From Sony Pictures, the studio that could've let
one of the best modern animators of our time make
the animated movie he always wanted to make comes the movie that literally nobody asked for but was figured to be the best idea regardless. And they were wrong. Very wrong.
The Emoji Movie.
Meet Gene, he's supposed to be a Meh emoji, except he can't help but be more than just meh. But when he makes an ambiguous face, he's got no choice but to go on the run with his friend Hi-5, the obligatory funny-accented goofball and Jailbreak, the even more obligatory rebellious love interest to make him one single emotion before they get snuffed out by Smiler, the villain who's so obviously evil, it's not even ironically funny.
Join the three misfit emojis as they embark on a quest...that's totally an enlongated commercial for phone apps like: Snapchat, Twitter, and...
Just Dance? Really? That's an app too? Oh come on.
Witness Gene as he goes through the painfully obvious Aesop that being yourself is way better than being one single thing everyone expects you to be. Hey, guys at Sony? You realize that's been done to death by now, right? And be flabbergasted by how this movie was the deciding factor on whether or not Sony should sell off their film and TV divisions.
(needle scratch)
Wait. Seriously?! Sony thought this'd be worth a franchise?! Oh man, those guys are dumb!
Starring...
- Less than Meh (Gene)
- Loser Hand (Hi-5)
- Wyldstyle done Wrong (Jailbreak)
- Genericly super perfectionist villain #3006 (Smiler)
- Patrick Stewart after losing a bet (Poop Daddy)
- Obligatory male human character nobody will care about (Boy in real world)
- Obligatory female love interest nobody will care about either(Girl in real world)
- And...the biggest bunch of freaking idiots this side of Hollywood. (Sony executives and Tom Rothman)
Sony Executives v Everyone: Dawn of Idiotic Ideas
We could've gotten a
Popeye movie by the guy who made
Samurai Jack, but nooooo! They thought Genndy's idea wasn't "modern enough." Sigh, it's stuff like this that make me
not want to live on this planet anymore...