What would your retarded wizard powers be?

[SandyCat]

I want to be able to summon angry cats so I can throw them at people. Have you ever had a angry cat tossed at you? There's no proper way to catch a angry cat.

 

[Lockbean Raisin]

Convert my semen into .50 cal bullets and my dick into a Barrett. They're literally never gonna know what's coming.

Granted, it'd obliterate my pelvis upon firing but that's the price you pay for freedom, baby!

 

[Fetish Roulette]

The ability to shoot Downiefication laser beams from my eyes.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

The power to double my IQ so anytime I want I can have an IQ of 124.

 

[Postal_Rat]

To see the future but only concerning lolcows I would be a god among you people

 

[Botchy Galoop]

I'd be able to spark small fires by mindlessly rocking back and forth rapidly. Fortunately, I'd almost immediately put the fires out with my drool.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

The ability to communicate with insects so I can exclusively tell them not to go near me, ever.

This is retarded because they won't listen. The allure of your carbon dioxide is too powerful. This is why gnats, flies, and various bees love human faces. Another fun fact about gnats: the ones in my area get smarter every year. Alcohol traps no longer work because each generation is smarter than the next.

I have accepted that I may cause a gnat uprising someday.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

I’d be able to summon the seal of Ori-Catthose

 

[not william stenchever]

Limited weather control because droughts are annoying.

 

[L50LasPak]

The ability to argue people to death, like that one scene in Anachronox.

I'd also betray everyone at the end of the game too.

 

[I'm Retarded?]

clairvoyance except it turns out the future doesn't physically or metaphysically exist at all so the only future I can see is a yawning, formless void

 

[DankSmoker]

A big grey beard full of dandruff.

 

[Pelican Bones]

My retard wizard powers are as follows:

The ability to move small objects limited distances using only the power of my hands.

The ability to add and subtract small numbers using only my mind.

The ability to breath both in and out for almost an entire day.

I'm basically a god.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Any time I need to fart, the ability to teleport the gas into one of my enemies and/or a random celebrity.

 

[Fuzhou]

The ability to teleport into any stockroom of a gamestop or walmart about 2 hours after they close for the night. I'd be rich.