UN Venezuela Megathread - Mercenaries 2 references galore! Cubanodun is MVP

With the news of an attempted army uprising ending in many arrests happening in the troubled nation, I think now is the time to just say 'Post all Venezuela related news here'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-40843494

The civil war is upon us.

 

[ColtWalker1847]

Because this is just the banana presidential version of telling yourself "im ok, nothing wrong is happening" , this exercise was planned in a hurry after Guaido meet with Orange man AND the american minister of defense, after that reunion orange man said in the press conference something like "we have a plan in the next 30 days for venezuela" and Maduro took it as "THEY ARE COMING IN 30 DAYS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" so everything was rushed and we got 48 hours of cringe

Who is he trying to fool with this? Not only is it obvious that the US was not coming to his little party but the Army looks like rank amateurs who couldn't beat a troop of particularly ornery Girl Scouts. Who buys any of it?

 

[Cubanodun]

Who is he trying to fool with this? Not only is it obvious that the US was not coming to his little party but the Army looks like rank amateurs who couldn't beat a troop of particularly ornery Girl Scouts. Who buys any of it?

Himself mostly, no one gives a flying fuck about this, is funny that he is crying DSP style that doesnt have any money that OH GOD ORANGE MAN PLEASE STOP WITH THE SANCTIONS, then today he decide to waste money on playing World of Warships irl

Have you ever wasted 500k american dollarus per shot just to wave your dick?

And every single video leak about the exercises is just a continue cringe full of failure, today i present you, commanders so fat that they can't even get on a transport truck

Not having fuel to move your pieces of shit toys because you prefer raising the export of our dwindling fuel reserves to Cuba

And it gets worse every hour thank god it ends today

 

[Ghostse]

Who is he trying to fool with this? Not only is it obvious that the US was not coming to his little party but the Army looks like rank amateurs who couldn't beat a troop of particularly ornery Girl Scouts. Who buys any of it?

Anyone competent in his chain of command would be wanting to run these exercises regularly for two reasons.
First, when you have a bunch of ostensibly civilian auxiliaries, you need to make sure they at least remember the basics of what they're supposed to be doing if called up. This is why the US National Guard has you report in at least once a month - so they can make sure you aren't completely fucked up, and so you keep the muscle memory of checking in with your unit and having your shit with you for call-up.
When countries run war games (especially war games with other countries) its less about a show of force and more about ensuring the forces are capable of coordination, and that shit works. Its better to discover that there is a 20 minute delay between a commander requesting artillery and the request actually reaching a battery while everyone is playing pretend, then to discover it when shells need to be flying.

Second, your civilian auxiliaries are going to be utter fucking garbage. Everyone with even minimal experience knows that. But you need to know exactly HOW garbage; which units have commanders who can at least find their ass with both hands when given explicit instructions, and who's unit would be doing better if they were led by a Familia Peso mannequin. This isn't necessarily about replacing staff, but your generals need to know "When Columbia invades, the militia in this town will deploy and actually slow them down for 5-10 minutes. The militia here won't be able to do anything, and the militia here are likely to surrender their ammo dump and tell the columbians where there's fuel reserves." when planning a response.

But given this is the unchurroable Maduro, this is probably some sort of cargo cult aping at a show of strength while their diabeetus core waddles around.

 

[ColtWalker1847]

Anyone competent in his chain of command would be wanting to run these exercises regularly for two reasons.
First, when you have a bunch of ostensibly civilian auxiliaries, you need to make sure they at least remember the basics of what they're supposed to be doing if called up. This is why the US National Guard has you report in at least once a month - so they can make sure you aren't completely fucked up, and so you keep the muscle memory of checking in with your unit and having your shit with you for call-up.
When countries run war games (especially war games with other countries) its less about a show of force and more about ensuring the forces are capable of coordination, and that shit works. Its better to discover that there is a 20 minute delay between a commander requesting artillery and the request actually reaching a battery while everyone is playing pretend, then to discover it when shells need to be flying.

Second, your civilian auxiliaries are going to be utter fucking garbage. Everyone with even minimal experience knows that. But you need to know exactly HOW garbage; which units have commanders who can at least find their ass with both hands when given explicit instructions, and who's unit would be doing better if they were led by a Familia Peso mannequin.

But given this is the unchurroable Maduro, this is probably some sort of cargo cult aping at a show of strength while their diabeetus core waddles around.

Maybe it was so the Colectivos could feel like they are helping. Let them larp as soldiers for a day to improve their self-esteem.

Also as a way to legitimize giving more guns and equipment from the army to them. Maduro knows full well that his real threat isn't from the US but from his own people. Giving some more firepower to his goon squad might not make them the skull busters that the Basij are in Iran, but it will help.

 

[Cubanodun]

Anyone competent in his chain of command would be wanting to run these exercises regularly for two reasons.

The army normally did those exercises but were not in this scale and were not promoted at all, they were more larping with parachutes and make believe in some deserted place, they never used the militia because is was more probable that some of those old farts would probably croak during one and iirc that actually happened once

Maybe it was so the Colectivos could feel like they are helping.

Why they need to bother with exercises when they have actual combat in the border almost every single day? Colectivos dont give a shit about Maduro, they are only with him in name only to be immune to prosecution

Giving some more firepower to his goon squad might not make them the skull busters that the Basij are in Iran, but it will help.

The colectivos are pretty much just gangs with discarded army weapons they dont get supplied at all, they are just there to be a annoyance and to be fingermans, the ones in the border get supplied a little because they are more useful there that inside the country, the militias per se only have old as shit guns without any ammo so they dont get any ideas of rebelling

Edit: Welp after deploying shitload of radars, maxing security to the highest degree and having paranoids soldiers everywhere they did casually manage to ignore a plane loaded with Gold bars that they pretended to sell for cash, they would have get away with it but because they cant use CONVIASA anymore they used a little plane that got fucked in Aruba and got caught there, hope Arubros waste the money in booze and hookers

 

[Ghostse]

Maybe it was so the Colectivos could feel like they are helping. Let them larp as soldiers for a day to improve their self-esteem.

Also as a way to legitimize giving more guns and equipment from the army to them. Maduro knows full well that his real threat isn't from the US but from his own people. Giving some more firepower to his goon squad might not make them the skull busters that the Basij are in Iran, but it will help.

There are much better ways of acheiving those goals than an expensive, complicated nation-wide war game; those were probably ancillary benefits but likely not the primary goal. Big set pieces like this are usually all about logistics and communication/coordination. Smaller-scale events are more about tactics and training, because your observers can watch individual unit or soldier performance to identify short comings; "The 3rd armor group didn't meet their readiness time table" isn't helpful except at a region or nation wide command level; a 4 star isn't going to care if most of the unit was where they were supposed to be when they were supposed to be, just that the entire unit wasn't there. "3rd company's CO deployed into the wrong zone, and one of the platoons got lost" is feedback that can be directly actioned on.

Plus large-scale War Games for individual soldiers are really fucking boring. You go to an area, and you do something to demonstrate you got there and could accomplish the mission you were sent to do (set up artillery/set up a check point/deploy a field hospital, etc) then wait around for the event to be over, or until you get orders to go somewhere else. You aren't usually graded on how well everything is running, just if you got where you supposed to be when you were, and if you can make some token demonstration of operation - fire a few similuator salvos, stop and search some humvees, pull a dummy off a medievac and bring it into the OR. etc.
Now, when you do squad-level stuff, THAT'S fun.

Its the same in the civilian world.

Spoiler: TL;DR about Hospital drills

I worked at a hospital that was a regional "mass causality event" processor. Twice a year they'd have MCE training; once at a hospital level, and once at a ward level. The hospital level, 99% of the action took place in a single conference room where they went through essentially a CYOA given to them by the Feds, where for most of the week they went over addressing various things that could send dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of patients to the hospital. Then usually over the weekend they'd have a drill where they'd move dummies on gurneys around the hospital. These were just hunks of plastic of about human weight, the only point was to show you could shift X dummies in X hours, and could turn classrooms and storage areas into additional wards if needed; they paged in nurses from smaller local hospitals, and they timed how long it took them to arrive, how long to get processed and assigned (and checking staffing levels to make sure they were going where thye needed to go). They'd make a report about how many people of what severity the hospital could treat, and how many it could treat while reasonably expecting the patients to survive. No one below upper management got any positive or negative action based on Hospital-level drill. The Feds, State, and County just wanted to know how much they could send their way if needed.

Then there was a... "ward" level drill. This one targeted wards and floors, and they actually brought out "smart" dummies that you had to given virtual treatment regularly or they'd flatline. They could also be programmed to develop complications (simulate going into cardiac arrest, internal bleeding, etc) that nurses and doctors had to diagnose and give the correct treatment (often sending to another ward, accomplished by getting the dummy to the elevator and telling your observer where it was going; the dummy would then be reset and often be wheeled off as a newly causality.
This one people got graded on, and if you didn't perform well, you got put on an "Professional Improvement Plan" to fix however it was you'd fucked up.

The ward drill scale & metrics was based on that year's hospital level drill (if your patient makes it alive to surgery depends on the transit time & capacity determined there), and these metrics were the base line for next year's Hospital level numbers (survival rate, over time, of people going to this ward or that; if you dumbed 200 patients on the burn ward at once, how long will it take for them all to get triaged, etc)

 

[AverageAnimeWatcher]

What's with dictators like Maduro or Kim trying to show off their, embarrassingly bad, militaries to try to scare America? They aren't fooling anyone. Few militaries in the world, in their prime, could hope to even stand a chance against America, and most of those are allied anyway.

Starving nations with poorly trained soldiers with a fickle loyalty to an unpopular dictator, using laughably out of date technology? Not a chance in hell.

There is a reason countries/groups that hate America have to rely on Terrorism or subterfuge tactics like espionage. They don't stand a chance in a direct fight and they know it.

There are a lot of reasons America doesn't just invade them, like it just not being worth the expenditure of resources, international diplomacy, and politics (Election year isn't a good time), none of them are due to lack of firepower or fear of their armies. If Trump truly wanted Maduro gone, he would be gone in a day.

 

[AnOminous]

What's with dictators like Maduro or Kim trying to show off their, embarrassingly bad, militaries to try to scare America? They aren't fooling anyone. Few militaries in the world, in their prime, could hope to even stand a chance against America, and most of those are allied anyway.

It's to scare the people who might try to overthrow them, not to impress the U.S., which isn't going to be impressed.

 

[Cubanodun]

They don't stand a chance in a direct fight and they know it.

Of course they know it that is why the entire exercise was a simulation for a defensive and hopeless battle to gain time for the high echelons of the government to escape, check all charts and maps all of them say "defensive battle to protect strategic assets" but almost half of them are Airports, if you see the deployment one it put ridiculous "assets" like a concrete factory, the CVG (Steel and aluminum factory, not operative since Chavez took it), train stations (lmao there are no trains in venezuela, chavez wanted to make one that covered all the country but in the end the money was wasted and never finished) every single of them are bogus targets because there is nothing of value anywhere, they just want to protect the airports

Some of the milita noticed that the plan was just "go die in the name of the revolution, food? fuck you, you dont need food when you have THE MOTHERLAND"

Military expert kiwis should have noticed that they are halfway admitting that the boats that were launching missiles would be destroyed and the battle would be on land

 

[Adamska]

Of course they know it that is why the entire exercise was a simulation for a defensive and hopeless battle to gain time for the high echelons of the government to escape, check all charts and maps all of them say "defensive battle to protect strategic assets" but almost half of them are Airports, if you see the deployment one it put ridiculous "assets" like a concrete factory, the CVG (Steel and aluminum factory, not operative since Chavez took it), train stations (lmao there are no trains in venezuela, chavez wanted to make one that covered all the country but in the end the money was wasted and never finished) every single of them are bogus targets because there is nothing of value anywhere, they just want to protect the airports

Some of the milita noticed that the plan was just "go die in the name of the revolution, food? fuck you, you dont need food when you have THE MOTHERLAND"

View attachment 1148495

Military expert kiwis should have noticed that they are halfway admitting that the boats that were launching missiles would be destroyed and the battle would be on land

Amazing, those self serving leeches are too retarded to remember one of our first moves when invading someone is to yeet the airports and bases of any planes to utterly dominate the air (and prevent flight like this too). It's like the very first thing we do every time we get sucked into a tard fight.

I keep getting baffled on how the Americas produce more stupid people than the backstabbing and nepotistic middle east.

 

[Mike Hunt]

So for two days Maduro decide to realize a operation Bolivarian Shield 2020, is a set of military exercises that mostly consist in turn on dumb AA radars and make exercises with the militia to intimidate Orange man

Of course you have to be a brain dead idiot to actually believe things like this are threatening....at all

The emperor finest, they shall know NO FEAR

Milicia training’ in Venezuela. - - Venezuela.mp4















In great armour I shall clad them and with the mightiest weapons shall they be armed

Milicias patrolling a service station in Coro with Mosin Nagant. - Venezuela.mp4















































The most funny part was the briefing the military exercise goes like this, they are assuming a full scale NORMANDY STYLE invasion of Venezuela, but if you see the maps all the plan is just "lol put meatshields in the way to the airport so Maduro can flee" the rest are just scenarios that if you see them closely are just hopeless maneuvers that pretend that they can survive a long attrition battle again the US Army

View attachment 1146562

Let me tell you in a simple list what this is not going to work

1) Morale is a lowest in the universe in the army, the only reason they have not rebelled is because is more easy to go with the flow and get drug money, people absolutely hate the army and is always the foot soldiers that get the short stick

2) We dont have enough soldiers and equipment for a defensive battle not even a attrition one if you check the map the AA emplacements are in dumb cities like Puerto Cabello or Puerto la cruz, when the most vulnerable point is actually Falcon, heck even the Guaira

If you want to see how well equipped are our GNB they did not even had enough weapons for everyone to train so they have to play with pretend guns and make noises with their mouths

View attachment 1146566

3) We ABSOLUTELY don't have ANY way to defend against drones attacks, this has been explained to Maduro to death but he refuse to listen

The absolutely terrible briefing

https://youtube.com/watch?v=EjU6xT1YLzc
But hey at least we got enough cringe material for memes

Oh man, thanks for the updates, fam! This is particularly hilarious for me:

Same girl also stepped over a length of wood that I think she's supposed to be walking on while balancing herself. LOL. Looks like some government supporters should go on the Maduro diet™ for a couple of months.

 

[Cubanodun]

Now that CNW mention it, i have been busy laughing at how stupid our army is that totally forgot about him

where are you Moustache man?

Edit: as i suspected the Russian Minister came here to ask Maduro to give up and accept a new election, Putin is going to Cuba and he is desperately begging him to come here to "negotiate", Russia say that they will consider it if he accept the new election, he knows that any fair election is going to be a bloodbath for him and his party and everyone involved with it and i mean a honest to god bloodbath

Edit 2: Lets get more stupid, now the coronavirus is actually a Biological attack made by the USA to fuck with China according to our government

 

[Ghostse]

Now that CNW mention it, i have been busy laughing at how stupid our army is that totally forgot about him

View attachment 1149067

where are you Moustache man?

Maduro was simply ensuring this year's wargame was the most accurate simulation of an attack on Venezuela possible by hiding in Cuba for the duration.


And lol this year's corona virus being a bio weapon. Its literally the flu, and its killing the people the Flu usually kills.
Now H1N1 I'd hear you out on

 

[Cubanodun]

Orange man: Communist of venezuela, shitlords of russia to long i have stayed my hand, NO MORE

Spoiler: No more

Orange man decided to nuclear fuck the Russians for helping commies any hope that Maduro had to sell PDVSA to them is now officially G O N E

Meanwhile Platano man react as anyone would react, the exercises that were supposed to last 2 days? NOW IS PERMANENT

Their sugar daddies got a huge blow for trying to protect him, cant wait to see Putin response

Edit: LMAO they send the biggest cuck in this side of Earth to complain in the ICC, they forgot already that almost ALL of them have open procedures there for violations of human rights? cry more you fucking cuck, why dont you go to cry to your wife ?

 

[AverageAnimeWatcher]

Nothing new for anyone that has been following this thread, but America Uncovered provides a pretty good summary of events so far:

 

[Cubanodun]

Let's revive our favorite thread but now with a conspiracy theme because apparently something is coming in the next weeks let's start from the beginning

After his world tour things were mostly calm except for a confrontation Guaido had with some colectivos that tried to shoot him but they flee like cowards because reasons and blessings of Orange man (really there are some of them that believe he is being guarded by special american forces and if you yeet him Orange man is going to burn your house, rape your family and kick your dog) first of all for some reason he is calling for a super duper mega protest the 10th of this month

I was like "Huh again?" but then the next day a strange move happened, Bolsonaro stopped owning the libs for a couple of hours to finally decide to tell Maduro to get fucked and retired all the staff from their embassy

Now what would be the problem with this? well the problem is that i don't believe in coincidences this move comes just a little after Bolsonaro-man announce that he is going to a meeting with the Orange Emperor himself in Mar a lago and then he is going to go to visit SOUTHCOM all of this in this weekend

But...but that is nothing, is just normal procedure right? no, then why Ivan duque the president of Colombia also meet with the emperor this week?

So let me get this we have Guaido calling for a massive protest next week, Colombia and Brazil presidents meeting with Trump this week apparently in a hurry according to what i have read, Bolsonaro going for god know why to Southern Command, something is suspicious im going to keep watching my other sources to see what are the movements locally but i think not even Maduro know what's coming from him, a first considering the Cubans are everywhere like the Coronavirus

 

[Marissa Moira]

I could see President Sanders fucking with this place dumping untold billions to prop up this hellhole just to prove that socialism works*, while also helping kill any dissenters.

 

[Cubanodun]

I could see President Sanders fucking with this place dumping untold billions to prop up this hellhole just to prove that socialism works*, while also helping kill any dissenters.

Venezuelans dont like Bernie because his campaign is almost a 1:1 copy of Chavez electoral campaign back in 1998, you americans dont know how lucky you were that his own party hated him, once a communist get in power is next to impossible to remove him unless you shot him dead

And today the string of weird events continue, now for some ::::.REASON:::::: the depot where the CNE guard all the electoral machines burned to the ground with no survivors i suppose some galaxy brain idiot concluded that "you cant go to elections if there are no machines for it"

The destruction was total, NOTHING remained and even to the time of this post the fire is still burning, the Chaviztas inmediately blamed Guaido for it, but they forgot that the warehouse has a platoon of the Army 24/7 so no one believed them, there are two theories one the most obvious they did it themselves for god know why and the other is that someone else did it... for god know why the ammount of coincidences keep piling and i still dont know what is happening

 

[Cubanodun]

The GN is larping again, those are near from where i live , not my pictures i saw them this morning but did not want to take them because they were taking phones by force to prevent "strategy leaks", morons, you can see them from space

Spoiler: Rackets raunchers

Supposedly those piece of garbage are S-125 Pechora 2M, according to military spergs they are useless against cruise missiles but hey they look nice!

 

[Adamska]

What a fucking manchild Maduro is; he's basically ADF if he actually did have a country.

Seriously, LARP all you want; it ain't gonna do much given that S. American countries apparently have even shittier equipment and training than the goatfuckers out in the Middle East. If the US can casually yeet them with little problems, then oh boy it's basically this: