💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • April-May 2024

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  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%
  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%
  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%
  • December 2024

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  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%
  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%
  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 901 57.9%

  • Total voters
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Shell color is largely determined by the breed of chickens. It would really depend on how homogenous your chickens are.
Wait so when I go to the supermarket and get my perfect set of brown eggs or perfect set of white eggs they're basically racially segregated chickens?

Jesus I consistently learn the most random ass shit on this website - it's great.
 
So one day Jack soaks two dozen eggs in lime juice and water, and the resulting comments under the video tell him he's been a pillock and made a worse job of it than when he tried limply wanking milk into butter, or making Yorkshire hockey pucks. The next day he's making scrambled eggs five ways. Now it couldn't be that Jack has quietly realised he's made a mistake and is trying to salvage what he can of the eggs without admitting it, could it?

I think Jack will leave the lime water video up as it may become one of his most watched and profitable videos...
 
Screenshot 2025-02-09 at 12-39-37 (2) DIE ROCK ALL CLAD BRATPFANNEN - YouTube.png
 
Wait so when I go to the supermarket and get my perfect set of brown eggs or perfect set of white eggs they're basically racially segregated chickens?
Yes. I used to have chickens, they'd all lay brown eggs. The genes affect the shell, and the chicken diet affects the yolk
 
This is even more retarded than when he substituted blueberries for juniper berries.
This is hands down the most retarded recipe video I have ever witnessed.

Getting your spouse anything for a "chore", like a vacuum, a pan, etc.. (unless it's specifically asked for or it's their hobby) as a gift for a special day is a big no-no
Because the very thing I want during Valentine's Day is my significant other to get me a set of fucking pans during our night's out telling me to go back to the kitchen. Scalfatty isn't just a fat retard, he lacks common sense. He's basically a vegetable.

I don't know if these are good pans but this is what Jack's discount code gets you
They are decent for lazy people. The ones who doesn't want to learn how to properly season a cast iron or carbon steel pan. All of these hexclad styled plastic coated so called "hybrid" pans comes out of the one Chinese factory who invented it. They paid enough money to buy Gordon Ramsay's soul.

It's honestly not a bad product, but it's severely overhyped. Also contrary to what the Bri'ish chef does, don't use metal utensils on it. It's still plastic coated.
Or just learn how to season a fucking pan, it's not that hard. For acidic food, just use stainless steel.
 
All that for scrambled egg mixing, but no milk? Aside from (not cottage/cream) cheese the only other ingredient I've heard being added to make creamer scrambled eggs is milk.
Heavy cream works. Just a little. Actually even a splash of water helps, at least for fluffiness. AI says a tablespoon per egg but I don't think it needs that much.
"Lime water eggs" got me to laugh so hard I'm out of breath. This is the lowest-effort themed anything I've ever seen. Hopefully he only feeds his family the eggs and doesn't get any innocents caught in the crossfire.
I don't even know why anyone would do this unless they had chickens and LOTS of eggs (or no refrigeration but even Old Order Amish use refrigeration these days although it is generally battery or propane powered and often not in the house itself). Eggs in the fridge are perfectly cromulent for at least a month and I've had them last much longer without going dangerously bad (they get a lot worse for things like over-easy though). Just don't crack them straight into a recipe without cracking them into a cup first for a sniff test.
 
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Yes. I used to have chickens, they'd all lay brown eggs. The genes affect the shell, and the chicken diet affects the yolk
For a while, I had someone who routinely got home grown eggs from someone else they knew, who gave them so many they gave some to me every now and again, and the yolks were absurdly dark, almost orange, and deliciously rich.

The family with the chickens kept their exact diet a strict secret, since they sold them locally.
 
Do they not have smoke detectors? Because if I did that to a steak in my kitchen the ceiling birds would be screaming at me.
It's all part of Tammy's plan. If he manages to set his studio on fire he'll hopefully be dead and cooked before the fire department arrives. He's already barely mobile at best and there's no way he could crawl to avoid smoke inhalation.
 
But what the fuck is that hershey bar test, it is just unnecessary especially when most people don't burn chocolate that way.
It's for the same reason he does that retarded slicing the hanging pineapple when he gets a new set of knives. He saw it once on TV when advertising a non-stick pan and like the consumer whore he is, he needs to do the same thing.

The expense is time: If you have cream and a live culture to add to it in the form of buttermilk or sour cream, it's not expensive to make a day ahead. I don't know that Jack would ever take the time to make it or even buy it, though: He would probably have some asinine diatribe such as "Sum peepul use cream-fraysh-ay - But why would you; when whipped cream is sold everywhere in America? I guess you might make it if you had nothing else to eat, right?."
But it has to be real cream. Some that you buy in the store have additives which doesn't work. But you can buy it premade. It's like ridiculously expensive as it's such a small amount like $10 for a small pot of it. But it's one of those things that you often just need a bit of it to make a difference.

But as @souschef posted earlier he'd probably call it "cream freesh" like Randy Marsh did in "South Park".

To be fair, it looked like dogshit before he put it in the pan as that rub is literally black as it contains activated charcoal.

For a while, I had someone who routinely got home grown eggs from someone else they knew, who gave them so many they gave some to me every now and again, and the yolks were absurdly dark, almost orange, and deliciously rich.

The family with the chickens kept their exact diet a strict secret, since they sold them locally.
It's one of the reasons we buy our eggs from a farmer down the road a ways. They're free range and some of the best eggs out there.
 
It's all part of Tammy's plan. If he manages to set his studio on fire he'll hopefully be dead and cooked before the fire department arrives. He's already barely mobile at best and there's no way he could crawl to avoid smoke inhalation.
If she wanted to kill him off once and for all she could do it much more cheaply. Just have disable boy waddle nearby a staircase. The authorities couldn't prove if he was pushed or not.
 
If she wanted to kill him off once and for all she could do it much more cheaply. Just have disable boy waddle nearby a staircase. The authorities couldn't prove if he was pushed or not.
Even that 6' drop off the golf course pro shop/clubhouse's front porch would do him in with the right weather conditions.
 
The "quantity over quality" trait is a prevalent form of pathological laziness I see in low-functioning narcissist lolcows who need to ritualistically broadcast themselves in order to renew the fleeting delusion that they haven't wasted their entire lives.
It's funny you bring up the pathology of lolcows, because it's something I've been thinking about lately as I've started learning more about Amberlynn Reid.

She and Jack have specific things in common:
  • Both are obese (though of course ALR is much further gone)
  • Both pretend their long list of ailments is caused by everything but their weight
  • Both are obsessed with eating and addicted to self-soothing with it
    • And both can't cook
  • Both also self-soothe with consumerism (ALR with Target; Jack with kitchen and tech gadgets)
    • And both have to use other people's money to do so
      • Because both have never had a real job
  • Both weirdly have that "Your Opinion Is Not In The Recipe" sign in their kitchen
  • Both are obsessed with Christmas
  • Both had a "building my dream home" era
  • Both worry viewers with how they seem to treat their pets
  • Both have (or had) clearly weird relationships with their moms
  • Both had bad childhoods (though Jack tries to convince us, and himself, otherwise)
  • Both have been credibly abused of physical abuse
  • Both have partners who are their caretakers, including for bathroom and hygiene needs
  • Both have no friends and can never keep them long
  • Both are afraid/hateful of medical specialists
  • Both are compulsive liars
    • Who will lie about lying
      • Even when caught with video evidence
  • ALR is openly gay and Jack "chooses to be straight" as he said to his brother
I guess if you were trying to make the perfect lolcow in a lab -- or in the mall at Build-A-Lolcow -- you'd start with a bad mom who doesn't like you. Because that causes a bad childhood, and that causes an obsession as an adult with recreating wholesome family holidays like Christmas. Or, I know, building my own perfect home and life from scratch!

But deep down you always feel unloved and untalented (and both might be true, which some part of you knows), so you self-soothe by spending and consuming.

Lying to others is just you lying to yourself with an audience. And over time the lies will get dumber and flimsier, so people will clock them faster and faster, until one day everything you produce is almost instantly mocked -- but to preserve your sanity you must call these people "haters."
 
It's the most dangerous as well, not even the hillbilly botulism canning was as risky as storing commercially-produced raw eggs at room temperature with lime water.

Which is why I'm so eager to see which breed of bitch he is: Jack is liable to either do a follow-up video pretending the eggs taste great to pwn the hadurs (including giddily holding his working hand over his mouth like a japanese school girl), or refuse to acknowledge that the Costco-eggs-in-lime-juice experiment ever occurred between now and when he dies. Either way, there's no walking this back; and he knows as well as the rest of us that he can expect to see comments about it under every one of his utoobs.
 
Which is why I'm so eager to see which breed of bitch he is: Jack is liable to either do a follow-up video pretending the eggs taste great to pwn the hadurs (including giddily holding his working hand over his mouth like a japanese school girl), or refuse to acknowledge that the Costco-eggs-in-lime-juice experiment ever occurred between now and when he dies. Either way, there's no walking this back; and he knows as well as the rest of us that he can expect to see comments about it under every one of his utoobs.
He'll either hide the eggs and never mention them again, or given he's slowly learned you can just keep lying even when caught out completely and due to not giving a fuck anymore, just swap the eggs out every now and again to keep the lie.
 
Which is why I'm so eager to see which breed of bitch he is: Jack is liable to either do a follow-up video pretending the eggs taste great to pwn the hadurs (including giddily holding his working hand over his mouth like a japanese school girl), or refuse to acknowledge that the Costco-eggs-in-lime-juice experiment ever occurred between now and when he dies. Either way, there's no walking this back; and he knows as well as the rest of us that he can expect to see comments about it under every one of his utoobs.

Jack already bitched out and pretended to forget his freeze drying attempts. I think we're on year three of waiting on his year-end wait. Those eggs are already in the trash if they weren't already used for the scrambled eggs.
 
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