What would your retarded wizard powers be?

[SandyCat]

I want to be able to summon angry cats so I can throw them at people. Have you ever had a angry cat tossed at you? There's no proper way to catch a angry cat.

 

[Blasterisk]

I have an animated familiar that's a severed hand. So, uh, it's not animated. It's just severed.

 

[Lathe]

Drawing summoning circles with crayon. Technically it still would work.

 

[The Magnificence]

Unlimited telekinesis with no upper weight or mass limits. I would so fuck with so many people, but also moving furniture/appliances would be a snap.

 

[Just A Fat Round Bird]

febreeze fireballs.. the ultimate spell

 

[Alligator Alcatraz]

The ability to control traffic in crowded Walmart aisles.

 

[Shidoen]

Turn plastic into explosions so all those micro plastics have some use to me.

 

[Peanut Butter in Peril]

Animating objects to do mundane and menial labor around the house or cause trouble elsewhere.

 

[JethroTullamore]

Make people have sudden, uncontrollable diarrhea.

Any person, any time. From some rando in Wal-Mart to the president on TV.

BAM. Uncontrollable diarrhea.

 

[Captain Chromosome]

Make anyone say nigger. Same rationale as above.

 

[TheRetardKing]

Cum fire.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Power Word: Autism

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Fart fire everytime I eat spicy food. I'm sure fire retardant underwear exists.

 

[ditto]

Cock of the Infinite and Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.

 

[Shidoen]

Turn Nigger into a dragon shout that only white people can use. So now black people will REALLY disallow it with good reason.

 

[Apochrypha]

The ability to communicate with insects so I can exclusively tell them not to go near me, ever.

 

[Klaptrap]

Yeah, probably the cat thing.

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

Turning people into chickens, of course

 

[CrazyRandomZyn]

Easy, make a blog and flaunt Wizard titties

 

[Moths]

Give people a really persistent itch they can never scratch