The Swifties - A New Age Religious Movement Revolving Around Taylor Swift

[Unimaginative Username]

I remember when TV Guide started putting out the same issue with 4 different "collectable" covers to try to stay afloat once TV stations killed their business model by putting program schedules on their websites and thought it was absolutely shameless at the time, but having 34 slightly-different versions of the same album cover to try to sell 34 copies to each fan really takes the cake. Even Todd Howard would likely be disgusted by the shamelessness of it, and he's probably packaging another Skyrim re-release edition even as we speak.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

I remember when TV Guide started putting out the same issue with 4 different "collectable" covers to try to stay afloat once TV stations killed their business model by putting program schedules on their websites and thought it was absolutely shameless at the time, but having 34 slightly-different versions of the same album cover to try to sell 34 copies to each fan really takes the cake. Even Todd Howard would likely be disgusted by the shamelessness of it, and he's probably packaging another Skyrim re-release edition even as we speak.

It's more than just different covers. There are digital variants, vinyls, CDs, and a cassette tape. There was one variant that was only available for 6 1/2 hours. There is very little difference between the different versions. Some have little voice memos or maybe an extra track or two. It's not uncommon for artists to release deluxe versions of albums with a few extra tracks, but this is just insane.

 

[The Hardest R]

Swifties were dumb enough to believe and buy the “Taylor’s version” of her albums, this is unsurprising to see here. Taylor is a billionaire now and she rightfully sees her fanbase as a bunch of rubes to grift off of.

 

[BulkForceFive]

What's weird is even their haters are normalized to be crazy.

YES
I have long said that she is not a lolcow, but both her serious fans AND her serious haters are.

 

[Optantrix]

God, she's cultivated the most psycho fanbase since Manson.

This should have been apparent whenever The Swifties as a base wrote an open letter to Taylor telling her she needed to end things with Matty Healey NOW because he was too problematic.

There are a base of fans who think the TTPD and TLOAS are punishment for fans making Matty ghost her by acting insane.

My personal favorite anti-Taylor content comes from Lana Del Rey fans who love to make conspiracy videos about how Taylor has been skinwalking her since Red and the evidence is fairly compelling.

ETA:

I have long said that she is not a lolcow, but both her serious fans AND her serious haters are.

Yeah her haters have been frothing at the mouth since she started hanging out more with Patrick Mahome's wife since the Mahomes' are suspected MAGAs.

This is now led to people accusing Swift of being Racist and spreading White Supremacist ideology with the song "Opalite" and it's associated merchandise because the song takes a shot at Kelcey's ex Kayla Nicole who is black.

The offending lyrics:

[Verse 2]
You couldn't understand it
Why you felt alone
You were in it for real
She was in her phone
And you were just a pose
And don't we try to love love? (Love love)
We give it all we got (Give it all we got)
You finally left the table (Uh, uh)
And what a simple thought
You're starving 'til you're not

[Pre-Chorus]
And all of the foes, and all of the friends (Ha, ha)
Have messed up before, they'll mess up again (Ha, ha)
Life is a song, it ends when it ends
You move on

[Chorus]
And that's when I told you, "It's alright
You were dancing through the lightning strikes
Sleepless in the onyx night
But now, the sky is opalite, oh-oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, my Lord
Never met no one like you before
You had to make your own sunshine
But now, the sky is opalite, oh-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh"

The offending merch:

https://x.com/RUGGEDC0UNTRY/status/1978015400743870822

That's right, Taydolf Swiftler has risen because she used onyx night in a song and put lightning bolts on a necklace.

 

[Not A Bunny]

Yeah her haters have been frothing at the mouth since she started hanging out more with Patrick Mahome's wife since the Mahomes' are suspected MAGAs.

Which, if you hate her to start with, what the fuck do you care who she hangs out with?

That's why I can't even take her haters seriously. They're so convinced they're so much better than her that they have to dredge up literally everything in her personal life to get a dunk on her, as if she didn't win at life practically from birth.

 

[Beardfish]

Which, if you hate her to start with, what the fuck do you care who she hangs out with?

That's why I can't even take her haters seriously. They're so convinced they're so much better than her that they have to dredge up literally everything in her personal life to get a dunk on her, as if she didn't win at life practically from birth.

Because Mahomes' wife is a coal burner. Which, honestly, if you're a Switfie, that's the one thing you may want to cling to about your fav.

 

[BulkForceFive]

That's right, Taydolf Swiftler has risen because she used onyx night in a song and put lightning bolts on a necklace.

man they're going to be pissed when she drops the rhinestone-coated stalhelm with the lipstick totenkopf limited-edition merch.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

Which, if you hate her to start with, what the fuck do you care who she hangs out with?

Because it's a means of justifying your hatred.

 

[Not A Bunny]

Because it's a means of justifying your hatred.

No, it's way past justification. They didn't like her music to start with. Now, it's a lot of obsessive "bitch eating crackers" stuff.

"Here's why I don't like her...and why no one else should, either."

People call Swift "Regina George", and they're right, but her haters have somehow found their way to mean girl shit.

 

[Cactus Concerto]

People call Swift "Regina George", and they're right, but her haters have somehow found their way to mean girl shit.

Truer words have never been spoken.

The rainbow-colored and self-hating white portions of the left have been trying to take down Taylor Swift since before Lover. She is the quintessential dreamy blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white-skinned popular rich girl they hate and envy.

I came across a Tumblr post stating Taylor was running in right-wing circles, championing Trump, and being more openly racist and I was kind of flabbergasted by the whole notion. Because she's also a woman, they then victimize this multi-billionaire and pass some of the blame onto Kelce, thus stripping Swift of her autonomy. Don't worry, she gets it back when they get back to Charli and how Taylor Swift is a massive misogynistic racist bigot, actually. Never mind that they could likely name more events in Taylor's personal life than they could songs in Charli's entire discography.

Yes, Taylor is ambitious, opportunistic, vindictive, and basically everything all her staunchest haters are — but she also happens to be wildly successful in her career and private life, whilst looking thin and pretty well into her thirties. Before she was a whore with no substance, but now that she's engaged she's a demonic trad-wife pipeline plant. They want to be her more than anything, just like her craziest fans.

 

[RichardMongler]

RYM is utterly trashing the new album. Its current score places The Life of a Showgirl in the same tier as St. Anger and Results May Vary:
View attachment 7997137

Two weeks later, the score holds at 1.68/5 from 8100+ ratings:

 

[Eventide]

Anyone else think Swift is pregnant? In her most recent pap walk she was wearing a baggy coat, and she has been rather quiet this football season/not showing up to as many games.

There's also this weird Daily Mail article about Swift hiring a new security team to make her feel more "comfortable", which I thought was an interesting choice of word. Comfort is certainly a priority for pregnant women.

Although I guess it's equally possible she's just super paranoid/consumes too much doomer news content & mentally cracked. In that case, Swift's puffiness/weight gain could be from a lithium prescription.

 

[Flatline]

Anyone else think Swift is pregnant? In her most recent pap walk she was wearing a baggy coat, and she has been rather quiet this football season/not showing up to as many games.

It's cold in New York, so it makes sense she's wearing a heavier jacket while also wearing a miniskirt. As for the football games, she's an engaged woman, and like all engaged women, her only focus is wedding and honeymoon planning. Maybe she'll record an album between dress fittings and picking the acrobatic acts for the reception. She'll probably get pregnant after all that's done.

 

[BulkForceFive]

Anyone else think Swift is pregnant?

Nah. Her mom's fat, so she'll always have those fat person genes making her susceptible to facial fat, she could be injecting shit into her face like every other famous woman, she might get tired of traveling to watch the Chiefs fold like a deck chair in a hurricane (lol) and the security thing is probably a boring business switchup that gets reported as something new and exciting.

Shortly after Charlie Kirk got iced she walked into one of the futbawl stadiums behind a rolling bulletproof screen which struck me as clownish theatre, since her hired muscle is going to be able to handle stalkerchilds approaching her and a professional is going to use 'equipment' that isn't defeated by two people pushing a thick welding curtain on a rolling clothes rack.

 

[Not A Bunny]

Although I guess it's equally possible she's just super paranoid/consumes too much doomer news content & mentally cracked.

She's got a tiny little pea-brain that can't handle the idea that people may not want to lick her asshole clean.

Hell, I knew she had screws loose when she wrote "Shake It Off". Like...okay, there are people who don't like you. Welcome to the rest of the world? The fuck are you writing songs about it for?

So, considering how major a flop the latest release has been, and she's probably got wind of how it's been received, it's got to have caused a couple of wires to be fried.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

In her most recent pap walk

Jesus Christ. I misread that as "most recent pap smear" and thought absolutely nothing of it other than "Someone committed a massive HIPAA violation by telling the press what her appointment was for". Swifties are so obsessed with literally anything she does that following her to a gyno appointment is par for the course.

Has she gotten one of those psycho fans who splurges on plastic surgery to look like her yet? Justin Beiber's got one. So does Katie Price (she actually has 2 - a mother and daughter). And Britney Spears. And Jimin.

 

[Optantrix]

Has she gotten one of those psycho fans who splurges on plastic surgery to look like her yet? Justin Beiber's got one. So does Katie Price (she actually has 2 - a mother and daughter). And Britney Spears. And Jimin.

She does!

Meet noitisashley13

She skinwalks Swift and then acts like it's all coincidentally despite altering her make up, mannerisms, wardrobe, etc so people will mistake Ashley for Swift.
RWJ actually does a really good rundown of it for the most part.
Another short of her getting a Swiftie thinking it's Taylor

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

She does!

Meet noitisashley13

She skinwalks Swift and then acts like it's all coincidentally despite altering her make up, mannerisms, wardrobe, etc so people will mistake Ashley for Swift.
RWJ actually does a really good rundown of it for the most part.
Another short of her getting a Swiftie thinking it's Taylor

I already know about Ashley Leechin. I'm thinking of the real crazies - the ones who spend thousands on plastic surgery to look like their idols and tell the world with their full chest that this is exactly what they're doing.

 

[RazorBackBacon]

I remember when TV Guide started putting out the same issue with 4 different "collectable" covers to try to stay afloat once TV stations killed their business model by putting program schedules on their websites and thought it was absolutely shameless at the time, but having 34 slightly-different versions of the same album cover to try to sell 34 copies to each fan really takes the cake. Even Todd Howard would likely be disgusted by the shamelessness of it, and he's probably packaging another Skyrim re-release edition even as we speak.

It's more than just different covers. There are digital variants, vinyls, CDs, and a cassette tape. There was one variant that was only available for 6 1/2 hours. There is very little difference between the different versions. Some have little voice memos or maybe an extra track or two. It's not uncommon for artists to release deluxe versions of albums with a few extra tracks, but this is just insane.

Oh wow we're mining the 90's comics speculator bubble for our business model now? I'd normally say that won't last but Taylor has the biggest group of braindead consoomers following her, so she'll probably print money until the sun explodes.