How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Dizzyuntildeath said:
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Agree to disagree.
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Well, mileage may vary, I suppose. I do try, but.
There are some doors you walk, or fall, through, and you can’t go back. To think about it is so painful it stops you breathing.
And there are some doors that were never really open to you either. So no, I don’t think it does always get better. Not do I think you can train yourself to truly be happy. You can certainly choose to do positive things and to live as well as you can but to change a belief requires the person to experience, not to be told.
I think people carve off bits of their soul to avoid even thinking about this, because to truly stare the consequences of those one way doors in the face would destroy you. So we repeat the affirmations and the platitudes and we say we feel better but actually, it’s a lie.
Or I dunno, maybe you can tell people to be happy and they feel happy. I mean we tell people all sorts of things and they believe it wholeheartedly don’t they? Safe and effective, a mars a day, it was the sun wot won it… perhaps I’ve just not pressed the right keys to reprogram myself yet.
 
WASR96 said:
That's insane to me. I've never heard of doctors withholding information. I had an incompetent doc earlier this year who would forget to tell me important shit, but a few complaints and I was thankfully able to get a doctor worth a shit over my case. I'll keep praying for you that you get some news, or at least some relief from this and I wish you the best.
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In my old account here, and also I think when I had a Poast account I would make note I got on the wrong side of (((some people))) who wanted me to marry their ugly daughters or something. Being on (((some people's))) radar is suffering, and you will suffer in the medical community for it.
Thanks legit for the prayers. The injuries seem to be fat healing. Sinuses are still bunk, but bless you and anyone else that did it.
AND THAT FAT CHICK FROM SOUTH DAKOTA DOING HEXES? IT DIDN'T WORK. THE FRIED CHICKEN WAS DELICIOUS.


WASR96 said:
Infected power port that caused me to get a particularly nasty skin infection. Woke up, couldn't stand without my eyes starting to get the black fuzzies, puking. Called 911 since I knew I couldn't drive myself in, got up to unlock my front door for the paramedics, never made it back to my couch to wait for them. It wasn't a good day.
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>Infected power outlet...
I mean legit sorry you went through... sorry, but... are you an android?


For anyone curious sinuses are still garbage, but I might be able to be mobile and do exercising by Monday. Hide your busty daughters.
And for anyone hurting that needs it:

 
Otterly said:
Well, mileage may vary, I suppose. I do try, but.
There are some doors you walk, or fall, through, and you can’t go back. To think about it is so painful it stops you breathing.
And there are some doors that were never really open to you either. So no, I don’t think it does always get better. Not do I think you can train yourself to truly be happy. You can certainly choose to do positive things and to live as well as you can but to change a belief requires the person to experience, not to be told.
I think people carve off bits of their soul to avoid even thinking about this, because to truly stare the consequences of those one way doors in the face would destroy you. So we repeat the affirmations and the platitudes and we say we feel better but actually, it’s a lie.
Or I dunno, maybe you can tell people to be happy and they feel happy. I mean we tell people all sorts of things and they believe it wholeheartedly don’t they? Safe and effective, a mars a day, it was the sun wot won it… perhaps I’ve just not pressed the right keys to reprogram myself yet.
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The answer is different for every one of us. Getting there is part of the process. So is not getting there.
There is no definitive 'How to be happy'. It's a nebulous concept. What is contentment? My contentment does not look like your contentment.
You get to define what that is. There are homeless people out there that say they are content in their transience, who am I to disagree, and why would they lie about it?
 
I'm going quite well. For the first time in a very long time,

I'm enjoying being married. We were already effectively married the past couple of years, living with each other and having a sense of responsibility to reach other, but something about making it official just feels right. It's given me a new determination. I'm not religious but it feels spiritual. It's a new level of intimacy, vulnerability and responsibility with each other. Binding our fates together. This is all really gay so I'll just add that I'm very blessed and stop here.

My health is better than its been since I was a teenager. My health issues this past couple of years have turned out to be a positive as it was extra motivation to get my lifestyle together.

Work is still work, I'm looking for another job but I did receive a large raise at this one. I've begun pursuing one of my main interests in my free time.

Had a nice Thanksgiving holiday, just the two of us. We both had the whole week off work and made a nice dinner together for Thanksgiving. Neither of us have any close family left so it was a pretty chill holiday.

Things are going well.
 
Dizzyuntildeath said:
There are homeless people out there that say they are content in their transience, who am I to disagree, and why would they lie about it?
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I’m sure there are. I believe that. And?
it all just sounds like platitudes. Of course everyone’s definition is different. That’s … well it’s not a deep insight. Some people are merry and deeply content in terrible situations and some have everything and are miserable. I know that. Good for them.
I’m told I should learn something from this and I. Ould wrote a lovely paragraph about being content with what you have and seeing the good in the everyday blah blah but I don’t BELIEVE it. I can intellectualise it- but I can’t feel it.
Some people believe what they’re told, and some believe what they experience. I think I’m in the latter camp. I’ve never found therapy to be the slightest shred of use. It’s never made me believe a single thing, whatever intellectual arguments it makes. I can see the logic and sometimes even agree with it but I don’t believe it or feel it and I don’t really understand how people can, but clearly they can, so that’s a me problem. For me belief only seems to arise from experience
 
Otterly said:
I’m sure there are. I believe that. And?
it all just sounds like platitudes. Of course everyone’s definition is different. That’s … well it’s not a deep insight. Some people are merry and deeply content in terrible situations and some have everything and are miserable. I know that. Good for them.
I’m told I should learn something from this and I. Ould wrote a lovely paragraph about being content with what you have and seeing the good in the everyday blah blah but I don’t BELIEVE it. I can intellectualise it- but I can’t feel it.
Some people believe what they’re told, and some believe what they experience. I think I’m in the latter camp. I’ve never found therapy to be the slightest shred of use. It’s never made me believe a single thing, whatever intellectual arguments it makes. I can see the logic and sometimes even agree with it but I don’t believe it or feel it and I don’t really understand how people can, but clearly they can, so that’s a me problem. For me belief only seems to arise from experience
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Agree to disagree.
 
BallsGuevara said:
I'm going quite well. For the first time in a very long time,

I'm enjoying being married. We were already effectively married the past couple of years, living with each other and having a sense of responsibility to reach other, but something about making it official just feels right. It's given me a new determination. I'm not religious but it feels spiritual. It's a new level of intimacy, vulnerability and responsibility with each other. Binding our fates together. This is all really gay so I'll just add that I'm very blessed and stop here.

My health is better than its been since I was a teenager. My health issues this past couple of years have turned out to be a positive as it was extra motivation to get my lifestyle together.

Work is still work, I'm looking for another job but I did receive a large raise at this one. I've begun pursuing one of my main interests in my free time.

Had a nice Thanksgiving holiday, just the two of us. We both had the whole week off work and made a nice dinner together for Thanksgiving. Neither of us have any close family left so it was a pretty chill holiday.

Things are going well.
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Congratulations. I just got married myself. My wife and I were together for about a year before I proposed with a one year engagement leading up to the marriage. We've been married for almost two months now.

And that wasn't gay that's how marriage is supposed to feel tbh.
 
Otterly said:
I’m sure there are. I believe that. And?
it all just sounds like platitudes. Of course everyone’s definition is different. That’s … well it’s not a deep insight. Some people are merry and deeply content in terrible situations and some have everything and are miserable. I know that. Good for them.
I’m told I should learn something from this and I. Ould wrote a lovely paragraph about being content with what you have and seeing the good in the everyday blah blah but I don’t BELIEVE it. I can intellectualise it- but I can’t feel it.
Some people believe what they’re told, and some believe what they experience. I think I’m in the latter camp. I’ve never found therapy to be the slightest shred of use. It’s never made me believe a single thing, whatever intellectual arguments it makes. I can see the logic and sometimes even agree with it but I don’t believe it or feel it and I don’t really understand how people can, but clearly they can, so that’s a me problem. For me belief only seems to arise from experience
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I feel you. I'm not a why person, I'm a how person. Knowing why something has happened is less useful to me than knowing how, specifically how I can reverse the effects of something bad, how not to get into a bad situation (or not to get into one again), how to repair something that's been broken, how to succeed at something I've previously failed at, that sort of thing. And that includes how to think differently about something in order to fix or prevent or redirect it. "There's always somebody worse off than you" is one of the most useless and cruel things you could say to me when I'm in a spiral of some sort. I guess some people find it helpful or at least they've learned to pretend it gives them perspective. 🤷‍♂️ I'd rather have a way to make solutions, even if the solution is to think differently.
 
obsdj said:
I'm a how person
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That’s an Insightful way of putting it. Yeah I’d say that resonates. Like the why is just who to blame, and you can for sure learn from that if the blame is on you. But the how is the way you move forward and armour yourself against the same thing happening again. Just the why doesn’t make you look forward.
I think that’s sort of what I mean. The why is the intellectual, but believing something requires some kind of genuine experiential input. Not intellectual stuff. Nothing anyone has ever explained to me has made me feel emotionally different about a core personality aspect. Some things I’ve experienced have made me believe things instantly.
You could describe happiness and love to someone in great detail. It means nothing u til they feel it, experience it, live it. They need to learn the how
 
Wraithdolf the White said:
I mean legit sorry you went through... sorry, but... are you an android?
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Hah, I wish, then I wouldn't be in a broken and sick body. Nah, a power port is something they put in your chest and put a line in when you go inpatient so they can easily give you meds and chemo instead of poking your arm every time they need to start an IV. Mine tried to kill me and I refused to let them put another one in, so I thankfully just had a picc line for the rest of my visits.
 
Vindeo said:
Congratulations. I just got married myself. My wife and I were together for about a year before I proposed with a one year engagement leading up to the marriage. We've been married for almost two months now.

And that wasn't gay that's how marriage is supposed to feel tbh.
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Congrats to you as well! We got married a little over a month ago after being together ~5 years total and engaged for a year. I can say with full confidence that this is the lady I want to spend my life with. I really couldn't imagine myself with anybody else.

The gay comment was just joking around about being all sentimental and sappy.
 
BallsGuevara said:
Congrats to you as well! We got married a little over a month ago after being together ~5 years total and engaged for a year. I can say with full confidence that this is the lady I want to spend my life with. I really couldn't imagine myself with anybody else.

The gay comment was just joking around about being all sentimental and sappy.
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I wish you and your lady wife a long, fruitful and emotionally fulfilling life together. May your children grow up to be happy, healthy individuals.
Life isn't as bad when you have someone to share it with, good or bad.
 
Otterly said:
That’s an Insightful way of putting it. Yeah I’d say that resonates. Like the why is just who to blame, and you can for sure learn from that if the blame is on you. But the how is the way you move forward and armour yourself against the same thing happening again. Just the why doesn’t make you look forward.
I think that’s sort of what I mean. The why is the intellectual, but believing something requires some kind of genuine experiential input. Not intellectual stuff. Nothing anyone has ever explained to me has made me feel emotionally different about a core personality aspect. Some things I’ve experienced have made me believe things instantly.
You could describe happiness and love to someone in great detail. It means nothing u til they feel it, experience it, live it. They need to learn the how
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The why is the first step. Maybe the how is the second. But sometimes feeling better means dropping the intellectual and just deciding to feel/ think/ see differently.

As an intellectually driven person, I've had to reckon with this. And some of that required suspending what I "knew." Idk - this is a very abstract discussion - but sometimes a leap of faith is necessary.
 
So today i had to take over a class that needed more instructors and boy, what a good class. Such polite children, organized, do what they're told. So different than my regular students. Tomorrow i'll have class with those little monsters, makes me a little sad why mine can't be that polite
 
Slav Power said:
Today marks a quarter of a century I pissed away. Hopefully I won't have to piss away another one.
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There are people who have pissed away more than that. 25 is young. You'll be fine if you PULL UP now. But don't wait much longer. 10 years can be over in the blink of an eye. The closer you get to 40, the more you panic.
 
I have dopamine dysregulation, so I get incredible anxiety or depression depending on what my brain wants to do that day. It also makes me clumsy and prone to addiction and saps any motivation. Currently abusing my pregabalin prescription and smoking a lot of weed to deal with my stupid brain.
 
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