The Cole Smithey Thread

[Rupin]

I wonder what Cole would think of The Last Jedi? I heard that film was hot garbage!

 

[Andrew Neiman]

I wonder what Cole would think of The Last Jedi? I heard that film was hot garbage!

He'll think whatever gives him the greatest opportunity to preen. If the plebeian masses enjoy/hate it, he'll be show his perceptiveness by finding reasons to hate/enjoy it.

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Saying this as someone who also really doesn't care much for mainstream pop culture, he really needs to stick to Indie films if he wants his schtick to work and be known as more than just "that pretentious douchebag who has am autistic brother with a bad comic." By 90% of the internet that actually Tao
Jew an interest in whatever he's up to.

Wait, he needs to only review indie movies to AVOID being perceived as a hipster douchebag?

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Critics' reviews are bullshit anyway. While a critic is expected to know something about cinema, ultimately any review is going to be influenced by personal opinion, prejudices, politics, circumstances and what they had for breakfast that morning. I mean, take Siskel and Ebert. Both respected film critics, both knowledgeable. Ebert was of the opinion that you should judge a film based on how well it does what it aims to do - so an action movie may not be a work of art on a par with Citizen Kane, but could still be well made in action movie terms, and therefore is successful. Siskel, however, believed that a film shouldn't be praised for hitting a bar that was set low in the first place.

I'd watch the fuck out of a show with the negative Cole, and the childlike Christine reviewing movies. He can claim to be a movie critic and ride off his brothers fame with plausible deniability

This would get more views than the rest of his videos combined, and it's just a shame that Cole is too up his own ass to make fun of himself in that way.

I'd divide the show 50/50 into wanky arthouse films and dumb kiddie flicks, and both critics have to give their opinion on both.

I wonder what Cole would think of The Last Jedi? I heard that film was hot garbage!

It's popular, so he'd probably hate it. Unless the unanimous critics' view was that it sucked.

 

[DragoonSierra]

It's utterly transparent that he was desperate to recapture his dumb Toy Story 3 fame by shit-rating another otherwise unanimously praised film. Somehow, this fucking imbecile is a Tomatometer critic despite being universally ignored by the entire population of the world. So he can do this from time to time.

It's not like anyone is going to ask RottenTomatoes why they have an absolute idiot, whose only claim to fame is that his half-brother is literally fucking exceptional, on their Meter.

I wonder how much hed be butthurt if he had that taken away from him.

 

[Guy Smiley]

I wonder what Cole would think of The Last Jedi? I heard that film was hot garbage!

Just for kicks, this is some of what he said about The Force Awakens:

This film’s pro-war indoctrination warms kids up to the idea of killing faceless victims (as always the soulless storm troopers, who it’s hinted at might be an army of black slaves).

The narrative surface is shallow and brittle. It’s all recycled style with accidental war propaganda thrown in as subtextual substance. George Lucas might believe in socialist ideas in his private life, but that’s never on display in the Star Wars films. Such potential complexity is a moot point considering that co-writer/director J.J. Abrams (“Star Trek — 2009) oversees this film’s production.

The filmmakers here avoid an obvious opportunity for social subtext by not taking advantage of interracial romance between Daisy Ridley (as Rey, a junkyard salvager) and John Boyega (as Finn, an AWOL stormtrooper). Daisy Ridley is a spot-on cross between Emma Watson and a young Keira Knightley. That might sound like a compliment, but it’s not. If ham acting is your thing, then you’ll love watching Ridley mugging and pulling faces like a community theater actress playing to the last row.

Sure the filmmakers make sure to tug at nostalgic heartstrings to induce a tear wherever possible, but that isn’t enough to redeem this undeniable snooze of a film. The movie could loose 25 minutes and still feel too long. As if that weren’t enough, this picture’s lame use of 3D is a final insult to make you wish you’d spent your money and time on “The Hateful Eight” instead.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

It would seem that watching fairly simple media and completely failing to understand the point is a Weston trait.

 

[Alex Krycek]

Wait, he needs to only review indie movies to AVOID being perceived as a hipster douchebag?

Saying he would be better received in those circles in the first place. I'm saying this as a recovering hipster.

 

[Caz]

This film’s pro-war indoctrination warms kids up to the idea of killing faceless victims (as always the soulless storm troopers, who it’s hinted at might be an army of black slaves).

It might take some time but Cole may actually get a proper lolcow thread if he keeps this shit going.

 

[AnOminous]

It might take some time but Cole may actually get a proper lolcow thread if he keeps this shit going.

He's only mildly interesting other than the Chris connection. His latest review thing actually has him trolling the fuck out of morons who are bigger lolcows than he is.

That dumb Star Wars quote is pretty much SJW dumbness, but most of his shit isn't even SJW, just smug and annoying. Lunatic cartoonist Ted Rall is more of a lolcow than he is, or at least was. Similarly, that guy has also mostly sunken into total irrelevance.

 

[MechanicalHugbox]

He's only mildly interesting other than the Chris connection

This. I know people far more lolcow worthy than him in the hipster community and even then at worst I just laugh at the odd crazy thing they say

 

[Sockpuppet of pedophile 155chan former admin]

Most of Cole's fame comes from his idiot brother.

You're welcome, Cole.

 

[Crass_and_Champ]

Just for kicks, this is some of what he said about The Force Awakens:

"Boy, I sure hate this actress but wish she'd gotten BLACKED." - Cole Smithey, world's smartest film critic

 

[Subconcious Offense]

I am still waiting for his review of the Chris Chan documentary. Hurry up you lazy asshole!

 

[OrsonZedd]

I wonder what Cole would think of The Last Jedi? I heard that film was hot garbage!

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Cole didn't like it because the theme of the movie was letting go of your sacred cows like in Toy Story 3. He won't say that but will mansplain how purple haired lady is a bad feminist for getting cucked by Poe

 

[Muscle Bra]

I'd divide the show 50/50 into wanky arthouse films and dumb kiddie flicks, and both critics have to give their opinion on both.

This, sir, is brilliant. I just can't decide what's funnier -- the thought of Chris trying to come up with some sort of a coherent criticism of Ladybird, or that of Cole being forced to discuss the MLP Movie.

 

[Shiversblood]

That would be humerous if the internet somehow made the Movie Lady Bird Popular and turn it into a cult classic as a clever method as a direct result of this cole smithy reaction. After all, numerous men never even heard of the movie until this occurred. Simply some food for thought.

 

[DragoonSierra]

I hate permanently smug lolcows. The only reason I like smug Chris is I know hes setting himself up for an emotional beating when hes smug.

 

[Holocaust Mansplainer]

To be fair The Force Awakens was trash, though not because of his idiot SJW complaints.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

Merry Christmas Cole!

I can just see him up in Carnegie Hall apartment where he's smoking a full joint made from a $100 Bill, as he gleefully reads up on the antics of his brother in 2017.