📚 Megathread Trannies posting their L's Online - Heckin valid people posting their funny misfortunes on the internet

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While not technically posted by the pooner, I'd say renaming yourself Patches Magickbeans is an automatic L. Critically injuring an innocent road worker while high as (no)balls is probably not great either.
Had a Gofund me for top surgery: https://archive.ph/xNhAI
A Milwaukee-area man allegedly had hallucinogenic mushrooms in his van and showed signs of impairment when he slammed into a scissor lift on a North Shore highway last week, critically injuring a worker.

Patches Magickbeans, 34, of Hartland, Wisconsin, was charged Monday with three crimes in the crash that left Benjamin John Kidd, 27, of Duluth, with life-threatening injuries.
 
The intersex thing being used as a Trojan horse to ram through tranny shit is retarded, but also kinda infuriating when you think about how many people with DSDs lives are that much harder thanks to trannies deliberately confusing the issue.
They're doing to intersex what they did to transgenderism. They started with gender dysphoria vs you can just claim to be trans and be valid, the 'trumeds' and 'tucutes' and since gender dysphoria is such a miniscule number, the people who just wanted to be transgender without any barriers overtook the entire community and became the community. It was at this exact point that any legal standing collapses because it turned transgenderism from a definable single 'immutable' trait into something that you can simply claim without any due processing. That was the biggest noose for any attempts of permanent acceptance because now it's a conglomerate with no filters, no gatekeeping, and they somehow manage to make the absolute worst people their poster children (Chris, Tony, Keffals, ect)

They're going to do it to intersex, infiltrate and redefine it to include themselves until it no longer has meaning because they already shot and destroyed any medical basis in transgenderism by removing it from the DSM-5 and refusing to have any medical or mental health threshold to meet to get all of these dangerous experimental treatments.
 
I always wonder with this type of video commentary; what the fuck do these people think happens at a protest?
Protests are where women put flowers into rifle barrels, where Kendall Jenner hands Pepsi cans to cops, and where people march hand in hand, speaking truth to power, making the world a better place ✊🏿💞✨
 
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It seems like every lgb's dislike the pooner's as much as trannies.

This isn’t about all trans men—this is about a personal experience I had with one trans man in particular. He identifies and wants to be recognized as a man, and I respect that—I use the correct pronouns and don’t consider myself a bigot. But at the same time, he expected to be treated socially as “one of the girls” around women. That felt non-consensual to me.
I understand that he wasn’t raised as a man and may have internalized a lot of female socialization. But I’m a lesbian—I center my life around women and build my sense of safety in exclusively female spaces. I have strong, non-negotiable boundaries when it comes to men. For example, no men staying overnight in my home and no unsupervised male presence around young girls in my family. That’s not personal—it’s a boundary I maintain because I do not trust men as a group. And I don’t make exceptions just because someone is a trans man.
When my brother’s partner—who is a trans man—wanted to stay over, I explained my boundary calmly. In response, he slammed the table and screamed at me. That crossed a line. My home is my safe space, just like my sexuality is. Being a lesbian means not being attracted to men. That includes trans men. It feels invasive—violating even—to be told I have to include men in my identity or my boundaries. I hate it. It feels coercive and erases my autonomy.
I’m fully aware I carry trauma and bias against men that informs how I view trans men, and I’m not proud of that—but I also won’t lie about it. Statistically, men are more likely to commit violence, and I don’t exempt anyone from that risk just because they’re trans. I believe trans men are men. And because of that, my boundaries apply.
What frustrates me most is how these conversations always seem to focus on how trans men feel, how they can claim being a lesbian no matter what —rarely on how women, especially lesbians, feel when their boundaries are pushed. Our safety, our consent, and our identities matter too.

Granted it she's a the man hating type of lesbian, but at least she's consistent in treating them like men.

 
Note that cross dressing is not being absolutely prohibited in this case.
It sounds to me that Sis is being just as retarded as her troon brother. Unable or unwilling to make a clear statement about what he should wear, she fell back first on being vague, and then on parental disapproval hoping he'd get the hint.

"Something modest"?! "Suit or a pantsuit?" "IOW: "Please Bro, don't show up to one of the biggest days of my life looking like a lost stripper. I'm concerned about the wedding ceremony, the video, and the wedding party photos. I'd rather you wore a suit, but if you must troon out, wear something somewhat sexually ambigous and not replusive and disruptive. I can deal with that. Once the official biz is done and the reception is under way, you can change outfits and do whatever you want. I won't care then. The documentation of MY wedding will be protected from YOUR lunacy. As much as it could be, at any rate, and without me coming off like an asshole TERF. (Phew! Thank goodness my parents don't approve!)"

Just because people have normalized treating a wedding like some adult infants birthday, doesn't mean you have to. No one is owed a dictatorship, they are owed the courtesy and generosity of the guests they host. Push back, and if they don't compromise, then they aren't a person worth celebrating.
Wow. That's some convoluted and crab bucket-y comment.
 
The way those monsters try to separate people from their families is sickening. Absolute cult behavior, and deserving of the exact same treatment. Lock them all up, either in an asylum, or a prison, I don’t care either way. But get them away from the rest of society, so they can’t continue infecting people with their contagion
 
I started to read it, but then had to skim it because good god how can someone write such a long fucking thing about changing diapers? What jumps out to me is just how infantilizing it reads and last I checked, men don't like being talked to like children.
Small, womanly hands obviously wrote that how-to. The writing style, length, and attempts to be funny are so cloyingly twee…no man would ever write like that. It’s the kind of thing you’d find in a Mommy blog/magazine. These are literal women play-acting as the opposite sex, but are naturally and enthusiastically obeying their inescapable maternal instincts as if this charade wasn’t going on at all, yet this fact doesn’t click for them or give them pause. Nothing will ever convince me that there’s a single pooner out there who doesn’t have some form of mental illness. None of them are healthy.

Any guy writing a diapering manual would keep it very concise, with none of that cutesy humor shit added in. Hell, no guy would ever write about how to change a diaper. If one of his buddies became a single dad and needed guidance, he’d tell said buddy to consult Google. He might even visit and offer him guidance drawn from his own fatherly experience while standing nearby at most. But in written form? Fuck no.


Reminder that this is what lurks behind the Haus of Decline profile
“Always a good day when you’re on a train.”

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I can think of a few million people who might disagree with you on that one, troony…
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It sounds to me that Sis is being just as retarded as her troon brother.
The sister's a retard for including her troon brother as a bridesmaid in the first place, thus inadvertently providing an example of why one should never enable troons—they are selfish, looking to be offended, and have to make everything about them and their feelings.

ETA:
On Mobile so forgive the sloppy faggotry.


This video came up for me. In it some Sasquatch of a "Woman" spergs out on their neighbors then gets arrested. I can't tell if that frost giant is an actual Woman or an Ogrehon. The voice and the way it towers over the police officers just casts too much doubt.

What do y'all think?
Definitely a troon. Once he was handcuffed and down the stairs, we got a good full-body shot, and that is a man-bod if I ever saw one. Between that and the voice? Troon.
 
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Oopsie Doodle
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Yow, that hairline is really something else.

He looks like a cross between Humpty Dumpty and present-day Amanda Bynes.
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The hysterical bitch taking the video needs a pepper-ball to the face, too.
Several pepper balls, preferably to both eyes.

There are some great lines in that video:

>”DAMN, BITCH YOU’RE OVERWEIGHT AS FUCK!”
Now now, why are we problematically body shaming? #FatAcceptance #HAES

>”WTF YOU JUST KICKED HER*!! WTF (x6)!!!”
As opposed to what? Would you have preferred he get a bullet instead? Fucking retards don’t understand that a mere kick from a federal LEO that you just threatened by brandishing a weapon is them being nice.
 
Top comment catches the spirit.
what a fucking faggot holy shit, if I ever got married and some male showed up to my wedding wearing a dress, lets just say im cutting them off from my life completely
The sister's a retard for including her troon brother as a bridesmaid in the first place, thus inadvertently providing an example of why one should never enable troons—they are selfish, looking to be offended, and have to make everything about them and their feelings.
this, they cannot comprehend the fact that not everything is about them,not just weddings formal events in general tend to be a nightmare with troons for this reason, enabling them is a terrible idea, if I were that sister I would simply give my faggot brother an ultimatum, wear a suit or dont show up at all
 
Oh no no no no *wheeze*
Look at the top of his head! Look at his lips! :lit:


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He kind of looked like Joey King before.
Tranny with a 5 o'clock beard shadow whines about getting "misgendered" despite having laboratory-grown estrogen pill flappers.
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The QRTs, of course, pointed out the obvious.
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Even other trannies can't defend him:
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The tranny tries to deflect.
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He's REALLY fucking adamant about keeping the beard shadow too:
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(left screencap stolen from another seething tranny)
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"5 o' clocked" is great and I will be incorporating that into my transphobic lingo.
 
but are naturally and enthusiastically obeying their inescapable maternal instincts
Null said in a recent stream featuring the magician on Sam Hyde's show "wow she picked that up off the floor by instinct. Nobody told her. She just saw it and thought that doesn't belong on the floor. And picked it up naturally."

My first thought was 'damn way to call out troons' and then 'you really can tell a real woman by her behavior alone'. Followed instantly by damn, I need to clean the bathroom.
 
Congratulations! You completely broke your father, and now you will never see nor hear from him again because you just couldn't help yourself from injecting horse piss. Maybe he sees this as a good thing though because it's one fewer bigot in his life. Troons do not give a single shit about how their actions impact the people close to them. Another troon, another broken family. It's clockwork.
This reads like a TIF, not a TIM
 
After the loss of her sister, a FTM's parents want to bring their prodigal pooner back home - provided that she quits with the whole tranny charade. Instead, she fantasizes now about their deaths so she can finally be free to be her real self. I would check under her floorboards for any sort of mysterious heartbeat in a few years...
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i don’t think i’ll ever be happy until my parents are dead

this is more of a “yelling to the void” post than anything, but maybe someone else is in the same boat
i’ve never felt any kind of positive emotion towards my parents. i was a sick baby, i’m autistic, and have always just been weird. i like animals more than people, i’m awkward and slightly off putting to some people, and, obviously, i’m queer. They never knew how to deal with me growing up as i was a difficult child, and made a lot of bad parenting choices and (from my perspective), were borderline abusive, if not fully. CPS was involved a couple times, but nothing ever happened.
i was disowned right before i started transitioning
- not for transitioning, but for being in a fundraiser for a lgbt suicide hotline when i was a student. it sucked, but it gave me the freedom and confidence to actually start living my life. i socially transitioned, started hormones, was completely stealth except for my name change, and was honestly doing great. i worked full time while finishing my degree, had friends, felt comfortable and good in my body- everything was fine. A year after I was disowned, my sister died, and they decided they wanted me back in their life since they only had one kid- but on their terms.
They have not used my name even once. they have not called me he even once. they don’t acknowledge it, and it kills me. i know they’ll never actually love me the way I am.
i spent almost a year off hormones trying to convince myself i could be happy if i detransitioned, but re-started t after spending a little bit in an inpatient facility for mental health. this has been the worst year of my life. no matter what i do, the feeling of my parents disapproving of me won’t go away. i don’t have friends because i’m afraid of my parents judging me. i don’t go to concerts or events i want to because they’re not the kind of things my parents would want. my brain just constantly echos how i know they view me- their ugly, worthless, weird “daughter” who is so fundamentally wrong i’m not deserving of love. i don’t know why it controls me so fully. i’m an adult. i shouldn’t care.
i’m not a rebellious person. i want to be a librarian. i like cats and keep aquariums. i think people should be nice to each other. but to them, i’m a “radical leftist”. i’m the physical manifestation of everything that is bad in this world.

i don’t want to keep feeling this way until they eventually die 30-40 years down the road. i don’t have that long
A borderline illiterate troon weeps because an older woman said he reminded her of the lead singer of Pink Floyd and then went on to explain that he would look better if he simply lived life as a man. Nobody hits it where it hurts like little kids and older people.
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I just got a really backhanded transphobic comment at work and I'm doing awful

I work at an icecream shop and usually there is no issue at all it's literally the first transphobic comment I've got since I started there 2 years ago. Anyways a woman (idk in her 50s)came in and bought a box of icecream and as it is people sometimes do a bit of smalltalk. She asks me if I know that and that artist (pink floid and some others I can't remember the names of) and I thought oh must be because of the Playlist I'm listening to right now (I was listening to depche mode and whatever Spotify thinks is similar to that). So I thought "oh shes talking about the Playlist and is one of those obnoxious people who think not knowing an artist is sacrilege". After some of my talking where I explained thaz I just listen to random artists at work she said "oh no you just remind me of one of the lead singers", I thought OK weird but who cares, people say weird stuff. Then she hits me with the "oh you just remind me of him, you would look so much better as a man" and "are you happy with that lifestyle". I was so perplexed and awnsered " selling icecream? Sure it's a nice student job". Then she awnsered again "oh no, living as a woman, because you'd look so much better if you'd live as a man again"And ofcourse because I'm not very well with fast comebacks I just awnsered "yeah well you never know" The moment I realized what even happening she was already out the door.
Anyways now I feel like shit, my dysphoria is through the roof because actually I thought that I pass, which always eases my mind. Sure I'm not the pretties, skinniest or whatever other hetero normative beauty standards are in but I really don't care about those.
Now I only gotta finish my shift without breaking out in tears, wish me luck
TiF (Trans-Identified Frankenstein): a FTM who underwent egg retrival, hysterectomy, delayed anterolateral thigh phalloplasty (ALT) and had at least 4 other procedures lined up has been terminated from her job and is devastated she's stuck in a body where she has "no sex life, sitting to pee, discomfort and increased dysphoria," grieving over the fact that she still has to go to job interviews under such emotional duress! Where is the sympathy for this walking work-in-progress?!
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Surgery canceled 😞

I’m devastated and I know my depression from this is increasing by the day. To be candid I was terminated from my job of 3 years and I sought legal counsel because I believed I was targeted, retaliated, harassed and let go because of my use of disability/fmla. The job had great benefits and allowed me to have egg retrieval, hysterectomy, delayed ALT, and now I’m due for stage 3 in a week and have to cancel. They are dragging their feet and my cobra wasn’t supposed to begin until August with a 50 dollar payment through July. Then randomly yesterday increased it to 1200 and no apology for being given bad information. No records showing my claims it’s just erased and now I owe 1200 to have surgery but mind you I’m unemployed and struggling as is. I’m devastated because I’m so close to fixing my body and I have been wronged in so many levels.
My lawyers are being too laid back with their representation and not forcing them to come to the table or issue out my original severance while they investigate. I was scheduled for a fistula repair, debulking, glans, and testicular implants and now I’m stuck in this body. No sex life, sitting to pee, discomfort, and increased dysphoria. I’m just venting and devastated for my mental health and those in my life watching me break.
I have to keep my head up daily and go to job interviews and after two months of disappointment, my one bit of joy is gone. Thankfully I have a supportive girlfriend, a couple friends and Mama, but this is a lot.
It happened so late I couldn’t swap dates with someone so I’m going to owe a fee and have to try and get off work from my future new job. I guess I just needed to get that out but life is life’ing and I feel so alone.
While this COULD go into the SRS thread, it made me laugh hard enough that I felt it also had a place in the Ls thread: a MTF asks what he could do to be less clockable. And before any of you get too cheeky, he just had a hair transplant completed, so obviously we're still awaiting the transformation of his egghead into flowing locks of silken curls!
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What surgeries do I need to be less clockable?


44 years old, MTF. 18 months HRT. Any tips on passing better? Open to surgery recommendations. I already finished my consult with Dr. Tommy Liu in Seattle and Dr. Keojampa in San Francisco. Dr. Tommy Liu has refused to operate on me due to my having sleep apnea and needing CPAP. Dr. Keojampa felt comfortable proceeding even though I have apnea, so I will be going with Dr. Keojampa.

Do note that I just had a hair transplant completed last month. You will see the new hairline in the photo. I won't be seeing results for about 4-8 months.

Surgeries I've already completed:​

  • Hair transplant by Dr. Gabel in Portland (currently healing from it, should see results in 8 months, Dr. Gabel says 2nd round FUT is likely needed). Tried minoxidil and finasteride for over a year, no luck. So I went with hair transplant.
  • Modified Wendler Glottoplasty by Dr. Yung in San Francisco. It took my voice from quite masculine to androgynous masculine. Not where I'd like it to be, planning on doing a revision next year once I finish all other surgeries since VFS results in being required by surgeon to put all other surgeries requiring intubation on hold for six months after VFS.
  • Bilateral Simple Midline Orchiectomy by Dr. Sara Spettel in Portland - went well.

Pending surgeries:​

  • Vulvoplasty and vaginoplasty via jejunal flap with Dr. Del Corral on November 7, 2025.
  • 2nd round of hair transplants (FUT) in December 2025
As you can see above, I haven't done any surgeries in regards to my face. So this is where this post comes in, are there any surgeries that I could benefit from that would make me much less clockable?

When I look in the mirror, I still see pretty masculine features in my face. My guess, chin could benefit from being less boxy, could use some nose work so it doesn't look bulbous, while glasses hide it, my eyebrow ridges could benefit from reduction, lip fat graft to make them more feminine, hairline advancement, blepharoplasty, and neck lift with liposuction.

Medical notes if it's relevant -- I'm on:

  • Estradiol Valerate via injection every 3.5 days
  • Progesterone via suppository daily
  • Low dose testosterone cream daily (as my T was undetectable, helped to fix my libido)
  • Lisinopril for high blood pressure
  • Zepbound for weight loss and to reduce sleep apnea
I'm looking forward to your recommendations for surgery options. Thanks in advance!
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TiF (Trans-Identified Frankenstein): a FTM who underwent egg retrival, hysterectomy, delayed anterolateral thigh phalloplasty (ALT) and had at least 4 other procedures lined up has been terminated from her job and is devastated she's stuck in a body where she has "no sex life, sitting to pee, discomfort and increased dysphoria," grieving over the fact that she still has to go to job interviews under such emotional duress! Where is the sympathy for this walking work-in-progress?!
This is absolutely horrifying.

While this COULD go into the SRS thread, it made me laugh hard enough that I felt it also had a place in the Ls thread: a MTF asks what he could do to be less clockable. And before any of you get too cheeky, he just had a hair transplant completed, so obviously we're still awaiting the transformation of his egghead into flowing locks of silken curls!
reading that thread, it is always hilarious how they overcompensate with 'hey man' or 'so sorry brother' it's comical because men don't talk like this.
 
a MTF asks what he could do to be less clockable. And before any of you get too cheeky, he just had a hair transplant completed, so obviously we're still awaiting the transformation of his egghead into flowing locks of silken curls!
We've seen this dude (AllEggedOut) a couple of times before, either here, Sideshows or the surgical thread. He was complaining about not being able to get facial surgery because he needs a CPAP and has hypertension, and was fixated on complaining rather than fixing problems.

The level of deafness he claims doesn't add up with his stories (and his good written English)(and his voice dysphoria) and IIRC he is absolutely retarded although I'm blanking on more specifics than that.


eta: profoundly deaf (archive) cannot speak or lipread. So he speaks ASL, but what's he going to interpret from/to? And forgetting how he'd possibly hear it, why is he getting voice dysphoria if a year ago he couldn't speak?

In another post he says he's getting CIs soon. At age 44. Having never heard before. Also he's says he's polyamorous but that's at least believable.

He also claims to be a single parent of two kids. Poor kids.
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Sometimes I feel like a bit of a shit boyfriend. Work sucks shit's long and hard and sometimes you come home feeling like shit or just late and want to go straight to sleep. But holy fuck, sometimes I just come back to this thread to remind myself how much of a paranoid faggot I'm being and how deep the depths of cuntishness people really goes. Especially reading some of the unfiltered things actual women say, bit hard to hear those things elsewhere as a guy with nerdy hobbies and a blue collar job. Sometimes I just don't feel like I'm doing the whole 'loving protector' shit right, then I come here and am reminded that despite my own flaws and problems at least I'm not some emotionally abusive cunt forcing someone to partake in my fetish against their will. I'll never understand these men who think they understand and can empathise with women's issues, much less claim to enjoy them. I will never be able to emphasise with her on her period, I have no idea what the fuck that feels like, all I know is that I'm fucking thankful that I can't. I can somewhat understand the mindset of 'periods aren't that bad' because of how shit education can be, but even back as a kid it was never something any of the lads even considered to be anything remotely verging on a good thing, even as preteens if someone said they were on their period and having a shit time you knew not to fuck with them, half from sympathy half because she'd kick you in the balls as hard as she could. But fucking hell, it hits hard waking up to the person you love crying because of something that neither of you can fundamentally ever change. Sometimes you feel really just inadequate knowing that the best you can do is just make someone comfortable, sometimes it reminds me of my grandparent's palliative care in how it feels. I cannot ever fathom being with someone and experiencing them at their most emotional and vulnerable moments that they trusted you with for years and throwing that in their face and telling them that you fucking wished that you could experience that and how you'd take joy in it, it's a level of such blatant fucking idk sociopathy or whatever bullshit words. I've said it before and coming here only reinforces my belief that physical abusers should be hung publicly and the majority of emotional abusers should too with the rest belonging on the offender registry. Maybe I'm just being an emotional faggot because she did possibly the cutest shit for my birthday tomorrow and I'm thinking you know after four years of being a 'girlfriend' maybe it's time but jesus fuck the brain of a person who could violate one of the deepest bonds a man could ever hope to ever experience in their life much less so because of a fucking fetish is not a brain that belongs anywhere near any form of civilised society, not even considering relationships with children. There are not words for these people. Vile is an understatement. None of them ever deserve to feel the love of any human being, not even their mother's. I have autistic friends from those nerdy hobbies, a lot of them are single because of it, they're still great people though. Seeing these narcissistic freaks in marriages and such before these actually good people is just depressing. They would probably kill to have a fraction of the blessing that you took for granted and squandered. Reading shit like this thread only makes me love her more and man I fucking love her bros and I guess the like 2 women on here. That's enough powerlevelling for one day though; I have a woman to go and tell how much I love.

For thread tax. I said probably a year ago at this point that an old friend trooned out and still uses my dms to send links from pc to mobile because he thinks I don't check them anymore and I'd just take all the diy hrt sites he sends and stick them in an fbi report. He's since taken to using my dms to transfer asmr videos, specifically of force feminization fetish stuff that I just end up reporting as the sexual content that it is. I click on one and am instantly greeted by the most obviously male English voice in this country short of a football hooligan, how the fuck you can claim to be a fem asmr channel while sounding like Keith who spends half his time on the fruity down the local and not be laughed off the platform is a mystery. He also feels the need to personally archive 'infographics' showing how normal women dress. Nothing screams 'I am a woman' like needing to be explicitly told how to wear a skirt shirt and coat thingy that office workers do, it's a very hard concept really. Oh yea also is a ket user because apparently that's a trend in these types of guys? Still has that old nerdy autistic twang in him though considering the amount of 'learn Japanese and pass the citizenship test' guides he's sent, not that he actually commits to it, just does it for a short while and gives up just like his failed transition. Idk it's the closest I have to something strictly on topic.
 
Idk it's the closest I have to something strictly on topic
With all due respect, half of your post sounds more suited for the Losing people to transgenderism support thread if you aren't already posting there.

Thread tax of my own: yet another sordid tale of a whackjob man choosing troonery over a marriage with an actual, flesh-and-blood woman. Many such cases! Highlights of this one include ingratiating himself in Discord communities, falling in love with a different person and making his wife despondent over the erosion of their 11-year relationship!
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On the verge of divorce. I am initiator.

I realized I am trans almost a year ago, on June 24, 2024. I was age 32 at the time. Together with my partner for 11 years, married for 1. It's almost funny, 1 year after the wedding: honey, I'm girl. Just fyi.
It took me a long time to properly realize because I had to solve multiple childhood trauma just to realize I am repressing something. I knew and sid not know at the same time. Signs and suffering were obvious since my childhood, I just could not (did not allow myself to look at the elephant in the room) + did not have the required vocabulary. I did not know what "trans" is and for the longest time envied trans people whike thinking I am not "qualified" to claim thay label. Lol.
Anyway, I told my wife on the same day I realized. I knew I must not hide it. For the first week she did not react much. At the end of it I visited my to cis female friends and told them. This is important part. That day I felt accepted as a woman for the first time in my life and I felt SO HAPPY. I felt like if meteor would strike me, I would die happy.
When I came back to my home, hell started. All the dams in my wife broke. She was absolutely miserable and angry. Told me that I was "looking for my happiness elsewhere." Thatbmarriage is a unit and I must compromise. That if I wear dresses or start HRT she will absolutely leave me. That she does not want to lose me. That "she is accepting, but this is not what she signed up for."
Next half a year was the worst.
I started my first wbbly steps towards transition while trying to find some sort of compromises with my wife. I was deadly afraid to lose her. But it did not lead me anywhere good. I knew deep in my heart I needed HRT. My last barrier went down when I caught myself contemplating of ending everything while standing at the edge of the roof of a tall building. I thought "this is all the proof you need. You must do it."
At the time I was already in a couple of my local trans Discord communities. They helped me so much. I felt I could not wait + I felt that injections were the best path for me (I live in EU, you know what it means). My friends helped me to get what I needed. My first HRT injection was at my friend's place, with her doing it along side me. It felt sacred. I think I started to feel butterflies in my stomach around her then.
Fast forward 4 months. I am now 33, 4 months on HRT. I can assuredly say it saved my life. My deoression was gone basically during first week on it and all the changes to my body and mind have been so wonderful. Meanwile my wife... did not leave me how she said she would. But she continued to fight me on every little change. Hair length. Earrings. Choice of clothes. Even mannerisms. She wanted at least parts of the "old me" back. She never used my name. Even today. She did get more and more accepting in time in some ways, so prob a lot of stuff is her own internal issues (like sex. I have small boobs now. I look feminine. It does not bother her at all).
But...
A week ago my dam broke. I came home shaming and crying. I told her how unhappy I was. How rejected I felt by her. That I feel happier with my friends than with her. That I need to feel accepted, not just tolerated. That I am contemplating divorce.
Now she wants to make an effort. Now. She gifted me a dress. We signed up for couple's councelling. But I feel it might be too late. She wants to do ANYTHING to save our marriage. But I don't know if I want to. Deep in my heart the thought of saving it scares me.
Meanwhile, I have fallen for my friend pretty hard. It is unrequited (I told her almost as soon as I figured it out with addition "I am married, I will not do anything, but I don't want these intrusive thoughts to destroy our friendship which I value above all"). I was rejected gently - the best outcome I wanted, really - with an addition "I might not be againt the idea in the future", which made me smile.
We are, I think, even better friends now. Anyyyway. The point. The point is that those feelings I had/have for my friend were/are stronger than anything for my wife in years. The realizatiin crushed me.
This weekend I spend time away with friends. I went clubbing. I went dancing for the first time. I wore a dress and makeup. Some other friends when they saw my selfies: "omg, she can smile", "it is amazing you look so happy".
I... felt happier this weekend than during my wedding.
I feel so sorry for my wife. And I do still love her. I think we are going to do this right. Slow, painful way. I will tell her the new things I discovered about my feelings. We might go to councelling. But honestly? Yeah.

Tl;dr: fought with wife for one year about my transition, kinda want to leave my marriage now myself. Feel super shit about it and still not 100% sure.
 
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