and with short hair. The only thing that gave away they were female was the name

A butch girl will often look like a low testosterone overweight male, as they have feminine voices. Just get a girly haircut. You can use more masculine clothes if you want, but you might want something that value your silhouette more so you won't be mistaken for a man

 

[Kofi Drinka]

The first example was a discord chat for moids around 20 years of age I needed to be there for a while but I've left eventually. Without context it was smart moids only moderate to high iqs allegedly

Oh. I thought you were talking about actual people. Discord? Moid? Fucking hell. Go for a shower and shave your mustache.

 

[Atlas Sneezed]

What’s the nicest thing a woman could do for you?

"I appreciate what you do for us"

Or even better

"I know work sucks, thanks for putting up with it, I made you pancakes to make you feel better. And I'll put on something frisky ones the kids go to sleep to help you forget"

Some men would start crying on the spot out the sheer volume of emotions after something like that

 

[31 Black]

WOMAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY KITCHEN FOOD'S NOT DONE YET

Any time my ex asked if I needed help in the kitchen before we started dating, I used to say, "Tits or GTFO my kitchen!" We knew we liked each other, so it was always met with a laugh.

Yeah I don't care about small jokes here and there but sometimes they go full autist on me out of a sudden.

The problem is that sometimes I have to be a in a group where 90% are men and I have to survive somehow.

Regardless of group or relationship status, always set boundaries.The sooner they know something is off limits, the sooner the harmful words will stop; how can they know where a boundary is if it's not visible? And if they blatantly violate that boundary again and again, are they really worth hanging out with?

 

[Fishnumm]

Regardless of group or relationship status, always set boundaries.The sooner they know something is off limits, the sooner the harmful words will stop; how can they know where a boundary is if it's not visible? And if they blatantly violate that boundary again and again, are they really worth hanging out with?

yeah if you have a friend or a group where talking to them constantly makes you miserable because they are assholes or whatever its best usually just to cut them outta your life. i had a friend where having conversations with him where like pulling teeth

 

[General Patton]

nigger i dont recognize half of these names, you might aswell have put mupshup dindu on this list. oh wait you did, yeah I guess the princess and the frog wasnt horrible so ill go with her.


i have not been following the thread so i dont really know what your talking about but ive always thought the mother dieing but the child living and that causing the father to resent the child for taking his one love away is a more interesting plot than just a grieving man who loses both his wife and his child as it explores more of the mans failure to cope and instead shift blame because he wont accept the death and instead focuses on the negative instead of realizing the good thats right infront of him. that probably doesnt make sense with the context of what your writing but i just thought id add that.

Fair enough, but the child needs to die in the story, and he has to have no family.

 

[Squanto Airi]

What’s the nicest thing a woman could do for you?

Just silently being there.

 

[souschef]

Just silently being there.

Menacingly...

 

[The Ugly One]

1

I don’t think that’s quite what I mean either. The example of grief for example - he’s saying that he knew his brain was processing it somehow as a problem to be fixed yet it’s not fixable. He knows that, but that’s still how it’s going through his head.

What helped for me was reading an article explaining grieving on a neurochemical level, explaining that it's a process that can't be shortcut, and it was perfectly normal to still not be "over it" six months on. In the example of @General Patton's story, that wouldn't work, since it's the early 20th century. But you might imagine him sitting down with an old friend and expressing his consternation about his inability to stop thinking about his wife, and his friend relating that it took him more than a year to move past his son dying the war, or his daughter dying of cholera, or something like that, and finding some solace that what he's going through isn't a personal failing.

Can you give an example?

For example, suppose your husband has been working on something, and he needs to get something at the hardware store. He invites you to come along. While at the store, he spies a bag of chips (aka "crisps") and buys them. On the way home, he eats them. You observe that his fingers and nails are dirty, and he might be ingesting trace particles of sawdust, grime, cobwebs, and spider droppings. You feel a rising urge to nag him about having not washed his hands before consuming the crisps.

Suppress that urge.

Depends on the man. Being capable of seeing more colour and being able to see more colour is not the same thing. I've had women completely change their perspective because I'm an autist who paints things.

He's obviously not talking about a man describing a color as "Genestealer Purple" or "Hexwraith Flame."

 

[Nick Wilde]

Just silently being there.

Emphasis on the silently.