‘Girlhood’, a year in review
In honor of the first birthday of Dylan Mulvaney’s ‘girlhood’, please enjoy a retrospective compiled to mark the occasion.
It’s been a whirlwind year of flopping drag muppetry manically intensifying, as Dylan’s media profile enjoys a meteoric rise courtesy of his talent agent at
CAA. In just 365 days as a tranny he interviews
the president, acquires an impressive shill product
portfolio, and hits 10 million
Tiktok followers while recovering from extensive facial
plastic surgery, likely compensated by a celebrity surgeon and the crowning jewel in Dylan’s girlhood journey. In personal life updates: Dylan
remains kissless and his ‘friends’ are all social media collaborations.
It’s increasingly apparent that Dylan’s ‘girlhood’ series is a heavily marketed commercial product, since it’s a 24/7 product placement opportunity for ever-multiplying spons and cross-promotional opportunities. While less certain, it’s likely negative engagement is all part of the marketing plan given the strategic timing of controversy and the sizeable ecosystem of critics and parodists spawned in the wake of one hyper-animated twink cosplaying The Nanny. Dylan, on receiving criticism at the national level, continues to smug at women in response videos.
This post recaps the thread since July 2022 when it was posted. Special thanks to thread MVPs
@JambledUpWords /
@Jane Eyre /
@NoReturn /
@OttoWest /
@Unabomber Eleven /
@garbage cake /
@Tybalt The S@ucy B0y /
@umami's milk for their compiling.
A Star is Made
In which Dylan provokes a couple of profile-raising internet meltdowns and is branded a Trans Icon as a precursor to his interview with the President. Ever-escalating PR ensues, and mainstream America meets Dylan Mulvaney.
In September Dylan speaks at a
Forbes Power Women's Summit (
Day 188), where he’s the only participant to appear in a bralette. Attention is
swiftly negative, and Dylan locks down his
Twitter in response. In October, UltaBeauty’s Twitter launches a partnership with Dylan in the form of a grotesque tranny
sideshow, headlined
TRANS GIRLS CAN DO IT ALL (recall the pretext is to sell makeup to women).
Comment abounds. It’s around this time Dylan first catches the eye of
Matt Walsh, among others, beginning something of a cottage industry of commentators and comedians regularly roasting Dylan.
In November Dylan interviews President
Joe Biden while dressed like Liberace and receives a
presidential cookie. On
airing commenters note that the interview is awkwardly stilted, but of all possible scenarios between current year Joe Biden and a female impersonator, it’s the best of all possible outcomes.
Dylan’s finances, projected at earnings of $1m dollars over the coming year, are the subject of an article in the
Daily Mail, a publication known as exceptionally friendly to media agents. Dylan rents a house in LA which he showcases on
Tiktok, neatly flexing his wealth, and his relationship with
Kate Spade receives a serious
upgrade. He posts
lewks, which are
consistently atrocious.
Still in November Dylan both receives criticism from, and claps back at,
Caitlyn Jenner (retard explainer
here), and vacations in
Bora Bora, the scene of the now infamous
Tiktok, shot by a waiter held captive by the hospitality requirements of his job and depicting some deepest tranny horror.
In December Dylan is featured on
Tucker Carlson and hits the mid time. The ensuing bevvy of attention provokes response from him. It’s directed at women on Twitter and it’s a study in controlled hostility and condescension, aka flaming
homosexualism, also an excellent source for jumpscare screencaps.
Matt Walsh, as ever, is ready with a comment.
‘Ready for my Close-Up’ Arc
In which Dylan is scheduled for facial feminizing surgery. The surgeon did Caitlyn Jenner and Dylan teases the results to draggish excess before the grand reveal: a remarkable resemblance to Caitlyn Jenner (age 72).
Ahead of surgery there’s a flurry of promotional activity in the form of a
billboard in Times Square and a series of
attempted edgy photoshoots.
December 16th 2022: Dylan’s facial feminizing surgery. He posts
hyperactively in
hospitalwear before and morbidly after the facial carving, including gruesome
swelling and passive aggressive
breakup notes to his old face.
Thus begins a period of grand dame-like
convalescence during which Dylan’s face remains mostly hidden, with intermittent campy
glimpses. In January Days of Girlhood marks 10 million followers with a pre-recorded
Tiktok, and Dylan posts a ‘face reveal’ shot with a cartoon girl
filter.
The big face unveiling comes
January 27th and it’s a debutante ball for Dylan’s plastic surgery, with a series of heavily produced
photo and
video shoots. Predictably, Dylan’s
Tiktoks tell an even more candid
story.
Dylan’s surgeon is Dr
Harrison Lee, mentioned by Dylan as early as
August 2022. It’s reasonably speculated that Dylan’s surgeries ultimately include hairline lowering, brow lift, rhinoplasty, cheekbone implants, lip lift and jaw reduction. Having undergone major plastic surgery to feminize the face, Dylan appears to compensate by no longer covering his
facial hair,
repeatedly.
Rank commercialism
In which Dylan reaches the upper echelons of social media influencing, consolidating his iconic status as tranny of choice for LA awards ceremonies and brands aligned with socialite plastic surgery addicts.
In February Dylan is a
bridesmaid! Once again sports a visible
mustache. Incidentally the bride, Abigail Breslin, is also represented by
CAA. Dylan is barely shown in
pictures from the day.
Just a few days later comes the
Grammy awards, for which
Dylan cosplays Italian checkered tablecloth in a whorehouse and dates a gay man. Cue the now familiar cycle of heated Internet
attention that can be summarised as ‘be kind
vs. be honest’. Dylan rubs shoulders with
Laverne Cox, whose elder-tranny advice goes wasted.
Otherwise, the misc commercial whoring continues. Dylan continues to vamp, shimmy and shill through an astounding range of product and PR opportunities, from promoing with
Jenners and
Hiltons to shilling
Bud Light on multiple occasions. He received a Queerty Groundbreaker
award and continues to be
mad about women calling him a man on the internet.
In general troon news, Dylan celebrates his first
International Women’s Day and makes the bold
claims that he knew he was trans age 4, and his parents are unsupportive, contradicting recorded lore. Transition progresses at speed, with Dylan refreshing his
electrolysis regimen and sharing with the world his motion sickness
goggles.
All of which of course leads us to Day 365 of Being A Girl, an iconic moment for Dylan and trans girlhood celebrated with all the joyless narcissistic commercialism of a social media starlet. There’s Dylan-themed merch,
teased and timed to
drop exactly a week before Day 365, and the day itself is ‘an evening with Dylan Mulvaney’
on Broadway. First signs of the event itself are
here.
Here's to the next 365!
Further Reading
NoReturn’s deep dig into CAA. Unabomber Eleven digs
here and
here.
OttoWest assesses Dylan’s book collection.
Unabomber Eleven digs into Dylan’s parents.
Dylan is nominated for two categories in the
Julays, for
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow AND
Fresh Meat. He wins both.
Commentators and imitators
Among the many voices in the choir of critiquing Dylan, a few standouts:
Memes and other magic
Creative contributions by farmers and anons.
Fan Art
Left:
@33333333333333333333 /
Right:
@HorseGirlSupremacy
Left:
@Doppelmonger /
Right:
@Elysian
Anons:
Top /
Middle /
Bottom left /
Bottom right
Look-Alikes
Farmers, inspired by Dylan's beauty, are inspired to make comparison.
The Caitlyn Jenner Series
Jumpscares
LOVE YA!
ZOOSADIST
Cyraxx, some gross retard covered in scabs, has threatened to kill a bunch of people because he keeps getting trolled and is now so mainstream many YouTubers talk about him. His biggest (literally) a-log, Marty, bought an AirBnB right next to him knowing it would piss him off. Cyraxx, being a retard, charges up to assault him and is punched in the nose, causing it to bleed.
NEW SQUATTER ALERT 
