The Cole Smithey Thread

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HavenlyKingdom said:
Let's be honest if you were in Cole's shoes. Would you voluntarily bring Chris into your Life?
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For online fame and e-clout? Probably, it may give a bigger online following, just what Cole craves. Cole seems to think it is not worth the price however. Cannot blame him, there are speds out there that may blast his phone with cries of Julie, Idea Guys might try and get in on something, who knows. Then there is the begging for money from Chris.
Roger Whore said:
I feel like when the inevitable happens, Cole will stay away. As fucked up as it is, I feel like he knows if he even sends a message, he’ll somehow get roped into letting chris move in “temporarily” aka for 5 years. An interesting potential saga? Absolutely! Likelihood of happening? Who knows.
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Move in temporarily? As soon as he opens the door and Chris stands there with a moving van packed with Lego he knows what time it is. Time for a good divorce lawyer. As soon as Barb goes belly up, and the bank comes for his house, he will try and get Cole to allow him in anyway. Calling it now. Whether Cole says "okay, just for a few weeks" and is stuck with him, or says "sucks to be you now fuck off gotta go piss on her grave", who the hell knows. Chris will be all alone and maybe pull Cole's heart strings just right.
 
Tecumseh said:
If Cole will turn him down, perhaps Chris will have to turn to David Alan.
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The Chandlers barely had any contact with David when Bob was alive. The last time Chris is known to have seen him was at Bob's funeral eight years ago. I doubt he'd feel much obligation toward Chris, or want him anywhere near his family.
 
Wait, why would Cole need reconciling with Chris? What did Chris ever do to Cole?
 
What Cole should do, is lean into this shit instead of pretending Chris doesn't exist. We are in a renaissance of documentary filmmaking, Cole probably has the best access to making the definitive Chris documentary, and those things are cheap as hell to produce.

Though I suppose from a narrative standpoint, he should wait end see how this third act plays out.

"And the Tribecca film festival award goes to... Cole Smithey for 'My Brother, My Sister'!"
 
Chris is over 30, has been perpetually unemployed his whole life, has a criminal record, hoards toys, spent over 10 years making a mockery of himself online, and is a troon.

I'm going to make a crazy assumption here and say that no one in his family will be interested in taking him in.
 
Mason Verger said:
Cole probably has the best access to making the definitive Chris documentary, and those things are cheap as hell to produce.
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Cole is too much of a retard to find out that he's got the golden goose and probably hasn't picked up a camera since college anyway. Course that would also involve talking to Barb so I can't blame him there.
 
Based_Papa_John said:
Wait, why would Cole need reconciling with Chris? What did Chris ever do to Cole?
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Way back when, Chris contacted Cole from out of the blue to ask him to vote for him in the Parappa sweepstakes and, when Cole agreed to vote for him in exchange for Chris finding out who Cole's real father was, Chris did a half-ass job of it.

When Cole got married, Chris made some kind of video where he said "Whoop-dee-doo for you" and implied that Cole should be taking care of his mother.

Later, Chris informed Cole (via social media) that he needed to move back to Virginia to take care of Barb in her declining years and, when he got no response, Chris drew a picture of Cole living in Carnegie Hall and burning stacks of dollar bills.

Chris has also made a voodoo doll/Lego figure of Cole and pitted it against Chris-Chan Sonichu or Collossal Chan or some such shit.

While there may not be hostility between the half-brothers, it's safe to say there is no love there.

Mason Verger said:
What Cole should do, is lean into this shit instead of pretending Chris doesn't exist. We are in a renaissance of documentary filmmaking, Cole probably has the best access to making the definitive Chris documentary, and those things are cheap as hell to produce.
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Ohhh, me likey. Cole could also invite Chris to live with him and then fund the documentary by installing webcams in every room in his condo and putting up a paywall.
 
Cole would never make a documentary about Chris because it would mean he would have to acknowledge that he's one generation removed from the white trash dregs of society, and his ego won't allow him to give up the facade that he's an elite artiste intellectual.
 
Slowinthemind said:
Guaranteed, everyone in Chris's life would have been contacted by fools looking for Internet fame, David and Carol did the smart thing by keeping out of it.
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Imagine one day discover that the weird autistic son of that relative you barely knew has an entire fucking Wiki dedicated to him and the fact you are related to him means a bunch of morons will try to harass you by phone.
 
Second_Missing_Primarch said:
The Chandlers barely had any contact with David when Bob was alive. The last time Chris is known to have seen him was at Bob's funeral eight years ago. I doubt he'd feel much obligation toward Chris, or want him anywhere near his family.
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That won't stop Chris if he's desperate. Chris would most likely try to hit up other family members because "Family should support family". Moving in with some weirdo wouldn't be something he'd do at all. Showing up at the police station or town hall going "I need a place to live" would happen more than that, but ultimately, I'm sure he'll find Barb's contact book or something and start making calls or showing up on doorsteps.
 
Tennis-Ball-Tony said:
That won't stop Chris if he's desperate. Chris would most likely try to hit up other family members because "Family should support family". Moving in with some weirdo wouldn't be something he'd do at all. Showing up at the police station or town hall going "I need a place to live" would happen more than that, but ultimately, I'm sure he'll find Barb's contact book or something and start making calls or showing up on doorsteps.
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I think he would show up at the closest relative first, and work his way down the list. They cannot tell you not to come over if you do not call in advance.
 
Tennis-Ball-Tony said:
That won't stop Chris if he's desperate. Chris would most likely try to hit up other family members because "Family should support family". Moving in with some weirdo wouldn't be something he'd do at all. Showing up at the police station or town hall going "I need a place to live" would happen more than that, but ultimately, I'm sure he'll find Barb's contact book or something and start making calls or showing up on doorsteps.
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I feel like at this point Barbs contact book is filled exclusively with numbers for QVC and various complaint lines. Chris is fucked in that regard.

Hell, the only way Chris could think of to reach Cole was to make a YouTube video addressing his half-brothers brother-in-law.
 
Mason Verger said:
What Cole should do, is lean into this shit instead of pretending Chris doesn't exist. We are in a renaissance of documentary filmmaking, Cole probably has the best access to making the definitive Chris documentary, and those things are cheap as hell to produce.

Though I suppose from a narrative standpoint, he should wait end see how this third act plays out.

"And the Tribecca film festival award goes to... Cole Smithey for 'My Brother, My Sister'!"
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Its a modern remake of "Glenn and Glenda", "Chris and Christine (oh and Sonichu) "
Except Cole isnt as talented as Ed wood.
Muscle Bra said:
Way back when, Chris contacted Cole from out of the blue to ask him to vote for him in the Parappa sweepstakes and, when Cole agreed to vote for him in exchange for Chris finding out who Cole's real father was, Chris did a half-ass job of it.

When Cole got married, Chris made some kind of video where he said "Whoop-dee-doo for you" and implied that Cole should be taking care of his mother.

Later, Chris informed Cole (via social media) that he needed to move back to Virginia to take care of Barb in her declining years and, when he got no response, Chris drew a picture of Cole living in Carnegie Hall and burning stacks of dollar bills.

Chris has also made a voodoo doll/Lego figure of Cole and pitted it against Chris-Chan Sonichu or Collossal Chan or some such shit.

While there may not be hostility between the half-brothers, it's safe to say there is no love there.
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Im sure Cole knows of the culture built around his brother. He reasonably wants to stay away from the weens...
Tennis-Ball-Tony said:
That won't stop Chris if he's desperate. Chris would most likely try to hit up other family members because "Family should support family". Moving in with some weirdo wouldn't be something he'd do at all. Showing up at the police station or town hall going "I need a place to live" would happen more than that, but ultimately, I'm sure he'll find Barb's contact book or something and start making calls or showing up on doorsteps.
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Usually anyone would refuse Chris a place to stay but we are in the age of social outrage and western guilt (to not say "white" straight up), so there is a chance they would take him in because "poor autistic Chris needs my help, he is lucky im so good hearted #goodheart" (then they would properly be punished for their artificial altruism by slowly realizing Chris is a selfish insane genetic dead end giving them a bad reputation). If Chris were smart (and despicable) enough, he would use this to his advantage to force his extended family into taking him in or risking the moral knights harassing and doxxing them (it wouldn't be above them, even if children were included). Thankfully Chris aint smart and his extended family probably is enough to refuse him (at most contact a local homeless shelter).
Triggered Fivehead said:
It'll be a center piece at a 2040 outsiders art MoMA exibition. Chris' time will come.
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Post modern art is a fucking unironic joke so im not discarding that possibility. A real shame.
 
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