Lovequest Updated OkCupid profile

[Jozef]

I wonder how many people actually have answered Chris' OkCupid ad but then turned them down due to his extremely high standards?
And there he goes claiming to be native again. What does he have, 0.0002% native ancestry?

 

[MY 405]

Also Keeping Up Appearances stands out in his TV shows. Where the hell would he have been exposed to that? Is it on Netflix?

Like @Mrs. Frizzle said, it's part of the "Brit Com" block that was on his "never miss" viewing schedule (he left a mall date meet up once to get home in time to see it, and he mentions it in the '04 Xmas vid that was just released). He watched it with his parents. It was bundled on PBS with "Are You Being Served?" and "As Time Goes By".

And, oh right, like he even remotely ever understood a moment of comedy on "Frasier", although Kels did fire one off once about something being 'jejune' -- which is Frasier Crane-ese for 'naive'. Even Eddie was brighter than Chris.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

Trans is Chris's new autism card. If someone disagrees with him or gets angry with him on some unrelated topic then Chris can call them a bigot. Chris will talk about how he hates his penis and then try to brag/lie about it's size in the next sentence. I get the feeling that it if a woman made fun of Chris's lack of masculinity he'd claim otherwise and probably start barking about how he's a manly man, even if only briefly. Chris wants to be whatever suits him in that moment. I don't doubt he has gender issues and he will probably spend the rest of his days in girly clothes but I don't think he will ever fully identify as one gender.

 

[GRANDnumberofMULTIPLES]

He denied piddling his cats but he cops to piddling his LEGOs.

I'm not sure what gets me more. Not understanding that sexuality is not this magic switch or the feeble grasp of "open relationship."

 

[Golly]

Ethnicity
Native American, White

I know it's not new, but it strikes me as really insensitive that he claims Native American heritage above anything else, especially since it's obviously some negligable percentage. It just comes off as pretentious.

 

[VJ 343]

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: tied for #1, Mary Poppins and My Little Pony - Equeatria Girls. #2: The Lego Movie.

TV Shows: My Little Pony (all generations), Sonic the Hedgehog, Transformers,

This isn't unique to Chris and I still don't get why people do it - who in their right mind would say children's shows such as MLP - shows with a heavy stigma are among their favorite and most influential media when trying to meet strangers? It's like a huge "CAUTION" sign.

 

[Some JERK]

This isn't unique to Chris and I still don't get why people do it - who in their right mind would say children's shows such as MLP - shows with a heavy stigma are among their favorite and most influential media when trying to meet strangers? It's like a huge "CAUTION" sign.

Some people are just really optimistic and think that if they hold out, they'll eventually find that one person who is really into everything that they are, no matter how obscure or abnormal. There's nothing wrong with obscure/abnormal interests, but you gotta' ease people into that shit. If you play it right, your love of Chinese pop might even endear you to someone in a quirky, "well I've certainly never met anyone like that." sort of way, but the line between "different" and "weird" is a fine line to walk sometimes.

I'd say that MLP is definitely a 4th or 5th-gear conversation.

 

[mlane]

Chris is looking for "Ages 23–32"? So Chris is willing to date a woman nearly ten years younger, but not a single year older. I wish I could say I'm surprised. If I were a woman of those ages looking at this profile, my first thought would definitely be "creepy man trying to take advantage of young lesbian and bi women, who's trying to seem less creepy while doing it by claiming nonthreatening femininity".

I wonder what Chris would do if a trans woman (who, like him, has had no hormones or surgery) seemed interested. Would Chris hypocritically rebuke her because she doesn't have the kind of China Chris craves?

 

[Sergeant At Arms]

Interested in making married Birds into ol chaps, you cheeky devil

 

[drtoboggan]

My god, this is worse than a profile that says "I love Star Trek and D&D."

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

LOL! 'Job: Other'

 

[Thetan]

He just doesn't learn, does he?

The last woman Chris met through OkCupid was a troll: also, during his interactions with her he definitively proved that he couldn't handle an open relationship.

Now he's jumping right back in..........

He'd have better luck here: https://www.bronymate.com/

 

[king of pickles]

I wonder what Chris would do if a trans woman (who, like him, has had no hormones or surgery) seemed interested. Would Chris hypocritically rebuke her because she doesn't have the kind of China Chris craves?

Spoiler: NSFL

I dunno, imagine all the lovey dovey pics on Facebook between the two... Or better, don't.

 

[rell wested]

Yeah, that threw me. Marking "Orientation" as "straight" but then saying that he's a trans-woman (which, correct me if I'm wrong, is someone who is genetically male but identifies as female)... and then saying that he's compatible with a straight woman... it's just... it's like his conception of gender is that it's a switch that he can flip at will.

he's self-contradictory to a fault after all

 

[Drawets Rednaxela]

Somehow he's managed to make himself even less dateable yet again.

 

[JustSomeFella]

"I would work best for any woman, her being straight, Bi or Lesbian."

This entire thing is just wow. This quote just kinda pisses me off. Chris claims to be a lesbian soul who hates men. Does Chris not get that straight women like men and not other women? I feel like this just shows that this "lesbian tranny" thing is nothing more than another way to find a potential vessel for his promised Crystal. I have a lot of issues with my own sexuality, but Chris here is just exploiting it for his own personal gain just like he is with his "sensory-overloading" so it pains me to see someone who has no issues exploit it for china. Chris needs to make up his mind and stick with it instead of whatever works in his favor. That'll never happen though.

At least it has the same success rate as every other attempt of his.

 

[Scribbler]

He says he likes the Beatles...has he ever mentioned them before is he just pulling a "I like Louis Armstrong" thing again. He mentions liking Yellow Submarine, but that's an odd choice to mention. Or am I overthinking it?

He mentioned liking The Beatles in the Jackie saga, most likely because he got the Beatles Rock Band game. Yellow Submarine doesn't seem too out there, though. It's animated, colorful and random.

 

[Charlie's Chaplin]

Yeah, that threw me. Marking "Orientation" as "straight" but then saying that he's a trans-woman (which, correct me if I'm wrong, is someone who is genetically male but identifies as female)... and then saying that he's compatible with a straight woman... it's just... it's like his conception of gender is that it's a switch that he can flip at will.

It comes across to me as Chris covering all the potential bases in the name of getting china. I wonder if he thinks that (genderwise) being a transwoman doesn't cancel out being male, so there's no reason why he can't be all those things, and therefore both straight women and lesbians can date him!

 

[YI 457]

is interested in a "menage a trois."

More like manage the trolls.

 

[SnergenFlergen]

The List of Lies Chris told in his OkCupid Profile.

Let's get started. Feel free to suggest any more that I've missed.

32 • Ruckersville, VA (453 miles) • Man

Right out the gate we have a lie. Chris says he is a male here, and yet has claimed to have identified as a female for several years now. For fuck sake, his name is 'LevelUpQueen' (which either means he's trying to say he's female or gay).

Either he's lying on this profile or he's been lying all along about his gender dysphoria. I know which one my money's on.

I’m looking for

• Everybody

So that must logically include men then, right Chris? And the elderly? And teenagers? And overweight autistic male lesbian manbabys who play with toys?

Clearly no thought went into this.

Orientation
Straight

No Chris, you're a lesbian, remember? Lesbians are not 'straight'. You can't have your cake and eat it.

The fact that we now have to remind Chris what his orientation and gender are is testament to the fact that he has no idea how gender or sexuality work on any level, and that the whole 'lesbian soul trapped in a male body' thing is (and has always been) a load of gubbins.

Body Type
Average

Diet
Mostly anything

'Just as long as it's unhealthy, cheap, lazy and requires no effort in terms of preparation on my part'.

Sign
Pisces, and it’s fun to think about

This is simply false and nonsensical.

Education
Graduated from two-year college

This one isn't a lie, I'm just wandering why he missed this opportunity to trumpet his HONOUR ROLL GRADES and how he made the Dean's List etc.

Job
Other

I shouldn't have to explain this but I will anyway.

Sitting around with mommy at home playing video games and 'piddling' with building blocks sold to kiddies under the age of twelve whilst living off welfare is not, even in the loosest definitions of the word, a job.

Neither is making crappy medallions to sell to trolls, although admittedly that's the closest thing to a job he's had in years.

Income
—

Technically a lie, as he (rather unusually) abstains from mentioning his tugboat. Maybe he's come to the realisation that leeching off the state at the age of 32 isn't a particularly attractive proposition to any potential suitors that he shouldn't really boast about.

Relationship Type
Non-monogamous

'Yeah I want a non-monogamous relationship, just as long as you don't go on a boat ride with a friend who isn't interested in you romantically because I consider that cheating.'

Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them

The first proposition is mercifully true, but I'm calling bullshit on the second. Chris doesn't want kids. Not really. His inability and total unwillingness to even look after himself does not speak well of his theoretical capability and willingness as a father.

Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)

I would dispute Chris's ability to speak English fluently given the content of his videos and writings. Also his Spanish sucks a fat one.

I'm an empathetic artistic individual

You spelt 'autistic' wrong. Also I have to point out that I have never seen anyone quite as devoid of empathy as Chris, and I could literally spend all day listing examples to back that up.

You only have to look at Sonichu to see that his 'artistic' claims are dubious.

I'm genuine about how I feel and I stick to my beliefs.

Chris has claimed to be in love with nearly 10 girls after knowing them for a month, and those 'feelings' have evaporated less than a week after the relationship has come to an end. The very fact that he's back on OkCupid suggests that he's over Catherine already, despite telling her that he loves and adores her more than anything. Not what I would classify as genuine feelings.

Chris also doesn't stick to his beliefs. He was the biggest homophobe on the internet for several years and now is a devout LGBT supporter and claims to be a lesbian. He was staunchly against alcohol and enforced prohibition in his fantasy city, and now drinks socially. He's claimed to be leaving the internet for good on several different occasions, and in every instance he had returned just over 24 hours later.

I have a big imagination and love using it towards my creations.

Chris has zero imagination. His Sonichu comic is an enormous Frankenstein-esque collage of existing pop culture that doesn't contain even a single original idea that wasn't in some way ripped off from something he likes, or was just thought up by somebody else.

I try to think outside the box.

Chris has literally been living the same life for well over a decade, not learning anything or developing any skills or meaningful relationships (that weren't fabrications). Thinking outside the box would be aspiring to leave home, getting a job and improving himself.

My sense of fashion matches my personality

This is the most accurate statement in this whole thing. They match perfectly in that they are equally egregious, lazy and generally dysfunctional.

My hobbies/interests include

creating, drawing/coloring

... Like your average toddler.

With that said, Chris hasn't drawn anything of any note since the last Sonichu which was years ago, apart from the odd piece of laughable tat that he's trying to flog for a hundred dollars on ebay that clearly no effort or thought went into whatsoever.

I would work best for any woman, her being straight, Bi or Lesbian.

Total BS, bordering on being offensively closed-minded. Most lesbians wouldn't want what is very obviously a man in drag with long greasy hair that's about as feminine as a Sherman Tank. I think the real reason behind the whole lesbian soul nonsense is to just to broaden the scope of people he can hopefully fuck, because lesbians aren't all paired up with some JERK.

What I'm doing with my life

Taking care of my mother and pets.

The correct answer to this is actually 'languishing in a crappy rented home with my senile mother, because I burnt my house down by being a spacker. All I do is play video games, mess around with children's toys, get trolled and complain about the colour of a fictional character's arms on facebook'.

In other words, fuck all.

I'm really good at

Anything art related.

Already covered but Chris isn't even passable, let alone 'Really good'. He has the drawing skills of a child, the colouring abilities of a tetraplegic and the anotomical knowledge of an extraterrestrial who's never been to Earth.

The first things people usually notice about me

My fashion.

Probably true, in all honesty. It's also the reason you will never get laid again.

The six things I could never do without

No particular order. My iPhone, Lego collection and creations, video games, my family of mother, 2 beagles and cat, my artworks, my future sweetheart and children (still yet to be determined).

There's actually only one thing in that list that he couldn't do without, and that's his mother. It should go without saying that it's a bit of a faux-pas for a 32 year old man who's never left home to put that on their dating site profile.

Also it's worth mentioning that he's been living without his sweetheart and children just fine for over 3 decades, so for him to say it's something he physically cannot live without is ludicrous.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

How I can improve my life and future.

I find this exceptionally hard to believe, and actually think it might be the biggest lie Chris has ever told. Maybe the rest of the sentence was meant to be '... without having to get a job, leave home or cease essentially being a child'. In which case Chris, you're going to be doing that for a long, long time.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit

I have been emotionally hurt a lot before, and I am reasonably paranoid of others, especially online.

Not paranoid enough to stop looking for love on the internet where he is very well known by trolls who wish to cause him misery (like what's happened close to 10 times now).

Also, how is this a 'private' thing to admit when a quick google search of his name will tell you this and so much more besides?

Also, if you are a married woman, I would consider meeting for pleasant, casual conversations and whatnot.

Gonna just quote Varis on this one because s/he's absolutely right:
'No. Absolutely not. Chris is a ridiculously jealous individual and unable to have a platonic relationship with a woman'.

And I would be involved in a menage a trois only consisting of two women.