The Cole Smithey Thread

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I can see Cole hating Barb. Cute woodland creatures hate Barb. But his hatred of Bob is probably down to his hipster poseur sensibilities.

That could be extended to Barb, too. Cole might view Barb as an uncultured backwoods hick who would throw a fit if forced to watch a foreign film or art movie.
 
And the painting the white house black obama joke. Well yeah, I don't think that Bob was a real hardline racist either, but probably enough to contribute to pissing Cole off.

I see Bob as the type who would say things to Cole just to annoy him. Who wouldn't enjoy that?
 
And the painting the white house black obama joke. Well yeah, I don't think that Bob was a real hardline racist either, but probably enough to contribute to pissing Cole off.
I thought that was barb too?

Was he just hanging out at the cross burning then?

Back when Bob was a kid the klan used to burn crosses in people's yards as an intimidation tactic.
 
Cole might view Barb as an uncultured backwoods hick who would throw a fit if forced to watch a foreign film or art movie.
To be honest I think that Barb throws a fit for anything she doesn't want to do, or doesn't get her way.

Also I think we need a "Was Bob a decent parent or not?" thread right about now.
 
Despite Cole's shitty attitude, I really think he could have helped Chris back in his younger years, maybe even with the help of his shitty attitude. If he wasn't such a whiny pissbaby and just sort of talked some sense into Chris during his childhood, Chris probably would have stopped that Sonichu bull after a few months maximum. That's probably what Chris has needed all along, some pushy persistent motivational "role model/big-brother" type to say "C'mon, this Pokemon shit is MAD gay, let's go get a pizza or play football or watch a movie." rather than have this constant overprotective ass-patting attitude from Borb which has in reality deeply damaged Chris. Even if Cole was in his 20s/30s when Chris was in his teens, still would have helped Chris a great deal.

To be honest I think that Barb throws a fit for anything she doesn't want to do, or doesn't get her way.

Also I think we need a "Was Bob a decent parent or not?" thread right about now.

Bob in my opinion was an okay parent, he seemed to have been pretty well-rounded and educated, much much smarter than Barb. If you look in some of the background of Chris' childhood pics, you can see a decently sized record collection, a shitton of books (some about programming), a few computers, etc. He just happened to have a sort of warped non-modern perception of life after he had Chris (e.g., his racism) which was probably normal and socially accepted when he was younger.
 
"'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries."
 
"'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries."

... Whatever, nigga.
- Angry black man
 
Bob held some kind of resentment towards black people, so maybe that's where Coleslaw and Bob disagreed sharply. I don't think Bob was a full cross burner, but he seemed to have some...views.
Yeah, but let's also bear in mind that Cole seems to be one of these people who thinks anyone to the right of Bernie Sanders is a racist RepubliKKKan.
 
"'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries."
Reminds me of the average high school-aged Facebook poster who types like a Thesaurus and totally has the world all figured out.
He always seemed to me a defeated man, especially in regards to Chris. I have no doubt that Bob tried his hardest to teach Chris in spite of his autism,
While it's very difficult to judge a man's entire demeanor based on a ~10 minute video, I was getting some heavy defeatist vibes from Bob in that Christmas video. When he spoke to Chris, his voice carried a tone that carried an air soft resignation (and with that, the tone one uses when they're speaking to a six year old).
only to have Barb impede because she was fine with having a dumb-dumb son to depend on her for the rest of her life.
This I disagree on, partially. I'm sure nowadays, she's resigned herself to accepting that her son is damaged goods, but I always suspected Barb was in complete and absolute denial in regards to Chris' condition, and probably continued the "bribing him with toys" mentality in various forms throughout their lives, as if in fierce denial. "See, God? My boy ain't no tard! I can make him ____! Look Chris, if you do ___, I'll getcha something fun."

Imagine being raised by someone so willing to go out of their way to twist reality to suit their fantasy. It's no wonder Cole is such a bitter individual. I'd feel bad for him if he wasn't such a pompous asshole.
 
Cole shits on The Force Awakens for having "rudimentary vocabulary" and being full of "pro-war imagery."
 
All we know of Bob's politics comes from a small handful of quotes and assumptions based on his employment travel history. It's perfectly reasonable to presume that Cole knew him better than we did.

Someone with a pile of whale shit like Ted Rall as best buds isn't someone with the best political judgment.
 
Isn't Cole a little old to be doing the unimpressed hipster gig? I keep thinking that he's in his early thirties, then I remember that he's 20 years older than Chris.
 
I see a lot of folks talking about how shitty Cole is because he didn't do whatever he could have to help Chris or whatever.

When did Cole ever owe Chris anything? Because they both arbitrarily fell out the same vagina? That's a pretty shitty reason, considering he was out of the house pretty much since Chris was born and they had no relationship.
 
He is so irrelevant he can't even get his own camera to focus on him.
At least Chris only had problems getting the camera to stop.
Y4krXqB.jpg
 
I see a lot of folks talking about how shitty Cole is because he didn't do whatever he could have to help Chris or whatever.

When did Cole ever owe Chris anything? Because they both arbitrarily fell out the same vagina? That's a pretty shitty reason, considering he was out of the house pretty much since Chris was born and they had no relationship.

^ This post. Cole gives off Douche-y vibe but honestly I can't dislike the guy and I certainly don't think he owes Chris or Barb anything. Cole shouldn't have to introduce Chris to anyone or promote Chris' "artwork" because Chris is undeserving, lazy, untalented. Cole shouldn't have to drop everything to come look after Barb because Chris is a massive pervert and Bob's no longer there to do it. Equally he has no real obligation to come care for Chris even when Barb dies.
 
Cole shits on The Force Awakens for having "rudimentary vocabulary" and being full of "pro-war imagery."
https://vimeo.com

^ This post. Cole gives off Douche-y vibe but honestly I can't dislike the guy and I certainly don't think he owes Chris or Barb anything. Cole shouldn't have to introduce Chris to anyone or promote Chris' "artwork" because Chris is undeserving, lazy, untalented. Cole shouldn't have to drop everything to come look after Barb because Chris is a massive pervert and Bob's no longer there to do it. Equally he has no real obligation to come care for Chris even when Barb dies.
It doesnt help that everything he does is laced with politics. Combine that with overall doucheyness and you get a person who is a hate magnet.
Even that movie review is laced with it. Complaining about Pro war imagery? Dude it has "Wars" in the title. What did you expect? Hes basically the DSP of movie reviews. He complains about the movie and doesnt understand anything about it
 
Cole is fat and I would not have sex with him

In all seriousness, this thread is kinda depressing. In an ideal world, Cole would not have only get away from his abusive mother but also be a stand up and totally normal guy, the polar opposite of Chris. But in reality, that's not the case. He's only managed to do one of those things. And that is get away from Borb. Despite being in his 50s, he's still compensating for his crappy childhood. To a degree, that's normal. Most people with shitty childhoods like his have hang ups that make them at least a bit dysfunctional. But Cole goes beyond the norm by becoming a pretentious, know it all, and overall unlikable douchebag. He can act like a NYC born and bred hipster all he wants, but it doesn't change how he came into this world: As the bastard son of the future mother of Chis Chan. If he would just accepted this and perhaps still be a bit pretentious but not project his uphappy childhood onto kids' movies that he reviews, he would be a lot more likable to most Kiwis.

And yes. I did read the CWCki article on him before reading this thread. Which might explain my somewhat sympathetic view on him.
 
Cole is fat and I would not have sex with him

In all seriousness, this thread is kinda depressing. In an ideal world, Cole would not have only get away from his abusive mother but also be a stand up and totally normal guy, the polar opposite of Chris. But in reality, that's not the case. He's only managed to do one of those things. And that is get away from Borb. Despite being in his 50s, he's still compensating for his crappy childhood. To a degree, that's normal. Most people with shitty childhoods like his have hang ups that make them at least a bit dysfunctional. But Cole goes beyond the norm by becoming a pretentious, know it all, and overall unlikable douchebag. He can act like a NYC born and bred hipster all he wants, but it doesn't change how he came into this world: As the bastard son of the future mother of Chis Chan. If he would just accepted this and perhaps still be a bit pretentious but not project his uphappy childhood onto kids' movies that he reviews, he would be a lot more likable to most Kiwis.

And yes. I did read the CWCki article on him before reading this thread. Which might explain my somewhat sympathetic view on him.
And that's the problem- Once a Chandler, always a Chandler. Cole just exhibits some more severe levels of what Chris suffers (USI, anger, delusions, but not autism as far as we know).
 
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