You own an inconvenience store.

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Basically we sell various gadgets and gag items that are meant for casual every day annoyance (we keep a few special ones behind the counter, gotta ask right 😉), but then if you come up to the side desk we'd have going rates for professional inconvenience.

See, me and my boys from the bronx have been practicing being a red hot pain in the ass since we first came into this world, started out annoying our mommas and 8 siblings and moved on to annoying the neighbors and even law enforcement, local politicians, so on and so forth, and we'd like to think we've gotten pretty good at it after decades on the job.

We've become well versed on the minute details of local ordinances all over the tristate area to ensure we're the most frustrating we can possibly be without ever technically breaking the law.
Armed with a set of egregious legal oversights and decades-old loopholes, we can guarantee the "friend" of your choosing will have never experienced a greater sense of impotent rage and despair. If our boys can't induce a nervous breakdown, you get $100 in free store credit.

So come on down to the inconvenience store today. Inconvenience, at your convenience.
 
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Pizza with topings that noone likes like Pizza Hawaii, beer that's either too warm or too cold, lighters that are always near empty so you have to zry several times until it works, rip off candy of the big well known brands like Snuckers instead of Snickers so when you eat a Snuckers it taste slightly like a Snickers but slightly not the same so you wish you would have a Snickers instead of this Snuckers and stuff like that. Oh, and the hookers in front of the store have all some STDs but noone knows which hooker has which STD.
 
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Wait, I read this wrong.

What kind of products do I sell? Hairspray that coats your head in wax and takes hours to wash out. Individual bananas, but you have to still buy 3 or more. A standard qwerty keyboard, but all the keys are out of order. If you're in America, we only sell electronics for 220V. If you are in a communist country, we only sell products that are 120V. We do not offer adapters.
 
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We sell hotdogs we buy from Costco and keep warm in a shitty rotisserie that has a similar fauna culture to a public toilet seat. But they're only $0.75 instead of $1.50! It even comes with relish by default! No buns though, you need to hold it in a napkin.

Oh we also sell boxes of those gas station dick pills - not the pills, just the boxes.
 
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We we sell? That's not even the start.

We sell essential items and we are the only place in town that carries some of them, but we:

- Are only open bank hours
- Close for an hour lunch
- Only accept cash
- The cashier doesn't know how to make change
- We only give change in 5s and coins
- The cashier is chatty
- The store for some reason sells scratch and pull tab tickets
- There is no parking
- The lights flicker
- The door doesn't automatically close
 
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You come in to my store and start reading me the riot act with these "questions" of your. What do we sell? Don't worry about it. You couldn't afford it anyway, buddy.
 
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The isles are stapled to the ceiling and you are given a billhook to grab whatever item you need. This means you'll have to pierce whatever you're buying, including liquids.

The only person working the store is at the counter and is a really tumblr, really ugly tranny who fumbles for what feels like hours over the simplest task. This includes checking out.
 
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