The Elder Scrolls

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get off the farms Arnbjorn, astrid was a shit leader thinking she knew better than sithis and paid the proper price for it.
she did everything in her power to pervert the northern dark brotherhood like a foid does to keep her place in the totem pole, sithis reminded her it's his way or you get fucked, similar to the thieves guild getting turbofucked as a lesson from nocturnal to stop being fags.
This "shit leader" rallied her sanctuary after the near-destruction of the Brotherhood. If she hadn't done that, Cicero would just be sitting in the Dawnstar sanctuary until he froze/starved.

I'm not saying she didn't make mistakes, I'm just saying she was trying to make the best of a bad situation. It's difficult to know Sithis' will when his only conduit to the world isn't speaking to anyone because ???
 
This "shit leader" rallied her sanctuary after the near-destruction of the Brotherhood. If she hadn't done that, Cicero would just be sitting in the Dawnstar sanctuary until he froze/starved.
I'm not saying she didn't make mistakes, I'm just saying she was trying to make the best of a bad situation. It's difficult to know Sithis' will when his only conduit to the world isn't speaking to anyone because ???
the shit leader literally went against every single one of their own bound by blood code rules, Arnbjorn, she wanted to remake her chapter based on her own retarded laws, Arnbjorn, she was a shit leader who didn't care about her sanctuary as she only cared about the gold, Arnbjorn, she died a sacrifice in the dread father's twisted sense of humor to try and redeem herself instead of her dark brotherhood chapter, Arnbjorn.

she didn't make mistakes, she colossally fucked up because she thought she knew better than the dread father sithis, Arnbjorn.
she literally mocks the old dark brotherhood ways once you join her and doubles down on the retardation after cicero shows up when the jester mentions she is being retarded, Arnbjorn.
 
Authentic Nord reaction by the time of Skyrim. Absolutely buckbroken people.
Dragon Bridge is controlled by Imperiuls however
all the random patrols also scatter whenever wildlife shows up, and I installed a mod that was specifically meant to make animals less aggressive because I was getting tired of dismounting every 30 seconds becase a bear wandered onto the road and figured it was a good idea to tackle a death machine with 1000 armor and dual dragonbone maces with 500 listed damage a pop
at least with that amount of hurt their ragdolls break the sound barrier
thalmor escorting a prisoner is probably the worst of them all because they not only cower but also never fight back and yet the prisoner somehow unbinds himself, starts punching the wolf then runs off and disappears
 
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Am I the only one who can't play as a psychopatic murderer anymore? Bandits and other hostile NPCs do not count - they themselves put me in a self-defense situation.

Another self-defense situation I got myself into was me waking up in some shack in a middle of nowhere, with a nord bitch who wanted me to kill an innocent victim.

I don't know. That's too edgy for me.

'Look, ma! I am EVIL! RAWR! I KILL PEOPLE JUST FOR FUN!'
The little boy who was performing a summon of dark brotherhood to kill an old hag is a metaphore for an ordinary dark brotherhood fan.

That's retarded. There should be a valid reason for killing people. Bandits, for example, have loot, and it's fun how they blame wind all the time.

Come to think of it, another reason to prefer older titles is that there is no fucking children there. Bethesda has this annoying thing where they put children in their game, and make them so goddamn annoying, that you can't help wanting to kill the little bastards. But you can't, because why would you want to kill a character in an action rpg set in a post-apocaliptic world? What are you, a gamer?

Remember Little Lamplight? Remember those arrogant little spawns of the Jarl of Whiterun?

The children in Fallout 2 are annoying because they steal shit from you, but I can at least understand why they do it. They are poor and hungry, of course they are going to pickpocket you.

God, fuck Bethesda. They can't do anything properly.

If you want to make annoying characters in your game - make it possible to kill them in the most horrific way possible. Make that Three Dog radiohost nigga inform all the capital waste that there is some psychotic kid killa on the loose. Do something interesting with this shit! There should be options and consequences.
 
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Authentic Nord reaction by the time of Skyrim. Absolutely buckbroken people.
Many such cases, thats what happens when you worship a false god for too long.
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It's difficult to know Sithis' will when his only conduit to the world isn't speaking to anyone because ???
Sithis is just Mephala pranking the dark brotherhood for being godless degenerates unlike the Morag Tong.
 
Morag Tong.
It's funny to see how well-read they are compared to the Nords. Whenever I go to Ashfallow Citadel on that counter-assassination mission, I always end up with a bunch of rare books.

I hate how the College is the only consistent source of rare (i.e. tier 3) books. If I'm playing a non-magic character I still get my arm twisted into joining their stupid faction to fill out my collection.
 
Are there any elf or beast race children in Skyrim? Is there a Skyrim eugenics program where only humans are allowed to breed?
 
It's funny to see how well-read they are compared to the Nords. Whenever I go to Ashfallow Citadel on that counter-assassination mission, I always end up with a bunch of rare books.

I hate how the College is the only consistent source of rare (i.e. tier 3) books. If I'm playing a non-magic character I still get my arm twisted into joining their stupid faction to fill out my collection.
Honestly their biggest problem is their worship of death to a flanderizing degree, you should thank Emil a lot for that one btw, in vanilla morrowind as far as i can tell they are just thugs larping.

In regards to Astrid, idk what she was thinking to make a deal with the guy she literally sent someone to kill HIS SON and expect he wouldnt betray her, even 11 year old me was flabbergasted at the stupidity of the situation.

Edit: also something that really ruins the DB storyline is once you play oblivion you can see that both the thieves guild and the DB in skyrim are worse versions of the oblivion storyline, someone needs a restraining order for Emil so he stays far away from the franchise, ESO raped it enough already, i dont want to imagine the monstrosity he'll do if he's let run wild in TES6 (if it even happens)
 
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Maro Jr. is a good example of another problem (if you consider it one) with the DB questline. If there's a target that is innocent or hasn't done anything to the player, the writers went out of their way to make them an asshole so the player will feel less bad about killing them.

Anton Virane (chef in Markarth) hasn't done anything wrong at all, so the writers gave him a Radiant scene where he threatens to cut off his apprentice's hand and gave Festus some line about passing off the Gourmet's recipes as his own. As for Maro, they put a letter on his corpse implying he's getting special treatment because of who his father is. It's so obvious what they're doing.

The guy with the meadery in the Thieves' Guild questline is the same way. You get the guy thrown in prison for life, which as Shamus Young pointed out isn't really that different from killing him, just for being in Maven's way. The writers compensate for this by making the guy a complete prick.

If you're going to have the player do awful things to people who don't deserve it, don't make them rude, unfriendly or guilty of some other minor infractions. It's immature, immersion-breaking and carries the concerning implication that being unpleasant or rude should be a capital offense.
 
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The restoration skill book 'The Exodus' is a legitimately creepy read after slaughtering necromancers in a frozen cave in the middle of night.
Vralla was a little girl, beautiful and sweet-natured, beautiful and smart, beautiful and energetic. Everything that her parents had dreamed she would be. As perfect as she was, they could not help but have dreams for her. Her father, a bit of a social climber named Munthen, thought she would marry well, perhaps become a Princess of the Empire. Her mother, an insecure woman named Cinneta, thought she would reach greatness on her own, as a knight or a sorceress. As much as they wanted the very best for their daughter, they argued about what her fate would be, but both were wrong. Instead of growing up, she grew very ill.

The Temples told them to give up hope, and The Mages Guild told them that what afflicted Vralla was so rare, so deadly, that there was no cure. She was doomed to die, and soon.

When the great institutions of the Empire failed them, Munthen and Cinneta sought out the witches, the sorcerer hermits, and the other hidden, secret powers that lurk in the shadows of civilization.

‘I can think of only one place you can go,’ said an old herbalist they found in the most remote peaks of the Wrothgarian Mountains. ‘The Mages Guild at Olenveld.’

‘But we have already been to the Mages Guild,’ protested Munthen. ‘They couldn’t help us.’

‘Go to Olenveld,” the herbalist insisted. “And tell no one that you’re going there.’

It was not easy to find Olenveld, as it did not appear on any modern map. In a bookseller’s in Skyrim, however, they found it in a historic book of cartography from the 2nd Era. In the yellowed pages, there was Olenveld, a city on an island in the northern coast, a day’s sail in summertide from Winterhold.

Bundling their pale daughter against the chill of the ocean wind, the couple set sail, using the old map as their only guide. For nearly two days, they were at sea, circling the same position, wondering if they were the victim of a cruel trick. And then they saw it.

In the mist of crashing waves were twin crumbled statues framing the harbor, long forgotten Gods or heroes. The ships within were half-sunk, rotten shells along the docks. Munthen brought his ship in, and the three walked into the deserted island city.

Taverns with broken windows, a plaza with a dried-up well, shattered palaces and fire-blackened tenements, barren shops and abandoned stables, all desolate, all still, but for the high keening ocean wind that whistled through the empty places. And gravestones. Every road and alley was lined, and crossed, and crossed again with memorials to the dead.

Munthen and Cinneta looked at one another. The chill they felt had little to do with the wind. Then they looked at Vralla, and continued on to their goal – the Mages Guild of Olenveld.

Candlelight glistened through the windows of the great dark building, but it brought them little relief to know that someone was alive in the island of death. They knocked on the door, and steeled themselves against whatever horror they might face within.

The door was opened by a rather plump middle-aged Nord woman with frizzy blond hair. Standing behind her, a meek-looking bald Nord about her age, a shy teenage Breton couple, still very pimply and awkward, and a very old, apple-cheeked Breton man who grinned with delight at the visitors.

‘Oh, my goodness,’ said the Nord woman, all afluster. ‘I thought my ears must be fooling me when I heard that door a-knockin’. Come in, come in, it’s so cold!’

The three were ushered in the door, and they were relieved to find that the Guild did not look abandoned in the least. It was well swept, well lit, and cheerfully decorated. The group fell into introductions. The inhabitants of the Guildhouse in Olenveld were two families, the Nords Jalmar and Nette, and the Bretons Lywel, Rosalyn, and old Wynster. They were friendly and accommodating, immediately bringing some mulled wine and bread while Munthen and Cinneta explained to them what they were doing there, and what the healers and herbalists had said about Vralla.

‘So, you see,’ said Cinneta, tearfully. ‘We didn’t think we’d find the Mages Guild in Olenveld, but now that we have, please, you’re our last hope.’

The five strangers also had tears in their eyes. Nette wept particularly noisily.

‘Oh, you’ve been through too, too much,’ the Nord woman bawled. ‘Of course, we’ll help. Your little girl will be right as rain.’

‘It is fair to tell you,’ said Jalmar, more stoically, though he clearly was also touched by the tale. ‘This is a Guildhouse, but we are not Mages. We took this building because it was abandoned and it serves our purposes since the Exodus. We are Necromancers.’

‘Necromancers?’ Cinneta quivered. How could these nice people be anything so horrible?

‘Yes, dear,’ Nette smiled, patting her hand. ‘I know. We have a bad reputation, I’m afraid. Never was very good, and now that well-meaning but foolish Archmagister Hannibal Traven -‘

‘May the Worm King eat his soul!’ cried the old man quite suddenly and very viciously.

‘Now, now, Wynster,’ said the teenage girl Rosalyn, blushing and smiling at Cinneta apologetically. ‘I’m sorry about him. He’s usually very sweet-natured.’

‘Well, of course, he’s right, Mannimarco will have the last say in the matter,’ Jalmar said. ‘But right now, it’s all very, well, awkward. When Traven officially banned the art, we had to go into hiding. The only other option was to abandon it altogether, and that’s just foolish, though there are many who have done it.’

‘Not many people know about Olenveld anymore since Tiber Septim used it as his own personal graveyard,’ said Lywel. ‘Took us a week to find it again. But it’s perfect for us. Lots of dead bodies, you know… ‘

‘Lywel!’ Rosalyn admonished him. ‘You’re going to scare them!’

‘Sorry,’ Lywel grinned sheepishly.

‘I don’t care what you do here,’ said Munthen sternly. ‘I just want to know what you can do for my daughter.’

‘Well,’ said Jalmar with a shrug. ‘I guess we can make it so she doesn’t die and is never sick again.’

Cinneta gasped, ‘Please! We’ll give you everything we have!’

‘Nonsense,’ said Nette, picking up Vralla in her big, beefy arms. ‘Oh, what a beautiful girl. Would you like to feel better, little sweetheart?’

Vralla nodded, wearily.

‘You stay here,’ Jalmar said. ‘Rosalyn, I’m sure we have something better than bread to offer these nice folks.’

Nette started to carry Vralla away, but Cinneta ran after her. ‘Wait, I’m coming too.’

‘Oh, I’m sure you would, but it’d ruin the spell, dear,’ Nette said. ‘Don’t worry about a thing. We’ve done this dozens of times.’

Munthen puts his arms around his wife, and she relented. Rosalyn hurried off to the kitchen and brought some roast fowl and more mulled wine for them. They sat in silence and ate.

Wynster shuddered suddenly. ‘The little girl has died.’

‘Oh!’ Cinneta gasped.

‘What in Oblivion do you mean?!’ Munthen cried.

‘Wynster, was that really necessary?’ Lywel scowled at the old man, before turning to Munthen and Cinneta. ‘She had to die. Necromancy is not about curing a disease, it’s about resurrection, total regeneration, transforming the whole body, not just the parts that aren’t working now.’

Munthen stood up, angrily. ‘If those maniacs killed her -‘

‘They didn’t,’ Rosalyn snapped, her shy eyes now showing fire. ‘Your daughter was on her last breath when she came in here, anyone could see that. I know that this is hard, horrible even, but I won’t have you call that sweet couple who are only trying to help you, ‘maniacs.”

Cinneta burst into tears, ‘But she’s going to live now? Isn’t she?’

‘Oh yes,’ Lywel said, smiling broadly.

‘Oh, thank you, thank you,’ Cinneta burst into tears. ‘I don’t know what we would have done -‘

‘I know how you feel,’ said Rosalyn, patting Wynster’s hand fondly. ‘When I thought we were going to lose him, I was willing to do anything, just like you.’

Cinneta smiled. ‘How old is your father?’

‘My son,’ Rosalyn corrected her. ‘He’s six.’

From the other room came the sound of tiny footsteps.

‘Vralla, go give your parents a big hug,’ said Jalmar.

Munthen and Cinneta turned, and the screaming began.
 
Maybe hot take but I don't think there should've been a Dark Brotherhood in Skyrim, they should've just invented a new evil faction. I guess it's hard to come up with murder faction that works within the Nords; hell, maybe a Thalmor questline where you're sent to assassinate political targets among Stormcloaks/Imperials would've worked since they seemed to want to go all Game of Thrones with the questline we got anyway. Not that it'd ever happen since Emil wrote the Oblivion DB and needs to crank another one out reminding everyone.
 
>complains that players will just ignore and bulldoze through the story even if it's great
>makes shit stories so it doesn't matter if the players fuck around
>makes every character involved in said shit story unkillable, no matter how minor
Because he's a hack who can barely (if at all) write anything good of note, so he goes "oh why should I bother writing a good story thatItotallycandoIpromise when people will ignore it? No one has ever appreciated a good story whichIcanwriteIswear after all!" Every character involved being "essential" is both due to Emil probably not being able to write branching paths well since he's a one trick pony on a single track, and because most of the technical talent has long since left Bethesda, so they can barely program flags to see what the player has or hasn't done.
Double dose of incompetence.
 
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