The Cole Smithey Thread

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
TheMightyMonarch said:
And yes. I did read the CWCki article on him before reading this thread. Which might explain my somewhat sympathetic view on him.
Click to expand...

My dislike of him is somewhat visceral. I just instantly thought "what a douchebag" just looking at a picture of him. Then everything he said that I read was douchey as hell. And then I found out he was a bosom buddy of Ted Rall, who is outright fucking scum. And that's not a political opinion, I mean he is just personally a despicable little toad. Anyone who would be his friend has to have something wrong with them.
 
cat said:
his wife runs a successful craft beer bar on the lower east side of nyc
Click to expand...

I guess, in a way, Cole is living Chris's dream: he has a wife who is the real success and breadwinner, which means Cole can spend his time watching movies, making videos and entertaining his delusions of grandeur without having to get a real job.

EDIT: Late. My bad.
 
Last edited:
Holdek said:
"'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries."
Click to expand...

Dear Cole,

If you enjoyed the movie, just say so. You don't need to crack open the nearest thesaurus to look up a bunch of superlatives that only make you look like you're trying too hard to come across as intelligent and smarter than the people who you direct your reviews at.

Also, not every movie has some deep social or political message in it like you seem to think.
 
Muncie Anderson said:
Dear Cole,

If you enjoyed the movie, just say so. You don't need to crack open the nearest thesaurus to look up a bunch of superlatives that only make you look like you're trying too hard to come across as intelligent and smarter than the people who you direct your reviews at.

Also, not every movie has some deep social or political message in it like you seem to think.
Click to expand...
"Wild Strawberries" is pretty deep, but there's something about the phrase "complex construction of abstract corollaries" that seems both overwritten and void of information to the point where it makes me cringe reading it. (Especially when you know it was written by this guy:
6a00d8341c2b7953ef01538fb82806970b-450wi
) It's like something I would write when I was in 10th grade and trying to make my paper sound smart.
 
Last edited:
I just read Coleslaw's review of The Interview and literally none of it is about the movie itself. It's just more political conspiracy theorist tripe that seems to define so much of what he talks about on the internet. You would think that if he believes himself to be a legitimate film critic, he would try to work the movie itself into the subject matter of his reviews, but it seems like that isn't always the case. He's devoting the entirety of his time and effort into a supposed profession he does half-assedly and believes he can make it look not as such with gratuitous thesaurus abuse.

Of course, given Chris seems to believe in full that he's at the centre of a huge conspiracy involving trolls, The Game Place, and the local school board, Cole's tendency to buy into his own inane conspiracy bullcrap makes a lot of sense given they share those Weston genes and all.
 
AnOminous said:
Anyone who would be his friend has to have something wrong with them.
Click to expand...
When I found out that Cole and Rall are BFFs I actually wasn't that surprised. They seem like the types of guys who would gravitate toward each other.
 
'This latest installment of fandom’s favorite mongrel pet is a poorly paced MacGuffin-chase plot, ginned up with groan-inducing spoonful doses of pro-war imagery and its attendant rudimentary vocabulary.

“We blow up the big gun.” “Keep the target hard.”

I kid you not.

Such dumbed down dialogue flows like so much toxic water in Flint, Michigan throughout this movie.'
Click to expand...

Oh wow, I'm using 5 dollar words and edgy current events to push the enveloupe and make my opinion worth a damn... but he'll happily give Specter 4 out of 5 stars :story:
 
Last edited by a moderator:
RepQuest said:
He's like an ideologically-inverted Armond White played straight, except that White is actually amusing.
Click to expand...

I believe it was mentioned earlier in this thread that actually famous, revered movie critics are that way because they write in a manner that connects with people. Cole has it in his head that he's smarter than his target audience and writes in a condescending, shit-eating way to make his readers feel dumb by contrast. If you want to be a successful writer of any sort, whether as an editorialist or otherwise, you shouldn't try to make your audience feel like morons. If you do, A) It won't work and B) You'll either anger or bore them.

Unless you're totally fine with padding your Facebook fan page with purchased likes or begging small town independent weeklies to publish your garbage because no one else will. If that's the case, keep reaching for the stars, Cole.
 
Last edited:
This has bothered the fuck out of my whenever I think of Cole:
does no one else think he looks like Rick Harrison from Pawn Stars??
ColeS.jpg


RickH.jpg
 
Rize Kamishiro said:
Cole has it in his head that he's smarter than his target audience and writes in a condescending, shit-eating way to make his readers feel dumb by contrast.
Click to expand...

Why wouldn't he? He thinks he's "The Smartest Film Critic in the World" and even unironically calls himself that. That is a mere shade less delusional than Chris thinking Sonichu is a billion dollar franchise.
 
AnOminous said:
Why wouldn't he? He thinks he's "The Smartest Film Critic in the World" and even unironically calls himself that. That is a mere shade less delusional than Chris thinking Sonichu is a billion dollar franchise.
Click to expand...

I think "a shade less" is pushing the envelope. Cole thought he could legitimately sell the opportunity to go out drinking with him when he wouldn't be able to even give it away (unless he finally relents and agrees to talk about Charb and I don't think even the most :julay:tarded of weens would shell out a whole $250).
 
Rize Kamishiro said:
I think "a shade less" is pushing the envelope. Cole thought he could legitimately sell the opportunity to go out drinking with him when he wouldn't be able to even give it away (unless he finally relents and agrees to talk about Charb and I don't think even the most :julay:tarded of weens would shell out a whole $250).
Click to expand...

There are people who literally sent Chris $500 for no reason at all, just to see how he spent it.
 
AnOminous said:
There are people who literally sent Chris $500 for no reason at all, just to see how he spent it.
Click to expand...

Because Chris is fascinating and has boundless enthusiasm for stupidity. There is nothing interesting about Cole except for his brother.

Incidentally, Chris's take on World War 2 was more accurate than Cole's, and Chris got the countries wrong.
 
kobebyarlant said:
If I had never even heard of Chris I would still think Cole is a massive, smug dick.
Click to expand...

I would if I had ever heard of him, but if I'd never heard of Chris, I would never have heard of Cole, and that applies to probably 90% or more of the people who even know his name.
 
AnOminous said:
There are people who literally sent Chris $500 for no reason at all, just to see how he spent it.
Click to expand...

Of course there are people who would be willing to give Chris money. There are apparently people who are even willing to break the law and destroy blarms Sonic Boom merchandise on video just to get Chris to notice them. But for thieving Cole to get a red cent out of anybody, he'd have to sweeten the deal quite a bit. And I don't think even agreeing to talk about Chris or their mother will still net him anywhere close to $250.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom